Tuesday, March 04, 2014
Today is day 2 of my current streak.
I want to tell you about a very special woman who passed away over the weekend. Her Spark name was Little_Queen, but her real name was Lori. I called her Sis.
I originally joined Sparkpeople in 2008, and was overwhelmed. I wasn't sure if I'd fit in here. Believe it or not, I was really shy back then! Lori was one of the first people to add me as a friend, and of course I added her back. I joined a team she was leader of, called Rootin' for Ruby. It was a very small team back then. When Lori asked me to co-lead, I turned her down...a few times! I thought I would be a terrible team leader, but Lori convinced me that I'd do just fine. She was so good at convincing me to think more highly of myself. I knew I could count on Lori to make me feel confident and brave. The shyness went away because Lori was always there to encourage me to believe in myself.
I often say that I am my own hero....but Lori was the one who made that possible. She believed in me and supported me, and always made me feel special. She never stopped encouraging me on my journey, and she celebrated every one of my non-scale victories as if they were her own. I truly did love her as a sister.
"Say not in grief that she is no more, but say in thankfulness that she was.
A death is not the extinguishing of a light, but the putting out of the lamp because the dawn has come."
If you knew Lori, then you were so blessed! And if you didn't know her, I'm sorry you missed out. She was a beautiful person, in every way. I thank God that she was part of my life and that I was part of hers. That is one of my biggest blessings.
Lori and I got to meet in 2010, along with some other dear Spark friends. It was wonderful to meet her in person, and there was no awkwardness at all! We went straight for a big bear hug, and we couldn't stop smiling. We talked as if we'd known each other our entire lives. It was wonderful to spend that day with my Spark sister and team mates!
The group of us went to lunch at a nearby restaurant together. Lori and her daughter rode in my car. At that time, my husband was out of work and we were really struggling. I was hoping that there would be something on the menu that wasn't too expensive for me and my son. Then I noticed Lori slipping something into my purse. It was a twenty dollar bill! She didn't want to embarrass me but she knew I didn't have much money, and she wanted to help. She did this quietly, in the privacy of my car, so that none of our other Spark friends would know. She didn't want accolades or pats on the back for doing something like that. She just wanted to help a friend. I will never forget that, or the many kind things she did for me during the time I knew her. I will never forget HER, or how wonderful and safe it felt to have her as a friend.
There are so many things I wish I could say to her now. I hope she really knew how much I loved her and how much her friendship meant to me. I know I'll see her again someday, though, and I will tell her everything that is in my heart.
PICTURES OF THE RUBY TEAM GET TOGETHER, ANNAPOLIS MD
(From 2010....I was close to my highest weight. I'm wearing the blue jacket. Next to me is Pinknfitcarla, and next to her is Lori.)
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Today is day 18 of my current streak!
You'd think that after 18 days of being back on track that I'd have some NSV's to report, wouldn't you? Like maybe some looser pants, or the steering wheel not being so close to my tummy. But nope, none of that! Am I discouraged? Well, to be honest, I was starting to get there! Its hard to stay on track when you're not seeing any visible signs of progress. But I'm not giving up! And you know what? The fact that I'm not giving up is actually an NSV, after all! So yay for me!
Yesterday I went out to lunch with my two sons. (My oldest son is in need of prayers for a work related situation, so if you would, please add him to your prayer list. Thank you!) Anyway, we went to a BBQ place, and although I'm a vegetarian, there are still plenty of things there to tempt me. (They've got hush puppies!!!!!) But I remembered my streak....and the fact that I'm up 31 pounds right now...and I stayed on track. I had a ginormous salad, with the dressing on the side. After lunch, my son had to get back home, so I went to my favorite store, TJ Maxx, and treated myself to a couple of things to reward myself for staying on track for over two weeks. I got a pretty scented candle for 3 bucks, and a new pink yoga mat for $7.
It feels great to be back on track. I'm going to reward myself with a little something every two weeks that I stay on track, even if I'm not noticing any progress in the fit of my clothes. I am eating right and working out, so I know that if I keep going, I will start noticing some weight loss soon! In the meantime, I'm going to keep treating my body like a temple, and feeding it real, healthy food. That means I need to cook, instead of buying frozen meals! Here's a recipe that I'm going to make today....it looks so yummy!
The part of this journey that I struggle most with is eating. I find it so easy to go off track and eat too much. I love to workout, but I know that I can't out exercise too much food. For the past 18 days I've been on track, and I have not binged or had any junk food, but the temptation is always there.
When I first made this lifestyle change, back in March of 2012, I told myself that "I am my own hero. I am saving myself from myself." Whenever I felt like giving up or giving in, I would remind myself of that. Being my own hero helped me to lose 71 lbs. And even though I have gained back 31 of those pounds, I am STILL my own hero, because I am still here every day, fighting to save myself from myself.
Be your own hero too...you're worth the effort!
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Today is day 6 of my current streak!
In 2012, I was at the highest weight of my life, and I was dying from obesity. I had no energy, I hurt all over, and the slightest exertion made my heart race and got me out of breath. I was not really living anymore. I was trapped in an unhealthy, out of shape body. I wanted to change, but I had such a huge amount of weight to lose that just thinking about it was daunting. But I knew I had to save myself, or else I was going to die before my time. So on March 1, 2012, I started my journey. I decided to focus on HEALTH, not WEIGHT. I weighed myself on my Wii Fit, and then I put it away. I didn't want to worry about numbers. I just wanted to do my best to make each day as healthy as I possibly could, and to focus on NSV's. (Non-scale victories.)
It wasn't easy, and there were many times that I thought "I can't do it." I wanted to give up, but I knew that I had to keep going. I told myself "Just give it two weeks." So I stuck with it, even when it was hard and uncomfortable and painful. I started counting my days in a row, and I was so proud of the streak I was building up. After two weeks, I began to notice that I was making progress. The workouts were still hard, but I was getting stronger. I could even feel some firmness beneath my belly fat. My clothes were getting looser. These NSV's helped me to keep going for another day, another week, another month. Seven months later, I finally weighed myself on the Wii Fit again. I'd lost 71 pounds! I was so proud of myself!
And then I put the Wii Fit away again. I kept eating right and working out, and I could tell I was losing a few more pounds, simply by how I looked in my clothes. But I didn't feel any temptation to weigh myself. Even when the plateau finally hit, I didn't want to weigh in. I knew the weight loss had stalled, but I was kind of okay with that. I still had plenty of NSV's to celebrate. Although my clothing size stayed the same, I could feel my body firming up and getting stronger. I had more energy for my daily life. My husbands arms could go all the way around me when we hugged. I could do better during my workouts. I had no more achy knees, and I didn't get out of breath from just walking to the kitchen. So I just kept doing my best to stay on track.
But the plateau lasted a long time, and finally it started to get to me. I started to have occasional binges that would last a day or two. Then I'd pick myself up and get back on track. But I could tell that these binges were leading to small weight gains. And then, over the holidays, I really started to struggle. Slowly, I started to gain more weight. In January, hubby was in the hospital for a week, and then home recovering for 3 weeks. I was completely off track during that time. I hardly ever worked out, and I was eating a LOT. My jeans got way too tight and I had to go out and buy a pair of elastic waist jeans, which to me was a huge failure. It was also a wake up call.
So last week, I got back on the scale again. I needed to know exactly how much damage I'd done. It was heartbreaking to see that I'd gained back 31 lbs, but it wasn't the end of the world. It actually re-strengthened my resolve. I gave myself a total fresh start. And so far, I have been staying on track, and I'm starting to feel so much better...even though I have to wear elastic waist jeans for now!
A few people have suggested to me that I might not have gained 31 lbs if I had been weighing myself, but I have to disagree. My mind was in such a place that not even daily weigh ins would have stopped the gain, and I know this from experience. You see, in 2006, I lost 86 lbs while going to a women's gym and getting weighed there once a month. Once I lost that weight, I was at my goal size, and I wanted to stay there. So I bought a scale, and started weighing myself once a week. Then I started weighing once a day...and then several times a day. And then slowly, I started to go off track. The weight began to come back on, in spite of those multiple weigh ins. I would weigh myself, see how much I'd gained, and then binge to comfort myself. I had lost 86 lbs, but within a year I'd gained back 100 pounds!
I ended up throwing the scale away, because those weigh ins were crushing me. In spite of weighing myself so often, I had still gained weight. I don't think I ever want to own a scale again. What works for me is just paying attention to how my clothes fit and how I feel. I'm not saying that this would work for everyone. I know that some people need the accountability of weighing in, and there is nothing wrong with that. I just know that I don't want to have to deal with a scale. I'm back on track, and I know that if I keep eating right and working out, the weight will start to come off...and eventually, if I don't give up, I will reach my goals!
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Today is day 4 of my current streak!
I wanted to take a moment to wish myself a very happy and healthy Valentines day! And even though Valentines day is only one day of the year, I am going to love myself enough to be my own Valentine all year long.
For me, the hardest part of this journey is eating right. I really struggle with that. I love exercising...but sometimes I undo all the benefits of my workouts by eating the wrong food, and too much of it. This year, I promise to love myself enough to make smarter, better choices when it comes to eating. I know I can do it. What works for me is to challenge myself. (I love a good challenge!) So my challenge to myself is to try to make each meal that I eat as healthy as possible. Before I put anything on my plate, I will ask myself "Is this healthy?"
Its true what they say.....good health really is its own reward. This journey is not just about losing weight...its about gaining health! When I am eating real, healthy foods (and not processed junk) I feel so much better in every area of my life. I have more energy, and I perform better for my workouts. I sleep better. I am just all around happier and nicer to be around when I am taking care of my health.
So this year, I will be my own Valentine all year long and I will love myself enough to eat right and exercise. That is the best gift I could possibly give to myself!
Happy Valentines day to me...and to you! Don't forget to be your own Valentine too. You are worth it!
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Today is day 3 of my current streak!
After coming clean in yesterdays blog about my 30 pound weight gain, I made a promise that I would be completely honest about how I am doing on my journey....good, bad or ugly. I'm not going to hide the truth from my Spark friends, or from myself. Being honest and open about everything helps me to stay accountable, and thats something I obviously need.
So here are the good, the bad and the ugly of the past three days.
I weighed myself three days ago, and found that I had gained 30 lbs. Well, 31 to be exact. So why am I calling this "The Good"? Well, the weight gain was certainly not good, but the fact that I weighed myself was VERY good, because it was the slap in the face that I needed. I am not a fan of the scale. I hardly ever weigh myself. I prefer to judge how I'm doing based on how I feel in my clothes, and how I feel during my workouts. And trust me, as I was gaining those 31 lbs back, I KNEW I was gaining, because I was having to dig into the back of my closet for some bigger clothes...and then even THOSE clothes started to get tight. I could also tell that I was gaining weight because my workouts were getting harder for me to get through without feeling total exhaustion. And of course, I knew I was gaining weight because I was eating unhealthy food, and lots of it.
But I was lying to myself. I was telling myself "Oh, its probably no more than a 10 or 12 lbs gain." As if that wouldn't have been bad enough! But then I decided it was time to weigh myself and admit the truth. Deep down, I knew it was more than 10 or 12 pounds gained. So I got on the scale...and faced the truth. Dirty 30. Ouch. I've gained 30 lbs! (Okay, 31, because I'm being completely honest.)
That was my wakeup call. Time to start working HARD again, and stop making excuses. Time to accept where I had really gotten. And thats why getting on the scale is "The Good.
Now for The Bad.
The steering wheel.
I was once so proud of the fact that I could sit in the car without having to tip the steering wheel up first, and by the fact that the steering wheel didn't touch my belly anymore while I was driving. That was one of my favorite non scale victories!
This morning I had to go to the grocery store to get a few things. And although I didn't have to tip the steering wheel up, I had to honestly admit that my stomach ALMOST touches it when I am driving! Not only is that uncomfortable, its dangerous! So....I had to move the seat back. I have resisted doing this for a long time. Its embarrassing, because when I got home, hubby had to go to work...and when he got in the car, he had to move the seat back up. I felt so ashamed as I stood there on the porch and watched him do that. But he knew how I was feeling....he rolled down the car window and said "Its okay!" And he gave me a big smile. So that made it better. But I'm not happy with that situation, and I WILL work hard to lose this weight again so that the seat won't have to be adjusted back and forth for much longer!
And on to The Ugly.
Once I started my weight loss journey, I made a rule; I would never wear elastic waist paints except for workouts. And I stuck with that rule, so proud to be out in public wearing regular jeans instead of elastic waist ones. But then I started gaining weight. And I was literally STUFFING myself into my jeans. Then hubby was in the hospital. I was SO uncomfortable sitting in that hospital room for hours in those too tight jeans. Plus, I felt like I looked like a lumpy sack of potatoes. I wore a jacket to try to hide the fact that my belly was rolling over the top of my jeans. (Muffin top? More like a Bundt Cake top.) After that first day visiting hubby, I headed to Walmart on my way home. And I bought a pair of elastic waist jeans.
Let me just say (and please, excuse my language) that it totally sucks to be back in elastic waist jeans! I've avoided looking at myself in the mirror while wearing them, but this morning before I left for the grocery store, I went and stood in front of my full length mirror and took a look from all angles. I feel so ugly and frumpy in these elastic waisted pants...and I am going to change it. I am on track and everytime I even THINK of going off track, I'm going to remind myself of how I feel in those elastic waist jeans, and I know that will help me to stay strong. I can't wait until I am able to report that I have thrown those pants into the donation bin outside of the grocery store!
But before I close, let me be sure to say that I love myself. I have taken some steps backwards, I have gained 30 pounds (yeah, 31, right) and I am not perfect. I am not happy with how my body feels or looks right now. But no matter what, I am still me, and I will always be me, no matter what size I am wearing or what the scale says. And because I love myself, I am not going to ever give up. I will lose this weight and I will reach my goals. I am still my own hero.
Get An Email Alert Each Time PIXIE-LICIOUS Posts