Sunday, December 16, 2012
Today is day ONE of my brand new " on track " streak!
My previous streak ended yesterday due to a binge. I had been on track for 290 days! Wow, what a huge number, huh? And I am very proud of myself for it. But you know what? I'm even more proud of myself for TODAY! Yes, its only day one of my new streak, and 1 is such a small number compared to 290. But I'm proud of that lovely little "1", because of what it represents.
In the past, a binge would mean that I was totally off track. One bad day would ALWAYS lead to two bad days....or a week of bad days...or a month of bad days....or even several months of bad days. Falling off the wagon always meant a huge struggle to get myself back on the wagon again, with lots of self disgust and anger...and then giving up for a while.
But not this time! This time my binge was just one bad meal....not one bad day. I was angry and frustrated with myself for giving in to the junk food, but I picked myself right back up and got right back on track again. I didn't beat myself up for the slip. I didn't starve myself for the rest of the day to make up for the binge. I forgave myself and realized that it was just one moment of weakness. I realized that one bad moment didn't have to lead to one bad day.
When I woke up this morning, I had almost forgotten all about yesterdays binge! (I was reminded quickly, though, when I logged on to Sparks and saw that my blog from yesterday was a featured blog, lol.) But I didn't feel any regret for what I did yesterday. I actually felt optimistic and eager to start on my brand new day one!
This is my lifestyle now. Its not just a temporary diet. There will be bad days from time to time, but I know that I am strong enough to get back on track when those bad days happen. I know I will never give up on myself and my quest to be as healthy as I possibly can. I have no idea how long this new streak will last, but in the end it doesn't matter. As long as I keep putting forth my best effort to have more good days than bad ones, I will reach any goal I set for myself.
Saturday, December 15, 2012
"Failure is only the opportunity to begin again more intelligently." (Henry Ford)
On March first, I started streaking, doing my best to make each day as healthy as possible. At that time I weighed 286 lbs. I was living a very sedentary lifestyle and living on mostly junk food. Every day was full of pain; the physical pain of obesity from sore knees, hips, feet and everything else...along with the emotional pain of being embarrassed by how I looked and by my own lack of control over food. When I finally just got so sick of myself that I couldn't stand it anymore, I decided to make a change. I just wanted to try to do as much as I could to reclaim my health and self esteem. So I decided to start streaking. My goal was to just make each day as healthy as I possibly could.
When I started my streak, I had no idea how many days in a row I would be able to go. I thought for sure I would have to start over...and over...and over. But a funny thing happened. I found that with each successful day I had, I gained strength and determination to just keep going to the next day, and the next. I would wake up every morning feeling proud of myself for the hard work I'd done the day before. Each workout made me feel strong and confident that I could keep going, that I could do more. Each time I ate a healthy meal, it felt like my body was thanking me for treating it with respect. As the days turned into weeks, I started building up my workout time, from 15 minutes a day to 45...to 60...to more.
I was losing weight and inches, but more importantly, I was gaining LIFE. I've said this before but I'll say it again...as my body got smaller, my life got bigger! I stopped thinking of this as a streak, and started thinking of it as a lifestyle. I became a completely different person...not just thinner, but happier, more confident, more optimistic, and healthier. I was thinking that it would be possible for me to make my streak last for an entire year!
Unfortunately, my streak ended today. I let stress and money worries get to me, and I binged...a HUGE binge! Afterwards, I felt so remorseful and sick. The weight of that disgusting junk food in my stomach made me feel physically ill. It amazes me that I used to binge like that all the time! How did I ever live that way? It does not feel good to gorge yourself on food.
So my streak has ended...but a new one is starting. Am I disappointed that my streak has ended? Yes, I am. But I'm not beating myself up about it. It was a mistake...and I have learned from it. I've learned that I do not EVER want to go back to the old me. I know what I want...I want to be healthy, fit, and trim. And I know what I need to do in order to make that happen, so I am getting right back to work. I have a light, healthy dinner planned. I am not going to starve myself to make up for that binge. I'm just getting myself back on track, and looking ahead.
I am never going to give up. This was just a setback, not the end of the road.
Sunday, December 09, 2012
Today is day 284 of my on track streak!
I'm celebrating another NSV!
In 2007, hubby surprised me with a beautiful wedding and engagement ring. Nothing huge or fancy, but it meant the world to me, because it was the first wedding and engagement ring set I ever had! This is my second marriage (my first husband was killed by a drunk driver) but I've never had an engagement ring or wedding ring before.
Anyway, hubby was so proud when he presented me with the rings back in 2007, and I was really touched. I wore those rings with pride...but then I started gaining weight, and the rings got tighter and tighter. Eventually it got to the point where I just couldn't wear them anymore, because they were so tight that it hurt! So I sadly put the rings in my jewelry box. I could tell hubby was hurt and disappointed that I had to stop wearing them....and I felt very ashamed of myself.
In March, when I started my streak, one of the things I most looked forward to was the day when I would be able to wear those rings again. I started trying them on once a month or so, and always felt a bit disappointed when they just didn't fit. At first, I couldn't even get them back on my finger at all. But as time went by, I was able to squeeze them back on, but they were still just too tight for me to wear them comfortably.
The last time I tried them on was at the end of October, and they ALMOST fit. I was tempted to wear them, but I knew they'd just cut off my circulation! So I reluctantly put them back in the jewelry box.
Well, I guess you know where this is going, right? This morning I decided to try the rings on again...and they fit! They fit perfectly! Not too tight at all! I can wear them comfortably, and I think they look darn good on me! So that is my NSV for today...I can wear my rings again!
I actually had another NSV. When hubby saw that I was wearing the rings, his face lit up. He looked so happy, and so proud of me! Seeing that look of pride on his face just made my day!
Friday, December 07, 2012
Today is day 282 of my on track streak!
You know, I feel like an athlete now! I do my best to eat right every day. I have eliminated processed foods from my diet as much as possible, and I never starve myself....and I never binge. I think of food as fuel now, not as something to comfort myself with. I workout every day, and I push myself as hard as I can.
When I go to the grocery store, I park at the furthest end of the parking lot as I can, just so I will get extra steps. When I shop, I read the labels...not just the calories and serving sizes, but also the sugars, sodium, protein, etc. The majority of my time in the grocery store is spent in the produce section...no labels there, lol.
At home when I workout, I try to always give it 100%, and I don't quit when I get sweaty, tired, or when the workout is really challenging me. (This is a far cry from the way I used to workout! In the past, I would just do a half hearted, easy workout, and never break a sweat or even start to breathe a little harder!)
I've become so much stronger and healthier, but I know I still have such a long way to go. I FEEL like an athlete, but I know I sure don't LOOK like one. Sometimes I wonder if people look at me and just see a fat chick. Do they judge me? Do they think I am lazy, or that I eat junk food all day? The old me WAS lazy, and I DID eat junk food all day. But not anymore! I'm so different, but it doesn't really show.
People who know me (like my Spark friends) know how hard I've worked, and they've seen my progress in my pictures. But strangers don't know how far I've come. They can only judge me on what they see. And although I've worked really hard and come a long way since I've started my streak, the truth is that I am still overweight. Although I've lost 71 lbs so far, I still have a big belly and big arms. I have muscles, but they are still covered in the fat layers that I'm working so hard to melt off.
Today when I went to the grocery store, I stopped first at Dash In (convenience store) to get gas. As I was going in to pay, there was a group of about 6 or so people standing out front with their bicycles, drinking water. They were wearing those skin tight bike shorts and shirts and those special shoes, and helmets. They looked so darn healthy and in shape and athletic! I was intimidated to walk past them. Although they didn't say anything, I felt like they were looking at me and judging me. Maybe they were...or maybe it was just my own insecurity messing with my head. But I felt like saying "I'm not really what you see! I'm an athlete too!"
Sometimes I feel intimidated and insecure even here on Sparks. I blog and talk about how hard I workout, and then someone will leave a nice comment on my blog...and when I go to look at their page to thank them for the comment, I see they are thin, with a low body fat, and that they run marathons or something like that! It makes me feel like "oh, I'm not as good as she is! She probably thinks I'm just a silly old fat lady and that my workouts are just a warm up for someone like her!"
I need to remember that this is not a competition, and I'm not doing this to impress anyone but MYSELF. I am working out and eating right in order to be healthy, and to save my life. NOT because I need to be like anyone else. I just want to be the best that *I* can be. I may not look like an athlete now, and maybe I never will. But I am going to keep working hard, and make every day as healthy as I can. I may never be able to ride my bike for miles, or to run in a marathon...but I can be the best version of me!
I wish you all a great day! Keep working, keep pushing yourself, and do everything you can in order to be the best version of YOU that you can be! You are worth the effort!
Tuesday, December 04, 2012
Today is day 279 of my on track streak!
Well December is off to a great start for me...how about you? I have made a plan for what I'm going to do this month, because I know that the work I put in THIS month will decide who I am NEXT month! And I sure do want to get to January feeling healthy, strong and PROUD of myself for doing my best in December!
I've been on track since March 1st, and aside from losing at least 71 lbs, I have made SOOOO much progress! I feel completely different in so many ways....I'm not the same person that I used to be. The old me was depressed, unhealthy, and slowly dying from obesity. The new me is optimistic, strong, flexible and getting healthier one day at a time. I am changing my life. My progress may be slow sometimes, but I will never stop working for it.
When I started my streak, I was only able to workout for 15 minutes at a time, and even that was a HUGE struggle. I wanted to quit so many times! But I pushed myself to just keep going. I posted motivational quotes on the edge of the TV, so I could see them everytime I worked out. I'd change them up every week. They were sayings such as "Train insane or remain the same" ..."Results or excuses? You can't have both!" ....and "HOW BAD DO YOU WANT IT?"
I would sweat and pant like a dog during those workouts, and there were lots of times when I had to modify the moves or go at a slower pace, but I didn't stop. And slowly, I built up my strength and endurance. There were times when I literally surprised myself with how much better I was getting! I started increasing my exercise time, and then I started looking for a new workout to do.
I thank God that I found DDP Yoga! When I first heard of it, it was through a very motivational video I saw on Youtube, of a man named Arthur Boorman who completely changed his life by doing DDP Yoga. The video brought tears to my eyes, and made my heart beat faster. I thought "I want to try that! I want to do that yoga too!" Here is the Arthur Boorman clip, its really worth watching. Its one of the most inspiring things I have ever seen, and although I've watched it many times since I first saw it back in April, it still inspires and motivates me.
In May, hubby bought the DDP Yoga workouts for me, and I began to do them right away. I loved the workout...but boy was it hard! To be honest, when I first started doing the workouts, I thought I'd never get good at it. But I stuck with it, modifying the moves whenever I needed to. And as time went by, I got better and better! I'd found a workout that I absolutely loved, and to this day I still love it. Here is a sample clip of a DDP Yoga workout;
By the way, if you want to know what Arthur Boorman looks like today, he's in that sample clip. He's the guy wearing the maroon shirt in the background at :16 and :19.
I'm not trying to promote DDP Yoga. It works for me, and I love it. You might not. The important thing is to find a workout that you enjoy, because then you will actually do it!
Have a healthy December, everyone. Keep pushing to reach your goals. Don't wait to get started. If you start today, you will reach your goals one day sooner!
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