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The Talk

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Good Morning!

I have a good conversation with my mom. I think it went pretty well. I let her know how I felt about Randy and how much it would mean to me if she would give him a chance. I stayed come and cool and collected. I hope it got through to her. I did the best I could.

I am also going to a social group tonight. I hope it goes well. I am going to the group with the recommendation from a couple of my very close friends. I am nervous... I think it will go well.

I didn't get to go to the gym this morning because I didn't have clean gym clothes. I wanted to kick my own butt this morning. Next time I can go is Saturday morning. I am keeping my fingers crossed.


Life is good

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Good Morning...

Life is going pretty well. My best friend's husband is looking for a job. I pray that he finds one soon. It will be nice to have some relief from all the expenses. emoticon

Well Randy and I talked... we agreed on a month for him to move to my area. September of this year. We keep talking about our future. He talks and I listen because I love what he has to say. This makes me so happy. emoticon

I haven't heard anything on my car. Jamie and I are coming to an agreement tonight because I want and need to go to the gym. I do know that I am using the car tomorrow. In the morning...I will be heading off to the gym. emoticon


Weekend Update

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Good Morning...

What a wonderful weekend I had! emoticon

Randy and I are getting along so very well. This weekend was a lot of talking. I never had a boyfriend that talks and express himself so well. emoticon

He took me to downtown Raleigh. I seen the capital and farmer's market. I wish I had taken pictures. emoticon I meet his friends... It was a very good trip.

Now as for my car...the engine is crap. I turned my car in on Monday...a new engine is going to take at least of 2 weeks. So I am grateful I can still get back and forth to work.

Speaking of work... I applied for a couple more positions. Only a couple of bites nothing permanent yet.


Mother makes me feel like a horrible Mom

Friday, March 15, 2013

I am a party planner for the month of March. The party has gone off without any problems! One more month to plan and my chore is done for the year!!!

In other news, I am going to Raleigh tonight after work. I am super duper excited about see Randy. Its been two weeks since I have seen him. We are going to the Parade on Saturday. I am glad I packed something Green. I am going to meet his best friend and see some local attractions.

That being said, another rant on my family mostly my mother.

Tammy, my sister, wanted to have the family get together on Saturday. Oops! She told me yesterday for the plans on Saturday. Sorry but I have plans. She gave me crap for going out of town. She gave me crap about not finding a man closer to my area. She gave me lots of loaded criticism. Yeah for me.

Then my mother.... I want to say this because I had previously wrote a blog about my mother.

For the record: My best friend watches my son during the week since she moved down here. I appreciate her very much for doing this. However, this week Jamie had to run some personal business which she could not take my son. My mother offered to watch him. emoticon Not so great. She made me feel like a horrible mom.

Yesterday, after I got off work, I allowed my son to go outside with Jamie's son. My mom came inside my house without knocking and telling me she didn't want Kaleb, my son, outside without me.

I said, he is fine.

She went outside and made my son go to her house without telling me or asking me or letting me know at all.

Jamie's son, came to me and told me that my mother took Kaleb with her. I asked him to ask her to bring him home he needed to eat dinner.

She refused.

I went over there to get him. She yelled at me for being a horrible mom. WTF?

What I should have said is, "You don't have permission to take him. I am the mom and he is my son. I told him it's okay to go outside and you don't have the authority to out rank me. You don't have to like my decision but you do have to respect it."

I didn't. I simply said, he is my son not yours.

I picked him up and took him home. She told me that I am mean and I am taking my anger out on Kaleb and to knock it off.

I just shut the door and went home and cried. I cried for an hour over what horrible mother I am. I had a panic attack. I was useless for the rest of the night.

I remember when growing up how criticise she is. I am not trying to blame my mother because there were other things I dealt with too. My mom was a huge part of my weight issues.

I am done. This doesn't work. I have had enough. I feel she is trying to compete with me for Mom of the Year or some bs. What she fails to realize is that all my mothering, all my parenting I learned from my parents. She is the one that taught me to be a mom. So why does she have make me feel like crap? This is bs. I am not the only one that sees what she is doing.

I don't want this kind of relationship with my mother. I don't want to be critized, disrespected or out ranked. This isn't worth my trouble. I know it is sad to say but... I want to be further away in hopes that we might have a shot at a better relationship. This isn't working. Now that I am adult I just need to realize my mother is never going to be the mom I come to and say, I need help. That is a sign of weakness. She will attack. I need to come to the conclusion that my mother is never going to be the one I will ever let her know who I really am.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUPERSAY 3/15/2013 4:24PM

    Hugs, do what is best for you.

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Mom making me second guess myself

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Good Morning...

Well I didn't get to workout this morning but I will be getting my car back this afternoon. I will packing my bag tonight. In 36 hours I will get to see Randy. I am so excited. This is the second trip I will make without my boy. As much as I will miss him, I need a little time to myself.

That being said, my mother made me feel so guilty. She thinks I don't spend enough time with Kaleb. She said because I have picked him up after work twice at her house and he didn't come running I am not giving him the time he needs.

She makes me second guess myself all the time. I hate when she does that. I feel like a crappy mom. I wish she would keep her opinions to herself.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CMFARRELL36 3/14/2013 5:56PM

    Go and enjoy your "time off".

Some grandmothers who look after their grandchildren seem to feel it a terrible imposition on them and their time.
I had an incredibly supportive mother and mother-in-law. **So long as I didn't ask them to take on regular day care** both my own parents and my in-laws would do any baby-sitting they could, including the 60-mile round trip to collect the boys, or to bring them back home if necessary.
I know many grandparents who love looking after the kiddies.
I know many who do so, because families look after their own, especially when money is tight.
And I know several who feel annoyed and imposed upon. They do it as a duty, although they reckon that they've already done their bit by bringing you up!

Just try to let your mum's comments wash over you, as long as she's not dissing you to your son when you're not around!

Now, enjoy having your car back.
Enjoy looking forward to having adult time.
And enjoy your time with Randy.
Then - enjoy being home again with Kaleb.

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ISAVEDME80 3/14/2013 2:34PM

    do not let your mom get to you. im sure you do all that you can for your son.
if that is the only reason she gave for her saying you do not spend enough time with him cause he didnt run right up. hes a child. children have a mind of there own. shes an adult she should know that from her own children and should know better than to say something so butt headed, but then again she prob knows the right things to say to push your butttons like this.
if she keeps it up id suggest finding someone else to watch your son if you can afford it so you can save the drama and the beating yourself down because you dont need to do that. its harmful on you which in term affects how you treat yourself and then it shows in your actions and your son sees those actions
dont doubt yourself if you know you are doing your best.
put your foot down and say something. your an adult and he is your child, not your moms so dont let her words get to you, your stronger than that...

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MISSG180 3/14/2013 11:55AM

    Is your mom trying to use Kaleb to forward her own agenda? Like, maybe she is resentful of taking care of him? It's a passive-aggressive trick that people use.

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LADYJ6942 3/14/2013 10:38AM

    Don't let mom guilt you. We all give our kids everything we can in our own ways and while our mom maybe didn't take as much time away from your child as you have it doesn't make you a bad mom.

My mom was home with us girls all the time; me I like my independence and time away from my kids so I'd go out once a month with my friends and do things for me that didn't involve my kids.

We all need human interaction of different leaves.

Go and enjoy yourself. As children grow they go through phases and don't always run to tackle mommy.

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