PJH2028   18,518
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New Year!! Onederful (unofficial) announcement

Saturday, January 01, 2011

Yep! It's New Year's Day 2011... and I asked for Onederland, I intended it, I sparked it!

(albeit, I think, very very unofficial)

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Red toes to match my lovely red scale.

I say unofficial because... as happened once a week or so ago... the scale said 198.7 in one spot on the wood floor, 199something in another and 200 on another. OUIJI BOARD..Ouiji board...uh-huh. But, you know what? -- I'm all IN for that -- all of it -- I 'get it'!
It's a number. And it does mean something -- it represents something anyway -- whether it's a lot or a little....

In any case, I'm delighted, and I post this photo today (for me and for you)-- NEW YEAR'S DAY -- my sparked and stated Goal for all to see! Unofficial photo not finish.

Keep on Sparking!
Happy New Year!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BTINTERNET 1/5/2011 7:42PM

    Woohoo! Congrats dear!!!

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MAIA2011 1/4/2011 3:19PM


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GOGOMAMA 1/4/2011 12:47PM

    Congratulations!!! How exciting and I love your red toenails!!! Way to go and get it!! I want to get there soon too!!!

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AELNYANA 1/3/2011 10:11AM

    Hey, there!
Thanks so much for leaving your positive comment on my Spark page and CONGRATULATIONS on this marvelous news!! You are doing so well. Much better than me, I think. My loss is slooow (but steady). Enjoy your happy new year!!

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LILLYPILLY24 1/2/2011 9:37AM

    Take it! Take it!! Congratulations!

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LOOZINITNOW 1/1/2011 5:15PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RIGBY31 1/1/2011 1:40PM

    Good for you!!!!!

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SHIPESTA 1/1/2011 1:00PM

    awesome! Such a great feeling to hit onderland. I'm proud of you! May this new year bring you continued success!

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Thursday, December 30, 2010

Gaps. I guess that's as good a title as any.
I am writing this here because I have no one else to say this to. And I have that swollen emotion feeling that is connecting to thoughts and I want to disspell it so it does not clog my world.

I love my sister. Just hung up the phone with her. I adore her is more like the truth.
AND.... there has grown a gap between us over time that I don't understand.... Is it real? Is it perception? In either case, how can the gap be lived with and/or altered?

What is the nature of the gap?
Today the feeling that has water pushing at my eyeballs is the gap of experience. And, in my mind, it is the difference that she is a Mom and I am not. I don't have children for her and my niece to visit. I don't have children to create cousins with... or share our mother's table with to create a collection of grandchildren. No. Long ago I wanted that for my life. Long ago I elaborately imagined how much fun that would be... what that future would be like for Laura (my beloved sister) and Me. How that would expand our relationship as we evolved into our lives in and over time.

Well.... We don't have that. And we are still deeply bonded and deeply friended.

But on days like today... I feel the loss... of that other possible future... the one that didn't happen.

Today Laura and Bianca are visiting my brother and his family (30 miles from here). They flew in from California where they were visiting Bianca's Dad's family... and are stopping in Chicago for a few days before returning home to Athens, GA.

My brother David has two great sons. He has a wife who never liked me and vice versa... or perhaps it was consecutive horrible missteps and misccommunications/injuries over time....
and with whom over time a wedge grew so large that it created an impasse. My brother and I have no relation whatsoever. Yes. That's what I wrote and said. And, no, that is not what choked up my feelings today... except for the fact that that complicates further the GAP between me and my sister.

Anyway.... I'm DELIGHTED to hear that Bianca and Adam and Ryan are over-the-moon with seeing eachother. I'm delighted for them. And it makes me cry. Because I am not a part of that.

I don't know what it would be like if I were still close to David (we were once VERY close) and I was there to witness the cousins -- the kids of both my siblings.

What I do know today is that s I feel LEFT OUT. And I am aware of all of the Life Experience I have not known and will never know... the experience of having the children I once wanted... and the adult narratives with my siblings of watching our children grow up together.


The gap of experience. Between Laura and I. Can be filled. We fill it all the time.
But it always takes my breath a bit. I seem too often to choke up - creating a hurdle I have to jump before we can closely embrace. We get there... but I want to get there without this freakin' hiccup. It's painful. And I believe it is unnecessary.

So..... What the hey?

I'm Aunt Paula to Bianca. And Aunt Paula's xmas present this year is tickets for B and her mom and me and grandma (my mom) to go see WICKED.... tomorrow. It will be great. It will be grand. Truly.

I am what I am. We are what we are. And it is GOOD.
Gaps and all. Warts and all. Wrinkles and all. Stretchmarks and all. Regrets and all.
Gratitude and All. Love and all. Respect and all. Truth and all.

Thanks for listening (if you made it through this rant)
Thanks SPARK for being a place I can leave this... to clear my heart and my circuits....

You know... the kids gap is something I sometimes feel with YOU GUYS too.
So many of my dear SPfriends are moms. And I feel limited by my experience a bit, the ones I don't share. But then there are the so many experiences we DO share.

And for all of those and you. Gifts. Thank you. emoticon


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BTINTERNET 1/5/2011 7:38PM

    I feel this so much sometimes - you have put into words what I haven't been always able to say without sounding bitter. *big hugs*

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MORRIS1989 12/30/2010 1:50PM

    I can relate to you on the gaps. I live in the same building with my sister she lives in the basement I live on the second floor. I don't have anything to do with her, she have funny ways always have to keep peace with my family I have less to do with her. I don't treat her bad I just stay my distance, plus she mistreats my mom. So to save peace I only talk to her if I have too. I have been praying that things will change and maybe on day they will. But I understand what you are saying you have family and you want to be close to them. But who knows maybe next year things will change. It seems like you have a good heart I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers I hope things workout between you and your brother, sister-in-law, and sisters you all can be close again. emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/30/2010 1:51:30 PM

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ANGEL7903 12/30/2010 12:31PM

  Gaps happen all the time and you can fix them. I have 2 sisters and they are older 1 by 7 year 1 by 5. As a kid I want playmates and they want boyfriends. Later as a teen they had husband's and kids. They are always a head of me but with age we have got to be really close. I know you and your sister will get back to being close with time. emoticon emoticon

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MAIA2011 12/30/2010 12:30PM

    It's hard to feel the difference between this present and the present that might have been, particularly at this time when the veil between the worlds is so thin. I appreciate your honesty and I love the way you expressed yourself. Enjoy Wicked. I haven't seen it but the book is really amazing!


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a stone's breath to Onederland (and further in 2011)

Monday, December 27, 2010

Dec 27th 200#, on the nose -- 200.00
Well my friends, it seems I'm just a breath away from ONEderland!
In the photo you see, on the left, weight lost with Spark and Sparkfriends since July 2010. In the middle is the last stone (pound) before ONEderland -- my first near term goal. On the right, stones representing pounds yet to move as I set the next near term goal and the next.
As some of you well know, I've been frustrated for many weeks with the stasis on the scale. Having been hovering at this border for so long.

Yet, I'VE NOT LOST SIGHT at all of HOW HAPPY and CELEBRATIVE I am of accomplishments in life and choices and results so far. IT'S ALLLL GOOOD. Absolutely!

So hip hip (now with more bones) HOORAY for me! And for Us! And for WE.

We're on our ways. And it's the road and the present moment that life is made of.
I'm grateful for the road, and the journey, and my companions.


Lest I mislead with this love tangent

I'm going to be SO DELIGHTED when
THIS STONE IS GONNA MOVE!!! And soon ;-) !

btw: I upped my calories this past week. And I think that THIS may be a good thing -- perhaps the difference? It may be that my daily calories were too low. That may or may not be the reason for so many weeks stuck or setpointed and plateau'd. We'll see. For now, I plan to sticck to this new "calorie cycling" week plan and see where it leads.

What will my next near term goal be? (When this last stone moves I'll have an empty small cup to fill with the next visualization). I'm thinking to put 25 stones in there and have the goal be 175. But perhaps that's not NEAR enough; perhaps the 80's (189)? I'm sure open to reflections and the wisdom of YOUR experience.

In the meantime...
I celebrate TODAY. And MYSELF. And YOU.
2011 is already and is going to be

Im going to leave this with the only before and after I have on file so far:

Next time you see these feet, they'll be standing on the scale celebrating ONEderland!

Love You,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LEAG0628 12/27/2010 7:03PM

    I love your visual with the stones. I hovered around 200 for what seemed like FOREVER as well. It's like the body just wasn't ready to let go of that number. Congrats to you and I can't wait to read your "I broke 200" blog!

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FITMARY 12/27/2010 12:23PM

    emoticon emoticon
I love those stones. What a great way to visualize! Good luck with 2011 too!

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MAIA2011 12/27/2010 11:51AM

    You are SO close! I think you might be on the right track with upping your calories a little. I might have gone a little too low and went back and forth for six weeks. It is dispiriting.

You are doing so awesome! I love the stones even if I can't get no satisfaction currently.

Rock on!

(I could go on like this for days but it would feel like geologic time for you. Ba-Zing!)

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NANCY1BE 12/27/2010 10:41AM

    emoticonYour before and after shots are inspiring! I just hit below 200 and can appreciate how you feel! It will come..and you will rejoice and move on to next goal! I love your positive spirit!

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BL guidelines, according to:

Monday, December 20, 2010

From "RealityBlurred" website:

How does one lose weight like the contestants on The Biggest Loser, who lose it via strict diet and intense exercise alone?

The show’s diet allows “Four servings daily of fruits and vegetables,” “Three servings daily of protein,” and “Two servings daily of whole grains,” and “Up to 200 calories daily in extras, such as fats, oils, spreads, sugar-free desserts, reduced-calorie jams and syrups, sauces, olives and nuts,” according to the Los Angeles Times, which used the book as its source.
However, in total, dieters are only supposed to consume seven times their weight in calories. Thus, the paper says, “if you weigh 200 pounds, ideally you need to restrict your calorie consumption to 1,400. To those familiar with counting calories, this is a pretty severe diet.”

A UCLA dietitian says “the calorie recommendations are somewhat low. I would be concerned for someone on an unsupervised diet (of so few calories). It’s hard to get your nutritional needs met on calories that low.”

As to exercise, “The cardio workout starts with 20 to 30 minutes of walking, three days a week, and progresses to two days of steady cardio for 60 minutes and three days of interval cardio, which involves alternating between high- and low-intensity cardio exercise.” And then there’s “circuit training,” which “includes push-ups, squats, shoulder presses, biceps curls, walking lunges (five minutes), standard lunges, chair dips and abdominal crunches (seven minutes).”

"Science Behind 'The Biggest Loser'"

The Biggest Loser Diet
* modified, low carbohydrate diet 45% of calories from carbohydrates (mostly fruits, vegetables and some whole grains), 30% of calories from protein, and 25% of calories from healthy fats or oils (seeds, nuts, avocado, olive oil)
* no “white stuff”
* whole foods, elemental ingredients
* 4-3-2-1: daily 4 cups minimum of fruits and vegetables, 3 servings of healthy proteins (e.g. fish, skinless chicken breast, 93% lean ground turkey), 2 servings of whole grains, and 1 serving of healthy fat.
* Aim for everyone to have 1 serving of fish daily.
* There is room for 1 optional treat per day.
* Cereals must have minimum 5 grams of fiber per serving and less than 5 grams of sugar per serving. This limits the cereals to certain oatmeals, bran cereals, or other high fiber cereals on the market.
* Goal of 7 calories per pound of body weight for daily caloric intake. This is recalculated after significant weight loss.

Participants are provided with calorie counting resources and a food and exercise diary which they must maintain daily. This helps to raise awareness of past behaviors and develops an understanding for calorie balance through diet and exercise.

Their diets are analyzed daily by the show’s registered dietitian / nutritionist. The nutritionist reported a 70% adherence to the diet. The nutritionist also reported as a result of the diet contestents experience decreased risk for diabetes because the measure that is used to diagnose diabetes decreases from “at risk” to a healthy range.

Biggest Loser Exercise

* Goal is 7 hours per week of exercise
* Incorporate weight training, coaching, teamwork, and competition

Typical Week at the Ranch

* Before getting started, participants undergo extensive medical tests, including a physical, stress test, DEXA (to measure accurately percent body fat and lean mass), and “Bod Pod” (to measure resting metabolic rate)
* Participants also undergo psychological evaluation and the support network at home is briefed on the program so they know what to expect when the person returns home.
* All participants get a full nutrition consult, including a week of food journals review. They discuss any GI symptoms they are having. They discuss eating schedules and cooking and shopping strategies.

Common Denominators

In 3 seasons, they found the contestants shared many characteristics, including:

* no idea of the number of calories they need or what they actually consume
* most skip breakfast and snacks and let a long time go between meals
* most consume very little fruits and vegetables
* most are not getting enough protein, and what they do get is high in saturated fat
* most get very little whole grains
* most have too much “white stuff” (sugar, refined flour)
* little planning of meals, mostly on-the-go eating and dining out
* most are meeting their daily caloric needs through beverages alone (e.g. caloric sodas, juices and fruit punch)
* many consume very little water
* nearly all reported limited to no exercise
* nearly all prioritize everything and everyone else in their life ahead of their own health

I found the common denominators particularly insightful. It is easy to see why they are struggling with their weight when you look at behaviors they have in common. The goal of the Biggest Loser is to restructure that lifestyle and get them on the path to better health and wellness.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAIA2011 1/4/2011 3:23PM

    Thanks for all the info. It is still astonishing to me that I was doing everything wrong on that list and yet I think I am so smart otherwise. That diet sounds more sensible than what I thought about the Biggest Loser, too. I have been judging the show on its sensationalism.

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 12/23/2010 7:36AM

    For me, the last thing you touched on hit home. Always putting others first... and then using it as an excuse. No more, I tell you. No more!

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BIGMAMAT 12/23/2010 7:07AM

    Awesome post honey! Thanks for sharing! I loved the finale! It is so great to see the transformation.

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Being the change

Sunday, December 19, 2010

I got on the scale this morning. Same as five days ago. I'm feeling "slimmer" probably because i've been on a workout 'streak'. My heart and mind are set on making ONEderland for New Years 'Gift to Self' (similar to "note to self"). Still curious about my calorie intake, even after reading every thing I could find on line on the subject.

I know that I'm on the right road, walking a good path. I'm fine. One day at a time. I'm feeling GREAT in many ways, not the least of which is the celebration of general health and well being.

The scale is such a ouji board, a dishonest fortune teller. There are no answers on the scale.

I had to bag up 2/3's of my pants to the give away or 'fat clothes' box. This hit me in a few ways. Hooray for progress I can see! And... oh my..... ALICE IN .... Elixerville. The whole history of getting bigger and getting smaller is an interesting wave length in my subconscious and in my past.

Today I say... Feh.. Forget it. Enjoy the Day. Go workout. Eat smart today. Drink your water. Focus on Love and Life.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EMRANA 12/19/2010 1:27PM

  I loved this whole post, especially this ~ The scale is such a ouji board, a dishonest fortune teller. There are no answers on the scale.

I am totally putting that on my Sparkpage, crediting you of course. emoticon

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JGOARING 12/19/2010 10:15AM

    Love your writing style... very cool. Glad to hear you are staying on track and figuring it out... I say, toss the scale for a month or so and see where you take yourself without it.

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 12/19/2010 9:52AM

    "The scale is such a ouji board, a dishonest fortune teller. There are no answers on the scale." So f'ing true. I am beginning to think my stop in Onederland was a cruel joke as I'm back up 2 pounds... but it's also the trickiest mental space for me to be in, so I have to keep trudging. You keep trudging too!

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