Friday, July 25, 2014
Two weeks ago, an inner healing colleague came to visit and challenged us to put something before God that we'd like to see change in the next 18 months. Then be persistent about putting it before Him in prayer each day. What I wrote was simply, "Good health and weight." I showed it to a friend as well. Asked her to check in and see if I'm being consistent.
The past two weeks have been a bit of a struggle (as have the past YEARS), but with several huge differences.
One was the realization God was fighting for me. That this IS a struggle but not one that has to go on forever. That I need to let Him fight it instead of trying to control everything myself, and build up anger and resentment, all of which just makes the problem worse. Realizing this helped me to accept my mistakes and bad decisions and get up the next day and try again. Keep making the next right choice, regardless of the previous choice.
That was huge for me, because in the past I would let one bad choice derail me completely, into either "You suck" or "I give up" or (even worse) "Well, I'll just know that my healthy eating will include fried food." How seductive is that lie?!
Another huge difference is the peace I've felt, knowing I have all of heaven on my side. That God wants me to be healthier even more than I do. That peace has gone a long way to nourish me, and I find that this feeling of inner peace helps me eat better without giving it a second thought. I don't want the bad stuff as much (notice I didn't say "at all") because I like the peace better than the chaos and self-destruction. The more I live with this peace, the more I want it.
I love to watch movies, and there's nothing wrong with that. But I get carried away and watch too many, which feed my addiction and continually puts me in a culture where people are constantly eating on the screen and obsessing over food. So I stopped and starting exchanging movie-watching for reading inspirational books. Surprise, surprise - I starting feeling "fuller" with the nourishment of inspiration and well-being. Ever read a really good book and notice you keep taking time to reflect on a certain passage and it makes you feel amazing and restful? That's nourishment, and it really made up for a feeling of lack that was driving me to eat incessantly. I still watch a movie here and there, just not all the time. I watch to enjoy, not to be compulsive.
I had a dream last night that I was in a cooking class (for anyone who knows me, that's unheard of - "I don't cook!") and I was really enjoying it. The class had a music theme, something like "the music of cooking" and I loved it. A further reminder that God is working on me 24/7, now that I put this in front of Him.
What's the difference from before? I mean, I prayed about this and went through lots of inner healing prayer (all of which helped tremendously). It's not like this is the first time I brought God into the equation. So what made the difference here?
This time I really gave it to Him and trusted Him with the response. Before, I would talk to Him and beg Him for help, and even do the prayers of inner healing that helped me get to where I could receive His help. But all the while, I kept my fingers on the steering wheel, and kept my secret agenda of control going.
This time I said, "I give up. Would you please do it?" That's usually the best thing I can say to Him, and I finallly said it with one of the biggest struggles of my life. The last time I did this - the biggest struggle ever, of an abusive relationship - He healed me and set me free. I truly believe that's how this will go too.
And I'm excited!