Friday, December 14, 2012
I want to give a sincere thanks to all of you who have reached out to me in my absence. I will be a more regular presence--truth is I'm using "life" as an excuse... get to the end of the day and SOOOO sick of the computer that I've avoided it altogether.... I will get my act together soon and be here to reciprocate.
I'm going back to school and classes start Monday--every minute I'm not in school or caring for my kids or sleeping I will be working--I'm sure I'm not the only one who knows the feeling!!
Anyway, I think of everyone here often, actually... even though I never seem to "show up for the party."
I have bragged up this site to anyone I can -- my therapist, my sister, my smoking cessation coach... anyone and everyone, seriously, it's awesome.
Monday, November 26, 2012
Wow, so an entire week got away from me!
I haven't forgotten, just honestly postponed logging on day after day after day because I was so tired and busy.... andI know I have perfectionist tendencies, which do not help, and my borderline makes me think I have to do everything perfectly & to completion or why try. I constantly have to remind myself that I don't expect that of others... therefore I should give myself a break and start small.
So what was my point? My point is that I've become so involved in reading all the info, absorbing it all, trying to plan, do everything right, max out points for the day by reading it all... but have neglected to effectively track any eating and any movement.... hmmm... defeats the purpose of earning points, huh? And I am aware of I need to let go of my need to "plan" and just "do."
I've been pretty good... I did enjoy Thanksgiving. I thought long and hard and decided that since this is the one day per year I get to see so much family & get to taste everyone's special dishes that I look forward to tasting every year.... well, I decided I would! But, I was careful, took teaspoonful amounts of a variety of things, took the time to enjoy it...
But I didn't go back for seconds or thirds... didn't attempt to try everything else that hadn't made it to my plate... didn't even eat dessert!!! I didn't make myself sick or too uncomfortable to move!
That is an improvement over previous years.
Monday, November 19, 2012
I dropped my kids off at school on Friday morning. As usual, once the minivan was empty of minors, I abandoned their radio station of choice and started flipping. IMAGINE MY SURPRISE upon learning that on Friday, Nov 16, a local station has already fully dedicated itself to playing ONLY Christmas music!!
Ok, I know that I avoid this station annually up until the 23rd or 24th BECAUSE they are THE CHRISTMAS STATION and if I don't want to hear ONLY Christmas songs between Thanksgiving and New Years I know to steer clear. I don't hate Christmas or the music, but when you hear 3 different artists sing THE SAME DAMN SONG within a 2 hour period, it wears a little thin.... that and a full month (or more) of nothing but Christmas music can make one slightly crazy... or contribute to their existing crazy...
But it has been hard to entirely avoid that station. One accidental slip while flipping through the station is all that is required to get the attention of the little people I cart around. Doesn't matter how fast you flip it to another station. They heard it, and they won't let you forget it. My darling children, who would prefer that every day of the year be Christmas cannot get enough of the Christmas music--if it's on the radio it means Santa is near... right?
None of us have the time to rehash all the "spirited discussions" I've had with the kids about whether or not to listen to Christmas music today. They have won--many times over--I've been outvoted, clearly.... so when they are in the car and are aware there is a "Christmas option," I have no choice but to sigh and turn off my ears for the remainder of the ride home. That has caused its own problems--I've been accused of ignoring, not listening, not caring, etc... I just apologize and say, "I'm concentrating on traffic." What else can I do?
So... it's one thing if the music starts on Black Friday... then the next year ON Thanksgiving... then the next year the day before... then the next year the weekend before....
BUT THIS TAKES THE $%#@&*$% CAKE!!
I am COMPLETELY removing this station from the saved ones on the radio buttons in my car!!!!! And also from the saved buttons on the radio buttons in my house!!! There!! I bet they're sorry now!!! I hope they are paying attention!!
Look, I get it. This is America and commerce is king. What business owner in their right mind is NOT going to take advantage of every opportunity to get buyers in the door? All it does for me is make me feel rushed, panicked, behind, suckered because I didn't get the "best" deal....I must not love my loved ones enough because I didn't stay awake for 24 hours+ to wait in line for an armband outside a store... or risk life and limb trying to enter the store.... or risk a black eye because I picked up the last "toy of the year" off the shelf and now I have at least 20 moms eyeballing & following me throughout the store, waiting for me to abandon the cart, hoping they won't have to resort to violence...
I'm done, I can't take it.... My loved ones will simply have to accept crudely handmade gifts, baked goods & candies that do not taste good because I cannot cook, gift cards, or charitable donations in their names.... it's the thought that counts, right? No?
I'm sorry, I just don't get it! It gets earlier and earlier every year! And it's encroaching! It cuts into my time with my extended family who I only get to see once every year--even if they are from out of town, they scour the ads and plot & plan and separate & conquer as if their lives depend on it--all while the sweet potatoes are still hot!! I remember being younger and actually having a conversation... about life, catching up, enjoying each other's company... not anymore! Thank you very much, corporate America--suck it!
Critics might say that it should all be managed by the individual, that my relatives should be held to a higher standard, that if family life mattered to them they would ignore the sales, that they should be blind to the huge discounts... REALLY? I call BS... this is what is counted on-- normal, everyday folk who want "that one BIG thing" and here is the chance to get it on their budget... or here is the ONE AND ONLY chance to make their kid's wishes come true.
And whatever happened to employees having AT LEAST SOME time to spend with their families???? Looking back, I can recall LESS THAN A HANDFUL of gifts I've received for Christmas... all the REAL memories are the sights, sounds, smells, tastes, and emotions around the holidays... as well as the spirit of giving... I remember shopping with my meager allowance for things like key chains, change holders, back scratchers... whatever a kid could afford... and being SO excited to watch the recipient open their gift because "i just KNEW it would be PERFECT for them." I remember collecting change in little milk-carton-like containers for the poor... I remember my Mom always choosing someone off the Angel Tree in the mall... I remember people pooling their money to purchase a dinner & gifts for a family in need. Back then, that was already factored into the "Christmas budget."
"Peace to all, Goodwill to men"
What happened? Where did that go?
I also can't help but think of my dear friends who dread the holidays, who either have no family with whom to celebrate (sorry, folks, inviting single people to join a Christmas might be cool, but it's NO substitute--they are fully aware this is NOT THEIR family...sometimes the whole thing backfires) OR they have difficult & traumatic memories of their youth during the holidays. Yes, yes, I know the whole world can't be expected to stop celebrating for those who can't handle it... but do we really need to drag it out even longer? They have to buy groceries AT SOME POINT during the now-2 month period-between-Halloween-and-Christmas... they can't just be expected to "stay away." Just check out the suicide statistics during this time of year.
Ok, so I'm ranting... but please... maybe someone can help me understand?
Am I the only one that finds the earlier Holiday Season ridiculous?
Sunday, November 18, 2012
THIS IS FOR ME!!
I will not let people shame me, nor will I allow my pain to be an excuse to quit.
If I mess up and have a really bad morning, day, couple days, week, month--I will NOT give up. I will pick myself up and start again. And again, and again if necessary. Every moment is a new opportunity to turn the page and start fresh.
I will be open to receiving help, open to helping others, and willing to be open about my efforts, successes, and failures.
I WILL TRY NEW THINGS: Foods I think I will hate, new, intimidating exercise regimens
And maybe, just maybe when someone invites me along to do something that I either think I will hate OR I think it will scare the bejeezus out of me.... just maybe I'll put on my big girl panties and give it a shot.... not committing just yet, just promising to think about it!
I will not feel weak for excluding myself from "boot camps"--my heart and my joints can't take it!!
I choose to accept that at my thinnest & most fit, I have always had a table for a butt, "cottage cheese" thighs and as I am built like rectangle on top and a triangle on the bottom, I will probably never ever ever achieve "inner thigh gap" (unless someone has some top-secret insider info they would be willing to share?)
And since I am dieting but NOT DEAD, I vow to enjoy taste as much as I do my other senses ... just with more sense... and in moderation
Thank you, Sparkpeople.com for making all these wonderful tools accessible to EVERYONE!!
Get An Email Alert Each Time PLEASEMASTER Posts