Friday, March 15, 2013
I am a party planner for the month of March. The party has gone off without any problems! One more month to plan and my chore is done for the year!!!
In other news, I am going to Raleigh tonight after work. I am super duper excited about see Randy. Its been two weeks since I have seen him. We are going to the Parade on Saturday. I am glad I packed something Green. I am going to meet his best friend and see some local attractions.
That being said, another rant on my family mostly my mother.
Tammy, my sister, wanted to have the family get together on Saturday. Oops! She told me yesterday for the plans on Saturday. Sorry but I have plans. She gave me crap for going out of town. She gave me crap about not finding a man closer to my area. She gave me lots of loaded criticism. Yeah for me.
Then my mother.... I want to say this because I had previously wrote a blog about my mother.
For the record: My best friend watches my son during the week since she moved down here. I appreciate her very much for doing this. However, this week Jamie had to run some personal business which she could not take my son. My mother offered to watch him. Not so great. She made me feel like a horrible mom.
Yesterday, after I got off work, I allowed my son to go outside with Jamie's son. My mom came inside my house without knocking and telling me she didn't want Kaleb, my son, outside without me.
I said, he is fine.
She went outside and made my son go to her house without telling me or asking me or letting me know at all.
Jamie's son, came to me and told me that my mother took Kaleb with her. I asked him to ask her to bring him home he needed to eat dinner.
I went over there to get him. She yelled at me for being a horrible mom. WTF?
What I should have said is, "You don't have permission to take him. I am the mom and he is my son. I told him it's okay to go outside and you don't have the authority to out rank me. You don't have to like my decision but you do have to respect it."
I didn't. I simply said, he is my son not yours.
I picked him up and took him home. She told me that I am mean and I am taking my anger out on Kaleb and to knock it off.
I just shut the door and went home and cried. I cried for an hour over what horrible mother I am. I had a panic attack. I was useless for the rest of the night.
I remember when growing up how criticise she is. I am not trying to blame my mother because there were other things I dealt with too. My mom was a huge part of my weight issues.
I am done. This doesn't work. I have had enough. I feel she is trying to compete with me for Mom of the Year or some bs. What she fails to realize is that all my mothering, all my parenting I learned from my parents. She is the one that taught me to be a mom. So why does she have make me feel like crap? This is bs. I am not the only one that sees what she is doing.
I don't want this kind of relationship with my mother. I don't want to be critized, disrespected or out ranked. This isn't worth my trouble. I know it is sad to say but... I want to be further away in hopes that we might have a shot at a better relationship. This isn't working. Now that I am adult I just need to realize my mother is never going to be the mom I come to and say, I need help. That is a sign of weakness. She will attack. I need to come to the conclusion that my mother is never going to be the one I will ever let her know who I really am.