"User, n. The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot.""
"What the world really needs is more love and less paper work."
"There is always death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year."
"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"
"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize: Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow learner."