PLAYFULLKITTY   136,701
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Relearning to live while I reach for my goals

Sunday, June 26, 2011

It's often said that if you really want something, you will make time for it. For years I thought i really wanted to lose weight, but that was when i could fit it into my schedule somewhat easily...yea, i still had to make some adjustments, but i didn't really go all out to do it either... But lately, i am feeling that fire...wanting it worse than i have ever before... and i'm going for it... i've joined the gym and have 3 accountability partners (my ds and 2 nieces), and now my mom has joined us to push me on the weekends... i'm loving the gym... i always have, but have always had the excuse that i am too busy...and if you know me, you know i am...lol... but it's funny i have time to work because i want that money... i have time to grocery shop because i want food... i even have time to go to a movie with the family because i really want to spend time with them... the funny thing is, i really don't have the time for any of it...but i do it because i really want it... so now, i am learning that if i really really want it bad enough, i am going to have to go for it... and i have been...jumped in with both feet... now...i have to learn to do the things i have to around the things i want... but if i want it bad enough, and i do, then that is what is going to have to be done... one of those ways is i have incorporated my time with family with the gym...and actually, we are getting not only more time together, but quality time together...now, this week, i have got to learn how to get some house work done... and to actually start cooking dinner again...this may mean i will have to plan ahead for the dinners...and as for the cleaning...well... take it one step at a time...it will all fall into place, but for now, priority is losing weight...if i don't make it priority, then i will never lose weight and i my health will not improve. There are also reasons why i have to now make this a top priority... before, yes, i was busy raising babies...now those babies are raised...now it's time for me... i need this me time... because i deserve it. I also need to lose weight because of my health. i am not getting any younger, and the weight is making an impact on my joints, not too bad yet, but won't get better if i don't lose the weight. My asthma will improve if i lose the weight. If i lose the weight now while my grandbabies are still in the making, i will have more energy to be a good grandma...to do all nighters with a new born that still has his schedule mixed up, or later when they just aren't feeling good and their mommy just needs a break...and then later when they want to play play play... i am going to need all the energy i can get :) also, i want to look good...for me!!! i want to fit into normal size clothes... i want to wear healed shoes again!!

So, it's in writing, I want a new life...and because i am making it top priority, i know i can do it. No, i don't have any more time than i did before... i still have the same 24 hours that i had before...but unless i make this this priority, and work around it...then it will never happen....NOW is the time to do it...NOW is the time for me!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NORAHNICK 6/28/2011 5:18PM

    What an inspiring blog entry this is! And so true. Never before did I put any effort into losing weight. It was more like "I'll do the bare minimum and if it happens it happens."

This time I'm actually making it a priority, like you said, and it's become my passion and my obsession. Most of my time, energy, and focus is on my weight, health & exercise now. And I'm loving it! Especially the hiking that I never in a million years thought I'd be doing. Me??? Put on khaki pants and a hat and a backpack and go hiking around in nature with the broiling sun and creepy crawlies? Never! But I am and it's the most fun I've ever had in my life!



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COOLAUNTBBW 6/26/2011 7:03AM

    Knowing what you want and how to accomplish that goal is a great start. Good luck!

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The Insecurity Even After All These Years

Sunday, June 19, 2011

I grew up in a home where my dad was an alcoholic. Though after my mom left him, he quit drinking, cold turkey, and worked at staying sober and being the best husband and dad he could be. Though admittedly, it left some scars. Before I could fully heal from it, I got married, to an alcoholic...i know...shocker!!! lol. except this alcoholic was abusive... not so much physically (though it got close a couple times), but mentally... when my kids were still young (oldest just getting ready to go into kindergarten), we finally separated, and for the last time...at this point, i was at the lowest in my own life...i had no self worth, my esteem was non existent...and i was way past insecure...it took a lot of hard work and years before i could finally love myself and see my self worth. And on most days, insecurity isn't even in my vocabulary... I raised 3 beautiful children... 3 law abiding, productive to society children...3 children who love themselves as much as they love others...and oh how my heart jumps for joy when i see each of them rush to help someone that needs help... the girls are now married to great men...one of them pregnant with their first baby... so when my ex gets drunk, he likes to throw out how awful i am... this normally does not bother me...because those 3 kids didn't get where they are because of him... besides for the sometimes money i got from him, he wasn't in their lives that much.... a couple weeks ago, in one of his sobering up moments, he told dd2 he didn't know how i could live without a man in my life...and you know, at one time, i couldn't of... but i realized how much i didn't need one to make me whole... i was too busy raising my babies...and even now, i'm too busy with my family and getting ready to be a grandma, i can't imagine going back to "needing" a man in my life... don't get me wrong, it would be nice...but i no longer need it. So, that was my a-ha moment...so then why is it, when ex gets drunk last night and tells dd2 (that poor child always seems to be around at the worse times...lol) how they (the kids) have always looked up to me and i'm the wrong person to look up to, that they should look up to him because i can't do what he has done... ok, now in reality, and i keep telling myself this (plus each of the kids have said it when they heard what he said), that i for one, did it alone for the most part...raised all 3 to be healthy, law abiding, productive adults... i did this with more than a few bucks each month... i did this with my time, with my love and all that i had... so, why, after all these years, does it still get to me sometimes...i don't know...hormones?? and why am i writing this? because i need to see in writing that though i am not perfect, oh i made some mistakes raising my kids and myself for that matter...lol... i'm still not a bad parent...in fact, i'm not even a bad person... i also need to put it in writing that when i have problems, i look to myself first.... i don't worry about how awful my family or anyone else's family is and all their sins... i look to myself... i know his need to blame others, to bring up how awful others are, is his way of dealing with his drinking problem... and it doesn't really have anything to do with me!!! and though for the most part, i am ok...in fact darn right happy to be me... but for those days, where i do doubt it... it's here in writing... 3 wonderful kids... 3 happy adults... I did that :)

  
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SSUESM 6/20/2011 8:02AM

    Your last sentence says it all: "... i am ok...in fact darn right happy to be me... but for those days, where i do doubt it... it's here in writing... 3 wonderful kids... 3 happy adults... I did that :) " What a wonderful and strong person you are and obviously a fantastic parent and positive role model for your children. It is great that you've been able to move on with your life, in spite of the negative punches that get tossed at you. Your kids know that you have always been, and continue to be, their rock of Gibraltor. Keep staying strong for them and most of all, for yourself!

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MARTINIGAL413 6/20/2011 7:44AM

    I'm so sorry you've had to endure such hardships ... I cannot begin to imagine the struggle it's been just to get through sometimes. But your children are proof of your great accomplishments, your dedication to succeeding in spite of the challenges, and your strong will. I'm so sorry he's involving your children in the abuse against you. Breaks my heart. Don't let abusive words set you back. You broke free of them years ago. You are a strong, independent woman with an amazing heart. Your children know this. You have friends and family who adore you (PS: I'm one of them). Stay strong.
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STREGGANANA 6/19/2011 7:57PM

  Congrats on a job well done! Just remember when the alcoholic ex says things that are hurtful where he is and what he's doing with his sorry lil life.
I feel bad that your kids have to deal with him esp as he gets older.
BUT hold your head up high and be proud of all that u have done for your kids.
You didn't use any excuses u just put on your big girl panties and handled the job.
Lucky kids to have such and awesome mom and it sounds like they know it too....
lucky you!!
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STREGGANANA 6/19/2011 7:57PM

  Congrats on a job well done! Just remember when the alcoholic ex says things that are hurtful where he is and what he's doing with his sorry lil life.
I feel bad that your kids have to deal with him esp as he gets older.
BUT hold your head up high and be proud of all that u have done for your kids.
You didn't use any excuses u just put on your big girl panties and handled the job.
Lucky kids to have such and awesome mom and it sounds like they know it too....
lucky you!!
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RACERXGIRL 6/19/2011 7:30PM

    Just because he's sober, doesn't mean he's "fixed." You are an amazing person - YOU raised your kids and kept them on some kind of equilibrium so they could have healthy self esteem and know what it meant to do hard work, help others, and make something positive of their lives. That's just his bitterness coming out - you know, the whole peeing-on-someone-else's-candle-mak
es-their's-burn-brighter deal. Process the feelings and then let them go...

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LINDA! 6/19/2011 6:53PM

    You are a good mother. Abusive men will always put their partner down. I am glad that you are away from him. emoticonBut I am sorry your children still have to hear bad statements about you.

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MDBUTTERFLY 6/19/2011 7:48AM

    Hold your head high!! Sounds like youve done a great job =) emoticon

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To Our Vets

Monday, May 30, 2011

Today is Memorial day, and for many families, it's a time to get together and eat, and though I won't say that is a bad thing, i do like to eat...lol.... i wonder how many really take the time to think of what this holiday is really truly about. For me, I see the flags flying, but for me, it's not a one time or even just a couple times a year thing... I love the USA...i am proud to be an American... and i try to always remember those that have fought for it...but today i take the time to really think, to really pray and even cry a bit. My grandfather served as a Marine in WW2...and though he didn't die during that war, he did contract Maleria that would later take his life at too young of age...leaving behind a wife and 3 children, 1 of them still in high school. i was the only grandchild he got to know...my brother born just a couple days before he passed...and unfortunately, due to my brothers own health issues, he never got to even see. i think of my father who has passed though not due to military, but still he served in Vietnam while my mom was pregnant with me. i think of my dd2's husbands brother who is my ds's best friend...now serving his country. He was back this week for a family funeral and went back this past saturday... and then i think of all those that not only serve today and the ones that have served and those that have lost their lives....but i think of each family who makes a sacrifice for their loved ones to serve our country. I want to say Thank You to each of you, those that have served, those that are serving, to those that have lost their lives and to those that have gone on to tell about it and to all those families that serve with the sacrifice of their loved ones defending us, protecting us and fighting for the freedom of the USA.

Take a moment to think about our military and their families and to honor those that have lost their lived defending our country. www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRCQypnVeXA </link>

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WONTBEWAISTFULL 5/30/2011 2:59PM

   
LOVELY! I am so happy that you feel as I do about this... wish more people did.

Sue emoticon

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MOMSUE1 5/30/2011 7:46AM

    Honor our veterans and the men and women who continue to fight for our freedom!!! They deserve our prayers each and every day!! Thanks for your contribution!!!

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REGILIEH 5/30/2011 7:42AM

    God Bless are men and women of the services!

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LADNBA 5/30/2011 7:33AM

    Beautifully put!

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Not Quite Sure If My Good News Is Good News

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Went to doctors yesterday for my bi-monthly check up. Good news is i am off the Coumiden....bad news is....i'm not quite sure i trust the doc on that one. it's been almost 1 year ago (in a couple weeks) that i was put in the hospital the week of my dd2's wedding and was literally on my death bed due to blood clots in my thigh and what the doctors kept saying was a HUGE blood clot in my lungs. So much so they truly feared cardiac arrest...i've researched enough to know they just don't go away, and even the doctor himself said they could be there forever....but he says they are less likely to break off now...i just have to keep active...my mom, who went through basically the same thing, was put on high dose asprin therapy after her year on Coumiden... and though i do realize she is older (being mom and all...lol) i'm just not sure i'm comfortable with just not taking anything and trust the doc fully on this one... i trully don't know if i'm being just silly and over dramatic or if my sixth sense is telling me something...so i'm going with my sixth sense theory...i am going to go get me some baby aspirin and take that nightly...i also heard ginger was good with thinning the blood...but not so much so that it would harm me... the doctor said that it would not harm me, so i'm going with it...i would rather listen to my sixth sense and find out i was being over dramatic then the other way around considering the other way around could possibly lead to death!! The good news though is i don't have to watch as much what i eat as i did before and i can once again take normal vitamens and not worry about Vitamin K....lol. He says my breathing has improved, still not terrific, but better...wohoo!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WONTBEWAISTFULL 5/29/2011 2:48PM

   
I totally agree with Missy.
Happy that you are coming along so well !!

Sue

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MOCNVW23 5/27/2011 9:09AM

    They always say to follow your gut, and if you feel that strongly about it, then by all means a baby asprin and ginger is not going to hurt by any means. And if there is still any doubt or worries, you are always entitled to go and get that second opinion. I have done that one more than one occasion myself. A lot here recently with my DH and all of his medical problems, and the one second opinion we went for I am glad that we did. Good luck and I will be praying and please keep us informed of any changes.
Missy

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Dr Oz and The Loss Of A Dear Friend

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Ok, for the last 2 weeks i have not lost any weight...in pounds at least... and though i have lost a total of 5 inches...it's still a tad bit discouraging not to see the scale go down. To be honest, i really wondered why i was trying...yes, thought about giving up. eat what i want, go back to sitting on my lazy butt...just blah!! But i keep trudging along. And then Thursday, I was watching Dr. Oz. he has been trying to help a 700 pound woman lose weight... she has been given every tool to help her and yet this last month she only lost 1 pound. So Dr Oz took her to the morgue of a hospital...and showed her the effects of fat... an enlarged heart that could no longer bear the weight of the fat of the person now deceased. then the liver, taken over not by alcohol but fat! and then the fat that surrounded the insides... if that was not an eye opener that i needed...then it was the call i got right after that segment that would... a dear friend from our church (also he was my dd2's husbands uncle) had passed away just hours before this call...from a fatal heart attack. He was overweight and diabetic with a heart condition and last year had told his doctor he was tired of trying...and it literally killed him. He will be greatly missed, and i mourn for the loss of such a wonderful man who loved everyone he came in contact with him. I also had past memories of my father passing away... from a massive heart attack...on the same day of the week (a Thursday) and about the same time of day... yea, memories were hitting me and hitting me hard... and each time i had to tell my other 2 kids, it was hitting them also...my heart i think literally bleeding from hearing their pain not only for the good friends loss, but the painful memories now slapping them in the face... as i write this, i am crying not only for the loss of the good friend, but the pain of the memory of losing my dad and the feeling the pain of each of my children. But, as much as this hurts, and it does hurt, I also realize that I can't give up on my quest to lose weight...to be healthier... i don't want that to be me... i don't want to leave my 3 dear kids and the grandbaby that is on the way... i want that grandbaby and many more to know their grandma... and not as one that was overweight and sick...but one that was right there with them playing and dancing with them... not a grandma who gave up, but one that lived life to it's fullest until she passed away of old age... i am tired of my fat being my life.... i want more... my kids deserve more... and when i am gone, i don't want them to remember the fat woman... i don't want them to mourn for what could of been...i want them to see a woman that gave her all...

I'm hurting...my heart is twisted with so many different emotions...but this isn't going to bring me down...it's shoving me try harder.

This blog is dedicated to my dad-Joe and for a good friend-Jeff. RIP to both of you.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

STREGGANANA 6/10/2011 8:26PM

  Missing my dad too.
happy to have found your blog I have to keep going for my grandkids too.
Just came back here from a long absence to relose what i found from my last weight loss.

Ps went to see Dr. Oz a few months ago he's awesome
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HDHAWK 5/23/2011 6:35PM

    Sorry to hear of your loss. Just remember the wonderful gift they've given you...many reasons to get healthy because you're still here! You have a wonderful family who loves you. Do it so you can be here for them. emoticon

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MOCNVW23 5/23/2011 12:02PM

    So sorry for your loss, you will be in our prayers.

And I agree the scale is just a tool, it maybe not be a very good tool to us sometimes. But the loss of 5 inches in the waist that is fantastic. You are doing it, keep up the great work.
Missy

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MARTINIGAL413 5/21/2011 8:00PM

    I am so sorry for your losses, JoDee.
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Please remember that the scale is just a tool - and not a great one at that. The more you move and the healthier fuel you give to your body, you are giving yourself your life back. Forget the numbers, and focus on how you're feeling. And if you just can't let the numbers go, please don't discount the 5 inches you lost! That's awesome!!!
Love you, Lady. You're in my thoughts....
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