Friday, January 04, 2013
On January 4 ,1977 at about 8 am my beautiful daughter was born. I had a c-section. I just got a quick look at her before they took her to the nursery. Shortly after being taken to the recovery room I crashed and nearly died. I usually don't think very much about that, but for some reason today It has been on my mind a lot. What would have happened to my 3 children if I had not lived. A year after Ginny was born my mother had a stroke and spent the rest of her life and invalid. 3 years later their father and I divorced and he totally forgot about his children. No child support or visits. They saw him maybe 5 times in 17 years and never did he call them or anything .I was an only child so had no help with them. I have spent many years feeling such guilt and despair for some of the things that happened in our lives. I wasn't always the best mother. At times I just wanted to run away and never have to deal with anything but I just couldn't do it to them. The last couple of months I have really been reading lots about forgiveness to yourself and to others and hope I am learning how to do that. As I reflect on all this today I realize my children would have been so much worse off if I had died that day. Our family, as dysfunctional as it is, would not be a family. I don't believe their father was willing to go through what was necessary to raise a family. They probably would not even have grown up together. I am thankful that I lived to help them grow up and to have the wonderful family that we now have. Are we perfect? NO. Are we happy? Yes, most of the time. Thank God for his love and help. He was there through all of it even when I didn't realize it.