PRINCESSAMY   33,830
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Breathe... some day really soon I hope to feel normal again.

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Morning... emoticon

Randy put his two week notice in at work. They decided to let him go. Last night, he arrived at my house. He will be staying with me until he can get a job here. I am so grateful that we decided to move closer to each other. emoticon

Now I am just taking one breathe at a time to deal with all the junk in my head. I keep going in and out of feeling. emoticon

I cannot wait to talk to my rent a friend on Saturday...this is the only real thing I have to look forward too.

I asked my mom to go with me. Maybe we could start to learn how to communicate with each other. If things don't improve drastically I will be moving. I won't move hundred miles away but I will move far enough where I can have my space.

I am just praying right now for God to show me a path.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ISAVEDME80 4/3/2013 12:18PM

    God will most defiantly show you the right path for you.
I pray that this will open the lines with you and your mom better because estabilishing a healthy one is so precious for you and most importantly for your child because he sees how you ladies are and prob doesn't understand.
Praying it goes wonderful for you it's always good to have high hopes God does always answer prayers for us, sometimes in the way we ask, sometimes in even better ways that we have never thought of :)


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BRENDA_G50 4/3/2013 11:45AM

    You will be in my prayers. emoticon


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I am in a pressure cooker!

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

I am doing ok emoticon ... my goal today is to make it through without emoticon crying. So far I have been very successful. emoticon

I would take more time to deal except my boss is an a$$. I came back Monday and she spoke to me like I didn't have a real reason to deal with my grief. She said I took to many days off. This made me super mad because I have had prefect attendance for 14 months.

Mother is getting my sh!t list again... well never really got off of it.

Roger passed on Wednesday. I was up all night long dealing with the police, coroner, and emts. By the time that was all said and done, I had to be strong to handle my very emotional best friend. I went to work the next day. In my opinion I shouldn't have. I went anyways. I was sent home after an hour.

At this point, I had been up for over 24 hours. Here comes my mother... talking at me on how we need to figure out what we are doing with the body. THE BODY? He was my friend. I was tired and moody. She had the nerve to come to my house to talk to me like that.

I asked her to leave. Enough is enough.

Then she had the nerve to come back into my house and start cleaning it. She made me feel like crap because my house wasn't clean. It was the day after celebrating Roger's life. He has been gone less than a week we are still dealing.

Then she accused me of doing illegal drugs and I need to grow up. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have had a lot to happen to me and she thinks I act weird because of DRUGS!!!

I have lost a lot of weight she assumes that I am taking weight loss drugs too. That must be the reason I am acting weird. On top of the fact that I must drink all the time because I had a couple drinks on Saturday celebrating Roger's birthday and life.

Yesterday, I came home to play football with Jamie's kids. That should be a good thing. It wasn't.

I am running all over the yard. My mom yells, Amy, your face is really red. I think your blood pressure is up. You could died if you don't take care of it.

I just went to the doctor's. My blood pressure was prefect. 120/80!!!

When I told her I have a lot of stress right now. She tried to make it all about her. She says she has had more death than me. WTF is this crap!

She tries to out rank me with my kid. She makes it seem like she is a better mother than me. She has had more deaths than me. She is trying to act like this a completion.

That isn't all... behind my back she had the nerve to ask my best friend if I really wanted my son. If I didn't want him, she could raise him. I would not have to sign of rights or anything. WTF!!!!

I don't want to do this anymore. I just want her to stop. The more I am around her the more I realize why I eat my feeling.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNNWILK2 4/2/2013 2:58PM

    time for THE line to be drawn. Time for your mother to realize that you are a mother, a great mother, that you have just experiences a HUGE death, and no it doesn't get easier with practice (or who has "had" more of it in their lives). Your heart, your mind, your body is raw!! You're still in shock and pretty much going through the paces of life until your feet find some solid ground again.
By drawing the line, you are setting a boundary, a difficult thing with a parent... when the relationship is at a boiling point step away! Keep her away from you, stay as far away from that relationship as possible right now. Be with the loving friends who are experiencing the same thing you are and just love each other.
Eventually you are going to have to teach your mom how to love you as a grown up. That's the interesting part of growing up, we eventually have to teach those who taught us how to treat us.
But right now... be with the ones who do know how to love you and help you and you can love without fear!
Breath, be gentle with yourself and get a lot of hugs... as often as possible.

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ISAVEDME80 4/2/2013 2:39PM

    its OK to cry. and your boss is a jerk. people just do not understand that if you aren't related to a person that you cant possibly feel the loss. that is crap.
And as far as your mom. i've read enough of your blogs to know your Mom is TOXIC to you in other areas and seems to be trying to tear you down on even the days when nothing bad has happened to bring you sad like this.
Amy. you need to distance yourself from her. I know she is your mom and you love her but she is hurting you I don't even know you other than this and I can see how she is tearing you down. you can still have her as your mom and heal from this messed up relationship you guys have.
you need to let time take its course. do not let ANYONE make you feel like you cant be in pain. ever. especially when you lost someone you cared about.
your strong you can make it thru. the first few months are the worst but you have your boyfriend and friends to lean against for support and there are groups on here dealing with loss.
just do not hold your feelins in, its ok to cry and be angry and sad. its natural.


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My best friend's husband passed.

Monday, April 01, 2013

One of the worst weekends of my life...

I haven't been on here since Wednesday afternoon. This is my first day back to work. My roommate as well as my best friend's husband passed away on Wednesday night. He was 41 and had a heart attack. Saturday was his birthday.

I am dealing but not to good. I checked for a pulse and called 911. I trying my best but... I feel sick. I feel tired. I am having a hard time coming to terms.

I am so grateful that my boyfriend, Roger's best friend, and Jamie's sister could be here for the weekend. I don't know if I could have dealt with my grief and Jamie's grief too.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LYNNWILK2 4/2/2013 2:46PM

    emoticon and I am so sorry. That is a horrible experience to have to go through and witness.
You're going to feel tired for a while, shock does that to the body.
Just remember to breath really deep in and out a few times a day and that you are loved enough to love someone else through their absolute worst time of their life.

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LESLEE33 4/1/2013 11:04PM

    emoticon Very sorry for your loss

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ISAVEDME80 4/1/2013 5:59PM

    when i lost my mom the only thing that helps is time, i to watched her die...
. eventho you weren't related to him finding someone like that is going to be hard for you to cope without counseling to handle it because you have to cope with the loss plus finding him. its not a easy road. so i suggest you get help from counseling. that doesn't say anything is wrong with you its just the safest way in healing after such a traumatic event. it will help you cope and be able to heal and begin to grieve.
I will say a prayer for your friend and her family for their loss of a loved one and for you so you can cope with your process of accepting and being there for your friend because she will need you more than anything.




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SLIMMERJESSE 4/1/2013 4:49PM

    Very sorry for your loss. How sad!

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CONLB1984 4/1/2013 4:08PM

    I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know nothing any of us say will or could even begin to take away the pain. In time, things will hurt less. Take comfort that you and your friend seem to have a great support system. Hang in there!!!

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TXTOAD9970 4/1/2013 3:58PM

    I am so sorry for your loss. What a tragedy. He was too young! My heart goes out to you and your best friend.

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Simply Put

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

I finally feel much better. I actually have been eating a little heavy food since last night without any problems. emoticon

The only bright side of this whole nasty bug that I had was I lost 14 pounds!!!! What nice kick start my goal! emoticon

  


The talk...the furnace...a hook up and a pissed off daughter!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

What a weekend... Friday called into work because my furnace died. I had to call a repair out and have it fixed. I was blessed because he did fix it and it wasn't a bad price either.

After he left... I was sick...still sick now. I had to call into work on Monday because I have a nasty virus. So now I am at work trying to check up on work that I missed. Oh Yeah me! emoticon

Other than my virus and being sick over the weekend... my mom took the talk I had and through it right out the window...

On Friday, after furnace was fixed and before I was ill... Mom called to ask for help at the Church to set up tables. They had a fundraiser on Saturday. She really didn't need help. She wanted to introduce me to a man that she seen me marrying.

He is the problems I am having with this idea of hers...

1. she lied to get me there. I went there to help her and she didn't need it.

2. After the talk about how I feel about Randy she is trying to set me up without respecting my decision to choose my mate. She did. Why can't I?!!!

3. I had been up all night long in a freezing house and looked like crap. Who does this crap to there own daughter?

4. I had a boyfriend about a year ago that she said was too old for me. He was 45. This man she wanted to introduce me too is 51!

She meet this man at church and he is retired.

Yes I will be honest... he was good looking, friendly, funny, sweet.

HE IS NOT MY TYPE!!!!

I want to grow old with someone. He has experience life and he knows what he wants.

I maybe 34 I don't know everything I want. Most importantly, I want to work. He wants a woman to stay home with him.

We had nothing in common except my mother and being single parents.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHOOTIN4STARS 3/29/2013 10:31AM

    Are you kidding?! That is crazy. It doesn't sound like your mom is much of a match maker. You are perfectly capable of picking your mate. Randy sounds good for you. Follow your heart. That's my advice.
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SLIMMERJESSE 3/27/2013 3:02PM

    Yikes! Looks like you may have to get more stern with your mother. Seems she thinks you're still a little girl and she's the boss.

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