Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Hi there. It's been a while.
As some of you may know, my illness of thre past month (since September really) brought with it some weight loss. A different kind of weight loss -- sudden, the product of pain and feeling out of power. And here I am now... on the mend (hooray) albeit slowly, and SUDDENLY feeling some bones that weren't there.
I got to move my body this week. Today I saw Tim and did some ST.
Tim knows my body by eye maybe better than anyone. He really noticed the drop. And because he has his own history of body size (athlete, builder, yoga, and more) and emotions (layers of power and identity) he is a TERRIFIC interlocuter, and a great friend to me in this process.
I love you Free Hawk with Blessed Son. (inside story to this).
In the 170's. Headed toward the 160's. Wow.
THE WEIGHT and GRAVITY of moving my body is DIFFERENT.
There's a grace. There's a lightness. An ease. Even a floating sense. I am reminded of past moments in life (decades ago) when at lower weights I sensed THE AIR (the unbearable lightness of being, perhaps?).
So the pivot and opening of the hips to make an archer pull back pose moves differently.
My bridge has a prominent pelvic bone, and the sack of wet laundry that was my behind is not that anymore. I jest. I have a habit of doing that. ANd it is time to break some habits.
Joe can pick me up off the ground now. Not easily. But he can do it. And before it was truly impossible. And.... I don't like it. I don't like the powerless possibility. Maybe I will learn to like being LIFTED. We'll see. But today I'm acutely aware of how ingrained and a part of ME being anchored and so solidly connected to the EARTH is.
There is something to the WEIGHT and GRAVITAS of being LARGE that must morph now into a new frame, a new kind of power.
And I'm inviting it.
I want to explore it.
The irony of being sick now. The weakness I have today from being sick combined with the lightness, combined with the desire to be strong and stay on this path.....
That's where I am today.
And I breathe it in. And I breathe it out.
And I'm here with it. Here with ME. Here with You. And wishing wanting GOOD THINGS TO COME.