Thursday, July 17, 2014
My doctor is worried that I have Type 2 diabetes. I've had insulin resistance for years but she noticed one of my symptoms (Acanthosis Nigricans) has progressed since my last visit and really cautioned me. I don't have the $100 to get a hemoglobin test so I've cut my carb intake down to 50 carbs a day on my own and am taking a diabetes medication called Metformin, 1,500 mg a day. I've been prescribed this before but never taken it regularly but I got so scared at that word, DIABETES! I've been taking it religiously and very careful about my diet. This sucks but I've lost 11 pounds in 1 month which is just fine with me. I'm not watching my calories yet but I know I will start, probably soon because I want the weight to come off faster. This is for real now, those stupid goals I had before of looking hot on vacation and making people jealous or impressed have flown out the window (okay, maybe not 100%) but the goal of still having my eye-sight, limbs, and not having a stroke or heart-attack before I'm 40 are really effing motivational. By super supportive and amazing BF has changed his diet with me which has made the transition INFINITELY easier. I've been reading all of these labels so carefully for carb count but I really need to start tracking my food and it just gives me anxiety even thinking about it. I get so frustrated that there's 75 different entries for "pickle" and it's really time consuming. I know I need to get over that and just do it. It's not like I have anything better to do with my time as I got laid off last month and still haven't found work! :( Trying to stay positive!
Friday, February 14, 2014
I'm still hanging steady cooking at home and taking the dog out 3 times a week. Some days I don't go on our jog. Somedays I forget my lunch and grab something instead, but I'm still trying to make smart decisions. I think I have a little more motivation as I've planned a trip to San Antonio in April with my love. It's going to be during the Fiesta San Antonio which is supposed to be as big as Mardi Gras. I want to look cute and feel like I can dress up and take photos and feel confident! I'm trying and trying and trying and that's all I can do. I've lost about 7 pounds. I think maybe my motivation lays in how frustratingly slow this is.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
The second week of January my and my boyfriend were reeling from a constant stream of over indulging in food and drink, with the holiday, vacation, and the fact that we're in a new and very happy relationship. We decided to get back to routine with cooking meals at home weekly and working out again.
I'm 'running' with my dog 3 times a week, and try to keep only healthy options in the fridge and pantry. I'm not eating out or grabbing coffee everyday but we do have a cheat meal on the weekends. We are trying to limit ourselves to 1 bottle of wine a week. Everyday I'm trying to drink more water. Everything has been going to plan these past 3 weeks and it's been fun cooking with him and planning meals together. It's also A LOT more work. He helps me cook and grocery shop but I'm usually the meal planner, which can be challenging. Also, it feels like the dirty dishes are never ending with eating every meal at home. Packing my lunch for work everyday can be a struggle as well, and I'm in a new office that doesn't have a fridge yet, so that's been annoying.
Sounds like the changes have been pretty positive, right? EXCEPT, I haven't lost an OUNCE yet, and that's really frustrating.
When I was training to run my first 5k in October I was super motivated to crush my workouts. Now? I'm mainly only going out to make my dog and boyfriend happy. I do try to get my heart rate up, and I know it's better than sitting in front of the computer for another 30 minutes but I'm just not trying very hard. I have no motivation to get back to the running fitness level I was at. It's a struggle everyday I run to get dressed and head out.
As the diet goes, I am pretty strictly sticking with the meals we cook at home, which have to be more nutritious and healthier than all the dining out I was doing before. I'm also trying to limit my sugar intake (using Stevia, and making coffee at home) and not going to Starbucks every morning anymore which saves me money and is better for me in general. The main problem here is I'm not tracking my calories at all. I wanted to give myself time to transition into my new job (very sedentary job) and get into a routine of cooking and preparing healthy meals before I started restricting my calories. Well it's been several weeks now and I still have no motivation to track calories. I know it's the key, and always has been the key to my success before but I JUST DON'T WANNA. It's also been a major irritant to me that my boyfriend is bulking right now and his calorie allotment is about DOUBLE what mine is, if I were to restrict to lose weight. He's constantly trying to eat more and I'm constantly fighting the urge to binge.
I know I'm making positive changes and I need to stick to them to move forward, but I can't seem to tap into that fire in me that wants this so badly. I need an attitude adjustment, and it can't come soon enough.
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Yesterday my manager saw a coworker hand me a bag from starbucks and he asked me what she got me. It was a slice of pumpkin bread, not that I have to rationalize my choice but I was PMSing and forgot to bring my lunch so I had been eating scraps and leftovers from the server fridge. I was hungry and I wanted to be bad, so sue me. When I told him what it was, he looked at me and says "DIDN'T YOU JUST EAT? Something FRIED?!" He's never talked to me in that manner before so I was kind of flabbergasted. I got over that and told him to mind his own business. I had another male coworker tell me two weeks ago I needed to add weight training to burn more fat and said "I'm a bigger woman so I shouldn't worry about fat loss in my breasts or anything from it". Last week a coworker said I was twisting around a lot and as a joke called me "Chubby Checkers", then got obviously embarrassed and was like "you know, let's twist again. . ." I had a cook tell me that the "prep cook said I'm fat" because the prep cook had a crush on me and I guess he thought that was a good ice breaker. I had another coworker tell me I need to stop eating sweets because I'm too big, but he needed to eat them for energy. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE MEN? I'm not freaking house bound because of my size. I feel confident and good looking, and yes I'm trying to lose weight but I'm not in dire straights with my health or anything. I have a really ATTRACTIVE boyfriend that thinks I'm gorgeous. I don't concern myself with ANYTHING ANYBODY ELSE EATS why the hell do they feel like it's okay to say these things to me? How is it their business? It's totally unprofessional, but these instances span many jobs, over many years. I try not to pay attention but this has obviously stuck with me! It's hard to remain confidant and positive when people are constantly pointing out your flaws to you. Am I supposed to be ashamed of myself? Because I'M NOT. I'm really glad I don't give a flip about what these people think of me, but wouldn't it be tragic if I did.
Monday, September 09, 2013
We're getting back on track with restricting a bit. Had a pretty intense cheat day yesterday but that's what they're for right? I'm so incredibly proud of my self, I ran 3.1 miles in 45 minutes this morning. I've never run so much in my life, I can't believe I've gotten this far in just a few months of training! I'm going to dominate this 5k run in October!
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