If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.
~ Thomas Watson
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
~ Noelie Alito
(I have no idea who this is but they obviously live in LA close to the 405!)
The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up.
~ Mark Twain
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
~ Erma Bombeck
Just remember, once you're over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
~ Charles Schulz