PLYNSN316   25,823
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Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Ok - this is incredibly terrifying...but we all have to start somewhere, right....

Here are my before photos:

Ok...the really funny thing about these pictures is about 2 hours before I took these, I was walking to the waterfront in our downtown area to go for a 60 minute walk with a friend when a potentially homeless, potentially drug-addicted young man approached med and said: "Damn girl! You lookin' fine! Ain't no need to exercise. You look good just as you are! Don't even worry about it!"

The universe sent me a wonderfully sweet and loving message in this young man. He didn't know I was going to take "before" photos that day, and he didn't know me from Adam. But, his message keeps playing over and over again in my head. And I'm going to keep playing it - even though I do NOT like the way I look in these photos. Even though my older brother called me "chunky". Even though I sometimes don't feel that I should leave the house and burden society with my appearance. Even though I don't feel worthy of sunshine. I will play this message and I will repeat it - until it becomes truth for me.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAPPYKITTYNZ 10/1/2012 5:53PM

    Your before photos would be my after photos hahahah
x X xx X
Do what makes you happy honey :D

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ALNEAGLE 9/26/2012 8:57AM

    emoticon just emoticon


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KAREN_NY 9/21/2012 12:25PM

    Cruising and catching up on blogs, I saw your brother's remark (and totally related - my mom rejoices in my weight gain or bad hair or whatever) -- So glad that the week has gotten better for you! Perspective is everything!

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LEFTHANDLUKE 9/21/2012 6:12AM

    great story,keep up the attitude emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NEWHEARTSTART 9/19/2012 10:26AM

    Be kind to yourself and give yourself the same love and respect you would give any of your friends.

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FUTUREHOPE49 9/19/2012 5:49AM

    You look absolutely beautiful and very fit! I think you are doing all the right things. emoticon putting yourself down.
You are a beautiful woman. Just keep exercising and the new you will slowly take shape. It takes time, don't rush it! It happens naturally!
Hugs Ellen emoticon

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RUFFIT 9/18/2012 5:33PM

    Go in front of your mirror and say "I am a beautiful woman and I love myself". Post that on the mirror and say it daily. In time you will LOVE yourself!! Hugs, Moni emoticon

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RUNNER12COM 9/18/2012 5:20PM

    We all start where we are, right? It's where we are going that matters!

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KOFFEENUT 9/18/2012 3:09PM

    The stranger at the waterfront is right - you DO look fine! The woman you are shines right out of you! I understand you want to make some improvements to the "package" that will make you healthier and help you be around longer. That's a worthy goal. But regardless of what the package looks like, it will still hold an extraordinary woman!

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FUSCHIA6 9/18/2012 1:32AM

    emoticon emoticon
You are beautiful! Be the best you can be & enjoy the journey!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JUSTRY2 9/18/2012 12:39AM

    Well, let me just add, "D@m! Girl, way to post those photos!" I was pretty proud of myself for actually taking some before photos last week...They don't seem to have made it to print just yet :D Way to go! You do look great, and I wish you well on your journey, both to your "After" pics, and to feeling deeply beautiful in "whatever skin you're in"


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Goals and Results - Week 1

Monday, September 17, 2012

Week 1: 09.12.12-09.18.12

I am on a 12 week journey to jump start my weight loss and lose 12 pesky pounds. This journey is also to help me:
1) improve my running pace;
2) feel better about myself;
3) find inner peace when in turbulent waters; and
4) make my heart and soul healthy (among other things....)

So, goals for the week:

1) Stick to nutrition plan 90% of the time;
2) Drink 2L water/day;
3) Run at least 3 days/week, and walk at least 2 days/week;
4) Run a 2 miler (9/17)
5) Eat at least 2 fruits and 3 veggies/day

Here is where I am with my results (granted, I still have another day - after today for week 1):
1) Ummm...not so much in the 90% range. So, I'm going to break it down by day:
Wednesday - achieved!
Thursday - achieved!
Friday - 60%
Saturday - 20%
Sunday - 20%
Monday - achieved!
Tuesday - achieved!

2) Wednesday - achieved!
Thursday - achieved!
Friday - achieved!
Saturday - missed
Sunday - missed
Monday - achieved!
Tuesday - achieved!

3)Wednesday - ran 25 minutes with 5 minute warm up/5 min cool down
Thursday - walked 60 minutes
Friday - ran 20 minutes with 5 min warm up and 5 min cool down
Saturday - off
Sunday - off
Monday - ran 2 miles!

4) ACHIEVED! AND, I am pretty proud of my time:
mile 1 - 12:51
mile 2 - 13:47

I pushed it REALLY hard on mile 1...and then paid for it on mile 2...I had to slow WAY down. BUT, at least I know what I can strive for. Hoping that my 2 miler on Wednesday has similar results. :)

5)Wednesday - achieved!
Thursday - achieved!
Friday - achieved!
Saturday - 1 fruit; 1 veggie;
Sunday - no fruits/veggies
Monday - achieved!
Tuesday - achieved!


I'm going to post my "before" photos later this evening...just had to post these results to basically show myself all I have accomplished and where I can improve. :)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FUTUREHOPE49 9/19/2012 6:21PM

    emoticon Well done!

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CAROL494 9/17/2012 9:37PM

  Congratulations on your accomplishments! emoticon emoticon

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stupid facebook stupid photo tagging stupid brother

Monday, September 17, 2012

I was at a BBQ on Saturday. Photos were taken. The photos of me are not very flattering.

I look like a whale. I realize this is because I am fat. And I have a lot of weight to lose.

But, I resisted removing the tag that the host had of me in the photo. I figured - yes, I'm not attractive in this photo, and I look like a whale, but it is what it is - and no one cares.

And then my older brother posted: "Why are all my sisters chunky?" on the photo comments.

And that pretty much did it for me.

I removed the tag of me and deleted his comment.

And now I feel very down. I know I have a lot of weight to lose. I know that a few weeks of eating well and exercising is not going to undo years of bad habits and that I have a long way to go in this weight loss journey.

But, I really do not need to be reminded that I am "chunky". Or fat. Or whatever you want to call me. I am very much aware. Believe me. 100% aware. More aware than you will ever realize.

Why is it every time I start to feel positive about myself and this journey, I let something stupid like a photo at a BBQ completely destroy my resolve and my motivation?

i want to crawl into a hole. and cry.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEACHFIRST268 9/20/2012 7:01PM

    Why? Because your brother is being a jerk! (lol! I have one of those, too!) DO NOT let it get the better of you. He has likely been doing that for years. Take back the power - don't let it get under your skin - instead, feel sympathy for him because he's not as AWESOME, kind, compassionate, empathetic, (continue the list of adjectives that describe YOU!) as you are...He never will be, either.

Though this whole being over weight thing is hard, the weight loss thing is hard, maintaining is hard (which I haven't seen your page, just stumbled on your blog - but your profile pict. is ADORABLE - and you look great!) - though these experiences are difficult, they contribute to who we are. Going through them and working to improve yourself makes you such a strong person. Because of your experiences and challenges, you have wisdom, compassion, empathy, and strength that he'll likely never understand.

YOU GO GIRL! Don't let a punk brother and an unflattering photo get you down. Keep on going!!!!

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FUTUREHOPE49 9/19/2012 5:47PM

    You get people who just like to sabotage everything you do right! Take no notice!
You have a beautiful face and body! You are beautiful and you CAN do this!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JOYFULSPIRIT920 9/19/2012 9:03AM

    Don't let his rude, insensitive comment get you off track.
If one of my brothers posted something like that, I'd of responded with something like, 'Why is my brother a jackhole'.
BUT... that's because as siblings we've picked at each other and yes, sometimes we hit a nerve.
Take that hurt and don't use it as an excuse to give into old habits, instead, use it as inspiration... think, well, just wait till next year's bbq pics. My brother will be posting, 'how'd I get so lucky to have such a beautiful, healthy sister?'

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STARLIGHT615 9/18/2012 5:43PM

    I am so sorry about the comment ur brother made that was totally rude!!! Stay positive and just make the comments fuel to the fire!!!

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JENN03275 9/18/2012 5:37PM

    That was very rude of your brother!! You will do this.

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RUNNER12COM 9/18/2012 5:24PM

    Sounds to me like your brother is a jackass. And you're right, you don't need his opinion.

YOU know that you can do this. Don't let anything stand in your way.

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CHOCOHOLIC2276 9/17/2012 9:13PM

    Sorry about your brother's comments but remember where it's coming from. Your brother. They are merciless an get a kick of messing with their siblings. Let it go and think- so he said something dumb and made you feel bad. You are doing something about it. Getting healthy. I don't think he meant to hurt you but take advantage of how it made you feel.Use this as fuel to get you there.


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NERAUS 9/17/2012 8:15PM

    Brothers you can't live with them and legally you can't have them taken away. LOL!!!! Try talking to him but if that doesn't work talk to yourself. You are a person who has started a journey that will not be a straight path. There will be detours and loop to loops and lots of roads blocks. But working through all of that will leave you feeling energized and empowered. Remember my motto "beating yourself up does not count as cardio." Hang in there you can do this.

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NANCYRUBIO 9/17/2012 8:06PM

    Brothers tease us all the time. It doesn't mean they don't care, it just means they are insensitive men. Sit him down and talk to him. Telling how much he hurt you, see how he responses.

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MLH148 9/17/2012 8:06PM

    Sorrynabout all this. I don't have a great answer but I can repeat what younalready know. You are worthwhile. People don't think. Don't let others determine how you feel. emoticon

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12 Week Goals...

Friday, September 14, 2012

12-week plan

In order to make any changes, health-wise, I need to focus on two main areas:
1) Nutrition and 2) Fitness

So, my nutrition goals are as follows:

1 – Stick to my SP assigned calorie range, with a preference for the 1200-1300 range, 90% of the time;
2 – Consume at least 2 L of water a day; and
3 – Eat at least 2 fruits and 3 veggies/day

My fitness goals are as follows:

1 – Run at least 3 times a week;
2 – Walk at least 2 times a week;
3 – Add strength training at least 2 times a week;
4 – Improve my 5K and 10K times;

To meet my nutrition goals I will be doing the following:

1 – Meal planning on a weekly basis to ensure that my nutritional goals are met;
2 – Filling my 1.5 L water bottle as soon as I get to work and trying to drink it before lunch; and then refilling;
3 – Allow myself 3 meals (snacks or full meals) off plan to ensure that I don’t end up “bingeing”

To meet my fitness goals I will be doing the following:

1 – Packing my work out gear every day for a lunch time or after work workout;
2 – Picking fun strength training activities so it won’t feel like a “chore”;
3 – Since I have only recently returned to running, and two of my goals are to improve my 5K & 10K times – I will need to work up to running a 5K (duh!) and increase to 10K, slowly. Will attempt to follow the below schedule:
a. 9/17-9/21 – Run at least 2 miles, 3X/week
b. 9/24-9/28 – Increase mileage by 1 mile, 3X/week (total of 3 miles/day);
c. 10/1-10/5 – Run 5K three times – paying attention to timing;
d. 10/8-10/12 – Increase mileage by 1 mile, 3x/week (total of 4 miles/day);
e. 10/15-10/19 – Run 4 miles/day x3 – paying attention to timing;
f. 10/22-10/26 – VACATION (in Costa Rica) – will attempt to run M & T (4.5 miles/day);
g. 10/29-11/2 – Run 4 miles/day x3 – paying attention to timing;
h. 11/2-11/6 – Increase mileage by 1 mile, 3x/week (total of 5 miles/day);
i. 11/9-11/13 – run 5 miles/day x3 – paying attention to timing;
j. 11/16-11/20 – Increase mileage by 1 mile, 3x/week (total of 6 miles/day);
k. 11/23-11/27 – Run 6 miles/day x3 – paying attention to timing;
l. 11/30-12/4 – Run 10K/day x3

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding in Costa Rica in October. I am allowing myself to deviate from my plan while in Costa Rica, and will not be disappointed, or surprised, when my weight increases upon my return.

I will be gentle with myself and allow myself flexibility. Goals are wonderful markers to strive for – but meeting them, or not meeting them, does not make or break me as a person. If I falter, the wonderful thing about life is that I am blessed to be given another chance to get it right. And I will not berate myself if I falter. This is life and I am embracing all aspects of it – faltering, falling, failing (or perception of), joy, success, happiness, love, disappointment, sadness, elation….

I love me. And I am looking forward to working toward my goals.


August Goals - Week 3

Friday, August 17, 2012

Ok. This is just getting ridiculous. Once again, my weight is EXACTLY what it was last week. AND the week before.

I have worked out FIVE DAYS this week. I have stuck to my calorie range (except for my slip ups Sat/Sun). I have consumed my 2L of water EVERY DAY.

Not a budge. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. Did not move one ounce downward.

I am thankful it did not move up. But, come on!!!!! THROW ME A POUND or TWO!!! DOWN!!!! What does a girl have to do?!

Have I plateaued? Is this the weight I'm supposed to be? This is the weight that my weight loss has consistently stalled at for the last year. I cannot seem to get any lower than this...I have lost the 3+ pounds to get below 170, but inevitably it is short lived and the weight goes back up to what it is now (or slightly higher). WHAT IS WITH THIS STUPID WEIGHT?!!!! Why this weight? Why can't I be stuck at 125?! I'll even tak 130! GRRRRR.

I am so incredibly frustrated. I am following the "rules", and my weight is NOT dropping. One week - ok, I can understand that. But TWO WEEKS?! WTH?!

Needless to say I am in a really crappy mood. I have worked hard and I have nothing to show for it - other than stinky running clothes and left over meals on my meal plan to eat for the week.

I was proud of myself. I stuck to my plan, I pushed through, even on days I didn't want to. And my weight does not seem to care. What's the point?! To not gain weight? I'm doing all of this so I don't gain weight? Seriously?

Ok - review of goals:

1) Stick to calorie range 90% of the time;
2) Exercise 5 days a week;
3) Find something to be positive about EVERY DAY!; and
4) Drink at least 2 L of water/day

1) Aside from Sat and Sun of last week (during which I stumbled, and then face planted) - M-F has been 100%;
2) Goal accomplished, even in 100+ degree heat;
3) Goal accomplished;
4) Accomplishd - 100% of time (not including weekends - see above re stumble and face plant)

I'm frustrated, irritated, and in an overall bad mood. No amount of "positive thoughts" will get me out of this one.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HAPPYKITTYNZ 8/25/2012 10:30AM

    poor thing, I know exactly how frustrating that can be.. I'm actually convinced there's something wrong with my scale
and i don't use it anymore haha.
If it demotivates me, I don't do it... and feeling like ALL that effort = no result is exactly that, demotivating

you are doing wonderful and keep it up.. remember your body and your heart needs 30 mins exercise every day regardless of weight loss or not
and as for a plateau- i think you might be at one ? i've seen a lot of info on here about it.. must research it... I haven't lost a thing since joining spark,
maybe i'm at one too??
( i took my weight off my ticker too, converted it to exercise minutes)
like someone below me said, we can only control what we can control a? :)

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PLYNSN316 8/21/2012 12:47PM

    UPDATE: I am down a pant size! I bought new pants online a week or so ago. They arrived yesterday and the pants are too big! :) emoticon

THANK YOU ALL for your support!!!! Such wonderful women! emoticon

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TINAJANE76 8/18/2012 8:40AM

    You've received some great advice here already and please don't give up! I also experienced a plateau along the way that I wasn't sure I'd be able to break through. After being extremely frustrated, I decided to change things up. I had been in a bit of a rut with the food I was eating, so I revamped my meal plan and added new things. I was also doing the same tired routine at the gym that I had been doing for almost a year--no wonder I wasn't seeing any progress! I also realized that I wasn't pushing myself enough. I was coasting through my exercise routine and sometimes hardly even breaking a sweat. I needed a change and a real program. So, I found myself a new workout plan that was very challenging and had specific goals and changed up my old, tired food routine. And guess what? I broke through my plateau and continued losing consistently until I reached goal. Maybe trying this could help you too. Good luck and let me know if you need anything!

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ITS_MY_TURN_NOW 8/17/2012 10:30PM

    You have received some excellent advice so I will just leave you with some hugs.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
You are worth the effort!

Comment edited on: 8/17/2012 10:32:25 PM

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MEJEMA1 8/17/2012 7:16PM

  WOW! the comments are spectacular - how could anyone not be inspired by these wonderful people - keep on keeping on -- non-moving scales are the absolute pits but both of these wise women said it best - your body knows what it's doing -- trust it to do what it needs to. Love you! mom emoticon

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PLYNSN316 8/17/2012 3:46PM

    After my hour walk today at lunch, I returned to read the comments on this blog and both the walk and the wise words have helped to change my perspective!

My clothes do fit better. My workout clothes are looser than they were 3 weeks ago. My body feels good. My legs feel strong. And I feel good when I make healthy choices. And I should focus on that and NOT the scale. :)

THANK YOU dear sparkfriends for helping me to put it all into perspective! Appreciate the wisdom!!!!!

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KOFFEENUT 8/17/2012 3:06PM

    I finally had to stop focusing on what the scale said and instead focus on the things I COULD control. Did I squeeze in an additional 10 minutes of exercise? Good for me! Did I add a serving of fruits/veggies this week? Good for me! I figure if I continue to make healthy choices I'll achieve my goal of being around longer to enjoy the terrific life I have - REGARDLESS of whether I ever lose a pound. Hang in there!

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    Hello Crappy Mood, I'm Crabby Mood. I got up crabby, got a phone call that made me more crabby, & I'm still kind of crabby, grumble, grumble, grumble. I too have a stuck scale, but here's the way I'm seeing it - perhaps you can relate.....

I've been walking tons! I mean 27,000+ steps per day. I've been juicing and eating vegan and watching my portions. In the mean time, my body has been busy. The scale has not moved in nearly a month. However, every day this week a different person commented on how much I've lost or how good/healthy I look. So my body has been busy, doing what it needs to do to keep up with me. My shape has changed, my clothes fit differently. It's a wonderful body that is cleaning out toxins and restructuring to meet the exercise demands I have put on it. (Did I tell you I've begun running the steps at the park?) I have to trust my body, it knows what needs to be done inside there, and you should trust yours. It's busy tending to it's own housekeeping. If you continue to exercise & feed it well, it will have no choice but to do as you wish. Trust.

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