PJH2028   17,676
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PJH2028's Recent Blog Entries

First ever Size 12 dress !!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

My amazing friend Kristen was with me in the dressing room. I'm like a toddler looking into her face for validation, to see approval, to see if I should be can be happy about it.

Very You, she said. Leaning toward Diane Lane in Under the Tuscan Sun.
Don't have a bra that won't show. . .
Bought it on sale and brought it home.
Loved the feeling of celebration with Kristen!

In the air conditioned cubicle at Lord & Taylor it didn't feel "too snug"...
But home now with the real heat... and... yeah... it may be... too tight for sweating in.

Wanted to share the girlish moment of celebration with you all too.
Maybe I'll keep it? Maybe I won't. tbd

Not since..... high school? jr high school? the smallest since then i can remember was a 14.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLFRISBEY 6/25/2012 11:41AM

    Spectacular!!! You're looking amazing and hope you feel that way as well! So glad you decided to keep the dress, it's very flattering!

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BIGMAMAT 6/23/2012 1:34AM

    OMG!!! You look wonderful P!!!!!! emoticon Celebrating your success!!!! Wooohoooo!!!

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GOGOMAMA 6/22/2012 9:56AM

    Wow P!! Gorgeous dress and gorgeous you!! You look fabulous!! Well done my friend!! I love the look of pride and pleasure on your face!! :)

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KT-NICHOLS-13 6/21/2012 5:51PM

    You look amazing and that color is fantastic.

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GRANNYQUINN 6/21/2012 5:47PM

    Awesome , congrats - Is that the best feeling or what?

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1STMOMMY1991 6/21/2012 9:37AM

    congratulations!!! and thanks for giving me a goal to look forward to. emoticon

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RENCHERRY 6/21/2012 9:34AM

    I say keep it! It looks really lovely on you! Congrats!!

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ANNIEONLI 6/21/2012 8:23AM

    Congrats!!!!!!! You go girl!!!

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ANEWME3536 6/21/2012 6:48AM

    Ooh, I love that color on you! You look great!

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CELLISTA1 6/20/2012 10:03PM

    It looks good on you!! Enjoy!

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IBSHAUN 6/20/2012 8:59PM

    That's fantastic! Way to go!

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BABY_GIRL69 6/20/2012 8:35PM

    I think you should be so proud of yourself! I think you look simply gorgeous.....God bless & continued success!!


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TALVARADO6 6/20/2012 8:10PM

    Great job! You look great! I can see how excited you are in this picture!!! I would be, too!!

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HEALTHYASHLEY 6/20/2012 7:51PM

    I love the dress and I love the look on your face. You look so proud and happy! Congratulations! I don't remember being smaller than a 14 in my life either. I hope a 12 is in my future!

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PATTOMMC3 6/20/2012 7:46PM


That is wonderful! You look great!

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TARAH85 6/20/2012 7:29PM

    It's very pretty. Now your should get a bra that can be covered (and maybe uncovered?)

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ILOVEJIM851991 6/20/2012 7:29PM

    emoticon emoticongreat job

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Injuries - Will NOT Derail me emotionally. They could. But can't let them!!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Fix this!!!!
Just a couple of weeks ago ... I was feeling GREAT! I was on a roll! I was at the beginning of new goals.

P.s. Shopping for clothes is NOT therapy for me. Still overwhelming. Won't try that again without a chaperone.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLFRISBEY 6/18/2012 10:18AM

    I totally volunteer to be your chaperone next time you want to shop! I love it even though things don't always work out and sizes are different from one thing to another. You can do it, lady! Just hang in there and things will work out!

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Ups and downs and in betweens - June 2012

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Morning coffee. Slept in. Weighed in. It's Thursday. Wednesday is my weigh day. And I've skipped a couple. I weighed 173 at my infusion last Friday, shoes on after breakfast. My low weight this past 30 days was 167 a couple of weeks ago, before TOM.... and I relished resetting my stones and moving those few over, the ones that meant *below 170* for the first time *healthy* and not because of that winter uc medication mashup. . . which took me through March of this year.
Ups and Downs. Ups and Downs.

It's been up and down since March. I have a graph on my wall that charts it, old school style. Oh yeah... weight loss graphs have been in MY life forever. But this one is My Spark Graph, and I have loved and respected this one -- it has been unlike ALL others prior. I've had to add pages because I ran out of space twice.

This journey has not been about How Long It Takes. Rather, it has been about travelling ACROSS and DOWN. Across through time, with new behaviors, making them mine and inhabiting them for themselves. The numerical countdown is a consequence of those behaviors.... the graph doesn't have the power, the behaviors do.

Still, the graph and the goblet of black beach stones help me visualize WHERE AM I in my goals for fitness, where am I in my path back to the body.

And... sisters.... I've been up and down since March. 174-165-172-167-173-170-173.6 today.
This represents the up and down of my behaviors. Yep. That's what it resonates.

Some consistency. It shows that. There is some stability there.
Some acting out or caution to the wind. Eating past full. Grazing instead of feeling. It shows that, too.
Some exercise. It shows that.
Some sedentary. It shows that. INJURY - Tennis Elbow - Back Out - Yuck. f**k

I am no victim. Not even of the injury. Not even of the questionable chiropractic treatment.

Wow. That Maybe The TRIP I'm On Now. (I think it is).
Up and Down. Up and Down.
Loving it. Admiring it. Caring for it.
Hating it. Not trusting it. Wanting to modify it.
Pushing and Pulling and giving up and backing off. Rinse Repeat.
Man, even my HAIR has been irritating me... broken too thin unmanageable.

Freelance Work downtown the past couple of weeks has reminded me how HARD it IS and Always Was to take care of my self (food sleep stress eating....attitude) when having to deal with negotiating business and persons and shedules.

I want/need the money... so ... it's time to step up my game.... life can be a spa at times...but not n for many, not for long, not in general.

Being in a stronger more mobile body... aging as it is.... means having more energy...means FINDING MORE to DO with that energy and with myself.

((Food and withdrawing go together... dont you think?))

STUCK? Yeah. You bet. For a long long long time.
There's an article in O Magazine this month called "Decisions, Decisions" about a woman addicted to Opportunity (they say). I see myself loud and clear there. Ironically the consequences of the profile are not scads of experiences but a lack of them. **Must read this again.

So- Where am I now. Blogging.
Talking to my self. Talking to my much loved and much appreciated spark friends.

The graphs don't end at a specific time. The journey goes on and on....

YES - I want to move the numbers and the stones. SO, to do that, I will follow the yellow brick road here... I know what to do... Just do it... And track it here in Sparkville... (not Oz).

YES- I want to play tennis. I want to add a FUN FACTOR to Fitness. Fitness WITH other people. A "game" to PLAY into my 80's, they say. I want to learn how to torsion my body properly to avoid injury. And I will do all I can to do that.

YES- I want to enjoy getting dressed this season. I have not many clothes to wear. Enough to cover my self, but not to celebrate my body where it is. Or maybe I do and it's just attitude. Because I'm not sure... I will do a bit of shopping this and next week and find a couple of new things to add pleasure to the NOW of my BODY (not just holding on for more weight loss).

YES- There are other goals. A ton of to do lists. ETC.
This First. This First.
(It's okay, P. It's okay to keep this first in my mind).

More To Come.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIGMAMAT 6/14/2012 10:09PM

    "The graphs don't end at a specific time. The journey goes on and on.... " Love this. It's not just a journey, It's YOUR journey. It's ours. And I am so glad I met you along the way! emoticon

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CLESSFAT 6/14/2012 9:45AM

    You ROCK!! Look at all the weight you have lost!! Up and down my A@!, you are going DOWN!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/14/2012 9:46:00 AM

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BTSYGRS 6/14/2012 9:40AM

    Thank you for your honest sharing. Reminds me that we've got to keep the "big picture" in mind - not just today's number, but where we've come from and where we want to go. It's not a straight path any way you look at it. Have a great day! emoticon

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Get back! No Ostriches (really a note to self)

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Another Wednesday approaches and I'm not back yet.
Last week sounded like a commitment. It felt like one. But ... What?

Injuries - plaintiff knees, ankles, feet. Wah!
Food - helter skelter.... not enough water...

Get back. Get back to where you once belonged.

Friends, this blog is for me.
Water 8 glasses a day - 2 x 32oz bottles (basic basic basic)
Bkfst under 350 Lunch under 350 Dinner 400-500
Reduce Snacking! (this is where we're off the rails)
Snack on carrots/celery with ranch... 1 luna or ww smoothie... Black coffee - WATERS

I do hereby grant myself permission to primary focus on diet and exercise again... even though i haven't made any progress with work and other growth endeavors. Yet... No ostritch head in sand allowed!

Money confusion/issues/problems -- many.
I do hereby promise to write about this this week and set some goals.

Goal for Summer Weight - Get to bottom of the 60's
Goal for Summer Exercise - 4 days cardio & stretch incl 1x tim + 1tennis and 1x other class
Goal for Summer Work - Volunteer at first slice, look into on line studies, look into GRE again
Gratitude - practice daily
Ambition - what?

Visit Jill/Sophie in June
Laura here end June early July
July/August -- Chicago - tennis, exercise, WORK search
Fall Work????
Trip to CA or HI

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

BIGMAMAT 5/15/2012 7:01PM

    I like the way you think chick! The sky is the limit baby!!! emoticon

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MAMADWARF 5/15/2012 11:18AM

    That's a sensible plan..you can do this!

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AZMOMXTWO 5/15/2012 7:46AM

  great blog I agree enjoy your visits and keep moving forward

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Goal 3

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Gotta get back to 160s. I'm up to 174. And... I'm saying it....
I want to lose more weight. I want to get to the 140's and see what that feels like.
I knew it would happen this way. Onderland, goal 1. 175 goal 2. 145 goal 3.

There are personal evolutions and changes that have to, do and will happen in order to make way for this. MACHETE in the jungle. Could happen. Could happen.

Shine Your Light.
Don't Dim Your Light.
Work. Place. Love.

Food remains a centerpiece of my enjoyment every day. That may not ever change. It is so for so many... right?

Relationships are f'g confusing. I will not... I hereby declare... I will not retreat to the cupboards and the fridge in lieu of feeling my feelings when they are so uncomfortable.

Work is elusive for so many these days. Including me.
I am afraid. . . . of BIG CHANGES.
And it may be that BIG CHANGES are in store.
If I hold c h a n g e at bay.... if i stave it off... treading water.... holding still.... (there is no such thing, right?).... then I doubt I'll be happy.

We've all seen the anorexic/bulemic tv shows where people occupy their every thought with controlling their diet and exercise. Dieting, even successfully, can, for me, obfuscate other things -- in fact, in order to be successful with diet/weight loss I have historically had to narrow my field of vision, certainly have had to block out stressors. Yet... I wonder... Do I need to learn acquire new stress/management techniques in order to move the scale down some more?

I think it may be.
Goal 3 - the weight wish is the easy part. Must fill in the other side.
There is more to declare. Why I have no idea how to answer it.... well... that may be the point today.

Anybody have experiences with how to get at other life plan goals?
I think I need help.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOGOMAMA 5/14/2012 3:34PM

    Brainstorm, free flow writing, get specific, set parameters, narrow down top goals, be realistic yet adventurous, plan on lots of rewards!!! You have everything you need!! Hugs and well wishes on your journey!!

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BIGMAMAT 5/13/2012 5:36PM

    Declare it. Map it out. and make it happen. Only you know what "it" is.

P.s. chop the hell out of the jungle with that Machete!!!! emoticon

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MAMADWARF 5/13/2012 12:44PM

    No advice but I have learned here that wishing it doesn't make it so but by stating a goal it changes everything!

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PARKERB2 5/13/2012 9:01AM

    You and I am sure you already know, have to apply some of the same techniques to other situations in life as you do for losing weight. A good thing to do is to involve a good friend in your goal and they can keep you accountable just like a WW member or a work out buddy. Hope this helps.

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