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Uphill - hike, perspective, change

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

The work of summer is close to done. what I didn't do flies fast away from me. What I did do i am grateful for with some pride.
Finally I had time to walk in the mountains and remember living isn't just the human agendas around me and in me. So hiking came back just a little after years without. The wilderness here doesn't have the diversity of vegetation as in the forests of Tennessee and West Virginia. I was disappointed a while ago to feel somewhat bored while in the woods here. The new puppy in my life has changed this and hiking is exciting again - for the most part. In certain places the black biting flies are distractingly annoying with redundancy and I don't know how to enjoy switchbacks n the uphill.
school starts soon and my brain is not what it was a decade ago. There is this mushiness, forgetfulness, lackadaisical-ness. I have a fog bubble from who knows where. I am not sure how to remove it, bring back clarity, insight, "the positive agenda", and the great swell of new year verve.
Still floating and more resigned to take weight loss more slowly.
I certainly pounded my head on some walls this summer desperate to lose more weight. "Desperate" - that over the top, unhealthy, nearly bulimic state - is a hellaceous place to be. Sensible, level headed, patient, insightful, wise, cautious, and accepting with gratitude is better for a denizen simply walking the earth - an observer with a few decent contributions for a few.
So... new goals are in my side panel, As of this new August 1st, a new month, I begin again, the uphill struggle to gain some mastery over my eating, thinking, doing, and being. I probably won't succeed in all I put out there to do this go. Maybe I will though. maybe my goals are more realistic this time. I would like to be able to keep step with a progress I realize and achieve. Got to get to know myself perhaps.

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CARRAND 8/2/2012 6:55PM

    Take it one small step at a time. Good things take time.

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Tough Day - Artificial Sweetener Purge

Thursday, June 14, 2012

After a comment on my blog I've resolved to buy/use cabbage diet goodies in the hope of conquering the stall out. (Intermittent cycling with high to low cals has not worked and haven't been able to fast.) Even though I have a new plan I wondered why with such an active life and sporting between 750 to 1500 calories daily I had only lost maybe 2 lbs in a month or more.
With internet surfing I looked into the possibility the wide range of artificial sweeteners I consume were culprits. What makes sense to me is the midlife pancreas responding to any sweetener with an insulin rise and a subsequent fat making. I wish I could retain the process better after a read or two. I wish I understood more completely. This explanation seems more probable in my case than starvation mode metabolism because I feel energetic and take Levothyroxin.
At any rate the response I gave was emptying 12 jello cups, the 2 sf creme brulee, and the remaining half of the blue bunny sugar free ice cream down the sink with hot water. The purge didn't feel quite sane. I also threw out the contents of a 60 count mint sugar free gum. I kept the sugar free chocolate pudding for an emergency crave. I don't like it that well and can just stuff it in the frig corner.
For now I'll keep using stevia for tea, coffee, pumpkin, and maybe oatmeal- as I suppose I should rid myself of the beloved maple sugar free instant packets.
So if midlife insulin spiking from sweeteners is my demise, I'm ready to tackle this possibility.
Got to admit I'm feeling less than sane, sort of sad, and kind of angry. My commitment is firm and I will begin to lose weight again soon but i think i should join the group that weighs only once a week.


Plateau busting?

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Dear Diary,
I haven't lost significant weight in weeks! I desperately want to lose by slowly cutting calories and doing a lot of house/yard activities. There are three things that I believe could cut through this wall of discouragement. 1. Intermittent cycling - fasting one or two days a week (Mondays, Thursdays through summer) 2. This exercise routine - running sixteen minutes in the morning, routinely walking the half mile round trip to the post office five days a week, hiking a trail on Saturdays and maybe Wednesdays 3. Using the soups and salads from the Aurvedic, kundalini yoga traditions.
Today I will work to commit myself to adding these three plateau busters. Tomorrow's running in place first thing should be the good start.

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68ANNE 6/10/2012 9:17PM

    I know people that have cut through using the cabbage soup. You must use all ingredients for it to work right. Cabbage, carrots, onion soup mix, onion, tomatoes, green beans, peppers, bullion cubes, celery, optional are zucchini and squash. You have to eat other foods with it too. Each day something different, like fruits one day and veggies the next, a day of brown rice and day of tomato or banana or steak and others but I believe you have to do it in a certain order. Many people don't like it because for some it had lead to binging after but you could research it. Good luck

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rearranging with free association

Wednesday, June 06, 2012

The rearranging that occurs when I come into summer vacation astonishes me. So much of it is automatic; I watch as I do things instantaneously. These are small things of course like moving piping to the garden shed or moving cement to the tool shed. I don't have the freedom to respond to my mind in tandem to my thoughts with spontaneity while standing and delivering. I like teaching very much but... my fundamental self truly takes a backseat while I teach.
The rearranging that includes dismantling clutter and unearthing important bills takes on a different form within my mind. I've often enjoyed listening to my random thoughts particularly those in the space between waking and sleeping. In the last week these thoughts have been significantly different than they were when I last had the energy to notice my thoughts. I seem to dismiss connections I've made. I seem to let go of the existence of associations I've made. The only thoughts i seem to pay attention to are practical ones such as "don't forget to move the water" and "maybe you should walk to the post office early in the morning".
This blog business is easier than journaling but I'm not clued into writing for others. I love the jazzy, motivational prose several spark folks have made. I may have too introspective a style. I couldn't read past the first chapter of "The Remembrance of Things Past" because of the woosie state Proust took me to. Maybe I feel this style of introspection just isn't readable. Still i want to document and this is easier than writing in another file.
Today I'm happy for many reasons. One sliver of my contentment is another pound gone, muscle mass up, fat percentage down, waist, thigh measurements down, neck size down, and very loose pants. I may have to find a 12 to fit into if I am back on track after the almost month of plateau!


muscle and fat

Friday, June 01, 2012

Cripes! I used the expensive scale today and learned I've burned muscle and have a higher fat percentage. So, although intermittent fasting is still on the agenda, I think what I call a fast will have to have carbs and some muscle building. Geez. Also I realized I like my exercise to b fundamentally life/work related. i like the article in emotional health that dircs us to "play" for exercise and points to the psychological be nefits of that. I know I'm missing a broad physical playing in my life. need to figure this out.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

68ANNE 6/3/2012 9:59PM

    Living is learning and you are doing it. Mostly the living part. I enjoyed reading this

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CJJANISS 6/1/2012 2:14PM

    Keep the muscle...lose the fat...the best way I know of to do this is add strength training to your muscle.

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