Tuesday, April 17, 2012
well ... maybe not THE thing, but... the current thing, something that occurs to me, and to mention... i guess:
knowing when to push. WHEN to PUSH and When NOT to Push. This is a universal conundrum, an ongoing life lesson, a balance beam.
My trainer talks about this dynamic in his own life and fitness practice, and he is an expert, an athlete. See...? You, I mean I, don't have this gray fuzzy thinking because I am remedial...it's cuz i'm human. AND... Yes... Being fat for the majority of my life, and having rote excuses and built-in back-offs and I-can'ts is baggage and habits to let go of....
You know what?
I think I've let go of the lion's share of the old fat-girl habits.
I think I may be in a new place, a place to celebrate, and yet a place to move on from.
See? that's the point.
Places to stay. No place to stay.
My body is adjusting to this 170#s. My skin and tissues and cells are reformatting themselves on to this frame. It's a good thing. Weird muscle spasms, and wrong recruitments, tendonitis or WHATEVER.... I'm working through these things.
I'm not focused on losing weight right now. I'm eating the way I ate with Spark the past two years... which means under 2000 calories a day, sometimes 1300 sometimes closer to 2000. But those high calorie days are when I indulge in liquor or sweets or ... cheese. Ha. Which... Im DELIGHTED to say... I don't crave or desire all that much.
Craving a sweet or a drink is NOT a bad thing.
That I can do so without opening a can of worms.... is AMAZING and WONDERFUL.
And... sometimes... yes... sometimes... I anticipate that it will be a problem... and create a problem.
I'm thinking suddenly of that Great Blog from MAMADWARF... the one when she brags about eating A cookie. Yep! yep yep yep.
So- Hey there ME
Keep on doing what you do.
Celebrate the body you're in NOW.
Move it. Dance it. Feed it. Water it. Swim it. Moisturize it. Take her for a spin. And then some.
When you are ready to PUSH for a lower weight and a smaller size... you will know! And then you will make different adjustments.
The body is different from day to day. Listen and respect her limits. Push them sometimes... but wisely.
Monday, March 26, 2012
here i am.
shall i tell the story? or stay with the moment?
Shopping-itis... had me in familiar anxiety today. Had to come home.
Able to buy food. Yes. Able to eat food. Yes. Able to make lists. Yes.
Took a long while of unwinding and spinning and eating and list making....
to get to here
Where am I going? What is important to me? What needs to be planned? And what doesn't?
Doctor appointment - check
Apple store to inquire about file transfer IF/When new computer is purchased - check... but triggered...
Cappuccino to relax didn't work
Came home even though I was on track to visit old health club and see what their remodel did to the floor space for individual stretching and exercise -- I believe they may have forfeited that space in favor of more restaurant and nautilus equipment. will see.
Last month I seem to have proven to myself that a monthly membership at ETC (where I meet my personal strength training gurus) is not attractive to me enough. It doesn't offer the "spa" seduction... If/when I work out... I bribe myself often with promise of whirlpool and steam.
FRANKLY, .... My body is tired and sore a lot of the time... from exercise or age or whatever.
My little bathroom (tiny nyc style... near the kitchen) does NOT satisfy some of the self care water transformations i am fond of.... i think i may go back to old club after all.
Severely handicapped (ocd-style) in the area of researching and buying things. OMG...
OMG I am so very TIRED OF THIS!! I'm exhausted from it. Sick of it.
Having lost a lot of weight in the last two years has exposed now some other areas of crazy which also need transforming.
TODAY... I will declare it... I WANT TO LOSE ANOTHER 35 lbs
I do. I said it. I told the doc today. I'll tell my self. I'll tell you.
Yes- my toe is still f'd up. Damnit.
Yes- There are other areas of my life that need and could benefit from goal-setting and GENTLE STEADY PROCESS.
That's it. Really. BOTH AND. Slow Gentle Steady Process
Yes. Shambala Practice Workshop -- was VERY VALUABLE
Yes. I will stay with this trajectory.
Goal 1 - Meditate/Contemplate 10min each day or minimumly 4x week
Goal 2 - Take a Walk am or pm with or without Joe 3-5x week
Goal 3 - Define a Vocal Practice, Write it down, and then practice it weekly
Goal 4 - Future Planning - Let go of this some, but also vision it, loosely...? Get a quarterly calendar and let it exist in the space? Know what elements I want to allow in to the world of Future Anxiety / into Future Transformation of Anxiety to CONTEMPLATION and contemplation to OPENNESS to Direction and Decision.
Goal 5 - Read more about Shambala and maybe decisions
Goal 6 - Be kinder NOTICE the negative reflex of thought and speech ... and allow breath and redress with DISCERNMENT. I get to practice this often at home... Joe really gets the brunt of this. After me, that is.
Goal 7 - That's enough for the moment, hey.
Love my self.
Don't wooss out, but don't agenda too hard
See what comes up.
Answer the door.
More to come.
Get An Email Alert Each Time PJH2028 Posts