PIXIEMOM13   27,787
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Ah well

Friday, September 03, 2010

Yesterday I was so-so on tracking my food for the first time in a LONG time. I don't think I went over my calorie totals... I also did NOT exercise. I am disappointed in myself. But its just one day...as long as I don't let that be the beginning of a long slide into old, bad habits... I basically need to forgive myself and move on.

I had thought the kids had school today (and I am off today, have to work on Sat) so I thought I'd have some private goof off time. Not so. Our county is the *only* one that has no school today... I don't know if its a professional day or what the excuse is.

Well, with no school of course the kids don't want to be in daycare. So they are home with me. So far we've been occupied in various things, but I had meant to get my exercise over by now and so far haven't. Maybe when the 4yr old goes down for her nap.

Ah well... I love my kids, so I'm glad we have time together..tho a little private mommy time would have been nice. ;)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPWHITESTONE 9/4/2010 12:44AM

    I love that private mommy time, but get so little of it. It's especially hard when you're counting on it, and then you don't get it. No wonder you had such a difficult day. Don't be so hard on yourself - tomorrow is another day.

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Am I prejudiced?

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I have to wonder.

See, I started weight watchers on 6/15 of this year, and I really "clicked" with the leader I started with. She had/has a straightforward, no nonsense (no bulls*it) attitude that I liked. But I guess she was a victim of her own success...she had so many members who were lifetime (read NOT paying) that corporate moved her to some other centers and gave our meeting (Tues morning) to a new leader.

Today was her first meeting with us. So number one the biggest strike against her was she is NOT Kathy (the leader I clicked with). She has kids similar in age to mine (hers are 9 and 6yrs old to my 9 and 4 years old)..... and she seems very caring and enthusiastic.

But I don't know if she can relate to some of us in the meeting (well, me for sure, but probably others too.) She lost 25 lbs to make lifetime..and has kept that off for 2 years. #$%# I am close to losing 20 now and that's a drop in the bucket with what I have left to do..ya know?

Now does that mean I think she doesn't have anything to offer? No.. like I said, she does seem enthusiastic and caring.

Maybe part of it is pure envy. If I had taken care of things when I had "only" 25 lbs to lose, how much better it would have been. *SIGHS*

I don't know.. is it prejudice to think she might not understand the challenges facing someone with 100+ lbs to lose? I mean..she might. I don't know. Do I really think 100 lbs or better is HARDER than her 25? In some ways..yeah... I guess I do. But that doesn't negate the value of her journey.

I'm not really sure where I'm going with this entry... lol..

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ELLENB10 8/31/2010 7:06PM

    The fact that you're wondering if you're not going to relate to her because she had less to lose that you makes me think that you WILL make a conscious effort to try to connect with her. Does that make sense? Maybe as you get to know her, and talk about your kids, you can communicate your struggles to her, which will help you and make her a better leader.
Congratulations on you weight loss so far. Best of luck to you.

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LUNADRAGON 8/31/2010 4:11PM

    It is easy to feel a tinge of jealousy when someone weighing less meets goal faster than we do. For a while I was losing about 2 lbs/month, but now I am lucky to lose 1 lb per month. That is ultra s l o w .... I feel your angst. It is not necessarily prejudiced, but perhaps you were looking for someone who could identify with your struggles a little more closely. I agree, give her a chance, and perhaps because you have children close in age, it may help your relationship grow.
I have 28 lbs down, and still have a ways to go. I am also very short, so someone much taller at my weight would be in a size 10 or 12. Because I am less than 5 ft tall, I am still in large, but can fit in some medium shirts. It is ok, celebrate the victory of the pounds you do lose. We are each on an individual journey! Hang in there. Keep sparking! WW will be a great additional tool you are lucky to have.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LUCKYGRANNY2 8/31/2010 1:46PM

    The fact that you have more to lose than she did only means that you will be doing the same things 'longer' than it took her to get to her goal. Does that make it less frustrating? Of course not. I can certainly see why this has irritated you but just give her a chance. She knows the struggle of losing 25 pounds and I'm sure will understand how much harder it is when you facing a larger number to lose. Just give it some time and see how things go. You may be surprised how well you come to like her in the end. Good luck.

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Bleh

Sunday, August 29, 2010

I had wanted to go to the Budgie show yesterday... because I had never been and to get my litle boy budgie a friend (girlfriend maybe?) But I had a cold hit me like a ton of bricks Friday night and by Sat I felt like a wrung out dishrag. So much so that I didn't do my bike ride at all...the first time in quite awhile I had skipped.

and the first time I felt guilty about it even though I know real illness is a legitimate excuse.

It didn't stop me from feeling like a slacker. And I had to laugh at myself.... what a mental change...to miss doing my exercise!

I haven't decided what I want to do regarding whether I should continue to go to meetings... or cancel my membership...track here...and put some $$ aside for a treadmill. I think I'd like a treadmill so I could work on C25K indoors to start with. Then once I get below 200 I think I'd feel less selfconcious about running in public. Plus with a treadmill it totally negates the old "weather" excuse... or I could even do it in the evenings after the kids are in bed. I m more of a night person than a morning person...

Once again, a disjointed entry! lol Oh well, welcome to my mind! :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SPWHITESTONE 8/29/2010 6:15PM

    What amazing progress you've made - feeling guilty about not doing your exercise. And good for you for listening to your body. It needs to rest so it can knock out that nasty cold. Feel better!
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Decisions

Friday, August 27, 2010

Hubby is leaving this one up to me...but basically I could keep going to Weight Watchers and pay the 40$/month for the meetings and etools... or I could do it on my own w/spark people's tools...and put 40$ a month away towards a treadmill.

I gotta think about what I want to do.

I had talked myself out of riding the bike tonight..but I think I'm gonna grab my mp3 player and get on it at least 15 minutes... then I'll have to get ready later since my World of Warcraft guild is getting ready for a raid, and I promised to be there.

  
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LUNADRAGON 8/27/2010 9:27PM

    Good luck with making a wise decision. I think you really do know the best thing to do.
Have fun with Warcraft!

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Musings

Friday, August 27, 2010

I haven't done more on C25K yet..and its been 2 or 3 days since I did day 1. I'm not giving up on the idea, I just wonder if maybe I jumped the gun getting started. My biggest problem is my lack of time management and my self conciousness in running outdoors. Yeah, I shouldn't give a rats patootie about what other people think...buts its always been a thing with me... that total dreadful fear of looking foolish in front of other people. Its something I need to work on.

What I'd *like* to do is somehow get a treadmill so I could do C25K indoors, at least to start. Maybe once I get below 200 I'll feel less like a moron when running outdoors. But as I mentioned earlier.. money is real tight. I might keep scanning craigslist for a likely prospect... or see if there is some way I could pay for a treadmill in installments. I *DO* still have my recumbant bike so its not like I won't exercise at all. But I told myself I was going to do C25K and I seriously would love to do something with Team in Training. (Haven't heard back from them yet..shrugs) Its funny..but I promised myself I'd do this and for once this is one promise to myself I don't want to break. (I am fanatical about keeping promises I make to other people, but wasn't always so good about treating myself that same way.) Not this time.

Even without the treadmill... I might still try and do C25K indoors...running in place if I have to. It wouldn't be ideal, but it might be a way to start building my endurance so come springtime I could take things outside. I don't know.

Don'tcha just love rambling entries?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HM0NEY420 8/27/2010 11:21AM

    Don't let what other people think get in your way. I know it's easier said than done, but just think how will you reach your goal if you won't go out to attain it. There is always an excuse not to do something, but maybe this time make an excuse to start something.

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