Saturday, May 05, 2012
Well, especially when you are throwing it...uhg. I've learned that no matter how much planning goes into it...it is still going to go crazy and there will be unplanned things happen... i've learned that it's going to be ok...some how some way it will get done... i've learned patience, especially when dealing with the hormonal momma to be...lol... i've learned to give up some control...i'm not super woman, i can't do it all... i've learned that family is going to be there through it all...the good, the bad, and even the ugly...and let me tell ya, i got ugly at times... and i'm sure before the end of this, i will get ugly again...lol... i've learned that perfect is a mystery...but in the end, it's the people in your life, your family, that matters most... i also know that we will laugh about all this one day...maybe not today... or maybe today...just from the sheer exhaustion we are feeling...lol... i've also learned to appreciate the miracle... this has been stressful, no doubt about it... and the last couple days sleep is just an illusion... but as i think about my daughter...my first... how she has miscarried once... tried for 3 years to get pregnant... and then all the problems she has had with this pregnancy... having to have 2 surgeries... one of them to keep the lil guy in and then her gall bladder... how each week that passed, we prayed for just 1 more week... she is almost at 32 weeks...wohoo!!! for me, a baby is a miracle always...but let me tell ya, this one really drives home what miracles really are all about... i've learned that making memories now to tell this lil miracle is what it is really all about... these months of going over to take care of her while she is on bed rest and planning the perfect baby shower, along with work and other family stuff that just did not wait until i had time... i've also learned that taking care of me is also important... most important in fact...i can't take care of them if i haven't taken care of me...
Today is the baby shower, and i'm sure these lessons will all be tested...lol... but in the end...i look at my beautiful daughter..the one that wanted children so badly... the one we wondered if she would be able to have a baby... i think about that precious little guy who stuck his tongue out at us at her last ultrasound... i see her belly growing...and moving... and i am so overwhelmed by the miracle of it all... i think about how we she was over due and didn't want to come out...and how this little guy is doing everything to get out..lol... i'm also learning that being a grandparent is about these memories... i get to be the memory keeper... i get to store this all in my memory bank and one day tell my lil guy how his life was even before he was...
Monday, April 30, 2012
Well, it's been about a month since I went to the gym...life just became so overwhelming... and that was one of the first things to go...and my body could feel it...i've been so blah... and my eating has gotten out of control....why is it so easy to fall into bad habits?? lol. So this morning i started taking my vitamins again...step one...drinking 12 glasses of water...step two... and back to tracking my food...step three....and i did it...back to the gym for 30 minutes on the bike...plus i walked for 10 at lunch....wohoo!!! plop! oh sorry...just a little tired now...lol...actually i do feel so much better...now i am making a healthy dinner and getting ready to watch just a little tv :)
Saturday, March 03, 2012
In the past, I have not been a big TV watcher...only because I know myself well enough to know that I start watching, and well, that is where I stay...lol. I even put myself on a TV diet at one point...I actually went 5 years without watching tv...or at least for my own enjoyment.. once in a while i would catch whatever the kids were watching... and then i started watching Dr Oz...the The Doctors...and that would of been ok, had i stuck to just that... but next thing you know i also had to catch Rachel Ray...and Clean House...and then... oh you get the picture...lol. Then dd1 got pregnant...and then the news that she would have to go on bed rest...it's amazing how many of those can't miss shows sat on my dvr just waiting to be watched because i just had to see them... every night i have been going through the list and deleting ones that were reruns...then i started deleting ones that i just did not "have" to watch... semi homemade by sandra lee...and though i do like some of the tips i can get from these types of shows...they just are not have to see's anymore...now i am left with those i really want to see...just not for vegetation purposes...lol... and then i use my dvr to it's fullest extent...fast forward... i see something i want to see, i watch it... if a particular feature doesn't pertain to me...fast forward... wohoo...this is a technology i can't live without...lol. now onto why this blog... you see... this week stress seems to be hitting an all time high...dd1 has been on bed rest now for 3 weeks... still a week and half away from baby being what they call "viable". just 1 1/2 weeks from our first goal of getting baby TJ to 24 weeks gestational... and though i am now in a routine of taking care of her and her household, and my ds, me and my household... it still does not make it any less stressful...in fact, i think more stressful because with a routine i have time to think...not always a good thing...lol.... i worry about my dd1 and the precious little guy she is carrying... she has miscarried before and has tried for 3 years to get pregnant... i've watched her struggle as news stories of mothers who kill their kids, or neglect their kids...or are drug addicts can have kids with no thought to that little person...i watched as her sister got pregnant within months of trying... yea, dd1 was happy for her sister...and loves the lil man unconditionaly...but it still hurt her just the same... and then to finally get pregnant...and then watching the struggle and the fear that has been haunting her for weeks now... will she be able to carry, if not to term, at least until baby is "viable"...and if til then...how early and how much struggle will this lil guy have to go through....she is so excited...yet, so fearful...as am i...then this week, most of you may have heard of an Ohio school shooting...and though i know none of these people, the school is only less than 45 minutes away... so close...and i think of how growing up, you never heard of these things...and with this, comes those kids who want to take full advantage of that tragedy and school closings with bomb threats... and it's scary, because you just don't know...especially when you get the call from your child saying his school was the newest target of a bomb threat... yes, your brain says it's a kid just playing a game...that it isn't real...but the mother in you can't help but cry, scream and yell... and rush to your babies side (yea, even though that baby is 18 years old...lol) and grab him to safety...ok...no i didn't carry him...he's a foot taller than i am....but i got him to safety just the same...lol. i can lol now because he is safe and we did find out that in fact it was just as my brain said...a hoax by some idiot kid....it's amazing though how the stress just don't fly away though...and through all this, we lost a close family friend.... one that has always just been there...a part of the family for as long as i can remember... so needless to say... i needed a night of major destressing...which leads me to the beginning of this blog... tv... you know, just once in a while, it's ok to use it as a vegetation tool... at least for me, it's every once in a while a good thing.... i am a planner by nature...and adhd at that... which means my mind as well as my body is going in 15 directions at any given time... and that is on good days...put some stress and out of the ordinary life happenings...and then it doubles to 30 different ways...and sometimes, i just need to fully unplug...yes, i pray, i read my bible...i go to church...i have friends who i talk to and family that drop everything to listen to my woes... but sometimes i just need to fully unplug from the world and people... unfortunately, i cannot always unplug my brain... which is where just one mindless show can come in... one for just pure entertainment...one that i'm not taking notes to remember, or thinking how i can apply that to my life...a show that let's me just watch... turning off my brain to all other thoughts...and actually vegetating... and thankfully...i saved that one show to do that with...aaaawwww....
Now...time to hit the ground running again...mind in full gear and ready to handle what life throws at me... ready to plan the next step and steps.... watch out life...here i come... again :)
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Well, to say these last 2 weeks have been a roller coaster, would be quite an understatement. 2 weeks ago this coming Monday, my mom, dd2 and I had decided to do a juice fast...it went well...with some very cleansing effects...one that will have you laughing hopefully as hard as it did us. i had the smart idea to drink a slimming tea at the end of this fast...uh... you know, when there isn't anything in there to clean...wow...what normally takes a good 8 hours to do, did in 3 hours...so imagine my waking up from a good sleep to cramps..and realizing oh oh don't stinker...run and run fast to the bathroom...lol...i made it...but from getting up too fast and the cleansing properties of the tea...i was a tad bit light headed..for the next 5 minutes i prayed i would not pass out and my poor ds would find me...lol...noted to self, cleansing tea not a good idea at the end of a juice fast... so then comes tuesday... dd1 is to find out what sex is of my precious grandbaby... text from son in law, dd1 and dd2 confirm we have us another boy on the way... wohoo... i am sooo excited...i really wanted a boy for their first one.. i am running into work from lunch to yell it to everyone...including the customers on the phone....lol. Then came a call from dd1...she was being taken straight to the hospital... her cervix should be a 2.5 and it was a 1. way too early for that... they would either have to do a cerclage or put her on meds to stop any labor that might happen... but once checked, she was a fingertip dialated so it's both for her...so off to the hospital mom and i go... on the walk into the hospital mom and i were discussing our fast results... well she lost it when she heard mine, then told me hers...she got the poo's while at the gym...and almost left a trail to potty because there were so many people standing around talking and wouldn't get out of the way...and she said she was praying but for a different thing...well by now, we are both laughing so hard at each we about pee ourselves... thank God for a timely bathroom...lol. so we visit with dd1 and listen as they explain what will be happening... next day she was scheduled for her cerclage...i take the day off to spend with her and her husband... morning of, they come in to tell her that at the opening she has what they call "gunk"...love the medical terms here...basically it's a bunch of white blood cells that is like an infection but not an infection...what the heck...in the end it means it cannot be treated with antibiotics and will just about guarantee a preterm baby...but hopefully with the measures they are taking, we can at least get to at least some major goals... 24 weeks is considered they point of viability... though with risks, especially for a white baby boy... at 28 weeks he has a much better chance and at 32 weeks, though still very small, his chances jump to 90%...she goes into surgery...not a major one, but surgery just the same... we are hungry because we didn't want to eat in front of her since she couldn't but we are too scared to leave the waiting room...they finally call us back to recovery... and she is finally allowed to eat... so her husband decides to go get us some food to... only thing is, he is so worried about getting back to her, that he gets lost... to the point he ended up in surgery and then bio-hazard...lmao... finally back at the room he realizes he lost the utensils...hhhhmmmm...surgery or bio-hazard?? needless to say, we all got a good laugh and relieved some built up tension... she was released to go home with orders of bed rest... she is allowed potty and shower...and they just moved her up to sitting, with feet up most of the time...and light lunch making... son in law works long hours at a new job and his commute is almost an hour long each way...and he is trying so hard to keep it all up... so i have been going over every day to help out...clean up, do dinner, etc...yes, i am tired... i really didn't have time before...now, i don't know what time is...lol... but this little guy that dd1 is carrying is worth every moment... and we are all doing whatever it takes to keep him in the oven as long as possible. on top of this, son in laws truck brakes down last night...luckily he was still at work and could get a ride home... and they do have a second car...they had thought about selling it, but thank God they didn't... but after a long day, he was on the run to get parts so he can fix it today...after work...uhg...i stayed with dd1 until i knew he was ok and home...neither of them needed any extra stress at this time... especially her... today dd2 and i will go over to get some things done for them... and tomorrow we are off to a mini vacation... dd1 has been ok'd for it...just a hotel stay down the road..and though she can't go swimming...she can at least get out of her own 4 walls for a night... we will then drop her off Monday afternoon while the rest of us go shopping... i wish she could go with us but we just can't take the chance... though trust me... the lil guy is going to be in our thoughts as we hit the Carter Outlet...tehe... i've already bought him a couple outfits...but they are newborns, so will most likely be too big for him when he is born...so i am in search of the perfect preemie outfit... and it the lil guy decides to hang in there longer...well, that is ok also... at least i know he will be clothed either way :)
So that's my life for the next several weeks...stressful and very busy....but will be worth every moment he stays in there... I am so thankful right now for a family that stands behind me and her at this time...and her dear husband...is trying so hard...both working and taking care of her... i am so proud of him.... and he has yet to once complain because he is too tired or anyone is asking too much...even when dd1 decides she needs an icee after he gets home late from work because his truck broke down... now that is a man i am proud to call my son in law :)
Monday, January 30, 2012
These are some links I had found and wanted to share that might help you as it is helping me :)
For me, my goal was to lose 100 lbs, and here are the options they give me for my activity level:
To lose weight, choose an option from the table below.
Weight Loss Table
Option # Calories Per Day Target Date for 100lbs
#1 2321 calories November 16, 2013
#2 2398 calories May 25, 2014
#3 2257 calories July 19, 2013
#4 2116 calories January 14, 2013
#5 1975 calories September 12, 2012
I could reasonably and healthily, lose that 100 lbs by eating 1975 calories a day with Moderate activity level by 9/12/12...that's not bad when i see how obtainable it really is ;)
The next one is the BMI calculator:
My BMI when I first started was 64-very severely overweight. Since then, i have lost 100 lbs which gives me now 45.7 which is severely overweight...i lost a very :) if I lost that 100 more lbs that i aiming for at this point, that would put me at 27.4 which is overweight.. i will have lost a severely...then next goal is to lose the overweight part...which would only be 25 more pounds...and that seems like nothing compared to where i was and where i am at...so yea, it's hard to look at sometimes, but i know where i started and i faced the truth... i also used these calculators to help me to see how truly obtainable it really is. LOVE it!!
He shall send from heaven, and save me from the reproach of him that would swallow me up. God shall send forth his mercy and his truth. Psalms 57:3
You can't cross the sea merely by standing and staring at the water.
- Rabindranath Tagore
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