Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Well.... I'm breathing deep. Wiping away some - i'll admit it -- slow tears.
I'd postponed a weigh in for ten days... not because i hadn't been staying with my program.... but because the slow changes in my digestive problems had me feeling quite sure that the scale would illustrate how confused my colon is ... and i didn't want to be discouraged.
I know for SURE that I've been sticking to my calorie range. (The one that should work with or without exercise for my BMR/RMR and stats). And I have made it to the gym 3x a week for 45 minutes, averaging a 400c burn each time.
So........... Is my metabolism totally broken??? (by a lifetime of yoyo diets) ??
............Is the g.i. problem I've had since late August totally screwing with my weight loss?
I NEED AN EXPLANATION
SOMETHING I CAN TELL MY little big SELF
I have totally embraced my Spark Program.
On so many levels, the simplicity and connection and boundaries are serving me so well!!
BUT IT IS NOT FAIR/REASONABLE
IT DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!!
WHY WHY WHY is the Scale Stuck at 212???????
(it was 211 after a long awaited poop last week)
Oh my! When will this GI problem be totally clear from my body!!
I want a level playing field!!!!!!!
I want to know what adjustments I can make to get that scale moving.
(I've been stuck here for a month - and have not wavered).
I feel ridiculous. And compassionate to my self too.
After all, I DO have goals. I DO want RESULTS.
I want to be and feel healthy.
This "tiny little fat person" -- as I sometimes laughingly call myself to Joe-- wants to see the clothing sizes go down. And, god forbid, wants to be free and clear of all this bloating and distention for our trip in October.
What can anyone say to me? What can I tell myself?
Hang in there.
You're STILL doing great.
Maybe talk to doctor or a metabolism person. (Raise or lower calories????)
Maybe you'll take a 4lb poop?
Up the exercise?
Keep on. Keeping on.. Keep your sights on where you want to be. You'll get there.
IF all my wonderful lovely s can move the scale...
I will too.
(will decide which intervention needs to be done, with some advice / feedback)
Love to anyone who had the patience to read this.
Love to all my spark friends whose kindness, brightness, stories, trials and successes make me feel in such good company.
Love to me, too.
Sunday, September 19, 2010
I want to keep what I wrote at start. But I also want to put a new intro up.
So, this blogpage will be my place to look back to. (If you're visiting, thanks for stopping by, and yet I'm not sure this is anything you want to read at this point). Love, Paula
Greetings and Hello.
I am on a roll! And thank you for coming with me ;-)
Daily discipline. Daily Maintenance. Daily Attention. Steady process. This is my quest. And this is every day's journey.
There have been and are so many lessons learned in a lifetime of food&weight-related struggles. And the pieces and peace to learn NOW (not yet learned deeply enough or integrated well enough before) have much to do with being in my body, being in the present moment (every NOW) --- and the energetics and simplicity of the fact that 'you're never done' and that little bits go a long way.
MOMENTUM is a better lesson to 'get' ...
Sooooooooo DONE am I with being "the fat girl"
(and with a litany of other stock personas and descriptions that have outworn their use)
I'm 52 (wow). I started SP in July weighing 221#. My highest weight in my life was 299 at age 17; lowest weights 145 for a day at age 19, and 165-175 for a season (I'll post a photo from 1989 soon). I've lost and gained 100's of pounds, but gratefully found a stillpoint for the past decade between 195-225. At the top of that range... I find this NOW... And am "Sparked" to create a new chapter in Paula's story.
Shi(F)t Happens! Daily Practice. Honesty and Loyalty to Self. Goal by Goal. Reward to reward.
For me, the Goal Setting and Rewards is truly new. And I need help with this.
I'm in the middle of reading The Spark book... and it's helping to remind me.... What are my core values? In words? In images? In goals that will instruct and motivate? I don't know why that's hard for me. The weight goals are the ones that come up first and on top. That's GREAT. Yet, I believe that the deeper goals ARE needed to anchor the whole.
When I first started I wrote that what I want or had "for now, my future vision is that I would like to be 175 or less. I want to have more EASE of movement, and I want more energy. I want to learn through experience about setting attainable goals and rewarding myself for doing so. Appreciate EACH day. NOW. Set goals. Create and receive rewards. Generate Pleasure and ... Joy." I'll stick with this for now. And I'll let the scale numbers sub-script morph over time.
Lasting Change happens in hearts and minds... almost invisibly. Yet making specific goals has to be done in order to be able to celebrate and motivate. So.....
How about a pound a week? Or 4# a month!?
Long range goal 222-145 (lose 77 lbs) -- by Dec 2011
8/16/10 215 Done!
9/1/10 Stuck here. Too few calories? Not enough exercise?
9/11-22 212 (gi problems moving through)
222 Sparked July 20, 2010
Thank goodness for the roads already traveled. And the best of friends met along the way.
Friday, September 03, 2010
I've been an Elliptical person for many years now. I don't remember how that happened. Some talk about knees. Or maybe about relative (dis)comfort. Or because I'd been able to sustain more minutes on elliptical than treadmill. I stopped treadmilling long ago.
But I've been feeling inspired by others' on SP C25k programs, and am now of the mind to incorporate treadmill routines. After all, with more days per week at gym, I need to diversify!
On Wednesday, at the health club, I did 30 easy minutes in the high 2's building up to low 3's. Honestly, it felt like "enough", if not a lot. I had invited myself to start small, even as I judged myself for the low speed numbers (compared the 3.6-4.0 speed walking I did ten years ago).
Okay, I said to myself, "Walking, Is good." For my 5'4" pear-shaped self, it felt "brisk," and when I logged in to SP I felt that I could call that a medium intensity (My heart rate stayed at top of "fatburning" range).
Today, the health club was closed. So (and this deserves a )... I went home and dusted off the treadmill I purchased long ago and have rarely actually used. Really. I did! Four stars for shi(f)t happening ;-).
I warmed up in the mid 2's... 2.6..2.7.. 2.8 steady..... then interval at 4.0 (30sec). Recover at 2.9. Up again to 3.2... and steady there with 3-4 more 4.0 intervals.
You guys.... I was startled by how tough those 30 second intervals were!!
I mean, my body felt leaden. AND, TOO... I took the Spark advice and set achievable goals.
30 second intervals were just right, right now.
Yes, i'm just starting. Yes, I'm giving myself credit for doing it! At all, and for 30 minutes! YET... ( HERE is where I could really use some feedback and tales of others' personal experience)....... I FEEL I NEED PERSPECTIVE FROM SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN HERE, AND GOTTON 'THERE' (wherever there is).
When I held side rail and took some weight into my arms, lessening the load on torso and legs, I got a glimpse of what running may feel like in future. No wonder, I say. Aha! If I was lighter in body weight, I may get a feeling of Air... of more fluid motion. (This, not ever having been my experience.)
YES, I want to feel like that (THAT). I'd like to try that, at least.
And I realize it may take me a long long time to get there.
So.. I am interested in creating a treadmill routine that will build my skill and stamina.
But if I should keep-it-simple until I've lost more weight, that's fine too. (I am avidly against flirting with injuries.)
What have other people done?
I'm thinking I'll stick with 30 minutes for now and will get my stride rhythm moving up in speed. I think I may not be ready for C25k yet. Maybe I should build up my stride pace first? Or should I just jump in to that c25k chart?
I love the SPARK suggestion to keep the goals Do-able. Keep feeling positive. Staying focused. And rewarding myself for all I am doing Today to further my fitness and integrated health/vision.
Wednesday, September 01, 2010
Thanks to the amazing women I've found in the SP pages today, I am believing that I TOO can succeed. Bought some new products to copycat some of your great ideas for menus, and will think of you as I get my self in motion 5-6x week and for higher calorie burning activities as I work up to them.
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