Thursday, June 09, 2011
I was born and raised in the beautiful state of Oregon. Every year we took a week's vacation in the Cascades Mountains, at a place called Big Lake. It's a wonderful place to go to, but I had one problem with this vacation-my Dad!
Dad is the kind of person who just wants to get to where he is going. No stops. No breaks. No look and see. Dad is not interested in the journey, he simply wants to arrive. When we left for our vacation, he would drive the 1 1/2 hours there without ONE SINGLE STOP!
He was the A to Z Express; get from point A to point Z, without a stop.
This would have been just fine except that along the way there were stops I would have loved to have seen. Oregon has a lot of history, and the Oregon Trail goes right through the Cascade Mountain Range. There are historical markers with information posted that were along the road that we travelled. For 17 years I had to simply pass them by-it wasn't until I was old enough to drive and had my own car that I was able to stop at these markers and enjoy a bit of Oregon history!
I'm now on day 12 of my new journey, my Spark Journey. I can see now that the reason weight watchers and other diet programs didn't work for me is because they are like my Dad's journey plan: They are the A to Z Express with NO STOPS IN BETWEEN!
For example, they always wanted to put me on the same caloric intake as when I weighed 120 pounds. And they wanted me to be on an exercise program as though I was an athlete! But I'm not 120 pounds, and haven't been for years. And I have never been an athlete. Never.
When a person is on the A to Z Express, they miss out on the journey I call LIFE. I am 70 pounds away from 120. It's going to take a lot of time to get down to just my goal of 150 pounds, and I don't want to hate every second of it. I don't want to spend that time feeling lousy, tired, cranky, miserable and wondering why in the world I am on that Express!!!!
I want to be on a journey where I feel good, and maybe even GREAT! I want to enjoy it, and to feel free to stop and read the historical markers. I want to savor the time and the people I spend it with. I know that not all of my journey will be trouble free, but I welcome those times too.
So, does anyone want to go with me? Let's go!!
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Yesterday was an odd day for me-I felt fat. It was odd because nothing had changed, not my weight or diet or exercise. I just felt fat.
Not only did I feel fat, but my DH forgot that Monday was our day to walk the course in front of the town Hospital. (They have a special course for walkers/runner with different stations for warming up and stretching). Plus, a storm was brewing and the wind was kicking up along with the distant rumble of thunder. Perfect excuses to not keep up my spark goal-of walking one mile every day!
This time, though, I "talked" to myself. I realized that I am ALWAYS going to have things come up. ALWAYS. When I was younger, I NEVER let obstacles stop me, I kept at it until I made my way past it. Whenever I was pushed, I pushed back harder. I even outwrestled my boyfriend at the time because of the strong will I had!
So yesterday I had to ask "Where did my "Self" go? Surely that strong minded and strong willed person was still in me, somewhere. I had allowed her to get buried, and allowed my spirit to be oppressed and crushed.
But I found her, oh yes I did! I found out that she is still here, wanting to be freed-and her voice is getting louder!
I decided to listen to her last night, and walked my mile. Briskly and with more determination than before! And today? Today I feel much better!
But I've got to go-my "Self" is calling and reminding me that it's time for that walk. And I'm going to listen!
Monday, June 06, 2011
I remember that a couple of weeks ago I was reading an article on exercise-I just couldn't believe that anyone really looked forward to it! Well...I am on day 9 of my new life, and I couldn't wait to do my walking. All day I thought about it, but couldn't get to it yet because I was at work (Though I did do some leg lifts, push ups from the side of the counter, and some stretching).
I also rented a movie, Sense and Sensibility (can't wait for the new Jane Eyre to hit Netflix) as my reward for meeting all of my goals! Thanks everyone for your blogs, and for all of the articles that really help!
Sunday, June 05, 2011
I know that I have only been at this for a week...but I have met every single one of my goals and am still feeling good! It is really nice to know that if/when I start to falter, I have somewhere to go and ask for help.
My journey has amazed me so far, as well as my DH. He says I am in a much better mood, and he attributed it to his finding full time work. I told him that no, you've had a full time job for a couple of weeks now. It's the Spark Journey that I'm on that is making the difference! I am feeling hopeful! And that's been a very long time in the making.
I used to be a very optimistic person, and had a passion for life. I saw everyday as an adventure, and when difficulties came up I simply geared up and fought the battle. Something happened to me along the way, and now I am getting the old Self back!
And though I am NOT focusing on weight loss, I am celebrating a FIVE POUND weight loss!!!!! I know that I won't continue to lose that much at one time in the future, and I know that I will be tempted to fall off the nutrition and fitness tracking wagon, but I also know that I can get back on track.
I love this Spark Journey much more than the Weight Watchers one-I'm not hungry and grouchy and feeling awful all the time. Instead of weekly meetings, I can go every day to one, more if needed, and then pick which one I want to "attend!" in the way of articles, blogs, or emails.
Yes, I am a happy Spark People!!
Thursday, June 02, 2011
I know...seems like a silly thought, one of those "Duh" things. But this is a new realization for me.
Last night I was sitting on the couch with my DH, watching a program and eating a Weight Watchers ice cream bar, when I suddenly realized I WAS ENJOYING THE ICE CREAM WITHOUT ONE BIT OF GUILT! I had to stop for a few seconds, to get past the shock of that...
I am 51 years old, and have only been overweight for the past seven years. Before that, for 44 years, I could eat whatever I wanted and whenever I wanted. I loved food! I loved cooking food!
But as I got heavier, I enjoyed food less. I realize now that it was because I felt guilty about eating, which caused me to feel ashamed because I was eating what I considered to be too much food. I'd mentally beat myself up, eat very little for a short while, and then fail to keep that up and the cycle of guilt and shame continued.
I was also in a religious group that abuses it's members emotionally and spiritually. I was constantly criticized and put down, and in response to that I would eat more to ease the pain.
The result is that I now associate food with guilt, shame, and pain.
That is why I was shocked when I realized last night that I was enjoying that ice cream. And when I was done with it, I didn't crave more. I did NOT go to the freezer and grab another one!
Even though this is only Day 5 for me, I have been tempted to fall off the wagon, even a little bit. But because I feel good physically, I am able to talk myself out of those temptations. I have been reading some of the motivational blogs and they help. Thanks everyone!
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