Monday, August 06, 2012
Well, I had my oil change on Saturday. It does not look good for my car. Only tiny 3 inch piece of metal is holding my wheel on. So I will be purchasing a car in the next two weeks. I am sad my little baby will have to go. I am not huge on financing anything. However, this just cannot wait til tax time. I found a couple of cars that I can afford and pay off by the time taxes do come in. I am looking at a toyota camry, ford focus and another Nisan altima.
Thank God that on Friday my boss said we have mandatory overtime for the next two months. It ends the week before I head off to New York for my vacation. That will help with my payments and vacation.
I am very excited to see my northern friends. My list of friends up there is so small. I was just informed that two of my friends are moving to Florida. Another friend is moving to Ohio.
That being said, I am going through a lot right now. God would not give me more then I can handle. I have been very blessed with every situation I have been in.
Last night my friend, Sharon had a beautiful baby girl. I am very excited to see them when I go up. I have plans to go to the pumpkin farm. Kaleb gets to see his sister and his nephews. Of course, I get to see my sisters and my bestest friend.
I have already started making some long term plans as well. Now, that the drama from people have disappeared from my life. Besides my new car and vacation, January I will start school again. I figure with the credits that will transfer I should have my BA degree in Business within a year and a half.
I also started working out at the YMCA today. I was only on the bike for 15 minutes. I felt so tired. I will be going back to the Y tomorrow in hopes that I will be on for 20 minutes. I cannot believe that 2 years ago I was using the elliptical for 45 minutes. I barely can ride a bike for 15 now.
That brings me to my next goal/plan. I will lose 15 pounds before going up to New York. I want to be in the 240's so I can do some clothes shopping up there. Any reason to shop is good for me. I would love it to be in a smaller size.
Friday, August 03, 2012
So Rosalee and I talked last night. That made me feel better. I have missed talking to her. We finally hashed everything we need too. She has to earn my trust back and that will take time.
My mom actually called my ex roommate's mother last night. She finally believes me when I said he lied. I know this sounds childless. However, I have know his mom for many years. If anyone was going to set the record straight it was her. She did. I am very happy.
I have peace.
I am very glad it is Friday. I have a lot of errors I have to run tonight. Saturday, I planned on cleaning up my spare room. That area is going to be storage until my sister, Tammy, can make room for her baby's things. I have to get rid of the clutter.
Frankly, clutter and limited space makes me mood. It makes me depressed. It makes me eat. Its gotta go!
Organization here I come!
Thursday, August 02, 2012
The roommate left yesterday!!!
I do not know. I do not care.
The stress has left my body. I feel happy and relieved. My head is clear.
Yesterday, after work I took my son, Kaleb to the YMCA. He had so much fun running around the water park area. He made a friend with a little boy that is 5 years old. I love watching his smiling as the water splashed on his head. He makes me so happy.
Tonight, after work Kaleb and I are going to pick up our oven racks. Just in time before baking season beings. Now I need to get flooring for my kitchen and a freezer.
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
Let me clear the air... I am not saying my family are bad people. I am not saying they are not supportive. I am not saying that they do not love. I am not saying anything at all about them individually.
What I am saying is that I am hurt. This man I called my friend and family hurt me more that anyone could possibly know. He took my trust and he crapped all over. He took my heart and stomped into the ground like it was garbage. He did this over something he could not control and that is his temper.
The only thing that makes me upset with my family is the first contact with them they did make a judgement. In my opinion it was because I did not rush right over an explain myself. I shouldn't have to explain myself. I am hurt. This man hurt me. He hurt me in front of my son.
No matter what happen, what cause this situation in first place the comment should have been ARE YOU OK? Not what I heard was.... This is what I think you should do....
I am a victim. I am abused. Maybe I put myself in situations I should not have been in.
I am still a victim from my past. I have been working through it. They may not like it that I am hurt, abused, been pushed around, manipulated, trashed and scarred.
However, I have been. It is really hard as a victim to think differently than a victim.
I am who I am for many different reasons.
Do not judgement!
The shoes I walk in are not yours they are mind.
Turn your back if you must. I will understand. Its human nature to turn and run.
You may not like the fact I have been abused. So may even blame me for being stupid, dump, or even asking for it.
I understand people like blaming the victim for the mess they are in. I know that I use too. Until I realized I am a victim. No one can put a victim down more than themselves.
Accept me for who I am or turn and run!
For me, I am taking one step in the direction I need to be.
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