Wednesday, January 01, 2014
So today I weighed in at 5 pounds down. I am pleased with that amount, I still feel so angry that I gained so much weight back but I am taking it 1-2 pounds at a time and five lost is a great start!
My goals for this week are to get my 10,000 steps in every single day, eat within my calorie range, NOT get on the scale outside of my wednesday weigh in, and avoid candy.
Tuesday, December 31, 2013
So I gained almost all of what I lost last year back. I have been avoiding the scale (denial) since May when I got back from my cruise 12 pounds up. I lost half of that weight within a week but then I just stopped weighing, I guess I remembered how much I loved all of those forbidden foods on the cruise and I couldn't give them up when I got home. And then I had three count 'em THREE bear encounters while running and I got too scared to go out. EXCUSES....as I have a treadmill in my garage. I tried to convince myself that I wasn't gaining all that quickly (denial again)and as usual, as I outgrew my clothing I just blamed it on shrinking in the dryer.
I am up 55 pounds. Since May.
I rebooted on Christmas Day when my husband gave me a fitbit. I had to get on the scale to set up my account and I was forced to face the truth.
I am extremely angry at myself, I had almost made it to goal for goodness sake! How did I let myself slip again? It is just WAYYYY too easy to fall back into old patterns.
I am, at this point, starting to feel like I spend half my life eating not enough to support my body, and half my life expanding my body. Where is the middle ground???!
So how do I make this time different and permanent?
#1. I am focusing on behavioural changes, not the scale. I AM STILL WEIGHING IN, but I am not tying rewards to pounds lost, I am tying them to TIME milestones. Every month that I stay on plan I will do something nice for myself.
#2. I am not setting myself up for extreme deprivation. When I put my numbers into the fitbit I realised that when I was losing last time I was eating FAR too little, even without activity I was eating at the lost 1-2 lb a week level. No wonder I felt so deprived, no wonder I crashed and burned on the cruise. This time around I will eat a 500-1000 calorie deficit after activity calculations. It won't be fast, but it won't be hellish, right?
And now for how my perceptions have to change. I was REALLY upset all through the fall about this nightmare. I had just lost the largest amount of weight I had ever managed to lose at once, and it came back on SO FAST. It seemed like, if I couldn't do it THAT time, I would never be able to do it. But here is a little analogy that is helping my mental state of mind:
My body, it's like an old car engine. I haven't been treating it all that great for the past 8 years, so I can't expect it to just automatically get with the program when I am MENTALLY ready.
That engine, it doesn't start right away when you turn the key and rev the gas, it struggles, it doesn't turn over. That happens again and again. But then, it ALMOST turns over, you think the car is going to go but things fall flat again. But now things are warmed up, the car knows what is expected of it, and the next time you turn that key something clicks and the car comes to life. You pull out of your parking space and drive off into the sunset, only stopping when YOU are ready.
I weigh in Wednesdays. I will try to remember to update SP when I update Fitbit. This time I am aiming for 1-2lbs lost, not 10, because this is just the start of the rest of my life. Not the beginning to a race against the clock.
Friday, March 08, 2013
Tomorrow my dentist says I can start working out again WOOOOT! I had dental surgery last weekend and was instructed to do no heavy activity for 7-10 days. Tomorrow marks seven days and I am feeling great so I can get back with the plan! there were a few days there when I was away from home and unable to track my food. One of those days ended uo being pretty much untrackable, but I did control the urge to binge and since I got home I have been as on track as I can.
My weight is sitting at ALMOST 63 pounds gone right now., of which about 50 is since November. I know I can't realistically keep up that pace forever and things seem to have slowed to a more normal/healthy rate of loss. In February I lost 7.8 pounds which is almost 2lb a week, and this month is looking to be roughly the same. I'll take it!
I would really, REALLY like to be in onederland by my anniversary cruise at the end of April. I have almost 11lb to go to get there by then, I really think it's achievable but who knows. If I can be at my goal (174) by July I will be THRILLED, and if I get to the 150-160 range by my anniversary in August I will poop my pants. no seriously.
For the first time since having my kids, I truly believe I am shedding my fat suit. There have been times over the past seven years that I tried to accept my weight and be ok with my body, but something happened this year...I had to have a biopsy on my thyroid and you know what? I want, I NEED to be alive for my kids. I am DONE with living not my quite best life.
On to the recipe:
SALTED CARAMEL CHOCOLATE CHEESECAKE OATMEAL
1/2 cup dry oatmeal, prepared according to directions
top with one packet krisda caramel flavored stevia (available at walmart)
dash of salt on top
mix 3T light cream cheese with another packet of the caramel stevia
spread cream cheese mixture on top of oatmeal (you can melt it a bit if it is too stiff)
top with 1T semisweet mini choco chips
310 calories for the whole serving!
ENJOY OMG MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
and it's filling/satisfying too! Hope you enjoy it as much as I did
Thursday, February 21, 2013
So two of my three kids came down with stomach flu yesterday. the pukes started at 3AM with my four year old, and then my 6 year old started puking at school at 10AM. No one wanted to use a bowl, only four pukes made it 100% into either a bowl or toilet. Normally my kids are pretty good about using a bowl or toilet but MAN.
So the stage was set for a binge...no time to prepare food yesterday, no DESIRE to prepare food (as all I could think about was barf being in my food), sleep deprivation, and feeling low/depressed/anxious.
My dearest husband came home from work and announced "order pizza, these are extenuating circumstances."
Now, I agreed with him, and I did make a decent choice for the pizza (multigrain thin crust, chicken/chorizo/green pepper pizza totalling 190 calories per slice) but the problem is, I don't know whether to count last night as a binge. I felt a BIT out of control. I tracked my pizza as soon as it was ordered (two slices medium with five chicken wings) but then I had that extra slice...and then after dinner I still wanted my evening sweet treat (1/4 cup of brookside dark chocolate goji raspberries)
So was this a binge? my calories were over (almost 1900, tops of range is about 1600). I got on the elliptical after dinner as I hadn't exercised yet and I tried REALLY hard to not feel guilty about the dinner but my emotions DID get involved.
I started the negative self talk "you know you can't handle ordering pizza, you just triggered the end of your success" "your downward spiral starts now" you will never stay on track tomorrow or in the future" "now it will be another week before you see a loss on the scale".
Today I feel a bit more level headed, I mean really? I was about 400 calories over my usual. In the "olden days" a day like this would have warranted a trip to walmart to buy a jumbo bag of faux jelly bellies and a 2lb bar of chocolate to share with DH after we polished off a tray of nachos. So OLD PRIMA would have eaten nachos for dinner (let's be cautious and estimate 1000 calories although I am SURE it was typically more, especially with my beloved queso as well as melted full fat cheddar) then about 500 calories minimum of JBs and then about 800 calories of chocolate. So that would have been an additional 2300 calories, NO LIE.
So here lies the problem, do I consider last night a success because I only went over by a couple hundred? I mean, that's real life, right?
BUT....I felt out of control. THAT is NOT OK.
so basically I don't know how to feel about yesterday. Am I being too much of a perfectionist? How do I let it go and move on? Does anyone have any strategies for these unexpected "extenuating circumstances" days?
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