Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Every woman should marry an archaeologist because she grows increasingly attractive to him as she grows increasingly to resemble a ruin.
"To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer."
-- Farmers' Almanac
"I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'"
-- Jay Leno
The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf - it's almost a law.
--Herbert George Wells