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Friday's Quote (Funny)

Friday, November 23, 2012

A smile to share over the long Thanksgiving weekend..Enjoy!!

Dear Family & Friends,

I know that you were eager to accept our family's invitation to Thanksgiving dinner when you found out that the famous Martha Stewart would be joining us. However, due to scheduling conflicts beyond her control, Ms. Stewart finds that she is unable to grace our table this year. With that in mind, there will be a few minor changes regarding the meal and decor, as outlined below. Please be aware of them, and adjust your appetite and dress appropriately.

Thank you

1) Our driveway will not be lined with homemade, paper bag luminaries. After several trial runs and two visits from the fire department, it was decided that, no matter how cleverly done, rows of flaming lunch sacks do not have the desired welcoming effect.

2) Once inside, please note that the entry space will not be decorated with swags of Indian corn and fall foliage. Instead, we included our dog in decorating by having him track in colorful autumn leaves from the back yard. The mud was his idea.

3) The dining table will not be covered with expensive linens, fancy china, or crystal goblets. If possible, we will use dishes that match and everyone will get a fork. Since this is Thanksgiving, we will refrain from using the paper SpongeBob dinner plates, the leftover Halloween napkins, and our plastic cup collection.

4) Our centerpiece will not be a tower of fresh fruit and flowers. Instead we will be proudly displaying a hedgehog-like decoration hand-crafted from the finest construction paper and pine cones. The artist assures me it is a turkey, albeit one without wings, legs, or a beak.

5) We will be dining somewhat later than planned. However, our daughter will entertain you while you wait. I'm sure she will be happy to share every choice comment her mother made regarding Thanksgiving, pilgrims, stuffing choices, the turkey hotline, and, especially, her husband. Please remember that most of these comments were made at 7:00AM upon discovering that said husband had only remembered to pull the turkey from the freezer at 6:00 AM, and that the thing was still hard enough to cut diamonds.

6) As an accompaniment to our daughter's recital of these events, I will play a recording of Native American tribal drumming. Curiously, the tribal drumming sounds a great deal like a frozen turkey in a clothes dryer, but that only enhances the holiday appropriateness. If our daughter should mention that we don't own a recording of Native American tribal drumming, ignore her. She's only nine; what does she know?

7) A dainty silver bell will not be rung to announce the start of our feast. We have chosen to keep our traditional method of assembling when the smoke alarm goes off.

8) There will be no formal seating arrangement. When the smoke alarm sounds, please gather around the table and sit where you like. In the spirit of harmony, we will ask all the children to sit at a separate table. In a separate room. Next door. And I would like to take this opportunity to remind our younger diners that "passing the rolls" is neither a football play nor an excuse to bean your cousin in the head with bread.

9) The turkey will not be carved at the table. I know you have seen the Norman Rockwell image of one person carving a turkey in front of a crowd of appreciative onlookers. Such a scene may occur somewhere in America , but it won't be happening at our dinner table. For safety reasons, the turkey will be carved in the kitchen at a private ceremony. I stress "private", meaning Do not, under any circumstances, enter the kitchen to laugh at me. Do not send small, unsuspecting children, or older, helpful grandparents into the kitchen to check on my progress. I have a very large, very sharp knife. The turkey is unarmed. It stands to reason that I will eventually win the battle. When I do, we will eat.

10) For the duration of the meal, we will refer to the gravy by its lesser-known name: Kraft Cheese Sauce. If a young diner questions you
regarding the origins or makeup of the Kraft Cheese Sauce, smile kindly and say that you know the answer, but it's a secret that can't be revealed to them until they are 18.

11) Instead of offering a choice among 12 different scrumptious desserts, we will be serving the traditional pumpkin pie, garnished with whipped cream and dog tongue marks. You still have a choice: take it or leave it.

That concludes our list of alterations. Again, I apologize that Martha will not be joining us this year. Come to think of it, she probably won't come next year, either.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BRENDA_G50 11/24/2012 12:17PM

    That was so funny...I'm still laughing about it. emoticon

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NANCYRUBIO 11/23/2012 11:39PM

    Love it~~~~~

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MERRYMARY42 11/23/2012 9:13PM

    emoticon great

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MSGRANNYMAE 11/23/2012 6:49PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Thursday's Quote

Thursday, November 22, 2012

On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment - halftime. ~Author Unknown

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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. ~Erma Bombeck

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BILL60 11/23/2012 9:18AM

    And a happy one to all!!

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NANCYRUBIO 11/23/2012 7:16AM

    Erma always says it right. Must admt yesterdays game kept me hopping up and down. I know I was wrong!

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MSGRANNYMAE 11/22/2012 8:48PM

    MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY,
MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP.
MAY YOUR POTATOES 'N GRAVY HAVE NARY A LUMP.
MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS.
MAY YOUR PIES TAKE THE PRIZE,
MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO YOUl
emoticon

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BLUE42DOWN 11/22/2012 6:37PM

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Wednesday's Quote

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics. ~Author Unknown

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RORYLYONS 11/22/2012 1:01AM

    emoticon emoticon

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GAYLE-G-63 11/21/2012 11:43PM

    emoticon emoticon

I used to day a man that said something similar!!!

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MSGRANNYMAE 11/21/2012 2:13PM

    emoticon

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MJRVIC2000 11/21/2012 9:23AM

    Sin will take you farther than you want to go, keep you longer than you want to stay, and cost you more than you want to pay! God Bless YOU! Have a blessed THANKSGIVING! Vic.

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NANCYRUBIO 11/21/2012 9:03AM

    Been there~~~Kept my mouth shut!

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Tuesday'a Quote

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

How is it that one match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box of matches to start a campfire? ~Christy Whitehead

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSGRANNYMAE 11/20/2012 9:41PM

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GAYLE-G-63 11/20/2012 9:48AM

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NANCYRUBIO 11/20/2012 8:58AM

    Or light a candle in a jar.

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CAT609 11/20/2012 8:54AM

    Too true!

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RIDLEYRIDER 11/20/2012 8:27AM

  It's a mystery of life......... emoticon

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Monday's Quote

Monday, November 19, 2012

It's always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse does the work and the coachman is tipped.
~~Author Unknown

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MSGRANNYMAE 11/19/2012 7:48PM

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NYKIMMIE 11/19/2012 5:52PM

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GAYLE-G-63 11/19/2012 3:28PM

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DLDROST 11/19/2012 8:18AM

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