Well I have hit the lazy day syndrome I do not want to do a thing today. Had a terrible dreamy night and woke up in a strange mood. Not sure why this happens to me. I know what to tell myself but it still does not mean I wish I could just be lazy like I was before. Just have to get myself motivated to do what has to be done. I just got off Skype I was chatting with my sister in Nevada while I am in SC, we have a 3 hr time difference and all but we still hook up via web cam I just love the new gadgets they have now. But at least now I have this place to vent and talk about how I feel. I did not have this before.
You know the seasons are changing when you wake up to frost. I love the autumn time of the year, all the colors just makes you aware everything is alive and changing. Just like me I am alive and I am changing everyday. Since I have started my new way of life, that of eating right, "eating to live not living to eat". You every feel like you could not Waite till the next meal and it was all you thought of? That food runs your life. Never could rap my head around how a human can give so much control over to food. It can be very deadly for sure. But I was very willingly doing it. Do not know for sure what I was really doing killing myself slowly with food for. I just did not care anymore what I was doing or how I was doing it. Food is an addiction I feel, anyway. It can be a killer. I pray I have control and I keep control in this area. I have to tell myself this is not a temporary thing, I am doing, it is a new way of life for me. I have to do it this way, to stay alive and be healthy. I keep hoping and praying I will be successful. But I have to admit I am very terrified that I will fall off the wagon sort to speak. I get afraid to eat too much. I just have not gotten to that point where I feel confident in my new life style and sure I will be able to maintain it forever. Please I hope and pray this will work this time I so want to feel I have total control of my life. I do not like feeling like a failure this is for sure. May this new way of life be a permanent way of life for me I pray.
Well it is not easy for me to deal with change. I kick and scream all the way. But I learn to adjust just not as easily. I have just got into a new glitch here at my sons, and what does he do he has company for 3 days. I have to rearrange my work out times and places and my TV schedule. I think I am a little self centered too. I just want things the way I want them and that is that, think it is my old age. But I will deal it is only till Wednesday. Have to remember this is my sons home I am a visitor too. Anyway I am venting and this is my only place to do it. I am so happy to have this place for myself where I can do it now. I use it to spread my good news like my concert the other day. It was so nice to get so many responses for my pictures. I can never tell you all just how much this means to me now. . I have invited a few new people to be my friend trying to pass it on all this comradeship.
I am so excited tonight is my David Cook concert. Now many of you may think I am crazy, me going to a concert at my age. But I really wanted to see him sing. He was the winner of american idol a year ago. I just liked him so much have no idea why I liked him that much. Maybe because he seemed to be so humble and he was dealing of a brother who had brain cancer. He really is a great singer too. I have his CD too and I listen to it every time I walk. So I am like a child going to the concert. I decided when I started to lose my weight I would do something just for myself and when I saw David was coming here to SC and so was I. Well it was a sign for me. Now I am worried how I will tolerate this concert, but I will do it. I am hoping I can even get his signature, that would be really cool. So wish me luck at the concert, I will share it with you all tomorrow.