PJH2028   18,373
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Things are happening every day (a cinderella theme)

Sunday, September 04, 2011

I'm stuck in places.
I AM embarking in some places.

Yet I am STUCK is some and the same-old same-old of my wheel-spinning to get something going sounds bad to me today. I don't want to spit mud and fall deeper in the same place I'm at.

A year of body fuel and movement changes. Excellent good. Has me embarking on the next steps.

And YES,
MORE OF THE SAME is on the agenda.
I even believe that I can do that! e.g. prioritize meals and shopping and portions and exercise and water. I value this devotion tremendously. I celebrate it. Indeed!

and yet....
there are the areas I'm still avoiding tending to. the foibles and frictions of me myself and i that onward and ongoingly keep me from actualilzing my best self more of the time.

To be freer in my body mean to be more available to LIFE energy and movement.
The FLOW .... Joining the flow and engaging more.

Being freer in my body means being more available ... BUT TO WHAT? I ask. I wonder.

What do I need?

a new laptop?
a new cellphone?
a new stereo?
a degree program?
a job?
all of the above?

I've lived in the same rented apartment for 20 years.

And I'm stuck.
Cinderella and the pumpkin. Cinderella dreaming of glass slippers.

And my man... well.... he doesn't have any pro-active ideas. If we move it will be my money not our money that provides that possibility. And... I"M UNCOMFORTABLE with that. OR.... Is that just the easiest straw to grab to make THIS VERSION of STUCK s o u n d a teeny bit different.

Identity Crisis.
I'd rather keep that confined to what FITS or not.

Aside --
I browsed brachioplasty and other plastic surgery photo galleries this past week to test the waters a bit about whether or not that will ever be something I want. My skin is spent in some places; really drippy droopy, waterballoony... already! If so halfway there.. then... oh my....

stop tape suspend blackout fade

where is this going?

where am i going?


buy some thing
take something
volunteer something

crap crap crap - i've been SAYING this for a long time.
Yep - just like i'd been saying for ever and a long time the I need to lose weight.

So-- hmmm
Succeeding at Losing Weight puts OTHER things-i-need-to-Do ALSO in the running.

It's not impossible.

(for a plain yellow pumpkin to become a golden carriage....)

Things are happening every day.

emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ROOBEARZ 9/6/2011 12:28AM

    Very poetic! I like the " Joining the flow and engaging more. " idea - so true for me, too!! It is a process...slowly, we're changes parts. Yeah, those jello-y parts...very annoying. I have to try to ignore them - surgery is so expensive - I don't want to head into the mindset of "what difference does it make it I try to change?" which is where I was before - so I'm trying to look at how much stronger I feel and ignore all the flab. Take care!!

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BABY_GIRL69 9/5/2011 6:43PM

    If you figure this one, make sure you write a book. I think we all get stuck & some times for no reason whatsoever. I am stuck but I still move a little but I want to fly & soar like eagles! Not waddle around like a duckling...way too slow for me.

God bless & enjoy everyday!


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SONGBARDBIRD 9/4/2011 10:53PM

    First of all, I adore this version of Cinderella...I'm a big fan of all the songs! Sorry that you're stuck in a rut, I can imagine it would feel difficult to change things up if they've been the same for so long...but that's what you had to do to lose weight, right? So maybe look at it in that context...no, this is not "losing weight" but it's still something you need to change and you need to sit down and figure out those steps to take, just like you sat down and figured out how to change your eating and exercise habits. It's not going to happen over night but you can definitely make some positive changes in your life...I hope everything works out for you! :)

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PANBOOKS 9/4/2011 7:12PM

    I agree with you, things are happening everyday in small and sometimes surprising ways. As long as your steps forward out pace your steps backward you will succedd. Don't get caught up on the backwards steps - think of them as speed bumps in the road or slight detours in your journey.
The drippy droopy skin, in my case flip floppity (LOL) - Try not to worry about it. Your healthy goals are to become healthier and lose weight. Once you are close to or in the maintenance phase of your journey, then consider the skin. It's possible that if you think of the skin now, you may think... what's the point? I look at my Grade 1 panniculus and I hope that it will continue to shrink and I hope that I can tone it, but if I don't it's ok.
Your healthy journey is helping you to make positive changes inside and out. You will change and so will your life. I wish you continued success on your journey. You are well on your way to reaching your goals!

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ZZYYGGY 9/4/2011 6:39PM

    Hope everything works out the way you want.

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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

just a little ditty about touch stones talismans and, well, habits:

All this past year i've had a blue water bottle that started my morning.
i liked this blue water bottle especially for it's diameter, for its particular height and hand-ability - the way it fits. i also really really, in an understated and not even that often noticed way, really really loved that the only markings on the bottle was the word QUENCH surrounded by a sunny sort of circle. Subtle. Right On. My a.m. get the water-drinking started coach.

Well, last week my Quench bottle disappeared. Mornings with regular old smart-water plastic refillables was awkward. Crazy, I know. I felt a kind of sadness. "Oh no!!!", I thought to myself. "Quench has been my good luck talisman! Will a spell of good luck be broken now?".

I looked for a replacement.
I didn't find one.
I perservered... I made the plain plastic work. It was okay. It wasn't any magic luck charm after all.

Then... two days ago, for $5 at Target, I bought a blue metal canteen of sorts.
Blue like Quench. Similar taper and 'hand' as Quench. But... alas... not a look-alike.
No understudy, shall we say. I feared. Why? Well, cuz I guess that's what I do. My first reaction to change.


Then yesterday at my workout, I saw it.
This new water canteen ALSO has a WORD on it!
(A sign!!!) [yes, i really thought that; and yes, i laugh]

What does the new water bottle say? in nicely subtle lettering?

e m b a r k

So that's my story.
Year One = "quench"
Year Two = "embark"

I'll take it.
I think the poetry says it all.
Better than a fortune cookie.

I'm reading into it. All I can. And drinking it down. Oh yeah.

Sparking On.
Embarking into something NEW.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KT-NICHOLS-13 9/1/2011 7:44PM

    Love, love, love this!

So that's my story.
Year One = "quench"
Year Two = "embark"

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SONGBARDBIRD 9/1/2011 4:32PM

    Such a good post!! Seriously, it's so fitting...I love looking for meaning in seemingly meaningless objects :)

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BIGMAMAT 9/1/2011 6:44AM

    You rock! This is my favorite blog ever. emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/1/2011 6:45:10 AM

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JENDOOD 9/1/2011 5:57AM

    Non-Spark people just don't seem to understand the importance of the perfect water container... I'm glad, seems that all is working out! ;)

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ROOBEARZ 8/31/2011 11:57PM

    Embark!! Such an appropriate sign! Great blog, Tks!

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KCATHY 8/31/2011 5:56PM

    I'm ridiculously attached to my water bottle, and I'm sorry for your loss! It's wonderful that you've made room in your heart for a new hydration companion, though--enjoy!

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SHRINKINGLULU 8/31/2011 12:31PM

    Nice!! I love it!!

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PHEFEY 8/31/2011 10:52AM

    I love signs...and that one is a really good one in my opinion too!

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SLFRISBEY 8/31/2011 9:08AM

    Embark, good word for the day! Good word for the year really. It's not just about today after all, it's a life long journey and a starting point to living the life you want to live. Very nice!

I didn't make it to zumba last night, I got a horrific headache thanks to the pressure system that came through last night so I opted to sleep it off instead. Next week.

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 8/31/2011 8:11AM

    I love it, and I also pay attention to those things. For instance, the amethyst I was *just* given? I already can't find it, but I have the hemetite and rose quartz safe and sound. I resonate so much with words, including your words, thanks for brightening my morning.

By the way, I'm in Chicago from Oct 4-7. We should do dinner or drinks one night if you are willing to come down to the loop. I won't have transportation or I'd come to you. I'm staying at the Millenium. If it doesn't work, then another time as I'm close enough to come back to Chicago!

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Can I See Progress? (photos) -- & a turning point?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

This is what I've been saying. I've been doing what I've gotten used to to doing SP wise this past March-August... and there's been not a lot of measurable progress.

I celebrate my path. yes.
I honor my effort. yes.
And I wonder if it may be time to alter the program?

I'm going to use this blog as a place to look at before/after progress shots.

BEFOREish August 2010

December 2010

March 2011


I'm a whole LOT STRONGER.. That is FOR SURE.
The scale is stuck in the mid 180's -- though I was 199 in Jan2011, so that's -15 jan-aug.
My calorie range is stable 1200-1800 most days, through it all.
My cardio could be (should be?) more intense and more often?????????????????????????????

Or... I'm fine as I am doing - averaging about 2# a month over time. ??????
I don't know.
I'm not sure.
I sense that I CAN, am able, might possible want to reach for more speed.
And also -- to be considered - there are other areas of my life that could really use my attention and intention, too.

Just ranting a bit.

I hope when I look at this that I see progress. And that I can look at this lady here and feel love for her.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_COSMOPAULATAN_ 8/30/2011 8:30PM

    I can see progress. I am going to make an effort to return the love being given to me so unconditionally by you and other Sparkers. I've been so far gone, it's been hard to return. You should be SO proud of your progress.

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ROOBEARZ 8/27/2011 6:46PM

    It is most definitely noticeable that you've reduced your tummy, legs, arms etc!!! You're looking fantastic! And, amazingly, and quite unlike me - you've become more curvaceous! I think my bust was the first area where I lost!!! Tummy? Butt? Thighs? No my bust was the first to go!!! Keep up the good work!!!

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SWEETNEENI 8/23/2011 10:56AM

    DANG WOMAN! You are CURVALICIOUS DEF. emoticon You are doin' it! It's AAALLLL you! WTG!

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BIGMAMAT 8/18/2011 7:23AM

    Oh my goodness honey!!! Unbelievable transformation!!!! Wooooohooooo!!!!! emoticon emoticon

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DAWNFIRE72 8/17/2011 11:45PM

    I'd say over the course of a year you have done well. You are smaller even if the scale isn't moving very fast. Have you read The Slowest Loser's posts?? He is an interesting read and has some great perspective on losing weight slo-o-o-o-wly and steadily.

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SONGBARDBIRD 8/17/2011 3:42PM

    Um heck yes I see progress! This is awesome!! Upping cardio would definitely speed things along but you are still getting there no matter what! Keep it up!

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SLFRISBEY 8/17/2011 11:12AM

    You are doing awesome! The scale isn't the be all end all in the journey, but it does help give positive reinforcement :) I feel the same way about not understanding why my body does what it does, or doesn't do. Just stick with the program and you will succeede! Considering Zumba tomorow night? I am!

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FITMARY 8/17/2011 9:50AM

    Oh, my gosh! I can see a lot of progress! You are definitely getting there!!! You may want to bump it up, but you are already trimmer and more toned!


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DEBMARBAKER 8/17/2011 8:32AM

    You look great! Keep up the good work, and I agree with Donkey... track your other measurements besides that scale number... it always helps to have more than one way to see your progress!

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DONKEYGIRL35 8/17/2011 8:16AM

    Do you track your other measurements, like arms, thighs, etc? From your pictures it looks like your arms and waist have shrunk considerable-
Keep it up!

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rewind forward

Saturday, August 13, 2011

´`•.¸ .•*´`•.¸ .•*´`•.¸ .•*´Show Your•*´`•.¸ .•*´•.¸ .•*´`•.¸ .•*´`•.¸Determination & Accountability•.¸ .•*´`•.¸ .•*´`•.¸ .•*´`•.¸ .•*´`•.¸ . .•*´`•.¸ .•*´`•.¸ .•*´•.¸ .•*

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SONGBARDBIRD 8/13/2011 6:35PM


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48 hours - wherever you go there you are

Friday, August 12, 2011

Reflections of these past two days:

1) Drinking alcohol and going out to hear music (first time in eons) is fun.
2) Day-After drinking alcohol translates into leaden/heavy body (lower stamina and reduced lung capacity) as well as big 'hunger'.
3) I used to weigh 300 lbs. Well... 299. It was 35 years ago. Loose skin.
4) I successfully maintained a 100lb weight loss for about 30 years.
5) I managed to not look at (much) or think about the loose skin, the wings, the puckering and creping. (How did I do that?)
6) So here I am now.
7) Building muscles (round 5 or so) again at age 53. And as I get more fit...
8) I celebrate this strength
9) And the loose skin is on my mind. In my eyes. wondering....
10) "What will it look like if/when I lose another 40?"
11) Can I lose another 40?
12) Come On, Let's Lose another 40!
13) Wait and see.
14) I don't think I'd want scars and seam lines on my arms and thighs.
I'm pretty sure that I don't won't want that.
15) Doesn't matter TODAY.
16) Spark on.
17) Two days of funny food... doesn't unspark me.
18) Today's a New Day.
19) Spark On.
20) I miss some of my first Spark Friends who I don't see around sparktown much these days. Come out come out WHEREVER YOU ARE!!!!
21) Spark ON..
22) Love ON..
23) Peace ON...



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