Thursday, February 20, 2014
I don't do a lot of races.
Mostly its because as funny as it sounds, I like the longer distances. I joke it takes me a mile or two to truly get in the grove and in a 5K that's almost finished! So I "like" 8Ks, 10K and half marathons.
The problem there is at least in terms of the half marathon as slow as I've been lately (past year or so since regaining about 35 of the 60 I had lost)... that I need a cutoff time of 3.5 hrs or MORE to feel like "Yes, I can do this one" --- best half time was 2:48:35 (at the -60 lbs) , worst was ~3 hr 21 min (Historic half in May 2013, after most of the regain).
Now my county running club usually has a "weekly series" race that the fees are like 1 or 2$ but the thing there is my own hangups. I am SLOW...and many of them are true gazelles. So I don't often do the longer races there.. especially since I run/walk and not do straight running like many of them do.
And of course there's always the simple fact that bigger races (with the crowd support, cutoff times, etc) are usually expensive. I just can't afford to do a lot of them.
So yesterday in my feed I mentioned I was trying to register for some Marine Corps races. The first one I wanted to get into was the Marine Corps 17.75k (~11 miles). I did it last year..and this is a race that sells out FAST. Last year it sold out in less than an hour. The main reason is that when you finish it you get a "golden ticket" -- guaranteed entry into the Marine Corps marathon..which has consistently sold out in about 2hrs.. in fact that is one reason this year, 2014, the MCM is going to a lottery registration. So the golden ticket race means more than ever to some folks.
Now I didn't NEED the golden ticket because I had done 17.75 last year and had gotten one (and into MCM) but deferred on MCM after the coward's attack on me. As a deferral I already had a guaranteed in. But if I had made it into 17.75 I would have given my golden ticket to a friend.
But as you might guess from my tone, I didn't get into the race. The race sold out in 9 minutes.. maybe less than 9 minutes. Oh well... I had hoped to do it, it was fun..but it wasn't necessary if you know what I mean.
I DID register for the Marine Corps Historic Half in May.
And yesterday was the first day I could, as a deferral, re-register for the Marine Corps marathon. So I did. This will be my first marathon.
I'm trying to be positive here.. it WILL be my first. I will do it.. I will finish.
But even as I type that there's the flutterings of panic. Sure, I can do a half..but I worry about of course doing the full distance... and there's the additional pressure of "beating the bridge".
This is from the MCM FAQ...
What is Beat the Bridge?
Runners must maintain the 14 minute-per-mile pace to reach the 14th Street Bridge and successfully "Beat the Bridge" just before mile marker 20. The 14th Street Bridge will reopen to vehicular traffic making it unavailable to runners after 1:15 p.m. Any runners unable to "Beat the Bridge" will be required to board the straggler buses and be driven to the event finish area
Last summer before I deferred, my pace in longer runs was at best in the 14-14:30 range. Almost, but not quite the needed pace. Toward the end of summer I was hitting faster paces in shorter runs 12-13 minutes, but then my training went into a tailspin with the summer heat and after that rat-b*stard coward groped me on the bike path. I didn't feel safe on the bike paths and finding someone to train with at my pace was... hard. Plus I had panic attacks at first at the thought of going outside to run. I was hyper-aware of my surroundings and my heart would just pound...even in situations where I knew I was safe -- like at the high school track, and initially at the treadmill at the gym.
Now the winter has been... BLEH...here in Maryland. Bitter cold and more recently snow. Its thrown another monkey wrench in the works. The last long outdoor run I did was on Feb 2 (so more than 2 weeks ago!)... a 7 mile run with an average pace of 13:43. (I think I was doing either 1 min run 1 min walk intervals... or it might have been 1.5 min run / 1 min walk)
So that gives me hope that with consistency and continued training I can hit the required minimum pace -- or maybe a tad faster. But a marathon is a BIG deal... so I have the flutterings of panic.
There's part of me that thinks "Who am I to think I can do this?" I'm obese! I'm no athlete!
I've heard people say "Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right." or something along those lines. So what do you say to someone who is literally arguing with herself almost every step of the way? There's part of me that says "You CAN do it....even as heavy as you are, you move at a decent pace... and you're back at weight watchers, working on the weight... you can do this."
and there's the part of me that says "I'm not an athlete.. not a "real" runner... I'm just 'fatgirl'." what my tormenters called me in middleschool.
I'm truly not fishing for sympathy... just trying to explain some of the stuff swirling around in my head.
That said.. I've got the Columbia Irongirl half on 4/27. I've got to see what I can do about picking my training back up to prepare for that. Its hard when the sidewalks are iced over in many places and my gym membership is lapsed. But hubby has said that maybe we can get me a good running quality treadmill with some of our tax refund. I haven't been sitting on my butt doing nothing... I've been doing indoor walks with Leslie Sansone...and that has helped maintain my fitness some, but it isn't readmill running....and it definitely isn't outdoor running!!
Then I've got the Historic half in May... the Ft McHenry Tunnel 5k on September (Not registered for this one yet, but Thomas and I have done it for 4yrs in a row... Ft McHenry tunnel being one of his FAVORITE places in the world.
I may or may not register for the Strider's 'metric marathon' (26.2k) which is also in Sept I think.. and then of course the big kahuna... the marine corpts marathon.
Sorry this is a ramble.. welcome to my mind (such as it is!) ;)
Tuesday, January 28, 2014
It actually happened on 1-22-14... and I'm sorry I didn't write about it then, but I can honestly say I'm very very proud of myself for it.
Here's what I wrote that evening in an email to my weight watchers leader:
Sorry if this story is a bit disjointed, but bear with me.
Today 13 years ago we lost my dad.
He had entered the hospital on 12/27 and at first they had no idea what was wrong... he was experiencing pain that they couldn't find a cause for. He was transferred to a larger hospital where they figured out it was shingles. He seemed to be rallying from it when a secondary infection killed him. It was unexpected.
I was about 20 weeks pregnant with my son (a child conceived after 2 yrs of trying, one year of that with fertility help)..
Shattered is the word that comes to mind when I think of the call that told us he was gone... he was only 53 years old.
13 years and I still miss him... and the loss is keener on this day.
When I first got home I checked my active link and it was at 55%. (I have been trying to start/keep up a streak of 100% or better on active link)
I was feeling down and blue and missing my dad... and I *definitely* didn't want to go outside and walk. $%# cold and some of my neighbors don't exactly clear their sidewalks as well as they should. (Plus this powdery snow drifts and blows).
In the past I would have used my poor mood and the cold as excuses to wallow in the blues and not move....but I found a video and moved my butt, got the sweat going and felt my mood lift just a bit. I still miss my dad, but I think he'd be proud of me for doing what I can to get healthier.
Now active link says 5 activity points and exactly 100%. Streak day 10 (Previous record was 24 days... I'm determined to break it.)
and I didn't write this then, but it happened and it was true. I consciously realized that I was sad... and that it was okay and NORMAL to be sad on this particular day. I didn't need to eat to stuff down my feelings. I was sad, d*mnit, and that was normal... I could acknowledge it, feel it and then I did something that even though I didn't want to on one level, on another level I KNEW would help me. Then I was proud of myself and teary because I knew as I said up above that my dad would be proud.
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