Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
(Never fails to make me laugh no matter how many times I see it!!)
"The older I get the better I used to be!"
— Lee Trevino
Never stand between a dog and the hydrant.
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.