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PMBOURQUE's Recent Blog Entries

Finally taking a step to invest in myself

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Today I crossed a milestone. I actually invested in myself and bought a gym membership. This might not seem like much to most people, but to me it is big. I have been reviewing this over and over in my mind for the last 60 days. Why? Because of 2 things. First, it all started when I received a card in the mail from the local gym offering free membership sign ups. This is a 200.00 savings at this particular gym. The catch...2 year commitment. Second, the 2 year commitment. This is the third time that I have now signed up at this gym. The first time ended up being a waste of money. I went twice, then paid for the rest of the time and never went back. Fast forward 5 years. Signed up again, and did the full 2 years. Did not lose a pound. Why? I guess I wasn't ready to lose wieght yet. Plus, it is difficult when you don't know what you are doing. Third time, now I am ready to lose this weight. Armed with my iphone for music and sparkpeople app, and sparkcoach, I can go into this with a new frame of mind. The frame of mind that has finally come to the conclusion that I am tired of being where I am today. Tired of being heavy. Ready to change "heavy" to "healthy". So here we go.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CLPURNELL 8/29/2013 9:25PM

    The best investment you can make is one in your self!!!! Congrats!!!!

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BLUENOSE63 8/29/2013 7:30AM

  Wow that is great! Trust me you won't regret it as you seem to be in the correct mindset to make a concentrated effort to meet your goal.

Good job!

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JOMAMA 8/28/2013 7:44PM

    emoticon

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MWWENSIN 8/28/2013 6:55PM

    Just like anything else in life the mind has to be willing before anything else can occur.

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NHES220 8/28/2013 6:27PM

    Good for you for investing in yourself - you are worth it. And you are right, it is about being in the right frame of mind. Exercise alone will not do it. You have to combine it with the right eating plan too. But now you have the gym membership, you have the tools and you have the mindset. Sounds like a formula for success!
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SIRENALEANNE 8/28/2013 5:05PM

    Nice! You can do it! emoticon

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AJB121299 8/28/2013 5:05PM

    enjoy the membership

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Don't know where else to turn, so I am turning to my friends

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Hello to everyone,
I have been on this program for the second time for over a year. In that year, I have gone up and down the first 10 pounds and can not get myself to get it in gear to track, journal, lose etc. I do not know why it is so hard for me to commit to this plan so I can get healthy.

So I am going to be brutally honest here. I have at least 100 - 120 pounds to lose. My back, feet, knees etc are always killing me. I have trouble sleeping because of sleep apnea. My motivation is in the toilet, and my self reflection is about as bad. Positive self talk is NOT happening. It is hard to do this when I ache all over, and yet still can't seem to stop eating things that are not good for me. And my BIGGEST downfall is night time. When my wife goes to bed before I do, as soon as I hear the door close, it is like a bell goes off in my head. "TIME TO EAT". And it does not matter if I have had a great tracking day, or a bad tracking day. All is lost once the frenzy begins.

This type of behavior is going to eventually kill me if I don't do something about it. I am on 3 different medications, and will be on them for ever if I stay the way I am. My cloths are all tight because I REFUSE to buy a bigger size.

Exercise is minimal at best. I started riding my bike again, and because of my weight, it is taking me 2 days to recover after a good ride. Back, butt, arms, legs are all on fire. I try doing the 10 minute workout, and feel like it is doing nothing to help.

So I am asking for your help. I know I need it, and have tried to do this on my own. I am slowly realizing that I can't. I need the help and support of my family and friends. What can I do to stop this downward spiral that I seem to have gotten myself in?

Thank you in advance.

Paul

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PMBOURQUE 3/27/2013 8:53AM

    Thank you both for your comments, and inspiration. Today is a new day, and I will begin to put them to work. I am also going to start sharing my food journal, so if you see any bad signs, please alert me to them, as I am not seeing them myself. Thanks again, and looking forward to the journey together.


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BLUENOSE63 3/27/2013 6:40AM

  Good morning Paul emoticon

Well DRKEYEZ820 pretty much hit it on the nose but here are my tips for you.

After you have cleaned your house of everything that is junk, prepackaged, high in sodium etc. then you need to restock with the good stuff. I find that cold turkey is the only way to get started on the journey.

You need to journal and get whatever is inside feeling wise out.....it isn't about the food as something else is eating you up inside and you need to figure it out. I find journalling very helpful to purge especially when that craving comes on.

Start with a basic plan as I have a feeling you are overwhelmed.

1. Water is key - 64 oz each day without fail
2. Drink water before you eat as it will help to curb but not eliminate hunger
3. Sleep - make sure you get quality sleep and go to bed at the same time each night.

One of the biggest keys to success for weight loss is tracking what you eat but you know that don't you......IF YOU BITE IT, WRITE IT.

Hopefully this is enough to get you on your way! I will be here if you need to vent and I too will be watching you.

Cheryl


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DRKEYEZ820 3/26/2013 2:35PM

    Hi Paul emoticon

Im gonna start off by saying this journey is NOT easy. Last summer I was down 30 lbs, and I gained them back and then some by the end of the summer. I don't know what happened, I couldn't stop eating? Stress? idk. But you are NOT ALONE! Like myself and many more, were there with u, going through the same things.
We know what makes u feel bad, but what makes u feel good? What is in your house that u keep going back to eat? (CLEAN YOUR HOUSE OF EVERYTHING that triggers your over eating)
10 min of exercise, is AWESOME! Its movement, non the less! You will progress with time.
Do you have children? If you do how are they gonna live without their dad?
How will your wife live without u? Or better yet picture her living without u, but with someone else! Shes gonna have to move on, if u die at some point.
What about family, are they obese? father? mother? etc.... have any of them passed, how did it make u feel.
U just said u don't wanna live like this anymore. There has to be a breaking point Paul. And until there is one, u wake up every morning and every night saying the same thing, I AM WORTH IT! I DESEVRE to be HAPPY! I deserve to FIGHT! Eventually your gonna have to, because your brain wont let u do it any other way!
Small steps will get u to where u wanna be, start by tracking. I know u said its hard. If it was easy we'd all be thin. But its the ONLY way to stay ACCOUNTABLE. If you write it down, u look back and u see what u ate, and your gonna say to yourself, wtf did I just put in my body. Im worth more then an F*n cheeseburger dripping is FAT that's now FAT ON MY BODY!
Why not chose to exercise when your wife goes to bed? Try doing 20 situps! its a challenge :) Im CHALLENGING you to do SOME TYPE OF little exercise , it will help burn calories but keep u from putting crap into your body, then after that round of situps etc, a NICE ICE COLD 32 OZ BOTTLE OF WATER! YUP! I dare u! Think of me as your conscience, better yet, im gonna add, u and im gonna hound u EVERY DAY and see where ur at!


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When peace and quiet are really needed, go for a bike ride

Sunday, June 03, 2012

I am a BIG fan of peace and quiet. I love to get up at 5 in the morning to just putz around the house, read email, read blogs on Sparkpeople, etc etc etc.

But today I just needed a little bit more. Because of the rain that we have been having, I have not been able to go on rides like I want to. But today turned out to be a great day, so I suited up, got the bike out and was gone.

Two things happened today on my ride. I got the peace and quiet I was looking for, and I also challenged and beat the fear of the route that I was going to ride.

The route that I took has a climb of over 600 feet, and I thought my legs were going to fall off. Here is a picture of the longest hill I have ever climbed.



When I got to the top of that hill, I felt like I climbed Mount Fuji. But that is ok. Climbing is one of the many challenges of becoming an avid biker. So I have been striving to use this as my way of exercise because it is something that I love to do.

The ride then leveled out, and then came the next hill. Not as long, but definitely steeper. As you can see by the look on my face, I am about to pass out. emoticon



But here is another challenge that I beat.



And the best thing about the whole ride...was the peace and quiet (other than listening to myself panting from exhaustion!).

Here is the map showing my trip and challenges:



Here is my final words:

Peace and quiet - check
Challenges faced and beaten - check
Exercise completed - check
Great frame of mind because of it - check

Have a great day everyone.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPEEDYDOG 6/29/2013 2:39PM

    I have often noticed that a photo of a hill tends not to do the steepness of said hill justice. I also like peace and quiet and tend to get up early. The road looks wonderful!

What brand of bike do you have?

Thanks, Bruce

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PDQ1203 6/4/2012 5:56AM

    emoticon

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GOOFY47 6/3/2012 8:39PM

    Sounds like you had a great day. Hope you have more just like it.

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At that very moment I knew....and still did nothing

Thursday, May 10, 2012

I am not sure how many of you who are reading this can relate, but for me it was a pivotal moment when I knew I was getting too heavy. For years, as a guy, as I got heavier and heavier, I would just suck the gut in a little bit more each time I looked at myself in the mirror.

Until one day.

Until that one moment...

As I was standing there, I could literally feel my belly bulge let go. It was like my muscles were finally saying enough! And then the REAL belly was there. The "phony" belly was gone, and the "real" belly was prominent. And to me, it was my fathers belly.

Growing up as a kid, I always struggled with weight until later years of high school. My Mom, Dad and I went to Weight Watchers in my sophomore year of high school. I dropped all of the "baby fat", and pretty much kept it off throughout the rest of high school and 9 years in the Navy. When I got out, and those weight requirements were no longer an issue, it started to creep up. So I went back to weight watchers, and lost it again. And as I got to my goal weight, I thought "Hey, I can do this on my own.". Well guess what? I can't. The weight came back, and 40 pounds more.

But it was that one moment standing there when I FELT my stomach sink lower in to bulge, that I thought. "Oh my God, how could I have let myself get this big?" And yet I did nothing. That was 25 pounds ago. Now, it is such a struggle. It is such a struggle to get my head back in the game. I went to WW about 8 more times, no success. I came here in 2007, left and am now back since Nov 2011. But, have not lost 1 pound yet.

I guess you can say I am succeeding because I have stopped the gaining. That is a plus. But I am not losing either. That is a problem for me.

Am I exercising like I should? No. Why? Too tired most nights, and am going to school to get my degree. Study time takes a major chunk out of my at home time.

But I am here. I am still leveled out. And I am looking for help to get the weight loss started. No more ups, only downs. Weight wise that is.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TMCLEOD4 5/11/2012 9:08AM

    I can relate to most everything you're saying.

Up until October, I was working a 9 hour shift with a 3 hour a day bus ride. I had to get up at 3:45am and got home at 4:45pm. I was constantly exhausted but I wanted to start working on losing weight. So, I promised myself 30 mins of cardio a day and 30 mins of ST 3 days a week. I broke the cardio up into 10 min pieces, if I needed to. I would walk at lunch or for 10 mins before the bus got there. On the weekdays, that I did ST, I didn't do anything else. I came home, ate a fast dinner (something I batch cooked over the previous weekend), did any cardio I had left for the day and then did the ST. By that time, it was time to shower and go to bed. I worked hard on cardio and ST every weekend.

Luckily, I got a job closer to home and my schedule loosened up. But, my point is you CAN do it. Start with 10 mins a day. 10 mins of intense cardio can burn 100 calories. That's 500 calories over the work week. You can try for more on the weekends.

By the way, congrats on maintaining!! That's a huge first step!

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CROWLEY123 5/11/2012 7:07AM

    So many of us here, including me, can relate to every word you say here. It sounds like you know what to do, and even how to do it, but choosing to take the time to pay attention, is the hard part for you (and lots of others) You can do this, you have the skills, and you even have the time. You just have to make it a priority. Start small, work your way up (or down)! The 10-minutes a Day Exercise Challenge is an excellent place to begin.

Good luck.

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PMBOURQUE 5/10/2012 1:24PM

    Thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it.

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ODINRMC 5/10/2012 11:44AM

    I had that moment. I played college ball and they FORCE you to pack on the lbs the muscle and just get strong. I went to graduate school, kept eating the way I did when I played football, kept working out, but wasn't getting the cardio. Finished grad school and a year later I was just under 300 lbs. It was when i put 290 into the weight on the elliptical that i was like...whao...what? I completely get your feelings. I got a small idea toward success. In grad school when I had to study or whatever, I used to take my notes to the gym, get on a stationary bike and start reading. It kills two birds with one stone. MY other advise, force yourself to go to gym. Once you're there you will do what you've been trained to do, its the getting there that's the hard part. Best of luck today, best of luck tomorrow, and keep on trucking. Good Hunting

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NANA2THREEGIRLS 5/10/2012 9:34AM

    I'm not losing right now either despite the fact that I'm measuring/tracking everything I put in my mouth and exercising regularly. I won't quit though. I am still stronger and healthier than before. Good luck on findig your mojo!

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Hi, I'm Paul and I'm fat!

Thursday, February 16, 2012

Have you ever had the days where you wanted to just get up in front of a crowd of people, or outside in a yard or park, and just yell it out? Let me tell you. It is purifying. It is invigorating. Why on earth would I say that? Because for me, it is just making reality known. I have been this size for over 10 years now, and every time I look in the mirror, I think that some strange fat eating genie has come to take it all away, and I will back at my high school weight again. WRONG. Doesn't happen. Do I wish it could happen? Sure, who wouldn't. But I am a very realistic person, and I accept things as they are.

But you know what I can't wait for? When I can stand in the same place and call out: "Hi I'm Paul and I'm NOT fat any longer!" THAT is what I can't wait for. But until then, I have to remember to love myself for who I am, and to stop messing with my own head. Self destruction is a powerful thing, and to combat it, we must all stay positive in our journey back to health.

So, in closing, I'm Paul and I'm fat. But not for much longer.

Blessings to all.

Paul

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRFUZZ 6/3/2012 8:46PM

    I love the name of your blog! So many of us could be getting up and saying the same thing. Now that I have lost abit, I feel just how fat Fuzz is. He could get up and say, " my name is mr fuzz, and I am obese. Mom let me have too many treats. She thought she was being nice, but it turns out she wasn't.". I lost more than he weighs, and he feels heavy. Wish I hadn't been so " nice" to him. emoticon

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LESLIESENIOR 2/16/2012 10:42PM

    Powerful Paul. As a recovering Alcoholic, I "shout" it every day at meetings for the last 10 years. It is healing to admit and accept the truth and then get into ACTION. Good for you!!!!!!! I, for one, am behind you!!!!!
Leslie

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FREDANN 2/16/2012 9:54PM

    So you mean it's not only me then?! I'm not the only one who is surprised to find I am still fat each time I look in the mirror??? In my case it's not a genie but rather a fat eating fairy godmother who, as it turns out, never came to take it all away!!!

Well okay then, here I go:

Hi! I'm Fredann (aka Jacinthe) and I'm fat!!

P.S. Thanks for the eye opener Paul!!
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DETERMINED_SOUL 2/16/2012 7:34PM

    You can do it! Yes, I have had those days.

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IWILLCHANGE4ME 2/16/2012 7:18PM

    I love the title of your blog- made me giggle! Best of luck with your journey....it has a lot more then 12 steps!! :)

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TWOOFSWORDS 2/16/2012 5:24PM

    I titled my first blog, Hello My name is Lindsay an I am obese! I enjoyed reading. Looks like we are both ready for change, good luck to you!

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