Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Today I crossed a milestone. I actually invested in myself and bought a gym membership. This might not seem like much to most people, but to me it is big. I have been reviewing this over and over in my mind for the last 60 days. Why? Because of 2 things. First, it all started when I received a card in the mail from the local gym offering free membership sign ups. This is a 200.00 savings at this particular gym. The catch...2 year commitment. Second, the 2 year commitment. This is the third time that I have now signed up at this gym. The first time ended up being a waste of money. I went twice, then paid for the rest of the time and never went back. Fast forward 5 years. Signed up again, and did the full 2 years. Did not lose a pound. Why? I guess I wasn't ready to lose wieght yet. Plus, it is difficult when you don't know what you are doing. Third time, now I am ready to lose this weight. Armed with my iphone for music and sparkpeople app, and sparkcoach, I can go into this with a new frame of mind. The frame of mind that has finally come to the conclusion that I am tired of being where I am today. Tired of being heavy. Ready to change "heavy" to "healthy". So here we go.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Hello to everyone,
I have been on this program for the second time for over a year. In that year, I have gone up and down the first 10 pounds and can not get myself to get it in gear to track, journal, lose etc. I do not know why it is so hard for me to commit to this plan so I can get healthy.
So I am going to be brutally honest here. I have at least 100 - 120 pounds to lose. My back, feet, knees etc are always killing me. I have trouble sleeping because of sleep apnea. My motivation is in the toilet, and my self reflection is about as bad. Positive self talk is NOT happening. It is hard to do this when I ache all over, and yet still can't seem to stop eating things that are not good for me. And my BIGGEST downfall is night time. When my wife goes to bed before I do, as soon as I hear the door close, it is like a bell goes off in my head. "TIME TO EAT". And it does not matter if I have had a great tracking day, or a bad tracking day. All is lost once the frenzy begins.
This type of behavior is going to eventually kill me if I don't do something about it. I am on 3 different medications, and will be on them for ever if I stay the way I am. My cloths are all tight because I REFUSE to buy a bigger size.
Exercise is minimal at best. I started riding my bike again, and because of my weight, it is taking me 2 days to recover after a good ride. Back, butt, arms, legs are all on fire. I try doing the 10 minute workout, and feel like it is doing nothing to help.
So I am asking for your help. I know I need it, and have tried to do this on my own. I am slowly realizing that I can't. I need the help and support of my family and friends. What can I do to stop this downward spiral that I seem to have gotten myself in?
Thank you in advance.
Sunday, June 03, 2012
I am a BIG fan of peace and quiet. I love to get up at 5 in the morning to just putz around the house, read email, read blogs on Sparkpeople, etc etc etc.
But today I just needed a little bit more. Because of the rain that we have been having, I have not been able to go on rides like I want to. But today turned out to be a great day, so I suited up, got the bike out and was gone.
Two things happened today on my ride. I got the peace and quiet I was looking for, and I also challenged and beat the fear of the route that I was going to ride.
The route that I took has a climb of over 600 feet, and I thought my legs were going to fall off. Here is a picture of the longest hill I have ever climbed.
When I got to the top of that hill, I felt like I climbed Mount Fuji. But that is ok. Climbing is one of the many challenges of becoming an avid biker. So I have been striving to use this as my way of exercise because it is something that I love to do.
The ride then leveled out, and then came the next hill. Not as long, but definitely steeper. As you can see by the look on my face, I am about to pass out.
But here is another challenge that I beat.
And the best thing about the whole ride...was the peace and quiet (other than listening to myself panting from exhaustion!).
Here is the map showing my trip and challenges:
Here is my final words:
Peace and quiet - check
Challenges faced and beaten - check
Exercise completed - check
Great frame of mind because of it - check
Have a great day everyone.
Thursday, May 10, 2012
I am not sure how many of you who are reading this can relate, but for me it was a pivotal moment when I knew I was getting too heavy. For years, as a guy, as I got heavier and heavier, I would just suck the gut in a little bit more each time I looked at myself in the mirror.
Until one day.
Until that one moment...
As I was standing there, I could literally feel my belly bulge let go. It was like my muscles were finally saying enough! And then the REAL belly was there. The "phony" belly was gone, and the "real" belly was prominent. And to me, it was my fathers belly.
Growing up as a kid, I always struggled with weight until later years of high school. My Mom, Dad and I went to Weight Watchers in my sophomore year of high school. I dropped all of the "baby fat", and pretty much kept it off throughout the rest of high school and 9 years in the Navy. When I got out, and those weight requirements were no longer an issue, it started to creep up. So I went back to weight watchers, and lost it again. And as I got to my goal weight, I thought "Hey, I can do this on my own.". Well guess what? I can't. The weight came back, and 40 pounds more.
But it was that one moment standing there when I FELT my stomach sink lower in to bulge, that I thought. "Oh my God, how could I have let myself get this big?" And yet I did nothing. That was 25 pounds ago. Now, it is such a struggle. It is such a struggle to get my head back in the game. I went to WW about 8 more times, no success. I came here in 2007, left and am now back since Nov 2011. But, have not lost 1 pound yet.
I guess you can say I am succeeding because I have stopped the gaining. That is a plus. But I am not losing either. That is a problem for me.
Am I exercising like I should? No. Why? Too tired most nights, and am going to school to get my degree. Study time takes a major chunk out of my at home time.
But I am here. I am still leveled out. And I am looking for help to get the weight loss started. No more ups, only downs. Weight wise that is.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
Have you ever had the days where you wanted to just get up in front of a crowd of people, or outside in a yard or park, and just yell it out? Let me tell you. It is purifying. It is invigorating. Why on earth would I say that? Because for me, it is just making reality known. I have been this size for over 10 years now, and every time I look in the mirror, I think that some strange fat eating genie has come to take it all away, and I will back at my high school weight again. WRONG. Doesn't happen. Do I wish it could happen? Sure, who wouldn't. But I am a very realistic person, and I accept things as they are.
But you know what I can't wait for? When I can stand in the same place and call out: "Hi I'm Paul and I'm NOT fat any longer!" THAT is what I can't wait for. But until then, I have to remember to love myself for who I am, and to stop messing with my own head. Self destruction is a powerful thing, and to combat it, we must all stay positive in our journey back to health.
So, in closing, I'm Paul and I'm fat. But not for much longer.
Blessings to all.
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