Friday, January 11, 2008
Ok..for those that haven't heard it yet..and for those that have but need the extra laugh... i go to bed last night wore out and stripped of any energy... i have been putting in long days at work trying to keep up with my job and the other girls job.... it's been a rough week...i'm exhausted... i hit the pillow and fall right to sleep...something i never do... the next thing i know, i'm dreaming.... and wake up laughing... hysterically.... a good thing...if it hadn't been the middle of the night and i could of stopped within a reasonable time...lol...but nooooo... i dream that my mom, me, my 3 nieces and my 3 kids are on a family vacation... this was to a cute hotel that had everything there..shops... restraunts...and a small amuzement type park area... the kids all scatter to do their things... my eldest, my mom and i stop to get an ice cream cone...don't ask me what kind the daughter and i got... but i remember my mom had a peach colored one... (funny what things you remember and don't remember from your dreams) any ways... we go to the ride area..they have those rides like those that are outside of stores.... the ones kids ride on... so the 3 of us each get on one...mom is the first (and only) to put her quarter in.... except..it's not a kids ride...more like a mechanical horse...it shook her so hard that her ice cream splattered everywhere...including on her... and her hair stuck straight up.... the ride stops, she takes her finger, scoops up some ice cream that got on her, licked it and said "whoa..." at this point, i'm laughing so hard i wake up... and then couldn't stop laughing....i couldn't even get up i was laughing so hard...i thought for sure i was going to pee myself...lol... and it didn't matter... i could not stop laughing.... even writing this is cracking me up... mind you...this is the middle of the night..how i didn't wake my kids up from laughing, i don't know... but now they are just kinda looking at me like i've lost my mind....but that's ok... i can live with that...but oh..my stomach hurts from laughing so much and so hard... i know i've had a good work out... too bad we can't record that...lol....
if your not laughing yet...sit back and close your eyes... think of an adult sitting on a toy ride...that is moving like a mechanical bull.... the body jerking back and forth...and her not letting go of the ice cream..that is splattering every where...and then the hair..can't forget that...standing straight up...and then she just looks slightly suprised and says "whoa" tell me..that didn't bring at least a smile to your face...lol...
at this point..i need sleep...real sleep...no funny dreams...please...lol....
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Have you ever said good bye to someone or something you love? it's never easy.. but there are times in our lives we have to close one door to open another... back in June of last year, i had decided to say good bye to my unhealthy self to open the door for a thinner healthier me... it's been an on going process...i find myself still entertaining the unhealthy ways... this year, i've made a pac with myself..i am saying good bye to half of me... it won't happen over night...in fact... it will take more than this year to extract a half... but this is where it begins..right here..right now... and this is the letter to the half of me that is leaving... i hope to hear from all of you and read some of your good bye letters also...whether it is to a certain food, unhealthy life choice or the fat... let's say good bye here and now...hand it's good bye letter and move on with the divorce... this does not mean it will be easy... good bye never is... doesn't mean we will never fall backwards... divorce doesn't mean it disappears...but this is a way to finally come to terms with what we are doing and move forward to a better us :)
You have been with me for many years now...growing to a whole other person...in fact i am now carrying 2 overweight people. I cannot continue this way. My mental and physical health are jeapordized and i just cannot take the pain any longer. I have hinted for you to just leave, i have given you the silent treatment, i have cried and i have gotten angry and even yelled at you...in fact i have tried just about everything to get rid of you, and yet, you won't leave. So, i am removing you from my home and my temple. You are no longer allowed to stay here, and you will be removed ounce by ounce, pound by pound and inch by inch. I am no longer angry at you, i have been your biggest supporter after all, i have since learned from this and will no longer support your lifestyle and your painful past.
Good bye half of me and hello life.
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
I don't even know where to begin. I sit here, after talking once again with a friend. I've talked to her a couple times today, and each time she sounds... i don't know...wore out.... though i know it's all part of the grieving process she is now going through. The shock is wearing off and reality is hitting. During this time she has 2 small children she has to help get through this also. A couple years ago, she was in love, had 2 beautiful babies with this man. A man who chose drugs over anything else. She left him, knowing that where it was leading was no good. It wasn't easy for her to do, but she had 2 wonderful girls to take care of now. She worked hard, very rarely seeing any child support, to raise these precious girls... the youngest is now 4...the oldest just 5... a couple months ago, the 5 yearold woke up several times...every night for a couple weeks... with nightmares that her daddy was shot to death.... being of such a young age, it wasn't anything she could of watched.... they don't have cable and the mom kept very good tabs on what they watched.... i remember my friend asking me then... what do i do if it comes true.... we both knew the life that the dad was leading could very well end just how the girl had dreamed.... and as of January 1st, 2008, did.... just as there were no words then to as what to say...there are no words now... all my friend can really say now is all this was for is $300 worth of pot and a pair of tennis shoes. in another life, i would of thought, well, he chose the life he led, and knew the dangers. if i knew of him not as the man my friend once loved, or the man that was a father to 2 so very precious little girls... i would of said he was worthless even.... but i do know that woman that loved him...i do know those 2 little girls... i do know that though he may of not paid child support or did as he should of for them... he was someones love...he was someones dad... he is also someones son.... the mother a dear loving woman... and someones brother... to siblings that stuck beside him through it all... and friends that will miss him so. He left this world on New Years Day...at the age of 32...shot by a boy of 18.... 2 still very young lives...along with another homocide victim.... also very young.... 3 lives...2 that are no more...and 1, so young...with a lifetime of jail ahead of him... don't get me wrong..i do believe in justice...but i think of the boy that was before he turned to drugs... and the mother that loves him.... does he have kids yet? what about siblings? 3 lives... and yet..these are not the only "victims" in a world of drugs.... they leave so many more lives.... innocent lives... lives that didn't have any part of the drug scene... yet... are still paying the price. Will pay that price the rest of their lives....
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