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Ageless jokes....

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Some timeless jokes courtesy of my brother.....

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92-year-old husband in bed with another woman.. She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court, on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in her own defense.
'Your Honor,' she began coolly, 'I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.'

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A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

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Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland .. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.' She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'
A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!


Have a great day! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KISHEGER 7/1/2010 11:31PM

    Great jokes, really loved the first one (lol) but they were all so great. Keep them coming!!

Erika emoticon

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MESSYJESSY22 6/13/2010 5:39PM

    thanks for the laugh, very cute

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DABINEXIAN 6/13/2010 4:53PM

    Thanks for the laughter. These jokes were great!

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NEW-CAZ 6/13/2010 12:26PM

    ROFLMAO

Hi Suz! I see you actually have 5 mins to spare or are your avoiding F1! LOL.

Great jokes thanks for the larf (deliberate misspelling) emoticon

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Misc Football Humour

Saturday, June 05, 2010

In honour of DS second game of the season and the fact we both are hoping by some miracle we feel better before game time, I thought I'd share some mini football humour. Laughter is the best medicine after all.

First Football Game Ever
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A couple had been dating for a few months now when the man decided to take her out to a football. She was excited because she admitted that it would be her first and that she hasn’t so much as watched a game. When it was over they went to get ice cream and he asked her what she thought of it.

“I thought it was great – but I don’t understand why all the men were attacking each other for just 25 cents.”

“I don’t what you mean?” he said.

“Everyone was yelling to Get the quarter back!’”


2) A football coach was asked his secret of evaluating his new recruits. "Well," he said, "I take 'em out in the woods and make 'em run. The ones that run round the trees, I make into running backs. The ones that run straight into the trees, I turn into linemen."


3) Not the smartest lineman in the league

At a large college there was a football player that was not the brightes. He sat beside a boy in class that was really smart and the teacher knew that he was cheating, but she just couldn't catch him.

One day she was grading a test and she noticed that the smart boy had written "I don't know the answer" on number 10.

So she looked at the jock's paper and smiled. He had finally given himself away. His answer looked like this: 10. me neither

Enjoy!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEW-CAZ 6/5/2010 8:05AM

    ROFLMAO SUZ

good ones! emoticon

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DAVEINSEOUL 6/5/2010 7:43AM

    LOL :-) Especially the last one.

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Clips from DS first Football Game of the Summer Season

Tuesday, June 01, 2010


I had to share these 4 clips from DS first game. It was a beautiful day, albeit windy.

Great way to start off the season. DS's rep team won 19-7. Watch for #80. He wears mutli hats.......receiver, field goal kicker and punt & kick returner He accumulated 69 yards this game. Caught the kick return, got clocked once on a reverse, received the ball and then scored a field goal.

He's the one that runs like the wind blows. Sadly got taken down before scoring a TD, but set his team up for the win......next time he'll make it all the way. At least he fell at my feet so I could make sure he's OK

Enjoy! Momma's so proud!

Susan

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEW-CAZ 6/1/2010 12:28PM

    emoticon to DS and his team.
I doubt I'll ever understand US footie the same as I'll never understand the offside rule in soccer but hey it looks like a good game and you have one heck of a son to be proud of Suz.

I survived F1 LOL- actually watched it this Sunday to see Hamilton win and his girlfriend make a twit of herself on camera emoticon

Hope you're okay babe emoticon emoticon

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From farm boy to salesman?

Thursday, May 27, 2010

A young farm boy from rural Canadian town and moved to a large city and went to a huge "everything under one roof department store" looking for a job.

The Manager says, 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The kid says, 'Yeah. I was a salesman back home.'

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.
'You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did.'

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it.
After the store was locked up, the boss came down.
'How many customers bought something from you today?'

The kid says 'one'.

The boss says, 'Just one? Our salespeople average 20 to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?'

The kid says, '$101,237.65.'

The boss says, '$101,237.65! What the heck did you sell?'

The kid says, 'First, I sold him a small fishhook. Then I sold him a medium fishhook. Then I sold him a larger fishhook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he was going to need a boat,
so we went down to the boat department and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Mini Cooper would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4x4 Ford Expedition.'

The boss said, 'You mean to tell me that a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a BOAT and a TRUCK?'

The farm boy said, 'No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons for his wife
and I said, 'Dude, your weekend's shot -- you should go fishing! emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEW-CAZ 5/28/2010 3:24AM

    Love it Suz emoticon

Hope all is okay with the footie and enjoying life hun, ,miss you as leader but knew it had to be done emoticon

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JANETMCG 5/28/2010 12:31AM

    that was sooooo funny keep em comming emoticon

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KOFFEENUT 5/27/2010 11:12PM

    This is TOO FUNNY - one I'll have to share with my husband. Thanks for the laugh!

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Susan's A-Z

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I saw this on Caz's blog and had to scoop it. I know she won't mind. I haven't blogged in a while and what better way to get back into it, then doing an inventory.

A - Age: 49
B - Bed size: Queen size - sometimes it feels like a twin when DH is hogging the real estate
C - Chore you hate: cleaning the bathroom
D - Dog's name: had a beautiful Samoyed Husky - Rusty (only name he'd come to.....)
E - Essential start your day item: Two glasses of water after I brush my teeth
F - Favourite colour: red
G - Gold or Silver: gold
H - Height: 5' 3"
I - Instruments you play : none - you should all be thankful
J - Job title: Sr Billing Analyst
K - Kid(s): one son soon to 15 in June - OMG!
L - Living arrangements: 2 bedroom rented condo
M - Mom's name: Dorothy
N - Nickname(s): Suz (thanks to Caz) and honey bunny (DH when he's sucking up for something)
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth; week with appendix when I was nine, week when I had DS, a few bad bouts with migraines and needed IV
P - Pet Peeve: Mgrs who waste time vs helping you.
Q - Quote from a movie: The Blind Side - I highly recommend. It makes you feel so good inside after seeing it. The book is amazing as well.

Beth: You're changing that boy's life.
Leigh Anne Touhy: No. He's changing mine.

R - Right or left handed: right
S - Siblings: 6 brothers and 3 sisters (2 brothers deceased from cancer)
T - Time you wake up: every morning around 5:30
U- First word that comes to your mind: sun
V - Vegetable you dislike: brussel sprouts.....they should be banned!
W - Ways you run late: I have too many things to do at once.....
X - X-rays you've had: teeth, foot, back, shoulder, ribs
Y - Yummy food you make: seafood dinner - steamed lobster, mussels, and crab, served with rice, and steamed veggies. Just like candy!
Z - Zoo favourite: penguins and dolphins if its a marine zoo.

Hope you enjoyed finding a little bit about me. Feel free to take the list and let us find out all about you.

Susan

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NEW-CAZ 5/22/2010 8:33AM

    I don't know nicking stuff from me that I've nicked, where will it end. Of course I don't mind "Shortie" emoticon emoticon

Loved learning more about you- would kill for your bed! DH hogs too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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