Monday, March 08, 2010
I find it odd. I'm studying, I am working on a PhD. I know quite a bit about medicine and the brain, and all sorts of neurotrasmitters, etc. Yet, Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is still a frustrating thing to deal with. I went to the doctor today. I get the usual spiel: "You're going to develop diabetes regardless at some point, you're always going to have problems losing weight, you'll always gain weight easily, you need to watch what you eat, you need to exercise everyday, you need to realize you might never have kids, you need you need, you need..... BUT! They always tell me to be optimistic....even when they're already talking about putting me on insulin or an insulin pump or about lap band surgeries, or any other number of things. I'm not THAT overweight. I've lost 50 lbs from my diagnosis date. I have maybe 40 more to go. I'm not even DIABETIC YET!
I love when I ask for guidance or advice because I feel I am trying my best. I'm under a lot of stress. Always have been. I'm in graduate school, I work, I have a dissertation to defend, medical concerns always looming in my mind. I try to take it one day at a time and quite frankly I see myself as very optimistic. I've got great friends, I like working out, I make time for family, and even planned a mini vacation for myself to see a friend next week in Pittsburgh.
BUT I find it so frustrating when I'm at the doctor. I ask them to tell me what to do. They tell me "Be on a low fat, low carb, low cholesterol, high protein, low calorie diet." I ask them what that means, they can't tell me. They give me pamphlets on a low fat diet...great, where's the low carb part. I ask them what I should do differently when I'm already eating low fat dairy, lean meat, whole grains, whole wheat, none processed foods, etc...they can't tell me. Aside from working out every single day for an hour (which is not always possible and I travel a lot sometimes), they can't tell me. Just count what I eat.
I am struggling with medical stuff my mother who is 20 years my senior and heavier than I am does not have to worry about. It's kind of frustrating. I know I'm just venting right now but I'm not even 30 yet, and I feel like all the medical conditions that my family gets when they are heavier and in their 70's is hitting me and has been since adolescence.
I have put on a strong front before, I have done this, I have lost 20 lbs or more at a time, and sometimes it creeps up 10 lbs, but I never let it get above my last weight...still, it seems that it's a constant struggle. If anyone out there has any info on a low fat, low carb, low calorie, low cholesterol high protein lifestyle, I'd love some insight. I am going to see a nutritionist probably (assuming I can afford one...my insurance doesn't cover PCOS). In the meantime, I'm going to the gym. I just needed to vent on here. Don't care if no one reads it. I'm just going to try my best as usual, try to hit my first small goal and get myself a heart rate monitor when I hit it. And maybe some new jeans...mine have seen better days