PJH2028   18,295
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Time for a little refocus of my own! Time again to walk the talk.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Yes, my jeans are longer and I am smaller. (And thanks to so many good friends for sweet comments on what I wrote yesterday).

Today feels like a wake up call. I've been on the couch all day. And now that my body is not in full rebellion, now that I am no longer afraid to eat, I find that I am as prone as ever before to grazing.
Whoa Nelly!!! I say!!!!!!!

On the scale this morning I was 204 (a bump up from what may have been a totally dehydrated and sick 202.6). Did I eat popcorn with butter for lunch today in response to this!!??? NOT a sensible way to go.

Where is my energy and gusto? My sick days are over!! It's been weeks (not since my first dance class) since I moved my body. It is, I think, TIME TO GET MOVING AGAIN!!!! Back to the gym. Back to water and calorie burn streaking. This my Rider says with a wish, and it is up to me each day to tempt my Elephant to feel inspired to walk the walk and walk the talk.

I have ulcerative colitis, a chronic disease, that seems well on its way to remission now. I see the GI doctor tomorrow to follow up and learn more about ongoing care, diet and meds to keep it in remission. I do have a sinus infection or some kind of head cold now, but that too will pass.
If I get a green light with that information there is nothing but sloth to stop me from jumping back in the pool, back on the bike, etc etc etc.

Ganeshe be my guide ;-)
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NONIE_C 11/17/2010 9:23PM

    Sometimes, taking care of yourself, means taking it easy. You've been ill, so cut yourself some slack and, as another poster said, ease back into your routine. Your attitude is terrific!!! Definitely start to build some momentum so you can get back to where you were with exercise. As for the water, well, drink it or die, as I like to tell my river passengers. And really, downing those liquids (water and tea, mostly) will only help your body recover from whatever has it punky. You can do this!!!

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BIGMAMAT 11/16/2010 7:01AM

    Don't focus toooo much on that stupid scale!!! I too have been fighting a little bit of a head cold/sinus/allergy thing. You have been kickin butt and taking names! You can do this thing!!!

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FITMARY 11/15/2010 7:22PM

    Maybe you need to start slow. I've been sick and found that trying to rush back to where I was is really difficult. I'm taking baby steps to get back to my former level of activity. Good luck!
p.s. What a beautiful background on your page!

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MRSJET 11/15/2010 3:58PM

    Good luck to you as you get motivated again.

My husband also suffers with colitis and we found out may need surgery in the next year. It's great to hear you are in remission. His new prognosis has pushed us even more to change our lifestyle. We have a good chance of changing the outcome if we change how we eat and excercise.

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My Pants Are Showing My Wt Loss!!!!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Hey there. I know it's been a while since I blogged about anything. Health matters have been pretty consuming these past weeks. Hard to believe that the malady started in late August. FINALLY diagnosed and in treatment... e.g. on the mend.

One collateral benefit of being as sick as I've been is that eating was highly unappealing through much of it. Staying within my calorie range was crazy easy for the past month or more; hence, weight loss. SO.......... Now that I'm feeling a sense of relief, and a sense of well-being returning, now I get to celebrate both my recovery and my weight loss. Yippie! Skippie!!!

My pants are loose!!!!!! emoticon
Even the light colored jeans that were so tight are.... youknow...... LONGER!
(You know... reducing the width space creates more length, the bells of my bottoms covering my shoes again!) hehehehe It feels great. And it is fun to have Joe notice it on his own here and there... his arms getting around me in new ways.

I am reminded to both ENJOY it... AND... to *NOT let it go to my unconsciousness*.
Many times in the past, noticeable weight loss has triggered or translated to some subliminal "free pass thinking (e.g. minimizing or denial). I don't want to stray that way.

I want deeply to keep all my fabulous SPARK FRIENDS near, and my own SPARKyness dear.

So THANK YOU ALL for inspiring me with stories and pictures and connections to you!!!!

I am here!!!!
I am awake!!!
I am Sparking!!

It occurs to me to someday post photos of the epic saga of my diet and weight loss/gain/loss history. Then again it occurs to me to let it not have a presence here in THIS TIME.
Live in the present, I say to myself! My Spark Path needn't include all that. Then again I wonder about how useful it may be some one out there to know how high and how low and how many times over how many years..... Maybe I will, Maybe I won't. Does anyone else have that dialogue with themselves? Stop dragging that red wagon along? Or Show and Tell?

Love to All,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOGOMAMA 11/18/2010 9:53PM

    I love loose pants!!! Glad you are feeling better and getting measurable results on your progress!

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NONIE_C 11/17/2010 9:26PM

    Congrats!!! I love how good I can tell you feel. Your words are practically jumping for joy. As for the pics, well, I say do what you feel will help motivate you. If you want to start from the here and now, great; if you want to go back in time and show progress to now, that's great too. Just do what will be best for you. You're doing great!!!

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SWEETNEENI 11/14/2010 11:42PM

    Glad you are feeling better!

Hooray for longer pants and lover's embraces.

I would love to see pics. They really serve to motivate me. I always check people's pages for progress pics and, when they are there, they leave a lasting impression on me. Even more so when I post my own.

Show and tell!

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BIGMAMAT 11/14/2010 10:20PM

    Gosh I am so happy that you are on the mend! sending you big hugs from Morgantown Wv!!! emoticon

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 11/14/2010 6:27PM

    Love it PJ, LOVE IT!!!

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HIPPIE44 11/14/2010 6:15PM

    It is a wonderful feeling! Just remind yourself how great it feels and you want to keep it that way :) Nothing tastes as good as thinner FEELS.

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MAIA2011 11/14/2010 5:16PM

    Only post it if it will inspire you to keep up your current healthy lifestyle. Mostly, I haven't gone up and down in my life. I was down and then I ramped quickly up and now as of January I am trying to do something about it so I am really just staying the same (but not going up)! Pics would not inspire me but we are all different.

Great job being on the mend and your pants feeling looser. That is just wonderful!


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RIGBY31 11/14/2010 2:15PM

    I know all too well the "free pass" feeling because of a milestone. I have to stay in my reality zone and keep up the fight! You're doing so well!

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DBUCK10 11/14/2010 1:53PM

    Congrats on your success~growth in your journey!!! Keep up your hard work and dedication!


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First Class! Brazilian Dance

Saturday, October 30, 2010

(This is not my class ;-) It is my teacher (in green) with a group of students somewhere else performing, apparently.)

Here she is again, and this is more what my class feels like.
And this, too:

huh? How do I hold my arms? Which leg first? Oh... okay.... I see.... Yeah!

Our teacher is SO AMAZING. Wow! How lucky we are! A serious artist, singer, and exuberant shining like sunshine energy, a true through and through performer and dancer of many years, Dill Costa, from Rio de Janeiro, is our teacher!!!!! She's contagious. She's special.

And we made it through the first class!!!!!! Much more aerobic than we had anticipated. Our first class had Joe and I visiting what is actually her Thursday Level 2 class because our Wednesday class had been cancelled. The MUSIC is GREAT. Her dancing knowledge and teaching style is fabulous. She sees everyone. And her corrections and comments with persistent feeling of happy invitation (you can do it!) are right on -- (lift your knees, let your hips move, pick up your feet more, one two/one two/one two, half time, double time...). It was not easy. But we can both see how we will get better.

The room was filled with sweat. And limbs akimbo. And music... and JOY. I struggled through some of it. And was glad for my musicality, my rhythm, which was truly helpful, and also for my many years of assorted aerobics classes which have taught me well how to FollowTheLeader.
One of the things Dill kept telling me was to "Look up", raise your chin, look in the mirror.
Admittedly, my dear SPARKfriends, it is not easy or comfortable for me to look in the mirror -- you know, the big full wall of dance studio mirrors. I'm the only larger person in the room. I'm cute though!!! (The two guys in the class are both tall and rail skinny, and next to them I look.... And next to the young women in sleak dancewear I look....)

I will have to, and I will, invite myself to look in the mirror in new ways. To see differently.

Oh,yes... And boy did we dress in the wrong clothes! Next time workout wear and gym shoes!
I was DRENCHED by the end of it. And after an hour my heart rate did get too high and I had to sit down a moment.

IT"S ALL GOOD. It's going to be a challenge and an opportunity on so many levels.
And one of the best things about it -- are the big collateral benefits: *our class will get us out into a different and very vibrant Chicago neighborhood every week, and we'll be at the Old Town School of Folk Music every week, meeting people and taking in the energy at one of Chicago's nicest friendliest and most welcoming communities of people I can think of.

So that's the report! First Class done. 7 weeks ahead!
Who knows what that will bring. And I will, I'm sure, want to blog about it again.

I'm delighted. What a great Fall 2010 adventure.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EDOWNEY1972 11/8/2010 8:26PM

    That sounds like a wonderful class! I would love to take it too if I didn't live so very very far away. Please, keep posting about your doings. I love to read about the great classes you take.

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AKAFIT 11/3/2010 12:40PM

    Bravo and you will see yourself as the sexy woman you are one day. I am so excited for you. Dancing is an awesome workout and you just seem to get lost in the music and not realize how HARD you are actually working. emoticon

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LDY_ALI_79 11/3/2010 12:23PM

    emoticon You got some great pictures!

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MAIA2011 11/3/2010 12:16PM

    I love Brazilian dance! I have a few CDs that I watch from time to time because I don't want to miss the beauty of it by trying to do the moves. LOL I salute your courage!


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RIGBY31 11/3/2010 10:39AM

    I need to take a professional class! I tried an at-home cd and threw my back out trying for toooo much! But the mustic is fantastic!

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GOGOMAMA 11/1/2010 10:38PM

    Looks so fun!!! Way to be active in a fun way! Enjoy!

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BARBIE176 10/31/2010 2:03PM

    Your blog made me so want to take that class and be with that teacher and you! I took Zumba for about a year a year or soo ago and it was very similar and I could definitely tell it would be a great way to get in shape. Keep up the awesome job!

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LYNDALOVES2HIKE 10/30/2010 5:57PM

    Wow, sounds like a great class - makes me want to see if there's something like that around here!

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BIGMAMAT 10/30/2010 12:37PM

    I simply love, love, love this blog! I am so excited for you. I wish I lived closer so I could go too! I love what you said about inviting yourself to look in the mirrors in new ways! We are always so critical of ourselves. See yourself as I see you, BEAUTIFUL! HUGS. Tricia emoticon emoticon

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BTINTERNET 10/30/2010 12:20PM

    What fun!!!! Do keep us posted on this - it sounds great!

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Time rise, time fall -- sooner and latah

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Time has been really weird since getting back from our wonderful trip. I dove into new activities and goals for daily activity the moment we returned. I made a chart and enthusiastically showed up at new classes at my club: Monday Pilates, Tuesday elliptical, Wednesday last I took my first Zumba class. And then Thursday this ongoing malaise with my tummy etc just kicked me out. It's been months! And between the symptoms themselves and the worry and the wait for appointments with specialists.... I just hit the couch. I haven't been over eating at all. Eating is so connected to my malady that if anything I'm eating less - or, a little differently perhaps. For instance, animal products just don't appeal much. I need protein. But tofu and fish have felt the safest. And pasta.

I met with a friend here today who amazingly enough told me that she has had ulcerative colitis for three years, successfully held at bay by simple daily oral medication. Amazing. A success story. And a mia culpa. That just goes such a long way. (Just like it does here on Spark).
She spoke of how she had had no energy when she was in a flare. And suddenly I wondered if I wasn't guilty for slacking on my program. Maybe I've been reasonably or *really* without the energy.

I wrote yesterday on my status: PJH is all in. I mean it. Yet, there are things that can be done NOW to keep some momentum in the sparkfire. I'm off my basics. I haven't been streaking with my water drinking or logging. Today I drank hot water with lemon instead of eating lunch while out with my friend. I have no idea how much water it was. Logging.

Can you tell that I'm a bit confused? I guess I am.
I am hopeful that this chapter of malaise will be brought to a close soon with appointments and meds from one of the two specialists I hope to consult. I will probably have to have full workups and tests. And the condition may require maintenance of who knows what kind.

My goal of health and wellbeing remains constant. Is made perhaps even more profound amidst all this. And I can only walk through the story as it unfolds.

I'm thinking i might soon make a fitness collage... I want to keep my 100 day activity chart and will get back to the gym soon. Tomorrow? I'm not sure. I don't know if I'm making excuses out of real cause or of fear. I guess for tonite I'll say.... Maybe I'll go to the gym tomorrow.
It's an option. If I'm up to it. A little something may really be a good thing.

I hope this isn't a rant or a whine. I DO want to stay connected to my dear friends here... to let you know what's going on with me... to make myself more available for exchanging stories and details. I'll leave off there. Being in touch is a good thing.

Love Laughter Gratitude.
See you latah and soon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAIA2011 11/3/2010 12:13PM

    I am so sorry you are going through all this and I hope it is figured out soon. What you have been able to accomplish anyway makes you some kind of superhero so remember that! I am so impressed with you! Take care!

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MAMADWARF 10/27/2010 8:39PM

    My daughter has crohns. exhaustion is a huge thing for her. she was in a wheelchair for a long time. getting to the couch from her bed was about all she can do. I feel ya. Hope you are doing better soon....Jan

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Move a little something... Every day!

Monday, October 18, 2010

Well gang, modeling is the way we learn best isn't it?! So today after reading BIGMAMAT's blog about completing a 100dayChallenge ...and what it was Really like -- with sensitivity and humor, candor and gentle honest acceptance... I made the LEAP! I saw myself in the story.

Up on my wall went a page with spaces for one hundred days to vision and record DAILY MOVEMENT, Exercise, Experimentation, Fun and Festivities as well as pure sweat and calorie-burn.

DAY ONE: Pilates
My first ever pilates class. I showed up in a new room, with new people, and no idea what was going to happen. I let myself just Be - doing the best i could, copying the moves as best I could -- able to do some, and thoroughly not able to do others. I am really PROUD of myself. Mostly for my attitude. You know, at the end of the hour I felt envigorated. I'd gotton some heat. I was flushed. There was some sweat in my hair. But I could do more. I suddenly felt an old familiar PANG of "You SHOULD DO MORE!" -- a driving voice that slogged through many a weight loss regime. I'm PROUD of myself for rejecting that voice today!! I did what I set out to do. I did an hour of activity today, Monday. Tomorrow is another day!!! And, yes, of course, some days more may be desired. But the spirit of my challenge now is ONE DAY AT A TIME and Bringing MOVEMENT into EVERY DAY!!!

Ah... dorkville is a fabulous place to be today. Love to all. Pj

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIGMAMAT 10/24/2010 1:32PM

    OMG. I am totally honored and humbled to be mentioned in your blog!

Congratulations on taking the leap! Stop by and tell me more about pilates!

I am proud of you for resisting that meanie voice in your head. Kick him to the curb!!

Hugs. Tricia emoticon

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MRSWHITEWOLF 10/23/2010 9:06PM

    AWESOME! emoticon emoticon

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MAIA2011 10/23/2010 4:17PM

    I live in dorkville myself. In fact, I'm the mayor.


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