Sunday, June 13, 2010
Some timeless jokes courtesy of my brother.....
One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'
A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'
Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland .. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!
Have a great day!
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
I had to share these 4 clips from DS first game. It was a beautiful day, albeit windy.
Great way to start off the season. DS's rep team won 19-7. Watch for #80. He wears mutli hats.......receiver, field goal kicker and punt & kick returner He accumulated 69 yards this game. Caught the kick return, got clocked once on a reverse, received the ball and then scored a field goal.
He's the one that runs like the wind blows. Sadly got taken down before scoring a TD, but set his team up for the win......next time he'll make it all the way. At least he fell at my feet so I could make sure he's OK
Enjoy! Momma's so proud!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
A young farm boy from rural Canadian town and moved to a large city and went to a huge "everything under one roof department store" looking for a job.
The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'
The kid says, 'Yeah. I was a salesman back home.'
Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.
'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'
His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
'How many customers bought something from you today?'
The kid says 'one'.
The boss says, 'Just one? Our salespeople average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'
The kid says, '$101,237.65.'
The boss says, '$101,237.65! What the heck did you sell?'
The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat,
so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Mini Cooper would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Ford Expedition.'
The boss said, 'You mean to tell me that a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'
The farm boy said, 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife
and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot -- you should go fishing!
Saturday, May 22, 2010
I saw this on Caz's blog and had to scoop it. I know she won't mind. I haven't blogged in a while and what better way to get back into it, then doing an inventory.
A - Age: 49
B - Bed size: Queen size - sometimes it feels like a twin when DH is hogging the real estate
C - Chore you hate: cleaning the bathroom
D - Dog's name: had a beautiful Samoyed Husky - Rusty (only name he'd come to.....)
E - Essential start your day item: Two glasses of water after I brush my teeth
F - Favourite colour: red
G - Gold or Silver: gold
H - Height: 5' 3"
I - Instruments you play : none - you should all be thankful
J - Job title: Sr Billing Analyst
K - Kid(s): one son soon to 15 in June - OMG!
L - Living arrangements: 2 bedroom rented condo
M - Mom's name: Dorothy
N - Nickname(s): Suz (thanks to Caz) and honey bunny (DH when he's sucking up for something)
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth; week with appendix when I was nine, week when I had DS, a few bad bouts with migraines and needed IV
P - Pet Peeve: Mgrs who waste time vs helping you.
Q - Quote from a movie: The Blind Side - I highly recommend. It makes you feel so good inside after seeing it. The book is amazing as well.
Beth: You're changing that boy's life.
Leigh Anne Touhy: No. He's changing mine.
R - Right or left handed: right
S - Siblings: 6 brothers and 3 sisters (2 brothers deceased from cancer)
T - Time you wake up: every morning around 5:30
U- First word that comes to your mind: sun
V - Vegetable you dislike: brussel sprouts.....they should be banned!
W - Ways you run late: I have too many things to do at once.....
X - X-rays you've had: teeth, foot, back, shoulder, ribs
Y - Yummy food you make: seafood dinner - steamed lobster, mussels, and crab, served with rice, and steamed veggies. Just like candy!
Z - Zoo favourite: penguins and dolphins if its a marine zoo.
Hope you enjoyed finding a little bit about me. Feel free to take the list and let us find out all about you.
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