Monday, June 27, 2011
I desperately want to be thin. I want to have my cheek bones show, and my collar bones show through tank tops, and strapless outfits. I want to not desire food. I want to be the type of person who forgets to eat, because it is a small annoyance that I have to deal with, rather than constantly thinking of food and what I "can" eat today...and at my next meal...
I want this weight to come off faster. I want to stop giving myself pep talks and boosting my morale. I want to be able to run a 10 minute mile and not want to die, or be able to speak while doing so.
I want to be healthy and not have to constantly THINK about what I'm eating. I want to just be - without tracking, without counting calories - just be.
I know it all and I've said it all - It's a journey. It's a lifestyle, not a temporary fix. It takes time and energy, but it will all pay off in the end. sometimes the journey will have long uphill battles, and sometimes there will be fast downhill speeding - but I will get to my destination. counting calories and keeping track keeps me on track. blah blah blah. I know it all. But, just for a moment...for a day...I want to have it all without all the work. Without the time. Without the energy.
I want to be thin.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
I love my friends. I love working with my friends. I love accomplishing my goals. I love having a friend who I can work out with and share food woes and frustrations about my weight loss journey.
I don't like when my friend, who is eating cupcakes/desserts on a regular basis, not watching her diet, skipping meals, and not tracking what she eats, or sticking with any sort of "diet plan", has somehow managed to lose 10 pounds after a week on her "plan".
And, after another week on her "plan", or lack thereof, she managed to lose another 1.3 pounds...and then 2 weeks later...another 2 pounds. WTF?!!!!!!!
I am tracking and keeping track of EVERYTHING I put in my mouth. I have increased my exercise from ZERO to running 3x/week, and training for a half marathon. I am ensuring I drink 8 glasses of water a day (at least). I am ensuring my meals are healthy and balanced.
And yes, I have made lots of progress! My progress has been AWESOME! I'm down almost 10 pounds after a month or so. I am a ROCK STAR!
I don't mean to diminish my progress by comparing it to and discussing it in regards to my friend's.
BUT - SERIOUSLY?! She's about 10-15 pounds heavier than I am, and she's working out the same amount I am (we're work-out buddies - both training for a half marathon). Why is her progress so much greater than mine?! :(
And how do I work on feeling positive and happy for her progress when I'm feeling jealous?
Why can't I just be happy with my journey and my progress? Instead I feel like I'm not working hard enough...and I'm jealous that I am eating "appropriately" and not losing weight as quickly as she is...on her "cupcake" diet. GRRR.
This journey is so difficult.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Starting weight: 192
GOAL1 = -5 pounds; Accomplished 06.13.11
GOAL 2 = -10 pounds; REWARD = MASSAGE; Accomplished 06.27.11
GOAL 3 = -15 pounds; REWARD = SPA DAY (to come shortly); Accomplished 08.03.11
3 goals down, 10 more to go!
GOAL 4 = -19.20 pounds (10% loss); REWARD = New shoes!
GOAL 5 = -20 pounds; REWARD = New household item
GOAL 6 = -25 pounds; REWARD = another SPA DAY!
GOAL 7 = -30 pounds; REWARD = another pair of shoes!
GOAL 8 = -35 pounds; REWARD = pedicure
GOAL 9 = -38.04 pounds (20% loss); REWARD = manicure
GOAL 10 = -40 pounds; REWARD = massage
GOAL 11 = -50 pounds; REWARD = new purse and new shoes
GOAL 12 = -60 pounds; REWARD = new household item
GOAL 13 = -67 pounds (GOAL WEIGHT); REWARD = $500 shopping spree for new clothes!
Monday, June 02, 2008
I ran 5 miles this morning. FIVE MILES! I am SO proud of myself I could just burst.
I was supposed to complete the 5 mile run on Saturday. However, life got in the way of my TNT meeting and I had to postpone it. I was planning on going yesterday (Sunday), but lacked motivation. I started to feel really bad about myself (because I missed a TNT event and could not motivate myself to go yesterday). So, I called a buddy up and asked if she'd be willing to go with me this morning. She, reluctantly, agreed.
This morning when the alarm went off, I thought "oh geez, I don't think I can do this." I knew it was going to be really hard and I started wondering if I was capable of increasing my mileage by one mile in just a week. Then I started to doubt my whole "running a marathon" thought process and doubting my capabilities.
I told myself that it was Ok if I had to stop and walk and could not jog the whole way. There was nothing wrong with that - as long as I kept moving. When that didn't help my motivation, I told myself that all I had to do was get out there and start. At some point, I'd have to make it back home, which would force me to keep going until I was done. That helped a little.
So, my buddy arrived and we set off this morning. She's much faster than I am, so she's always ahead of me. Which is fine with me.
The first few minutes were rough. But I kept pushing. I'd have a few seconds of "this is not so bad", and then "what the hell was I thinking?". Around mile 3 or so my feet started killing me. My toes on both feet went numb and my hips started aching. I pushed through it.
Around mile 4, I started to see the end. I was so happy that I was almost done - and not only that - but that I was ABLE to "run" the whole 5 miles (although i wasn't done yet)! I could have skipped the rest of the way (ok, not really, but I was really happy with myself!).
The last 1/2 mile was the roughest. I knew the end was near, but the closer I got, the further away it felt. That was really frustrating. I also started to feel like I wasn't going to be able to push myself to keep going, even though I could see the end.
But - voila - in my awesomeness and my fabulous capabilities, I was able to finish my first FIVE miler! EVER! I AM SO PROUD OF ME!
YAY ME! I TOTALLY ROCK!
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