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PMMAXNER's Recent Blog Entries
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Sunday, January 09, 2011
Have you ever put something off for so long that it is just a part of your life? You don't think of it as a problem or a burden and sometimes you are not even aware that it is a weight around your neck? Well I have done that for years with many aspects of my life. Not just my weight. Actually my weight is a side affect of not heading into the north wind of life and always trying to stay in the mild southerly winds. Now you might ask how I figured this out at 53. Well I'm a late bloomer.
I remarried - that's how I figured it out. It's not just getting remarried. It took me six years of saying yes before I actually went through with the marriage. Oh I knew I loved him and I knew he loved me. That didn't mean much though, I was convinced it would be just fine to stay together without marriage, after all my first marriage didn't work, why chance it again? Well I was wrong, so very wrong. Now I understand, that I had been putting off enjoying my life with my husband much the way I put off enjoying my life my whole life.
All of this is very funny if you know me because most of my family think of me as the strong, face the world head on, she can handle everything and anything life throws at her. Guess what, my family and most friends don't know me at all.
It turns out that not wanting to ever hurt anyone's feelings, not wanting to show any sign of weakness, thinking I was the only person who could take care of all the people I love. all while maintaining a full time job to support my family led me to just wandering through life.
NO more, I am so happy being married, a weight was lifted off my shoulders, I did raise my children to take care of themselves, they will be ok if I take some time to enjoy my life.
So, to God be the Glory, to Jesus thank you for being my savior, and to my husband, Pete, thanks for showing me to face the north wind head on and enjoy the smell of life.
I'm ready for my journey.
Friday, December 25, 2009
As I sat crying in my room because my car had died and there seemed no hope of fixing it. i forgot to thank God for all that he had provided for me. Kids, husband, grandkids, a place to live, a job, my sister and mother, and the ability to figure out some way to come up with the money to fix the car. I was so busy feeling sorry for myself that I forgot just how blessed I am.
Then my husband came into my room and said Merry Christmas, God gave us a christmas present - he had asked God to help him with the car and after a few minutes he came up with something to try and it worked. The car is up and running.
While I love doing for others, this morning I forgot what others do for me.
Thanks God for helping me to remember.
To al of my spark family, Merry Christmas or Happy what ever you celebrate.
Always remember that sometimes our best gifts are those we find hidden within ourselves and share with others.
   
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
It is hard to believe that summer will soon be here. I have been busy with work, kids, and grand kids so I had to scale back my sparking. Now I have a new computer and I am looking forward to getting more active with spark again both online and with my exercise.
I have to admit that scaling back has not always been a good thing, I find that the more I am on here the more I stay motivated. The more I am motivated the more I stay on track with a healthy lifestyle.
While I have been checking my weight and watching my food, sometimes I feel the need to return to the more regimented routine. I don't need to go all the way back to day one of sparking but sometimes sliding back to re-enforce habits is a good thing for me. It helps me stay focused and I feel like I get a reward every time I track a food or notate my exercise.
So now that my grand kids are asleep, let my sparking begin.......................
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Have you ever focused so closely on one thing that you totally missed what was really happening? I have been trying so hard to keep up with the everyday things, drinking water, tracking food, and exercise, monitoring my blood sugar, that I didn't see what was really happening. Yes I lost weight, but I didn't notice until today when I was reading a Dibetes article about losing 10% of your weight and much of an affect that can have on DM. Suddenly a light bulb went off ---- I had done that. I had lost 10% of my body weight. Who know????? I hadn't been paying attention to the big picture -- I was so focused on the small details that I almost overlooked a major accomplisment. So here's a big WooHoo for myself --- 10% --- and still going.  
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
Wow, where do I begin. Tragedy struck my family last week when my brother who was 57 suddenly passed away. At least it wasn't expected by any of our family. I am fairly certain that he knew he didn't have long to live based on some of our recent phone calls. He was six years older than me -- I'm the baby of the family. Strange things happen in my family all the time - yep we are that kind of family. He passed away on my mothers 84th birthday - talk about a present she will never forget. My mother is wonderful. She is the most refined, down to earth, gracious woman I have ever known. Hopefully some of that has rubbed off on me.
While I am the youngest of three children, I am also the "rock" in the family. Now sometimes this is a good thing, other times it is not so easy to be a rock. This past week was difficult. I drove my mother, sister, niece, nephew all to FL for the funeral, was the one who got to help with funeral arrangements, phone calls, motel reservations, flowers, etc. I managed to keep my emotions under control most of the time -- or at least until I was hiding in the bathroom. If anyone saw me fall apart, it would snowball into a five day long crying fest.
My brother was loved by so many people, and no one knew he had a bad heart, high cholesterol, and some other medical problems..... all because he didn't let his family know. He didn't want to change his life style. That was his decision and I respect it. I think I'm ok with his decision too for I know he is not in pain, and is in a far nicer place.
However, my decision is to change my lifestyle and I have been doing that. He knew I was diabetic and that I had quit smoking three years ago, that I was trying to exercise and control my cholesterol and he would always smile, laugh and say "you go kid, better you than me".
So with those thoughts and knowing how much my brother loved living, I am back online and will continue my quest for health. I will move forward after this loss, thanks to my Lord God, family, friends, and the desire and will to be who I am both on the outside and the inside.
While in FL I didn't have access to SPARK and I missed logging on each day. While I mourned the loss of my brother, I had to make sure not to lose myself. So I walked every day, I drank my water, and ate my fruits and vegetables and attempted to keep SPARK ALIVE in me every day. I am going back to some basics this next week or so, until I am emotionally ready to charge full strength ahead.
Thanks to God, I didn't sink back into total chaos, for through him all things are possible..................... and I will keep moving forward with my brother still in my heart always.
In honor of my brothers birthday - the 4th of July ---- keep praising the Lord, and remember, he holds you in his right hand. 
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