Sunday, November 28, 2010
To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to another is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your dreams, ideas before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken, because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing. The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.
They may avoid suffering and sorrow, but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live. Chained by their certitudes, they are a slave: they have forfeited their freedom.
Only a person who risks is truly free.
Friday, September 03, 2010
Tonight I went to my son's football game, and drove home in tears and feel so frustrated and angry. My son has been conditioning all year, played Lacrosse so he would be better in football, lifted weights since last football season ended. He currently is one of the top weight lifters, the fastest defensive player and can pancake almost everyone on the team. Yet he sits the bench so a kid who was cleared this Monday could start tonight while my son stood and watched missed blocks, runners allowed to go down field because of missed blocks and watch his team lose because this kid who has not practiced one single day since practice started and another who he was not aware of was playing defense because he played offense for the scrimmages till the last one and only the simple team is starting in front of him. The boy with the knee operation has a popular last name, and the other boy his dad coaches Youth league football.
I know life is unfair but to do this to a young man, is so wrong, and to tell him he has improved 10 fold then totally ignore him because this kid with the last name can play without ever proving himself to anyone, just showed up and played. The same kid had someone sitting in front of me while watching the game and I said something about he should not be playing informed me the doctor cleared him on Monday and he was allowed to play now, and that I needed to shut up. What was worse was that was not even talking to the B$$@Qh.
I know that he could easily go to college he had colleges tell him to send footage this season from a one day camp and one of the colleges is a Division I college - West Virginia. But that is not going to happen because he is not playing so those who he pancakes in practice can play because of their daddy's.
The thing that upset me probably more than anything was that his father, my ex came to the game with my other son and his mother. They drove 3 hours to the game and are driving 3 hours home, and he did not look good at all, and has stage 4 Renal cell carcinoma or Kidney Cancer and he looked the worse that I have ever seen and he was not walking with surety and seemed frail and weaker than last week for some reason. It is not that I love him, but it upset me that he drove that far to watch his son be in 5 plays.
God is not suppose to give us more than we can handle guess he thinks too much of me because I am really at my wits end right now, and it seems like everything is wrong and just keeps getting worse. My Mom says that if were not for bad luck then I would surely not have any and seems that is what keeps happening, but why my son?
The final insult of insults tonight was several kids are now playing both ways and no matter how bad they screw up they continue to play and yet most kids stand on the sideline and do nothing while these kid wonders miss tackles, let players slip through there hands and run down the field. I can not in any way shape or form understand how a team of 85 players would need to play 5 or 6 kids both ways. Yet we have a complete different group to go out for kick offs and punts, then back off the field so the so called 5 or 6 wonder boys can go back out and lose the game because they think they are better even when in practice they get their butts handed to them.
SORRY for venting, but I am so angry and so tired of pretending that life is good when it is the pits and just keeps kicking me down.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Today is the first day of Summer, even though we have felt like it has been here for over a month. Today as I walked it was more humid that I like, and yes I was really sweaty when I finished walking 4 miles. But regardless of the heat and the sweat I felt really great when I finished because I did it, and it was so happy to be able walk this without any trouble.
When I started just 98 days ago, just walking 2 miles was so hard and it was hard to get up and go each day. Now I have to do something everyday even if it is just walking because Curves is not open on Sunday, but I still go for a walk.
Walking the bike path lately has been really interesting because the chipmunks are running across the path. Last week a big brown Barn Owl swooped down to a tree and the flew off, and earlier a White Tail Deer went running off. Then there is the gophers that are on the path and have to clap to get their attention and the man rabbits that go hopping across and off. I don't ever remember seeing so many animals in the past, but then I did not walk everyday before as I am doing now with Spark.
Each day just seems to get easier and easier. The other day while at work was told I seemed happier and had a glow that made me seem healthier. It was so nice to hear, and was thankful, in the past would have felt uncomfortable and said something stupid like"Not Really" and been uncomfortable. However this time just smiled and said that is was nice she could see that.
Spark has been the best thing that I have done in years, and really glad that I made the decision to join and be committed to making this work for me and my boys. Thank You to all my friends and team families because without you, would have given up by now and went back to the old habits that was not working at all for me.
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