"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button."
Never trust a thin chef.
I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
"My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head."
-- Rita Rudner
"The shortest distance between two points is under construction."
-- Noelie Altito