PRINCESSAMY   33,830
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My view

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

Let me clear the air... I am not saying my family are bad people. I am not saying they are not supportive. I am not saying that they do not love. I am not saying anything at all about them individually.

What I am saying is that I am hurt. This man I called my friend and family hurt me more that anyone could possibly know. He took my trust and he crapped all over. He took my heart and stomped into the ground like it was garbage. He did this over something he could not control and that is his temper.

The only thing that makes me upset with my family is the first contact with them they did make a judgement. In my opinion it was because I did not rush right over an explain myself. I shouldn't have to explain myself. I am hurt. This man hurt me. He hurt me in front of my son.

No matter what happen, what cause this situation in first place the comment should have been ARE YOU OK? Not what I heard was.... This is what I think you should do....

I am a victim. I am abused. Maybe I put myself in situations I should not have been in.

Guess what?!

I am still a victim from my past. I have been working through it. They may not like it that I am hurt, abused, been pushed around, manipulated, trashed and scarred.

However, I have been. It is really hard as a victim to think differently than a victim.

I am who I am for many different reasons.

Do not judgement!

The shoes I walk in are not yours they are mind.

Turn your back if you must. I will understand. Its human nature to turn and run.

You may not like the fact I have been abused. So may even blame me for being stupid, dump, or even asking for it.

I understand people like blaming the victim for the mess they are in. I know that I use too. Until I realized I am a victim. No one can put a victim down more than themselves.

Accept me for who I am or turn and run!

For me, I am taking one step in the direction I need to be.



  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROXYROSEBUD 8/1/2012 3:23PM

    Amy I am your sister and I hurt you. I know I did wrong but I don't want to lose you as a sister. I know you have had crappy relationships but I don't blame you. You are a strong women That has a lot going for her. If you don't think so you are wrong. I have personally never met a person that is like you. I wish I were like you more and more everyday. This is coming from your baby sister, Rosalee. I want to be in your life. No matter what happens I will always be here for you. emoticon emoticon

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ARE YOU KIDDING!!!!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

My night was miserable last night.

I just cannot believe my family!!!

My sister, Rosalee, visited me for ten days from New York. Now last night she had the nerve to bare her soul to me. She told me last night that last Friday while I was at work she made out with roommate. I was sleeping with the roommate at the time. Matter of fact, I slept with him that night. What stab in the back. I ended up hanging up on her.

Then I get a phone call from my mother last night telling me I needed to talk to roommate. Are you freaking kidding me!!! Ok, so maybe she does not know what happen because I did not tell her.

So I told my mom that he open handed slapped me in front of my kid, pushed me down and told me I am a whore. He told me I deserve everything I get from my previous relationship. They had every right to do it. He wanted to kill me.

Her response, Amy Grow up. People get into arguments! I should talk to him. Anyways, you hurt his wrist.

Are you kidding? He can start argument. He can push me around. He can call me names. He can treat me like crap. All of this in front of my child. I am suppose to talk to him.

F@$k him!

I hung up the phone. I wonder why I am so screwed up. I ended up in terrible relationship because my parents' are accepting of this crap. I believed I didn't I deserved any better. My parents' are letting him stay in the camper! WTF!!!


emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOVINGWOLF911 7/31/2012 6:57PM

    I'm Her Sister that's lived with Amy. So before you judge my parents read My First Post!

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LOVINGWOLF911 7/31/2012 6:56PM

    Nope I heard that is what mom said of course you didn't have the decently to come over and tell us yourself what happen. But he had the balls enough to tell our Father and Mother that he made a huge mistake and that he only did that because you called his mother well let's see your words "Son Of a Bit**" of course a man is going to fly off the handle. He said he hit the wall and you kicked his hand and than he slapped you. So if your gonna complain bout this in public make sure you put the whole story down if you really want to go that far.
And also Amy don't put our parents down because of your Choices in Men. The common denamator is YOU! I think your therapist isn't helping you and you need to have one give you some Tough Love rather than Try to be your Best Friend.
Mom and Dad have been nothing but supportive to you and put a place for you and your child to live for free has helped you try to get a newer vehicle! Has giving you money when you were short for your bills. And if you are so messed up what happen with me? I made my own choices, Amy and I am not going to blame any of them on anybody else but myself. I'm a grown up so maybe that's why mom's saying grow up.

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NOMORESTALLING 7/31/2012 6:42PM

    OOOOOH not good! WTF is right! That is wrong on so many levels! I'm sorry but I Don't tolerate any kind of physical abuse. I've told my man if he ever laid a hand on me outside of affection and love it would be the last time it happened. When it come to PA I am the biotch. It doesn't happen.
You really need to get yourself out of a bad situation hon before it turns real bad. Is there anywhere you can go? A friend or shelter Somewhere away from him?


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Is it me?

Monday, July 30, 2012

Well, I have to say I am so sick of abusive men! I have put up with crap from boyfriends from my past. Now that I have had my baby boy I choose to be smarter then I ever was for myself. I get a rid of men that show any signs of abuse. I am trying to raise a man. I cannot do that having his momma scared to death when it may happen.

That being said, my close man friend, moved in with me 7 months ago. I was interested in him as a potential mate. However, after this weekend that will never happen!

I was in a terrible mood for the past few days because of all the changes that are going around in my life. I told him this yesterday that I just wanted to be left alone. He couldn't just stop. Nope not at all.

Silly disagreement over a flash light turned into him slapping me open handed across my face. Then calling me names. It ended with me twisting his wrist. He told me he was going to call the cops on me for hurting him. I still cannot believe he said that to me. His other remark was even worst yet. He said I deserved to be beat, slapped and abused! He understands why every man put their hands on me. He is luck he didn't kill me. This was all said and done in front of my kid.

For the record: I KICKED HIM OUT! Especially since my son was in the living room crying and saying "NO NO NO"! I really hope he won't remember.

I have never had a healthy relationship. It was my thought process telling me its okay because I don't deserve better! I know, stupid! I had many people tell me I am no one because I am heavy. No man would actually find me attractive. I put up with it. I was afraid of being alone.

I am not that young anymore! I am self sufficient. I am okay to be alone. I do not need a man, roommate or parents to treat me like I am a nobody. I know better. I am someone. I do believe one day my future husband will find me unbelievable attractive. He will love me as much I intend on loving him.

However, that being said, why does His words really haunt me? I think maybe I have done something that makes the abusive situation actually happen? I thought that part of my life is over with. I am educated, intelligent, go getter! Why does this both me so?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOVINGWOLF911 7/31/2012 7:18PM

    you having a son has NEVER changed your Choice in Men.

Comment edited on: 7/31/2012 7:40:47 PM

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JLPEASE 7/30/2012 3:23PM

    No, it is definitely NOT you. No one deserves to be abused, whether physically or emotionally and it sounds like this jerk is doing both. You do NOT want your son to grow up thinking it's OK to treat anybody in such a hurtful disrespectful way -- no matter if it's a female or a male. You are not worthless and you are deserving of someone who will love you and respect you for all of your wonderful qualities.

I urge you to contact Vera House or some other organization that can help you protect yourself and your son from this man and his venom.


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FAERY_PRINCESS 7/30/2012 12:16PM

  Hi,
I am so sorry that your friend has turned out to be a former friend. It's NOT you. Part of an abuser's "pattern" is to make the victim feel responsible for the abuse happening to them. It helps the abuser justify the horrific act they are doing. You were so right to get him away from you and your son. There are groups that can help women who are the victims of abuse see through the lies that the abusers have put in your head (you know the lies that make you feel worth-less, worthy of abuse, etc.). It can really help to hear others stories. See if you can find some sort of support group to help you prove to yourself that IT'S NOT YOU!

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confusion

Friday, July 20, 2012

Two Lives... Two Outcomes... Two Paths... Two Many Choices!!!

There has been a man in my life since I was 14 years old. I truly love him. He is my best friend. I have watched him through marriage, children and now a divorce.

Then there is another man that has been in my life since I was almost 26 years old. I have cared for him many years. I have watched him get his heart crushed by his first girlfriend, a marriage, being homeless and living the high life.

Both men want me now... They have so much in common. Including birthdays and background... I am just so confused.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LTMURPHY7 7/20/2012 12:51PM

 

Wait for awhile

Make a list of pros & cons for both men. Really think about it

Put it away for a week or 2. Look at it again & make adjustments.

That should help you decide

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Silly Comments

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I hate when people just assume.

If you are wondering was I am ranting about... my roommate just got off the phone with me after making one of those silly comments.

He said. " I had to start cleaning the house before two because of the phone call I was waiting for. No offence, Amy, I clean quicker than you do. I am almost done."

My response should have been, " You know that I was a professional cleaner. I use to work with my mother. My most recent job was for a woman that still owns her cleaning business. I was promoted during the time I worked for her. Still to this day she ask me to come back she needs good employees."

"Plus, I clean so slow around the house because I am not on the clock. I am doing other things besides cleaning such as cooking, taking care of my son, and getting things ready for the next few days. How dare you tell me that I clean slow. "

"To add insult to injury, just because you can pick things up does not mean you can clean. It should be easy because I cleaned it last night. I wanted to make sure that the house was clean for my sister. Do not think it cool for you to offer to help me and then don't follow through."

You have not clean the house in days.

Why I ask?

Your reasoning... I am tired!

I have a full time job. I am the single mother of a 20 month old. I pay the bills. I wash, dry and put away the dishes every night. I cooked dinner as well. I do the grocery shopping. I take you to and from school.

To bite me in the ass some more... you got home from school yesterday went to your room and slept until midnight.

I guess if I had that much time on my hands I could clean faster too!

What I did say is... "Ok... anyways... Did you get your phone call?"

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PRINCESSAMY 7/18/2012 7:46AM

    Drugs and Alcohol.... Just kidding

I walk and rant on my blog... Sometimes if its to much for me to handle I got to the bar and shot pool until I am not bother by it anymore.

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SOMKHE 7/17/2012 3:23PM

    Wow, sounds to me like your roommate is very inconsiderate. You have a lot on your plate, how do you manage to do so much? emoticon

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