Wednesday, August 01, 2012
The work of summer is close to done. what I didn't do flies fast away from me. What I did do i am grateful for with some pride.
Finally I had time to walk in the mountains and remember living isn't just the human agendas around me and in me. So hiking came back just a little after years without. The wilderness here doesn't have the diversity of vegetation as in the forests of Tennessee and West Virginia. I was disappointed a while ago to feel somewhat bored while in the woods here. The new puppy in my life has changed this and hiking is exciting again - for the most part. In certain places the black biting flies are distractingly annoying with redundancy and I don't know how to enjoy switchbacks n the uphill.
school starts soon and my brain is not what it was a decade ago. There is this mushiness, forgetfulness, lackadaisical-ness. I have a fog bubble from who knows where. I am not sure how to remove it, bring back clarity, insight, "the positive agenda", and the great swell of new year verve.
Still floating and more resigned to take weight loss more slowly.
I certainly pounded my head on some walls this summer desperate to lose more weight. "Desperate" - that over the top, unhealthy, nearly bulimic state - is a hellaceous place to be. Sensible, level headed, patient, insightful, wise, cautious, and accepting with gratitude is better for a denizen simply walking the earth - an observer with a few decent contributions for a few.
So... new goals are in my side panel, As of this new August 1st, a new month, I begin again, the uphill struggle to gain some mastery over my eating, thinking, doing, and being. I probably won't succeed in all I put out there to do this go. Maybe I will though. maybe my goals are more realistic this time. I would like to be able to keep step with a progress I realize and achieve. Got to get to know myself perhaps.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
After a comment on my blog I've resolved to buy/use cabbage diet goodies in the hope of conquering the stall out. (Intermittent cycling with high to low cals has not worked and haven't been able to fast.) Even though I have a new plan I wondered why with such an active life and sporting between 750 to 1500 calories daily I had only lost maybe 2 lbs in a month or more.
With internet surfing I looked into the possibility the wide range of artificial sweeteners I consume were culprits. What makes sense to me is the midlife pancreas responding to any sweetener with an insulin rise and a subsequent fat making. I wish I could retain the process better after a read or two. I wish I understood more completely. This explanation seems more probable in my case than starvation mode metabolism because I feel energetic and take Levothyroxin.
At any rate the response I gave was emptying 12 jello cups, the 2 sf creme brulee, and the remaining half of the blue bunny sugar free ice cream down the sink with hot water. The purge didn't feel quite sane. I also threw out the contents of a 60 count mint sugar free gum. I kept the sugar free chocolate pudding for an emergency crave. I don't like it that well and can just stuff it in the frig corner.
For now I'll keep using stevia for tea, coffee, pumpkin, and maybe oatmeal- as I suppose I should rid myself of the beloved maple sugar free instant packets.
So if midlife insulin spiking from sweeteners is my demise, I'm ready to tackle this possibility.
Got to admit I'm feeling less than sane, sort of sad, and kind of angry. My commitment is firm and I will begin to lose weight again soon but i think i should join the group that weighs only once a week.
Sunday, June 10, 2012
I haven't lost significant weight in weeks! I desperately want to lose by slowly cutting calories and doing a lot of house/yard activities. There are three things that I believe could cut through this wall of discouragement. 1. Intermittent cycling - fasting one or two days a week (Mondays, Thursdays through summer) 2. This exercise routine - running sixteen minutes in the morning, routinely walking the half mile round trip to the post office five days a week, hiking a trail on Saturdays and maybe Wednesdays 3. Using the soups and salads from the Aurvedic, kundalini yoga traditions.
Today I will work to commit myself to adding these three plateau busters. Tomorrow's running in place first thing should be the good start.
Friday, June 01, 2012
Cripes! I used the expensive scale today and learned I've burned muscle and have a higher fat percentage. So, although intermittent fasting is still on the agenda, I think what I call a fast will have to have carbs and some muscle building. Geez. Also I realized I like my exercise to b fundamentally life/work related. i like the article in emotional health that dircs us to "play" for exercise and points to the psychological be nefits of that. I know I'm missing a broad physical playing in my life. need to figure this out.
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