PRINCESSAMY   33,830
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PRINCESSAMY's Recent Blog Entries

Starting my Streak.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Lets see...I just started a team challenge at Meet Me At The Tostitos which is a 50 day streak. I am hoping it wil get my members and myself motivated to workout. I have been kind of slacking off and just not finding the energy to do what I need to do. I just have been on the depressed side of life.
Lots more changes...I was watching kids but now that my friend and her husband have worked things out I am in the process of finding another job. Actually, I found one at a call center....I have second thoughts about it because its in Liverpool and my new apartment is in Syracuse. The buses are not that reliable. I have had a couple of bad experiences. I am as looking for other opportunities. Amazing enough I actually got a sparkmail for a women on her telling me about her business. I am very interested and we are going to met on Thursday. Until then I am going to just pray to see what God wants me to do.
I am very much homesick and it even sounds werid to write that down. I have grown up in New York and didnt leave until I was 23. I have spend alot of my time traveling up and down the coast. I have met alot of interesting people. I miss Tennessee most of all. When I am there...it feels like home. I am just lonely I think.
THis is also the frist time I have been single in a very long time. I have talked to some people on here telling me that they are single but all their stories are the same. Everyone hasnt found anyone and has never been in a long term relationship. Thats just not my story. I have had 2. One that lasted 8 years...4 in high school and 4 outside of highschool...then I had a 6 month break...I met my second boyfriend and we have been together for 5 years. So this is the frist time since the age of 15 I dont have a boyfriend. Its just werid. I have always had someone to do things with or for...cleaning, cooking, going out...everything. I am jealous of the friends I have...almost everyone has a boyfriend or husband and kids. I miss the closiness you feel with someone that you care about that cares about you.
Well, I think thats all I have to say right now. I will write again real soon.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VELOCITY11 6/19/2007 6:20AM

    I'm not a fan of rebound relationships. Although they are an immediate comfort to an otherwise uncomfortable situation, they rarely last and tend to not be very meaningful. Use this time to no longer actively pursue other people, and instead actively pursue yourself. You'd be amazed what you can learn if you take a moment to look inward.

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HJOYCHICK 6/17/2007 6:52AM

    This may be a golden opportunity for you to learn about you and what makes you happen and what rhythm works for you and where home is in your heart. Give yourself time to heal and deal with things. The streak is an excellent idea!

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Doing better

Saturday, June 02, 2007

I am back in New York. Yeah. This weekend I am moving into my new place. I havent been on much because I have been working and saving money. Moving is expensive. I am doing much better. My weight has been affected with everything for about a month now. I cant get out of the 280's it drives me crazy. I figured once I get a normal routine my weight will start to drop again. Its just frustrating. Thats all thats going on right now. I will be back to the drawing board in a couple of days.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINCYGAL 6/2/2007 8:57PM

    Congratulations on your new place. It sounds like a fresh start. Maybe when things are more settled for you, the weight loss will come.

Cincygal

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HJOYCHICK 6/2/2007 1:08PM

    Forgive the chick who is late on the scene. Where in NY?

I have come to the conclusion that I must concentrate on each step and stop worrying about the overall goal. It has been driving me crazy. I can't weigh 180 pounds less overnight, but I can follow my plan and go swimming right now.

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Things that people have said to me

Sunday, May 06, 2007

Things that my family has said to be just today....Dont I just feel so loved.

1.

My mom is looking for a house in South Carolina. So I am down here helpping her with Grandma. So she told me I have to go help her to look at this home that a possiblity to purchase. So the frist house I seen was okay I wasnt impressed at all. The second one was so wonderful...build in stove, Sink in the island, wrap around porch, 3 bedrooms...one of which was the masterbed with his and her closet and a master bathroom with a hugh tube and separte shower with his and her sinks, 2 acres of land in the middle of no where, 20 minutes for Greenville, No power lines. Just beautiful. My sister and i feel in love with it just like the frist house we seen on Monday but got sold before we even looked at it. My mom asked for my advise/...
Here is goes...
I love it Mom. Its perfect.
Mom looks at me and says....If I were up to be I would live in a cardboard box. Then she asked who really matter...MY SISTER AND HER HUSBAND!!!!'

2.

While we were driving away from the houses I had brought I book with me named HE'S JUST NOT INTO YOU!!! I should have know better then to read this book in front of my family. So here comes the comment.

Amy what are you reading? says mom
Before I could speak my sister pipes in "He's just not into you. You know she needs to read that book."


3. and 4

My sister and I were horsing around this morning and she jokingly called her husband. Him and I joke alot with play hitting. Except he hits alot harder that he should. Well I jokingly slapped him in the face before I could even apoligize for my behavior. He starts wailing on my arm so hard it hurts to move it and it has a black and blue now. After he just looks at me and says you will never slap me again. I am still hurting.

All mom could say its my fault because I encouraged him.

Then my sister took her hubby in the bedroom to talk but she didnt even defend me all she said is because I slapped him I started it.

I got dirty looks so I had to apoligize frist. It still doesnt help I am hurt and upset.

I feel like a punching bad emotionally and phyically. After reading the stupid book I dont think the guy I am into is into me. So I feel stupid and used and alone. Everyone things that there is something wrong with me. They dont know why I am upset. I feel like no one understands me. And the days not even over yet. Its only 6 pm. I still have acouple more hours before I get to go to bed and start my HELL all over.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HJOYCHICK 5/25/2007 9:51AM

    It's nearly 20 days later. I hope that things have gotten better. Is there anyway you can spend time without your family or limit the time with them?

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BE4REAL11 5/8/2007 8:17AM

    I'm sorry to hear that Princessamy. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. Know that you are a princess and you deserve the best. I will be praying for you.

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CINCYGAL 5/7/2007 5:03PM

    I'm sorry that this happened to you. Maybe a nice one bedroom apartment in another state would help you. If they're gonna mistreat you, don't even think about livning there with them.

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Very Upset

Saturday, May 05, 2007

I am very upset and the feelings just keep getting worest. I am in Sourth Carolina right now with almost my whole imemdate family except my dad, he had to work. I love my family and if anything happen to them I would fall to pieces. I want to make that clear because what I want to say and how I am feeling about them is horrible. I want to leave and never see them again. My whole childhood flashes before my eyes everytime they around. I get blamed for things done. Okay one example and this my be alittle gross but it actually happen. I got blamed for putting my burgers on the walls of my parents house...Yeah Gross! I keeped saying I am not the one thats doing it. After I moved out my mom found out it wasnt me and finally believed me!!! Then I got blamed for being a wild child. I wasnt that wild, seriously. Okay so I smoked my 1st ciggy at 12. My best friend and I got caught and that stopped very quickly. I do smoke now but only when I am stressed to my limit. I never did any drugs until I was 15. I did it once and I was at my friends house afterschool. The only reason I touch it was because for 5 years my mom kept saying that I was on drug and she didnt believe me. So I did so now I didnt have to lie to her. I didnt do any drugs again until I was 23 years old. Yes I will tell you one thing I wanted a tattoo really bad. I thought they were pretty. I wanted one at 13 years old. You know what I never got one until I was 23. Ten years later!!!! My mom tells a story about me going to Port Bryan and how I ended up there some weekend without my mother's permission. And I called my Anut for a ride home. I was hour or two away from my home. THat wasnt my fault. That was one the stupidest things I did. I was with my friend that I met through a church friend. Her mom took us up to Port Bryan so that she can visit a friend. She brought us over to my friend's cousins house....we were there for 2 days and her mom never came back for us. She forgotten she dropped us off and she was home. She would not come back for us (I found out later her mom was in to the drink to much) So I ended up calling my Anut because if I called my mom she wouldnt let me see my friend anymore and it wasnt her fault. She didnt find out about that trip until after I graduated. She thought I was a wild child. Everyone told her I was. My mom brought me to church one day and she was crying. I asked the pastor what was wrong with my mom and she said it was me...."I was from the devil and I made my mom cry and I am abastard child that should not give my mom a hard time."....That was what was really said to me. I was 14 at the time.
I really wasnt a bad kid. I was in Marching Band, Field Band, Winter Gaurd, Debate team, Drama,Yearbook Club and Cheerleading. I was kinda of a nerd. I wasnt super smart. I was 200 in a class of 250. I was average. I was really good at math; I never had to take a final. But I was horrible in history. For the most part I was a good kid.
My biggest dream was to move away from my family. I tried after graduation. I left for Michigan...Cornerstone University....its a christian college because I wanted to go to a private christian school. I only lasted a month. I got confused. I had a boyfriend in New York and I came back which was a silly mistake.
Then next time I left i was 23 and I went to Tennessee. It was hard but I was going to make it work. I did. I have been to alot to places since then. Then my world fell apart. I came back to New York.
Now I am 28 and I have only been in New York since December. I missed alot of things about the state. I still miss Tennessee too. My sister moved away from New York in November so when I came back I didnt have to deal with everyone just my parents and Grandma. I am at my breaking point with them. So I took a job to help me and my friend out. I am a live in nanny.
This week is different. I had to get my things from my ex's house and my mom is house hunting in South Carolina. How fun right?
Its not for me. I am feeling very upset.
I sweat alot and I dont know why....its probably because I am over weight but when I sit down and stand up you can see the sweat. I am forbidden to sit on the couch because she things I am peeing. My mom keeps saying that I am peeing. I am so upset because not only are they screaming at me but my brother in law is there while they do it. I keep trying to tell them its not pee. I am so hurt and upset. They wont listen. That just one thing thats happen. I call my friends after 9 so it doesnt use any minutes but everyone goes to bed at 9 and if you talk outside of the apartment you can hear what people are saying. So I took a walk around the neighborhood and I got yelled for taking a walk. Now I have a curfee I have to be in the apartment at 10pm. And yesterday was Friday night. I wanted to go to the local bar just to do something to get out of everyones way. I was yelled at again because its a mile away and young ladies shouldnt be out that late at night.
I am just so upset. I cant wait until I am at least 1000 miles away from them.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHADOWPUP 5/5/2007 4:32PM

    I am so sorry to read about what you are going through.

Amy, there is nothing wrong or horrible about wanting to be away from people who treat you badly, even if they are your family, and even if you love them.

Sometimes the only way we can make positive changes is step out of the environments that bring us down. Starting on a healthy change of any kind is hard enough, without being dumped on by those we care about.

If you do follow through with your goal of moving 1000 miles from family, it doesn't mean you don't love them, or that you'll never see them again. It can just mean that you are taking control of your adult life, doing what YOU want, where YOU want to do it.

Best of luck as you move forward - I hope that your life takes a positive turn from here on out!

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South Carolina

Monday, April 30, 2007

Hello Spark family,
i have not been on in awhile but thats because I havent been able to get to a computer. I am down to 280 yeah me!!!!!
The babysitting job is working out really well. I take the kids to the park and sometimes to the Library. We play alot. I enjoyit alot more then I ever thought I would.
I am not babysitting this week because I am in South Carolina thats why I am naming this blog SC. I got here on Saturday night about 10 pm. I am here visiting my sister and grabbing my things from my past relationships.
Now we are on relationships...Roger my ex is asking for me to come back...I am very proud of myself because I said NO. Yes, my spark family...I said NO. It was hard and I really didnt think I was going to be able to. I did it. Yes I did it.
I do have a new friend that I have spoke about previously. His name is Gio. We are currently just friends but he likes me and I really like him. I feel very comfy around him. I enjoy his company alot. We try to sit down and have a comversation about 15 minutes a day. I just have a really good feeling about him.
I ran into some old friends on friday. Actually I didnt run into them after my doctors appointment I went over to their house to actually see if we were still friends because I seen them for a CHRISTMAS PARTY last year. THe party didnt go so well my ex from 5 years ago was there. He was a really jerk to me. I left early because of the sisuation. So I didnt know if we could still be friends even through my ex wasnt still in town. I was very happy. The get together went well.
Life in General is a 7 out of 10. And soon I will be 270 something very soon. Its taken forever to get there. I can wait to leave 280 ville.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CINCYGAL 5/2/2007 4:09PM

    Congratulations on your new job. I'm glad things are looking up for you.

Cincygal

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