PJH2028   18,695
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I updated my page

Monday, October 21, 2013

Today-ing is the New Ta-da (OCT/NOV 2013)

It CAN be done.
One Day at A Time

For those looking for inspiration -- I lost 90 lbs. And have been keeping most of it off for a year!!! It took a long time. It took SPARK and Friends, and GOALS and Resolve, and Actions...One Day At A Time. It took DECLARING I WOULD DO IT.
Put your mind to it.

NOW it's time to KEEP DOING THAT -- Take off some more wt (including 8 LBS put back on recently.... )

NOW it's time to KEEP DOING THAT --- Identify Action Steps... and do those things one baby step at a time. Life is Here Now.

I CAN Love myself better

I can keep learning how to care for myself DAILY
eat, sleep, move, love, work, think, do

I CAN get over my shopping-phobia and perfectionism
Need some Action Steps to break this stuff down.. open to suggestions!!


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHOCOHIPPO 10/21/2013 4:10PM

    You should be so proud! Congratulations!

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    emoticon I'll check out your Spark Page! I just changed mine today too and have declared I will do it!! emoticon emoticon

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the wait

Sunday, October 13, 2013

The Weight-ing Games
Not a game really.
I took it for granted. And I've drifted. Up 10 lbs since I moved out of Winchester (apt of 20 years). 153 - 162 today. Up and down between.
I weighed 162 in August of 2012 -- so says the remarkable and wonderful Spark Tracker Report.
Good to know. Good to know.
I was as low as 148 one day when I was not eating due to stress this summer.
I've been eating for company and stress and Gravity for a month in Chicago.
Or maybe I've just been eating heavy because I"ve not been in a routine of self-care.
well... that's changed now.
Two days of gauntlet. Two days into Decision to Be Conscious Again.
Because I CARE --
about how I feel.

gaining weight feels yucky on my body.
and.. yes... the IDEA of numbers and retrogrades feels bad too.

One Day At A Time

Yep. I'd like to weigh 135-145.

So tracking daily on my Spark.
Log In daily on my Spark.
Re Connect with Friends on Spark.


I didn't like the film Gravity when I saw it. But then I thought a LOT about it after. So...
maybe it was pretty good?

What tethers us? What holds us? Me. To the world. To the day.
Mind Time Experience Beliefs
What force -
food? thought? framing devices? goals? loves?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BEANIES_MOM 10/14/2013 6:51AM


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CHOCOHIPPO 10/13/2013 4:48PM

    Good luck

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SANDISOCAROLINA 10/13/2013 12:49PM

    Looked at your Spark Page and you have made an AMAZING transformation and look so happy and healthy. Keep it. Don't give it up. You are AWESOME-ness, beautiful inside and out, clear to see.

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i forgot how

Thursday, October 03, 2013

so... i'm alone in an apartment with a galley kitchen
so... i'm eating alone.... and too often
i got used to dinner for two.... to shopping together.... and talking through my day...instead of eating over it. I've had a string of overeating days....

Going to the kitchen as a way of transition-ing.
an old way....
to be discarded again

Being afraid of it...as though I have no influence is crazy though.
I have influence... every day... and every gesture.
So... tonite I didn't SPARK instaead of eat. Tomorrow ... will do better.

I am not where I want to be.
Sit in it. Don't eat through it.
That is the question.
Love ingly

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABYSOX 10/4/2013 6:48AM

    Today you will make healthier choices. emoticon

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FLAMENM 10/4/2013 12:18AM

    You WILL do better tomorrow. And even better the next day.

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CHOCOHIPPO 10/3/2013 11:04PM

    You can do it!!!!

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JUSGETTENBY42 10/3/2013 9:58PM


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Sunday, September 15, 2013

I'm in Chicago. September 15th. I left here at the end of June. I was truly out of my mind -- adrenal crash, hormone crash, nervous ...breakup.... etc etc
Three months later... endocrinologist and supplements and celexa later... Still 153lbs (that's now the 'easy part' ???? really??? well... not easy... i had to buy a scale becuase I still fret over it... and when i go up three pounds I'm able to trim back for a few days -- STAY CONSCIOUS ..> THAT'S THE LESSON

So... How to apply the lesson NOW? The issue? Home. House. Money. Living Well within my means. NOt that different than "eating well" "within my means".

My ED was both withholding and excessive. I starved myself and I gluttoned. What took many layers of experience to learn...was and continues to be... LISTENING to my needs... and LEARNING a BETTER SKILLS BEHAVIORS for answering and meeting my needs.

Shelter. Consumer Goods. Activities. People.
What are my wants and needs? What is reasonable? What is possible?

Joe moved to California to be near his family and to 'lead the way' "for Us" to a next chapter when our apartment was lost here in Chicago and I bought a condo in a neighborhood neither of us really want to live in.

I just spent two months helping Joe (and Us) get set up in a rented cabin in a beautiful spot in the redwoods. Rustic. And truly beautiful -- STARS, MOON, Ocean in the distance, canyons, condors, blue jays, crickets, spiders, bees, mice.... wood stove... beautiful. "Our House.." beautiful. Just need two cats in the yard? It's not Laurel Canyon...


I love the making house and the daily love in my relationship.
I need work. There? Here? Where?

I just got off a plane in Chicago. My MOM is here. My doctors are here. Colitis doctor tomorrow. I have to Powerwash the Decks at condo with the rest of the association of owners (none of whom I've met) on Saturday. I have to do this to protect my investment. I will rent out the condo? And/or sell it in Spring? Or if California turns out to not be for me me... I will come back to Chicago again?

I grew up here. I know this town. I know people here. Have three solid friends.
In california I firmly DID NOT WANT TO come back to Chicago.
Now arrived in Chicago.... It is FAMILIAR. And California seems so far away.

is something DEEP DEEP
and connected to how lifelong difficult decision making is and has been

I am so changeable, mutable, ...adaptive.
Eating has always anchored me.
As long as I can eat well... and be comfortable-ish....

I'M 55
No child
My family does not come together ... barely at all
I've done LOT of interesting things
Yet I have not "pursued a passion"
I do not have " a career"

I am able to start over
I am breathing
I am grateful

Joe and his family
and the beauty of two months breathing
back to center


I will pack Joe's clothes this week and send them to California (he's been wearing the same 6 items for three months!!).

I will move from storage unit to condo to save $$ while I or we figure out whether to unpack or simply wait for bigger move in Spring.

This all scares me.
I like things wrapped up and static.
I lived in the same rented apartment for 20 years.

!!! And I don't have all the answers. That static position of 20 years made everything so easy -- everything figured out... no moves.

Is that like exercise? from Sedentary to Exercise?

I wonder.

I'm rambling. I should not publish this. But I'm going to. So I can read it again.
If any of you do read this....

Be kind.
Thank you

Thank you Universe
for taking care of me

Thank you Universe

and relative 'health'

I am grateful.
I am showing up.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BABY_GIRL69 9/15/2013 7:20PM

    Leaving Chicago is something I dread to live somewhere else this has been my comfort my home my life. My family too is here & we get together on holidays but I would like more. More birthdays or just because lunches or dinners. It is tough but you have to do what makes you happy. Some times I think I have it all figured out then I ma so afraid. My kids are here is surround suburbs while I languish in the city I love. My grand kids are here, I hear them on the phone & go nuts if I don't see them often but eventually they will all lead their lives & I will have to do the same. I guess we both got some figuring out to do.....

God bless & be encouraged!


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CHOCOHIPPO 9/15/2013 12:22PM

    I left Chicago over two years ago to move to Florida. I love it here...now. It took some time. It is an adjustment. But being able to reinvent yourself is a wonderful gift. We visit often. My kids visit often. Take a chance on a brilliant new future. What helped me is knowing that I could always move back if I was unhappy. Hope this helps.

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SYLVIAD265 9/15/2013 11:33AM


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JAZZYGF 9/15/2013 11:30AM

    Hello I am 68 live in Ohio but have been to Chicago
Your life is quite full and decisions well so many
I suffer anxiety and depression
my kids and grandkids have no family gatherings My nerves cannot take it. I am therapy over a year and thank god everyday for her
I guess just take one day at a time easy for me to say but tackling all of your life and expectations emoticon emoticon too much on a daily basis.
lets be friends

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CC of Featured Blog Post "Lessons from Someone Who's Kept the Weight Off"

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Week of 04/11/2013 - Featured Blog Post TINAJANE76

Lessons from Someone Who's Kept the Weight Off

Over the course of the past year, I've learned a lot about myself and the strategies that are important for me to use to stabilize my weight. I'm quite fortunate that I haven't experienced any major life challenges to seriously throw me off track in the past year, so I feel like I've established a strong foundation to deal with those when they do come down the road.

1. Staying connected to my support systems
I've never had real support on maintenance and until now, I had always regained any weight I lost. Staying active here on SparkPeople, especially on the At Goal & Maintaining + Transition to Maintenance team has been a huge component of my success. I've learned so much from the strategies used by other maintainers and have found having the support of like-minded people to be invaluable. Even if you're not at goal yet, I strongly suggest checking out this team. There's a lot to be learned from people who have experienced lasting weight management success. You can visit us here: teams.sparkpeople.com/maintaining

2. Keeping up my healthy habits
Maintenance is not a destination. It's a continuation of a process of refinement of the habits that you developed to lose weight and get healthy. Yes, I still experiment with different strategies to keep me interested, engaged and on track, but the basics of my diet and exercise regime are the same. Eat better, mind my portions, move as much as possible and strength train.

3. Continuing to track and weigh in regularly
Tracking was a useful weight loss tool for me and one that I've continued in maintenance. It's helped me to identify where I need to be from a nutritional and fitness point of view and has helped prevent weight creep. Regular weigh-ins have backed up those efforts and shown me where changes need to be made.

4. Tackling weight creep with subtle changes
There have been times in the past year when I've added a few pounds. Rather than panicking and doing anything drastic, I've made subtle changes when I've seen upward trends and taken a more patient approach to getting the weight back off. I realize that a five-pound gain is nothing compared to a 50-pound gain and can be undone gradually without making significant changes to my meal plan or exercise routine. As a result, I don't feel as though I've had to shift back into weight loss mode and like I'm in a perpetual yo-yo cycle.

5. Learning to live life in a sustainable way
Unlike my past efforts, which were often quite restrictive, I've learned that it's okay not to be perfect. It's okay to indulge every once in a while and it's okay if I slip up from time to time. My overall lifestyle is healthy and it's okay if I don't adhere to a perfect plan all the time. Small daily treats and occasional indulgences have made my maintenance more enjoyable and made me feel like something I can keep up for the rest of my life. I don't have to avoid social events out of fear of weight regain because I've learned to choose my indulgences more wisely and to plan ahead and/or make healthier choices when I've felt like what's being offered isn't worth it.

I admit that it hasn't always been easy and that there have been times when my resolve hasn't been as strong as others. But as my anniversary approaches, I find myself right in the center of my maintenance range and optimistic that I can keep this up forever.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHOCOHIPPO 4/15/2013 12:57PM

    I love your no nonsense but forgiving approach to maintenance. These are great rules to live by and when I get there, I intend to use these. Thank you for sharing your wisdom with us.

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RILEYBOT 4/11/2013 10:08AM

    Thank you, your blog has helped me a lot. I am struggling now with "weight creep" and I like your perspective on not being perfect. I need to relearn that. emoticon

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