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PORTIAWILLIS's Recent Blog Entries


Friday, January 04, 2013

On January 4 ,1977 at about 8 am my beautiful daughter was born. I had a c-section. I just got a quick look at her before they took her to the nursery. Shortly after being taken to the recovery room I crashed and nearly died. I usually don't think very much about that, but for some reason today It has been on my mind a lot. What would have happened to my 3 children if I had not lived. A year after Ginny was born my mother had a stroke and spent the rest of her life and invalid. 3 years later their father and I divorced and he totally forgot about his children. No child support or visits. They saw him maybe 5 times in 17 years and never did he call them or anything .I was an only child so had no help with them. I have spent many years feeling such guilt and despair for some of the things that happened in our lives. I wasn't always the best mother. At times I just wanted to run away and never have to deal with anything but I just couldn't do it to them. The last couple of months I have really been reading lots about forgiveness to yourself and to others and hope I am learning how to do that. As I reflect on all this today I realize my children would have been so much worse off if I had died that day. Our family, as dysfunctional as it is, would not be a family. I don't believe their father was willing to go through what was necessary to raise a family. They probably would not even have grown up together. I am thankful that I lived to help them grow up and to have the wonderful family that we now have. Are we perfect? NO. Are we happy? Yes, most of the time. Thank God for his love and help. He was there through all of it even when I didn't realize it.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:


    No one is perfect.
I for one am glad your here , your a great friend and inspiration to me!

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A New Year

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

The New Year is here and already I am having trouble with my fitness goals. I have been sick for 3 days now so no exercise. The old me would have just said"i new you couldn't do it" and that would have been the end of my attempt to lose weight. The new me knows that I don't have to give up just because I am not perfect. Always before I would beat myself up and than eat everything I shouldn't have. Well I have ate some foods I should have left alone but I haven't given up. I have done spark coach each day and tried for 100 points on sparkpoints page. It has reminded me that this is just temporary and not a life sentence. I can and will do better tomorrow.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PORTIAWILLIS 1/3/2013 11:08AM

    Thanks for the kind thoughts.

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GOLFLADY11 1/2/2013 12:54AM

    No beating up on yourself!!!! We have all given into temptation over the Holidays. Time to get back on track!! When you're sick you just need to take care of yourself and hit it again when you're back on your feet. I agree with Willowbrook a few days off is nothing in the scheme of things in the year ahead!!!!! emoticon

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WILLOWBROOK5 1/1/2013 8:10PM

    Good to know you are taking care of yourself and getting the rest you need right now. You have a whole year ahead of you to work on your fitness goals. No need to sweat missing a few days of working out. Good luck with your continued goals and have a happy and healthy 2013!

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Day 9

Friday, December 28, 2012

Last night I felt so guilty about not exercising this week that I decided to go to the gym and walk on the treadmill. I had planned on doing 1 hour to help make up for being lazy but that didn't work out like I planned. About 20 minutes into my walking I almost quit. I was so bored and if I must admit it the incline part of it was killing me. I had set it to cardio which got my heartrate up to 135 but to get it there it had the incline to 9 and I thought I was going to die. It did go down after that and I continued for another 10 minutes for a total of 30 minutes. I hated every minute of it. So today when I went to walk it was raining and I started back into the house and thought about how much I hated walking on that treadmill and turned back around. I walked in the rain with an umbrella for 40 minutes. I must have looked kind of crazy because everyone in the cars that passed me looked at me as if I was a fruitcake. LOL hope you all have a great weekend.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILLOWBROOK5 12/28/2012 8:36PM

    It is so much harder to exercise when we dislike the activity. Any other exercise you could do that you might find more fun? Or any way to distract yourself while exercising? I like to listen to my Kindle while I walk outside and will watch DVD's on the treadmill.

Hope you get your mojo back soon!

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Day 7

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Have let myself down a little the last 3 days. Have not done my walks and no 10 minutes the last 2 days. Tim is home and just can't exercise when he is home. He has also been at me to eat saying "it's Christmas enjoy yourself." Haven't got to the place that I want to exercise in front of him. It has been very cold and rainy so I choose not to do my exercising. I am taking responsibility for not exercising, it was my choice not to do it in front of him. Thank God he goes back to work tomorrow and I will have some time to exercise while he is at work.


day 5

Sunday, December 23, 2012

Today is day 5 with Spark Coach and I must say I am a little surprised at the content so far. It's good but not much more than what I have read on line without their help. I will continue it for the 3 months that I paid for and hope that it will pick up a little. I am still in the basics and they are what they are. I know for sure that you have to really get them or the results will not be permanent. Now for the positive I have done each days lesson. I think that starting during the holidays might be a little harder but that is why I did it. I could feel myself getting frustrated and wanting to give up when I didn't lose lbs. I am not going to weigh myself for a while. I want to hold out as long as I can as it seems to cause me to get depressed. I tend to want everything NOW not later. Today is my anniversary. We have been married 17 years but together for 27years. It seems just like yesterday we meet. I really don't feel much older except for all the normal aches and pains. It's amazing how time changes your perspective on most everything. Years ago I was worried about getting my children's gifts for Christmas and today I worry about my grandchildren's gifts. My granddaughters gift got back ordered so she doesn't have one to open. I have decided to give her a gold and diamond bracelet of mine. I hope she will understand the love I have for her and realize how much the bracelet means to me. Her mother and uncle got it for me several years ago. We just don't have any extra money to use for another present. She turns 13 in February and is somewhat of a tomboy but I think she will like it. My husband bought our grandsons flying fish that are remote controlled. He had a blast putting them together. I can't wait to see three huge remote controlled fish flying around my house.Hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and New Year.


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