PREPMOM11  
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Fell off the wagon big time!!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Well, here is the story. I finally got my act together and was doing quite well. I started seeing the scale move, slowly but surely but then the unthinkable happened. I had to deviate from my schedule yesterday and it went downhill from there. I wasn't able to eat properly during the day which led to a whole lot of overeating last night. I know I have to let it go and move on. It seems like I am right on that edge I could go either way. I could easily throw the towel in and just forget it but I just try to keep talking to myself and try so hard to stay focused. I had a full blown conversation with myself on the way home from work last night but the minute I walked in that door all bets were off. I have to find a way to be strong and overcome this food demon inside of me that looks for every little way to sabotage my plan. I was not strong enough last night and he won. How can I find a way to stifle his rotten, evil voice inside of me and win this battle once and for all?????

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FRECKS96 7/21/2010 12:25PM

    It's been less than a day...you're at the back but not off the wagon. Remember to take it one step at a time and you can beat this.

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PSMITH3841 7/21/2010 11:00AM

    Me Too!!!It's so darn hard to hang on sometimes, but there's nothing left to do but get back on!!! emoticon Baby Steps....you win one, you lose one, you win 2, you lose 1...it does get easier! Hang in there! emoticon

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BIBLIOMANE40 7/21/2010 10:36AM

    Just hang on. Don't give up! You just have to find that strength deep inside of you and hold on tight to it! You are a DONE girl! You are strong!!!

Sherry

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I HATE MYSELF!!

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

I hate myself. I hate my life. I hate everything about me. I want to change so badly but I don't know how. I feel overwhelmed and defeated before I even begin. I am sad and depressed and feel hopeless. I love Sparkpeople, I love to see and read everyone's success but I just can't seem to find the way. I am a huge fat disgusting loser and probably always will be. I don't know how to be happy, I don't know how to put myself first. I am someone that does everything for everyone but when it comes to me I just don't know where to begin. I am just so sad and embarrassed and humiliated. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HEALTHYASHLEY 8/2/2010 7:59PM

    I wrote a blog like this the other day. I feel your pain. The reality is you can be sad and still do something about this. Take the anger and the pain and the frustration and channel it into SP. All you have to do the first week is aim for drinking all your water. You will lose weight, I swear. Then make small changes bit by bit. I lost 35 lbs before SP just by not drinking soda and not drinking fancy coffee's anymore. You can do this and I am here for you anytime.

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PREPMOM11 7/8/2010 10:05AM

    Thank you everyone for your kinds words and support. I will take a little something from each one and try to apply it every day. I had a really bad day yesterday at work, something very embarrassing happened to me and I just didn't handle it well at all. I was just humiliated and I still trying to get over it. But with your sound advice and support and taking one day at time I will keep trying. Today is a new day, I have to get over it and keep moving. Thanks again!!! emoticon

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WESHAKAT 7/7/2010 4:27PM

    Start with one positive thing - you already have. You said "I want to change..." Now find one more positive thing - then another and go from there.

And you do sound really depressed (been there). Find some sort of professional - doctor, clergy - to help get you pointed back in the right direction. It will make the healing process a lot smoother so you can make that change happen.

Really - you can do it. One positive at a time.

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SANDAM1 7/7/2010 4:24PM

    Your blog touched me - as I know I feel that way at times. But I encourage you to start with one thing - just one thing - to change to make your life healthier. And it doesn't need to be something big or remarkable - start small. Example - my goal for one week was to not park in the closest parking spot to the store, but parking halfway down the row. Not a big change, but I smiled every time I did it since I knew I was making a better choice. Or if you are struggling with eating junk food, only eat three cookies and put the package away rather than eating the whole package. The journey of a lifetime begins with a single step.

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LOVEITSILENT 7/7/2010 4:09PM

    Don't give up! See a counselor, or a local church official or chaplain. They won't force god down your throat, but have many resources at their disposal to help those in need. Even if you only see them once, it may be the jump start you need to spark your can DO attitude! emoticon

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JAMIES 7/7/2010 4:01PM

    You know everyone feels that way sometimes and you have picked a really great place to get all those frustrations and anger out. Writing it down and sending it away from you is great way to cope with overwhelming feelings.

I hope you will take some deep, calming breaths, and take a step back and look at yourself with a kinder eye. You are NOT a loser or disgusting or anything else you are thinking right now. You are a nice person, with a good heart and you just need to remember that. Your self-worth is not defined by your weight. Weight may come or go but integrity, honesty, kindness; those are what makes a person worthwhile.

Take it one step at a time, one day or even one hour at a time. Make a single change, more water, walk to the end of the block and back, eat more vegetables. Anything that will start you down the right path. Quit worrying about the right way to begin and just pick something. There is not a magic "beginning" that is right and another that is wrong. Focus on one small step, then when that is going well, you will find the next step.


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LITTLEBUTTON09 7/7/2010 3:59PM

    Dont give up ever!!! This process is NOT easy. It takes a lot of hard work. You will fall off the wagon but you gotta get back up as if it never happened. DONT let your mind control you anymore!

Where to begin? At the Beginning. Take each day as a brand new day. Start by just writing down what you eat and weigh/measure everything. Baby Steps. You need to take baby steps.

YOU CAN DO IT!!!! Every day is a battle but you can do it!

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CARRKM 7/7/2010 3:55PM

  It sounds like you may be suffering depression. Please make an appointment and see your doctor. If it is, in fact, clinical depression, you will not "just snap out of it" or find a miracle cure without help. Please go see a doctor - you are a beautiful human being, and certainly worth it!

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FRECKS96 7/7/2010 3:55PM

    Please don't give up. It is hard to change, but once you start, your body will start to crave the healthier things. Focus on yourself and set one or two SMALL goals. Let the program guide you. You CAN do this. You have tons of support and all the tools, let them work for you. Good Luck!

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Where and how do I begin?

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

I log on to Sparkpeople just about ever day. I read all of the success stories and motivational stories but I just can't seem to let it sink in. I am struggling! I am out of control with my eating and nothing stops me. Not wanting to do it for myself, for my son, not for anything or anyone. How do I capture that feeling, that feeling that so many of you have? I get up every single morning and tell myself today is going to be the day and it works for a little while but then I end up right back into my old habits. It sucks! Absolutely sucks. I keep gaining and gaining and just can't stop. Then when I think about really getting serious about losing the weight once and for all I get disgusted. Disgusted that I let myself get like this and I have to start all over again. How am I going to possibly lose over a 100lbs. I so badly want to do it but I just can't get out of my own way. I am an absolute mess!! So I ask where and how do I begin?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DINGALLSTOO 6/22/2010 5:56PM

    Okay so I'm not an expert, but I have lost 23#'s with SP. I have taken it slowly. The first HUGE step was just documenting what I put in my mouth. I do get a lot of encouragement from Frecks96 (she's my daughter) and she has had me try some of the yummy recipes she has found here. My motivation is Alexis, my Granddaughter. I want to be able to keep up with her and my knees hurt. In November, there were days when I didn't think I could make it through a day of work. Now I can walk 2-3 miles. No I'm still not consistent, but I am definately more active. As a wise woman once told me, "my worst day on Spark is still better than most days before Spark".

The tools and the support of this site is a huge help. I consider keeping my nutrients in the correct range a game-can I stay in my green zone today? (Yesterday my carbs were down, but my fat was hi, today is better.) Best of luck to you.

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SKFEREBEE 6/22/2010 4:12PM

    You may need to hit your own person rock bottom health & weight wise before you are ready to make the change. Then you'll have nowhere to go but up. emoticon Your come-to-Jesus moment just hasn't happened yet, but it will. Just keep absorbing the information so you'll be ready to go full steam ahead when it happens. emoticon

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ANDI571 6/22/2010 3:31PM

    For me, I had to just start. As they said baby steps. Order a kids meal, or a senior meal that has smaller portions. Take the top bun off of your sandwich, eat half of your fries. Split a meal with your husband or friend. Eat 1/2 of a candy bar instead of the whole thing. As you start the steps, they just keep getting easier.

I have had tendon problems in my feet for the past year, and walking hurt. I started slow and just kept increasing my distance. Now I will be out walking and notice my breathing is easier and I am a bit faster, and go a bit farther.

Next, believe you are worth the effort of getting healthy. As one spark friend says, progress, not perfection.

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KANSASROSE67 6/22/2010 3:23PM

    I agree with what others have said. Just try one thing...maybe drinking 8 glasses of water each day or getting 8 hours of sleep each night. Get a streak of a week or two going on that one thing and then add one more thing. Don't try to do everything at once! For example, I tracked my food for 5 weeks before I really got serious and tried to stay in the recommended calorie range.

I think you'll find that success with one thing will lead to success with the next, and so on. Each improvement in your health will make you feel better and will give you the energy to try another change.

I'm saying a prayer for you right now!

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FRECKS96 6/22/2010 2:34PM

    Start with baby steps. Try just one new thing everyday for a week. Once that gets comfortable, you can add something else. I think that's how most of us start. Don't try to change so much that you'll get overwhelmed. Also remember, you have to want to change for you, not for anyone else. Good Luck!

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NWCOUNTRYDANCER 6/22/2010 11:40AM

    Baby steps. I've been fed up with my weight and even though I've been on Sparkpeople for about 2 years, I really have not followed the plan. I finally found something that has sparked my interest and am following it and I lost 2.2 lbs. the first week. I have not exercised as much as the plan calls for nor have I eaten 100% of the plan. But I am doing most of it and losing even a little bit counts. It's called Live Fit Revolution. You can find it at http://livefitrevolution.com.
R>But find something that will work for you, and start with small steps until they become a habit. Good luck!! emoticon

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Went off the deep end today!!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

I woke up and did the first thing I do every morning weighed myself. The scale is not moving. I have been going strong for two solid weeks and the scale has not moved. So......I went to church discouraged and disgusted and came home and ate. I am still eating even though I am angry with myself for doing it I still continue to do it. I am an absolute mess and feel like I will never be free from this monster. Free from this horrible "thing" that I contiue to carry around with me...my weight. HELP!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MELANTHONY 4/25/2010 2:33PM

    We all have bad days the key is to move forward. I agree with BEAR_GURL put the scale away for 2 weeks. Keep up the hard work it is definitely worth it in the end. Hang in there! I'm sending you a prayer for strength & a hug! emoticon

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BEAR_GURL 4/25/2010 1:19PM

    We've all been there; don't beat yourself up! Have you measured yourself? Try ignoring the scale for two weeks and instead take your basic measurements: neck, upper arms, forearms, thighs, calves, waist, wrists, bust line and hips. Continue your food and work out routine; re-measure yourself in two weeks. I promise you WILL see a difference...weight loss isn't always measured by pounds--inches count too: )

Good luck throughout your journey...I know you CAN do this!!!


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Melissa

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Not giving up!!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I have been off and on with Spark People and I am trying to get back into it and use it. I have a hard time just spilling my guts and putting everything out there for everyone to see. I am trying though. I do find this website to be very helpful and inspirational. I just have to mind to it and I will not give up!!

  


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