PJH2028   18,701
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PJH2028's Recent Blog Entries

gift of personal training - that keeps on giving ;-)

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Wow. I've had two sessions with Jenny and one session with Tim. They are really inspired and inspiring - kind gentle patient nurturing tough encouraging knowledgable and good teachers. I just feel really lucky. Wait. I also feel like someone (I) just Turned up the Volume on something. More than just "my workout".

My mom gifted a whole month of personal training to me. (She's contributed to my siblings and grandkids (schooling and ends meeting stuff) and she felt the desire to do something for me. Wow. I am blessed. Writing it to spread the news I get a little choked up with the appreciation and gratitude. My mom is amazing.

I've known Jenny and Tim for years, having seen them in gyms on and off around town and always having admired their skills. It's a huge treat to have them now working with me. And it's a tremendous feeling to say to Jenny -- "I'm glad I waited to ask you, because right now I know that now I am ready to 'bring it'".

I have been plateau-ing in my weight loss. And I've also been hitting a wall with my cardio output, and the redundancy of what i do when i do it. Jen and Tim say that they know they can help.

Shakin in up some. Doing things differently.

Last Tuesday however, Tim had me doing lunges and push ups.. and Baybeee let me tell you... at 192 lbs those were killer. Killer. I felt the day after like I'd been hit with a bat and shoved into a center seat transatlantic flight in economy class. I could barely move!! I kid you not!!

You know, I know it's supposed to hurt some .... but ... How Much? THIS is a big component of my learning process right now. Obese most of my life, exercise has always had some pain -some more than regular sized folks due to the additional load and strain. The INNER GAME is the one that I'm most looking forward to, and already celebrating.

When Jenny says... slow down... be patient... you can do it.... I believe her. And believing I can do something HUGELY impacts what I can do.

I've been learning that (We've all been learning that) day by day here on Spark. Setting achievable goals and the joys of meeting goals and sharing goals...
THIS believing in success has been BRAND NEW for me this past year. And it is growing.
I am inviting this to spread.

Body aches. Good. Pushing myself more. Taking and making joy in it.
I'm lucky, too, that Joe is so sweet and funny when he hears me creaking and moaning.
It's a new form of celebration ;-)

Onward & Downward.
Limitations and boundaries are on the move... I don't know what I'm capable of... and I'm going to enjoy discovering my strengths and my weaknesses. Both give us the places to grow.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOGOMAMA 4/5/2011 2:44PM

    Woo Hoo! I love this blog! What an awesome gift and I'm so happy for you that it has been a good experience and is pushing you past your own limits! Sounds wonderful! You are a strong, beautiful and inspiring woman!!! Keep up the awesomeness!! emoticon emoticon

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KAKIPOPUP 4/1/2011 4:15AM

    Congratulations on your progress - the scale will catch up with you...Your mom must be a very special person -just like you!

Take care and be well, and listen to your body.

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BYEFATNANNY 3/31/2011 7:55PM

    Great gift.....hhmmmmm
I think I need to drop a few hints to some people!
Think of it as "good sore" (easy for me to say)
Great blog - Keep up the good work and positive attitude, you'll go far!

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Progress Photos Comparison 222-191.8

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Yep! It's working! This "Move More Eat Less" -- Stay Connected --- Spark Love --- Onward & Downward. FITS!!!

I'm feeling great today.

The plateau of 195 is in the past. This Mid-190s weight is the set-point that I have come and gone from for a couple of decades.... It all makes sense. It's all good. I can see the 180's on the horizon. And, more importantly, I'm IN THE MOMENT with EACH DAY. I am enjoying eating well. And am LIT from WITHIN excited to be working with a terrific personal trainer named JENNY. She's AWESOME, beautiful, wise, and a GREAT COACH. I need that now. And I had the good sense and good fortune to find her. Preparation and Perspiration. On all cylinders this week.

So - That's all for now my dear friends. More to come!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLEEPTALKS 3/26/2011 4:49PM

  Congratulations! That's so inspiring! Thank you for sharing! Have a great weekend!


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BIGMAMAT 3/23/2011 8:40PM

    You make me smile! emoticonSo proud of you my friend! Great job. emoticon

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LOOZINITNOW 3/23/2011 7:41PM

    You are looking great! emoticon

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JENS_MISSION 3/23/2011 3:26PM

    Awesome work you've accomplished!!!! You look great!

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GAMELISSA 3/22/2011 7:10PM

  You are getting so lean and fit! Way to go!!!!

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SHERLYN-WILL 3/22/2011 7:05PM

    WOW what a difference!!!

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SWEETNEENI 3/22/2011 6:45PM

    I am jealous. emoticon
But really happy for you! emoticon
And sad for myself. emoticon
But so proud of you!!! emoticon

191!!! emoticon emoticon

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GOGOMAMA 3/22/2011 6:38PM

    Wow P! You look amazing! I love the after pics! You look so happy and so cute!! Look at your thin face and your awesome cute waist!!! Great job! You inspire me every day and I'm glad you are feeling fabulous!! I know you will be in the 180's soon!!! Thanks for sharing these pics! You must be very proud in the changes taking place in your body, mind and soul! Hugs! emoticon

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NONIE_C 3/22/2011 6:29PM

    Yay!!!! You look fit and joyous!!! I love it!!!
And love you, my friend...love you!!!

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JEANIE71 3/22/2011 6:14PM

    looking good- keep it up!

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REDRAIDERPROF 3/22/2011 6:14PM

  Congratulations and keep up the good work!

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 3/22/2011 6:04PM

    Super cool PJ! You look amazing!

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Progress Report -- On & Off the Wheel

Tuesday, March 08, 2011

I got on the scale today..... (That's right, P, You go girl!)
I'd been avoiding it because I have grown so trodden down in secret places of my psyche, trodden and zipped by the slow slow movement and unmovement of the scale that I thought it better to stay away. But then the stay-away seeped into other places... and my spirit became cloudy.... and I flailed a bit.... I blogged numerical obsessive research and queries.... and now.... since yesterday.... I've arrived at an awareness:

I need to get/give my self a Jillian moment and conjure up a breakthrough.
Before I elaborate, I'll report the numbers (the physical measures of progress) from today

The scale is down 0.4 since.... over or about two weeks ago.
(Down is down. I say. ---- and... I say the other stuff too)

Weight - 195.6 {-26.4 or -40 depending on how where you start}
(I'm down from 222 7/2010 Spark Start & down from 236 Jan 2010 commitment start)

Waist Measurement- 35 (down from 37) {-2}
Hips - 47 (down from 52) {-5}
Thigh - 27 (down from 29) {-2}
Upper Arm - 15 (down from 16) {-1)
Stress Level - 3 moderate up from 2 down from 4 (narrative dependent)
Energy Level - 3 moderate - up from 2 and down from 4 (ditto)

So... Progress for sure. Clothes are being piled in stacks for consignment or give away or alterations or storage. I've purchased a couple of new pairs of pants.

The inches don't look like much to me on the page. It's an irrational response ingrained from a lifetime of up and down and a distorted pessimism that needs to be broken through and unraveled as this Spark journey continues to unfold. (There's a distorted enthusiasm component to the auto-pilot dieter mode I have too. It's a delicate balance these.)

Bottom Line-- Positive Changes have been cultivated and practiced into being this past year.
I'm behind my targeted expectations for the numbers (4# a month was my humble hope), but I'm only behind by about 5 lbs.

More Important. More of the NOW Moment --
What's the obstacle, Paula? What inner change, what breakthrough of heart and behavior is in the cue?

I've searched the calculators for an answer, yet I think it may be as much or more of an inside job. Much like those Jillian moments with folks trying hard but hitting some inner psychic wall of effort and limitation. I think that's part of where I am.

I've raised my cardio workouts in duration and difficulty and frequency (4x/wk 90 minutes on combined elliptical and treadmill), but I haven't really diversified. I've known that this is a good idea. That indeed this variety may be required physiologically. I've tried the rowing machine. I've experimented with intervals on the treadmill. AND AND AND I haven't dedicated my ALL to those. I didn't like "being bad at it". They were dalliances and flirtations. Gosh darn gals!, there's a ton of equipment and classes at my gym -- I just need to step into the possibilities of success with them. I can. There's something to step over inside in doing that, and I am on the compassionate look out for that, and I hope to report progress and narrative soon. Routine and hamster wheel are not the same thing, P. We're going to learn more about that this season!

I'm sure this blog is too long now. For anyone who has made it this far ... thank you and wow!
For myself, in future to look back on, to reflect and measure and learn... thank you and

emoticon emoticon emoticon

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NONIE_C 3/12/2011 12:51AM

    You are an incredible person, creating change in her world. Celebrate it!!!
I'm so proud of you for the pounds and inches lost. I'm so proud of you for making an effort to "step into the possibilities of success", your effort to be gentle with your wonderful self, and your dedication to this journey.
Your spark shines brightly, dear friend!

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GOGOMAMA 3/11/2011 8:31AM

    I love your posts and relate to them on many levels!!! Your weight is going down!!! That is awesome!!! I know it's slower than you would like, but you are doing it!!! Such progress!!! Sorry for catching up with these posts a little late, I just had to see what you were up to!! Keep going friend! You and I are in this together and will make it! I love the inner work too! This will benefit you equally! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Great post! I really enjoyed it!

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1_AMAZING_WOMAN 3/8/2011 7:58PM

    Even though you say the inches off doesn't look like much on the page I am sure they look - and feel - like a lot in the mirror and in clothes. Cause, girl, that is a LOT of inches removed!!!

Wish that many inches would come off of me.

Keep up the good work.


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SLEEPTALKS 3/8/2011 10:07AM

  Haha, your brain sounds like mine! :)

You've got some really inspiring results there and this blog post is a real motivator!

Thank you for reading my 'Perfection'-blog this morning, now we're even on the inspiration-front :)

Have a fantastic day!

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I know my beauties. And remember forgetting.

Sunday, March 06, 2011

shopping and returns
i get flashbacks.
of every new school year, or shopping for camp,
when nothing in any of the stores fit me
when my mom accidentally put my only pair jeans in the dryer
years and years of fear
and, yes, loathing

shopping and wanting and not liking anything on my body
creates for me a horrible time and emotional warp

ALL the bras that were special fitted for me at the boutique DO NOT FIT!
Nope. They cut into my ribs. And I bought three of them! Which all must be returned.
And... yep... it seems they do return/exchange only...
And...my ptsd has kicked in and I know I don't trust the salespeople or my own judgement anymore.

Alice and the cake and the elixir. Distortion. Body dismorphia.

And OF COURSE all this self-image chaos has intersected a loss of confidence in my food and exercise plan. Has intersected a fear of getting on the scale. A fear of disappointment.

Fear of Disappointment is a Killer.
Kills risk taking. Kills dreams.

On bad nights like tonite, I viscerally recall the many tap-dances made around my shadow self
And call up my resources and reserves...
I know my value
I know my integrity
I know my beauties
I do.

I hate these glitches of frailty. And wish them away. With a flick of a virtual button.
Message in a bottle.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOGOMAMA 3/11/2011 8:23AM

    I know these flashes too and can totally understand your feelings given the memories! It would take me hours to get ready for school trying on 5 different outfits until I found something I felt comfortable with. I had to always make sure my hair and make-up were perfect to somewhat make up for being the heavy girl at school. There's pain there from those memories of not fitting in and being teased or looked down on.

I'm sorry the bras did not work and have to be returned! That is so frustrating. I hope you will find what you need and find peace with the thoughts you are having! All I can say to you and to the young you is that you are beautiful and perfect just the way you are! Don't let anyone look down on you, not even yourself!

Hugs and peace! emoticon

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BIGMAMAT 3/7/2011 7:59AM

    ditto! emoticon

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_COSMOPAULATAN_ 3/7/2011 7:49AM

    emoticon Sending you love across the miles.

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Saturday, March 05, 2011

after eating most of my allotted calories for the day by 5pm, i went out with joe for margarita's and mussels with frites. this was not caution to the wind. it was not abandon. it was not f it. it was.... i have no idea what it was.

It was Saturday night. And a break in what's become my routine.
My routine which seems no longer to be working in the weight loss department.
More minutes on the elliptical translating to less calories burned So Sucks.
For starters.

Treadmill. Routine. Stability. Habits. That pleased us.
I need to shake something up. I need a new SPARK, a new trajectory.
I may need some help with this. Personal trainer? Alternate exercise goals?

Oy. Mared. Boy oh boy. Girl!????
I'm fine. I'm good. I'm happy.
I'm torn. I'm fence sitting. I'm moving forward...
through a headwind and jello and march snow and ....

Not thinking ? more than twice ?
and it's all right.

What's Next?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GOGOMAMA 3/11/2011 8:12AM

    Hi Paula! I've been there and it is so frustrating! I know you will find the right mix for you, you have the drive so you will go!!! I like what the previous poster wrote and have been trying some of this and seems to be helping! I also have been super conscious of my sugar/carb/refined stuff intake, limiting it. It is a big push for me but I want to get to Onederland someday soon! Eating less sugar/carbs has helped me with my cravings though so that is a plus! Whatever you do to shake things up will be great for you! I recommend it! Also, remember to use relaxation/meditation or any other form of stress buster as this is a stressful process! :) Blessings!

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1_AMAZING_WOMAN 3/5/2011 10:51PM

    It really helps move your weight loss goals forward if you cycle your calories and carbs. You will lose weight better, faster, and with fewer if any plateaus.

This might not seem like much, but previosly I used to work my butt off 20 hours a week or more, eat right and lose .83 pound a week average. Now I am doing 'maybe' 5 hours a week, eating right but cycling my calories and carbs, and losing 1 to 2 pounds every week. Once a week I have a high-calorie day, but my foods are (planned); I don't just go off on a food binge or eat any amount I would like for the day. In 5 weeks I have lost about 9 pounds. I also have serious health conditions that really limit me. I am also hypothyroid.

I also cycle my exercise cause the body also adjusts to what type of exercise you are doing.

Hope this helps some.


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