Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Love love love Mamadwarf's blog from today!
I want to remember what I wrote back to her today, so here it is:
Gosh! Thanks for this! YOU fired me up!!
"Am I gonna just sit and rub 2 sticks together, hoping someone comes by with a lighter?; Am I going to sit and warm my hands by someone else's fire or am I gonna build my own? "
Love these. And all too too true.
Reading of Holly and Kathkincaid and others' big spark successes has kept me believing that I can do it too. But it hasn't FIRED ME UP directly enough to build and tend my own fire.
We know how to do it, Jan. We lost a lot of weight last year with a steady tended fire. So....
Rallying Cries not commisseration here!
I have all kinds of reasons to explain the "plateau" (not a plateau because it's really been an up down up down up down) of the past months.
I WANT TO LOSE MORE WEIGHT.
That means GOALS FOCUSED SPARKing -- eating right, eating less, moving more, and moving EVEN MORE because this lighter body can do more.
"Changing it up" at this new starting point may mean output at a higher level than I've been willing to manage.
Well... Are we ready and willing to STEP UP NOW
Step up to what WE ARE INDEED CAPABLE OF NOW!!!
I tried on some old clothes yesterday. They fit. I celebrated and at the same time was taken aback.
I WANT TO STEP UP INTO THE LIGHT AND DANCE OF POSSIBILITIES
Letting go of old familiar tunes.
Are you with me?
I'm with you!
Let's not shy away from OUTPUT AT A HIGHER LEVEL
Yesterday, talking to my friend Mark (i wish I had had a dictaphone so i could transcribe it in full), I discussed what I thought this season's yoyoing has been about:
I've been celebrating how far I've come with Spark so far. I've been through varied evolutions with the positive feedback from friends and family, from the closet and from the mirror. AND... AT THE SAME TIME... 100% focus on my Spark Goals has not been authorized by me because there are gaps in my focus on other life needs. Last year, the full throttle focus on Spark made inattention to financial and work and other issues "okay" with me. These past many months I've not been able to get those things out of my mind. Hmmm...
I've been in one or another WEIGHT NARRATIVE for most all of my life. It obfuscated college. It obfuscated childhood. It obfuscated or overran what romantic and creative endeavors I've entertained and enriched. It's been the loudest voice in the room, for all of my days and nights.
Is part of what I'm experiencing... a desire to put weight in perspective. To "normalize"? Am I doing this prematurely?
The sudden concern with WHAT TO WEAR (suddenly including not only what fits, but now what fits including more....) has opened a can of worms.
And the run/walking plus strength-training is NO LONGER ENOUGH to lose weight.
* I have to cut calories and/or increase exercise.
* I have to put this first in my priorities ... AND
* I have to simultaneously whittle down a goals/rewards list for other topics
Letting the other topics be an amorphic undescribed Mass and Monster of feared what-ifs... THIS is what may be shutting down the progress, too.
Tend the fire.
Celebrate the fire.
Fan the fire.
Keep the fire.
THANKS and LOVE.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
I clipped this list from MICHCLEARY's Blog of August 30, 2011. I liked it so much that I printed it. Now I want to put it somewhere where I can find it again, and I think some of you may really like it too. So here it is:
TOP TWENTY TIPS learned along the way (from MICHCLEARY)
1. If your diet is poor your progress will be slow. Eat healthy.
2. Canít is a state of mind that I wonít entertainÖ and neither should you.
3. You get out of it what you put into it Ė donít do it halfway.
4. The two words that I say have impacted my journey the most Ė honesty and ownership. Stop blaming others and be honest about what you are eating and whether or not you are working out.
5. Youíre going to have ups and downs during your journey and that is not a license to quit, whine, or complain.
6. There is no license to quit.
7. Donít tie your success to any one person. If your friends or family quit Ė you keep going.
8. Donít be afraid to go against the grain and bring your own food to an event.
9. Overcome setbacks- we all have them because no oneís journey is perfect. Focusing on the setback doesnít help you progress.
10. Negativity isnít an asset, and will slow your progress. Let that go.
11. Being embarrassed about your size or lack of knowledge at the gym is a waste of time. You have just as much right to be at the gym as thin people and you have a great opportunity to learn.
12. Whining wastes oxygen. Trust me I know Ė Iíve wasted plenty.
13. Make it fun Ė when my trainer scheduled me for an appointment one week before Christmas, I wore Grinch pajamas to my training .
14. Shortcuts only put you farther behind. There are no short cuts on a journey worth taking.
15. Spot reduction doesnít exist in our space time continuum.
16. Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently. (Henry Ford)
17. Saying I donít have time is the same thing as saying I donít want to.
18. Change is a good thing Ė vary your routine on a regular basis.
19. Incorporate flexibility into your thinking and lose the all or nothing mentality.
20. If you fall off the wagon, get on the horse Ė quickly and ride for help!
Monday, October 10, 2011
whew. home! i loved my trip to babysit my niece. it was an honor and a joy to provide safe consistent daily life for her while her mom traveled for a professional conference.
living on their schedule. living in their kitchen. passing a pantry full of nuts and dried fruit and "gorp" and drawers full of crackers and cookies and candies - the healthy kind, even ..... well... THAT was really a challenge; THAT was tough... That broke me down over the time there.
I ate in ways and at times and undeclared qr uantities
I ate and did not record what I ate -- WiFi was down and I didn't Spark daily as has become my lifeline.
And NOW i'm home. Hooray. But my good habits are not entirely kicked in yet. I grazed today too much. I made healthy choices, but the RHYTHM was off (more like the trip), and the RHYTHM of tracking was off (i plan to catch up to the day as soon as I'm done with this blog).
For better or worse, but in my opinion for the better -- my relationship to SPARK tools and friends is now ESSENTIAL to my balance and well-being. That's a good thing. Because we are all still here! wink wink
I'm scared to get on the scale.
I promise to record the number I see, to move the stones in which ever direction needed, and LIVE HONESTLY ONWARD AND FORWARD determinedly DOWNWARD
FROM THIS DAY FORWARD....
so help me, Me.
Coming Clean. Yes.
It's a life-long process.
It's not a diet; it's life.
p.s. wish me luck with this latest curveball from the perimenopausal hormone squads. it'll be what it'll be. I'm showing up for it. One day at a time.
Footnote for Future: Making the Best of things is an interesting idiom, it often colloquially speaks to a kind of getting-through, a kind of coping perhaps. However... What I'm interested in at this point in my life is TRULY MAKING THE BEST -- AND I'M LOOKING TO FIND WHAT THAT IS NOW.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Hi me. Don't you just love all the white pumpkins showing up in all the home mags this month? Fall is just beginning. I bought one. A tiny one. Love it.
I feel like a pumpkin. No, not a bumpkin. A pumpkin. Happy. Round. About to become something = a pie, a coach, a jackolantern.
nahh... i'm making no sense at all.
(I hope no one's reading this. I just need want to spew some speech... and find out why I've eaten 1250 calories and it's only 4:21pm)
Yeah. That's the point. I've eaten 1250 calories and it's 4:21 pm. The overage has been "SNACKS". And I've been... 'snackin' irregularly and unsparkily for days now.
Under wraps. But not on track.
Tracked. But not in the hp hip hooray kind of way.
SPARKING WELL is it's own reward!
But , I mean AND -- well... I DID go to gym (shorter and less intense than usual, but done) and I DID - just now - go up to the attic and put in another 20.
So kudos to me.
Whatever is going on these days. Don't look for pattern.
Take tonight slow and easy. Maybe eat steamed vegetables for dinner.
Tomorrow -- Be busy, work out, drink your water.... Get ready for trip to GA.
145 goal weight
That means: 40 lbs to lose honey pie. YOU CAN DO IT!! Another 1-2 years. Whatever it takes.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
My beloved Dr. O is leaving her office. I'm losing her, the only personal physician that I've had a genuine trusting relationship with... ever. She taught me this was possible. Still I know how rare and special that is and she is. Whhoooooooooooosh. I'm hoping and believing that my needs as a client are more practiced now and so it will be a smoother transition.
I was expecting a bigger applause for my weight loss, but now that I think about it... I LOVE the fact that she acknowledged it with ease and not hoopla. "It makes me feel better about leaving our relationship that you are doing so well", she said. Yep. It's been a tough couple of years medically.
Having her mentor/comrade me through the "How much more weight do you want to lose"?
is/was another great parting gift.
Dr. O and I reviewed the BMI targets together. And... according to her charts:
175 - will bring me out of "obese" category and into "overweight"
165 - may look or feel okay, but...
155 - may look or feel good
140/`145 is when the BMI will be at insurance underwriter approved "Just right"
So few physicians truly ENJOY this part of their work.
And I need it. Require it.
I am verbal, and I they are my partner in caring for my body/health. My participation is an asset.
I understand that the pressure for TIME so drives their days, that the added depth feels to many of them like an encumbering detour. Not Lisa. And not the dermatologist I found recently. He is also marvelous.
Boning up on perimenopausal supplements to take. Bloodwork says I'm low in vitamin D3, and so will increase my dose of supplement on that. I've read that Magnesium is critical to D absorbption. Oy.
D3 1000 IU or more
Magnesium (malate not oxide)
Calcium, NO Calcium
A research project.
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