Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Today is day 33 of my streak!
January is just about done...and as of today there are only 48 days until Spring! I am thinking ahead to where I'd like to be by that time, and what I need to do in order to make it happen. For the first time in years, I am looking forward to warmer weather! Just saying that I am looking forward to something....it brings tears to my eyes. In the past, warmer weather was something I dreaded because it meant putting away the bulky coats and jackets that I wore all winter to "hide" my obese body. In Spring and Summer, I would wear my stretch pants and t shirts, and I would feel so unattractive, so "un-feminine", so fat, so old. Whenever I would go out in public, I would pull my hair back into a ponytail, slap on a baseball cap, and pretend that I didn't care (or didn't know) that I looked so unhealthy, unhappy and so overweight.
But I did care. Behind my smile, I was crying. I was ashamed of how I'd let myself go. And to comfort myself, I'd buy a bunch of junk food, hide it in my purse, and then sneak it into the house....and then eat it in the middle of the night while hubby was sleeping! And every morning, I would wake up just hating myself for being such a weak person. Oh, the names I called myself! I said such horrible, hateful things to myself every day!
Its different this year, though. I look forward to warmer weather, because I am not ashamed of myself anymore. Its not just about looks, its about ATTITUDE. I don't hate myself like I used to. I LOVE myself! No, I don't think I'm the worlds greatest or anything. But I have finally learned the truth...you can't take care of yourself and reach your goals if you don't love yourself.
I have had such a bad past. But I'm tired of living in the shadow of that. My life is ahead of me, and I don't have to be a prisoner of my old thoughts and feelings. I am looking forward with hope and positivity.
"Don't look back - Yesterday is over, today is a brand new day
Don't look back - It's not the answer, no it's not the way
You can't go forward when you keep looking back
How can you think about the future
When you're haunted by the past?
God don't want you to live like that
Put your hand to the plow and don't look back."
("Don't Look Back" by John Schlitt)
February is almost here, and my goal for the month is to be my OWN Valentine! I hereby pledge to treat myself with "outrageous kindness" all month long...and beyond! I will love myself enough to put my health first...I will love myself enough to eat healthy foods (and to weigh and measure them!)...I will love myself enough to exercise and look for ways to add movement to my day...I will love myself enough to keep working hard to make progress!
And when Spring arrives, I will not be at my goal weight....but I will be closer! I will not wear stretch pants or hide underneath a baseball cap. I will smile, and it will be a genuine smile of happiness and pride because I have worked hard, and I know I am worth the effort!
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Today is day 32 of my streak!
I am co-leader of a great team called Rootin' for Ruby. Today, one of the other leaders of the team (Healthyhappydeb) posted a discussion topic and she asked, "Do you think you could be in denial regarding any aspect of your issues with weight?"
My first instinct was to answer that question "no." But something made me pause. I took a moment to think that question over....and I realized that the answer was actually "yes." I have been in denial.
For weeks now....actually, MONTHS....I have been saying that I am at a plateau, and that I don't know why. But today, I really was honest with myself. No more denial. I know why I'm at a plateau. I haven't wanted to face it or admit it to myself. But I have been sabotaging myself.
Although I know how important it is to weigh and measure my food, I have not really been doing that with any regularity. Oh, I break out the food scale or the measuring cups & spoons every once in a while, but most of the time I just make "guess-timates." And I lie to myself. I say "Oh, that looks like a tablespoon of peanut butter", but in reality it is more like two tablespoons, or maybe even three. Or I say "That looks like a one cup serving" but deep down inside I know its a bit more.
I have lied to myself by saying "a little bit more won't matter in the long run." And that might be true, if the "little bit more" was just every once in a while. But its not. Its an every day occurrence. A little too much for breakfast...a little too much for lunch....a little too much for dinner. And it all adds up to a LOT too much.
Another way I have been sabotaging myself is that I have become lazy with tracking my food. I have been in denial about that, telling myself that I don't need to track my food, because I know how much I'm eating.
And the sad thing is, I know better. I KNOW I need to measure and weigh my food. I KNOW I need to track my meals. I exercise every day, but exercise is not a free pass to over eat. Sure, the food I eat is healthy food. I have eliminated junk food from my daily diet. But even eating healthy food can make you gain weight (or put you at a plateau) if you eat too much.
Its time for me to stop living in denial. I know what I want; I want to keep losing weight, I want to be healthy, I want to be fit and strong. And I know what I need to do in order to make it happen; I need to measure my portions, I need to track my food, and I need to stop lying to myself about how much I am eating.
I have lost 71 lbs since last March, so I'm a long way from where I started, but I still have a long way to go to get to where I want to be. And I will never get there if I don't start getting my nutrition in line. Starting today, I am going to do the things I know I need to do to get over this plateau.
Starting today, I will remember what my ultimate goal was when I started this journey last March, and that was to be as HEALTHY as I possibly can be.
Monday, January 28, 2013
Today is day 31 of my streak!
I was sidetracked by back pain last week....unable to workout since Wednesday afternoon! I did some stretches, but that was it. I sure did miss being able to do my regular workouts, but I knew that if I pushed myself to do them in spite of the pain, it would just make things worse. So even though my back was starting to feel better by Saturday, I made myself wait until today before I resumed working out.
It felt great to get up this morning and put on my "warrior gear" (as I call my workout clothes) and head into the living room to start my day with Zumba! But boy, missing those few days of working out has made a big difference! I was out of breath so quickly! I managed to do a 20 minute Zumba workout but I was exhausted at the end of it!
After lunch, I did my core strength workout, but only 15 minutes instead of my usual 30 to 45 minutes, because I don't want to overdo it on my first day back. Tonight I will do my DDP Yoga workout, which is my favorite workout of the day.
I'm so happy that I am able to workout again....I really missed it! Thank you to all my dear Spark friends who kept me in prayer for my back pain!
Friday, January 25, 2013
Today is day 28 of my current streak!
The week got off to a great start...I was exercising, being active throughout the day, and eating right. Then on Wednesday, back pain hit! I was able to do my morning Zumba workout, but by afternoon when I was trying to do my upper body ST, the pain was getting worse. So I decided to just skip that workout, and also skip doing my evening workout of DDP Yoga. Hubby gave me a back massage, and I was so sure that I'd be feeling better on Thursday.
Well, I woke up on Thursday morning and my lower back was really hurting. Just walking was kind of painful. In the past, I would let back pain make me retire to bed with a heating pad and lots of comfort food. But that was the old me. The new me doesn't do that! So instead of laying around on the heating pad, I got up and did some stretches for my back. I wasn't able to workout, and I was so bummed about that. (A year ago, if you had told me that I'd be bummed about not being able to workout, I would have laughed my head off!) But I know that sometimes, the healthiest thing we can do is to REST. So no workouts for me on Thursday. My eating was right on track, although hubby offered to go get me a milkshake and fries! He knows that in the past, I would have loved to have a "treat" like that when I was laid up with back pain. But I said "no thanks" and asked him to make me some tea instead!
This morning when I woke up, I still had back pain. I'm sorry that I have to miss my workouts again today! But I know that if I forced myself to do them, I'd just make my back feel worse. So for now, I'm just doing stretches. But my fingers are crossed, hoping I can resume my workout schedule either tomorrow or Sunday! I really MISS my workouts!
So although I haven't been able to workout, my streak is still intact...because my streak is not about exercising every day. My streak is about making each day as healthy as I possibly can. And right now, taking it easy is the healthiest thing I can do for myself!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Today is day 26 of my current streak! (Previous streaks; 290 days and 13 days.)
There are only 55 days until the first day of Spring! I have a certain t shirt that I am hoping to fit into by then. Its hanging on the outside of my closet door, so I see it every day to remind me to keep working hard.
On February first, I'm going to have hubby take front and side pictures of me. I'm pretty nervous about that, because to be honest, I don't think there will be much difference since my last set of front and side photos were taken last August. I haven't weighed myself since September 3rd, but I just don't feel like I've lost much weight since then.
The reason I don't weigh myself is that I know my weakness, and that weakness is this; if I weigh myself and have a bad result, I know I will be tempted to comfort myself with food. If I weigh myself and have a good result, I'd be tempted to reward myself with food. This has always been the way I've reacted to the scale in the past, and although I'd like to think that I'm stronger now and would NOT turn to food...well, I just don't want to tempt fate! So for me, staying off the scale and just looking for NSV's (Non-Scale Victories) seems to work best.
I am working so hard to lose this weight. I focus every day on eating as healthy as I possibly can. I've almost completely eliminated processed foods from my daily diet. I eat between 1200 and 1500 calories a day. I workout, and I try to do different things. I still do my DDP Yoga every day, but recently I traded in my cardio kickboxing workout for Zumba instead. I do all the little things, like parking further away when I go shopping, and dancing while I do housework. But I just don't feel like I've lost much weight since September.
My body has firmed up in some areas, though. I have (slightly) visible calf muscles. My thighs, buns and waist are firmer. And I definitely have become stronger, more flexible and more energetic. I feel healthier than I have in years!
But I'm also feeling insecure. When I post my new front and side pictures on February first, will people be let down that I'm not thin yet? And when I weigh myself on March first, what will people think of me if I haven't lost much weight since my September weigh in?
Since I started my journey last March, I've shared it here in my blogs and I've gotten so much support and encouragement, and it has meant the world to me. So I know I don't HAVE to post pictures or weigh in results....but I want to. Good or bad, I want to be honest.
If I don't like the way I look in my upcoming February 1st pictures, or what the results of my March 1st weigh in will be, I will be disappointed. But I won't be disappointed in MYSELF, because I can honestly say that I have been doing my best. And with God's help, I will keep on trying, and trying, and trying. I know I will reach my goal eventually, as long as I never give up on myself.
Get An Email Alert Each Time PIXIE-LICIOUS Posts