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DAY 16

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Felt better at work today, came home to find my cabinets being placed in my kitchen,,upper cabinets and base ones are sliding around right now..
we did have to do a switcheroo: I felt there was a little too tight a fit between cabinet and where oven door will open, so we switched a base cabinet of drawers to go north of the dishwasher and put the narrower cabinet with a door and drawer across from the oven space..

I also ordered my three appliances to be delivered Monday afternoon..
Dan will install the dishwasher, has rewired the whole room, and the flooring goes down tomorrow..

No word from MOM WORLD, so I am assumoing they are busier than one-armed paper hangers with her today,,WELCOME TO MY WORLD!!!!!

I am praying for all of them her included, to get along, utilize their skills and strengths and everybody find some happiness,,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HADYDADUBR 10/13/2010 9:10PM

    Woohoo your kitchen is coming together.
Enjoy your break from your mom and let the professionals look after her.
Take care of yourself.

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OCTOBER2842 10/13/2010 6:21PM

    Take time for yourself and leave the care to the professionals. When you visit you'll appreciate there skill and dedication.

I'm happy your kitchen is coming along good

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/13/2010 6:13PM

    Praying for you and Kristy and Moms, too.
Hang in there and get all better.

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JOYSGARDEN 10/13/2010 4:28PM

    Keep the faith, and stay strong Lin. Things will be better.... Hugs

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NORASPAT 10/13/2010 4:05PM

    Linda lets hope it can stay this way for a while and you will be able to concentrate on your home project.
We had the same problem with the drawers and doors and i made sure the door opens AWAY from the oven door when it was opened That way the oak door is not against the hot area.
I am so glad this is coming together for you. Enjoy the rest of the week.
I am 67 years old today OMG is it possible?. Pat in Maine.

Comment edited on: 10/13/2010 4:12:35 PM

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DAY 15

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Went home sick from work afte rtwo hours;;vomiting and diarrhea,, most likely stress, but still feel icky,,
flooring guy is laying underlay, painting is finished, friends are here installing cabinets,,
today mom goes to rehab facility,, in town,,
Director just called here and gave me his half hours spiel,, fell asleep while he was talking,,LOL!
They are a short term place, so we will see if she makes it even shorter by performing her one-act-play for them,,

Sending up my prayers fro that staff, they need it, God help them all..
back to work tomorrow,, have not seen my cabinets up yet, even though I stayed home, because even though I was home sick I got eleven phone calls between social workers and this last guy,,
cannot even be sick at home,, going to venture away from phone to see my ktichen,,
thank you all for your support,, it is what keeps me sane and going,,,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COOLGRANDMA03 10/12/2010 7:23PM

    Turn off your phone and dream of Tahiti and sunshine. You need a mental break for sure.

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DIASTER 10/12/2010 7:11PM

  Dear girl, does your phone not have an off button? You so need a mental health day. You know one just for yourself, no phone calls, no Mom, a turn to yourself day, a shower or long bath, a good book or a chick flick tv station or just pull the covers up and forget the world day. You are so worth it, and then maybe things will not seem quite so awful
Maybe they can medicate your Mom? as a last resort effort to make her more cooperative? As you know a couple of refusals of rehab therapy and out she goes.
Anyway our love and support are sure with you during this trying time, and you know, just maybe she is serving as an example to some of us to be more thankful for our lives.

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NORASPAT 10/12/2010 3:58PM

    Linda ,I am sorry its this awful for you.
Did your sister ever show up, is she taking any responsibility in the situation. I hope the social workers are looking out for your best interests as well as Moms.

I take it Mom is over her injuries by now, she must be livid if she cannot drive any more but it sounds like that is definitely in the general publics best interest.
I hope those cabinets please you when you finally see them in Place. Glad you hve friends to help as well as Spark friends who are here for you. I hope the stress and GI problems are gone by now. Take care ,Pat in Maine. emoticon emoticon

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DAY 14

Monday, October 11, 2010

So angry will not even blog about today,, suffice it to say when mom goes to the nursing home/rahab tomorrow, she is on her own..

I am staying home after work to actually see my new cabinets and paint job finishing,,
somebody swore one too many times, so they can listen to themselves,

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ASPENHUGGER 10/12/2010 11:51AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
I had one of those mothers too -- and finally got up & walked out on her. She snarled "I don't care if you do get mad ..." and I said "I'm not mad, I'm just leaving." And it was true -- after all the years of all the meanness & abuse & manipulative games, I was just done. Not mad, done. After 2 years she had a social worker contact me to suggest a reconciliation. We did reconcile, in that I would talk to her again, & go visit her once in a while. But emotionally -- I was still done. When she died, all I felt was relief that I would never have to put up with her or even think much about her again.

So stick by your boundaries -- everyone needs to suffer the consequences of their own actions & decisions, and that's about the only way she's going to learn to moderate her behavior ... if she can, at her age.

Take good care of yourself! Enjoy those new cabinets! Go get a massage or a facial or something really soothing & relaxing. You are worth it! You are a great woman, mother & daughter.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/12/2010 11:59:08 AM

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KALVINS_MAMA 10/12/2010 10:17AM

  I can relate to you. I turned away from my mom after caring for her. I was working for her along with others as she needs 24 hour care since she cannot walk. We had a lifter for her with a harness that helped us transport her to the commode and to her wheelchair so she can get to her here and there. My mom was in pain , was always tired, constipated, dehydrated, basically has no life. I came in and took over and straightened out her medications, got her off the pain meds, got her bowels to work and took her off her four bowel medications, all those stool softeners and such , had her start moving her bowels by cooking home cooked meals and making sure she never got dehydrated,. I bathed her and washed her hair. brushed her teeth and did her nails etc. I was the only one who did all that the others just basically would take her to the commode and put her in bed. I washed her clothes and cleaned her house. She was nothing more then complimentary and never griped in fact bragged on me. My brother who is a loser would start fights with me but not just with me her too. The last straw for me was when I was in bed one night at 10:30 and my mom called me saying my brother was drunk and he is giving her trouble. I arrive and he is very drunk. We tell him how wrong he is to be in a drunkard stupor when it is his shift to care for mom. He is acting nutty and throwing out threats as he is clenching his fist with a dead mans glare at me calling me a biatch and saying how he hates all females. Hubby had to hold him down so he wouldn't hit me so I call 911 they take him off on a 51-50. He had to spend the night in a mental ward. I then was forced to stay the night and do his shift and hubby and daughter stayed with me. I fell asleep about 3 a.m. finally I was too upset to sleep then at four my moms buzzer goes off she needs to go potty. I get up and go to her and the first thing she does is say poor Jeff he is this n that saying good things( he is 37 only has worked maybe 2 whole years all put together his whole life) she has to tell him numerous times do to things and when he finally does themafter an argument they are half assed done if they do get done. She also had an agency come out for a few shifts a week and she started talking saying I told the girls (the workers) that you and your sister just cannot get a long is why there is a schedule change. I told her how unfair of you , you know it is Jeff Mom! but see Jeff lives there so she must make her home look as good as possible. I felt she made here decision that night she took the troubled fight starting alcoholic over me once gain just like she did when I was a kid, she kept our abusive dad around that cheated on her and abused each and every one of us. I decided then that that I will give her keys back , jot down the number on the safe and give her the medication papers so when Jeff returned he can do it all. I haven't talked to her since. I am very unsure if I will. I know my Mom was appreciative for what I have done but nonetheless she didn't stand by me again no matter what, wiping her bottom and all I did for her. Mom not good! you got away with it when I was a child but I will be damned if you do again now that I am an adult. My mom was abusive too when I was little. I say she isn't now but hubby says yes she is or she would make the right decisions she is game paying. Hubby is right. Bottom line we must take care of ourselves for sometimes Mom's can hurt us no matter what we do to care for them.
I just shared my story to let you know you are not alone having to deal with difficult Mom. I hope things get better no matter what choice you make, just make the one that is taking care of you, for you deserve to be happy! emoticon

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HADYDADUBR 10/11/2010 9:00PM

    Enjoy your new kitchen.
Don't let you mom take that away from you.
You deserve to be happy.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NORASPAT 10/11/2010 7:52PM

    Linda, I think she needs some professional intervention here, this behaviour is not necessary except to hurt people.
You go home and watch your cabinets being completed you have waited long time for this moment so you go and see whats happening. Don't let Moms behaviour spoil this for you. Its been a long time for you to get to this point I hope you can ENJOY it.
You are special-Pat in Maine. emoticon emoticon

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COOLGRANDMA03 10/11/2010 7:31PM

    So her good behavior lasted only one day??? Not a surprise. Enjoy your new kitchen...

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OCTOBER2842 10/11/2010 7:22PM

    I will keep you in my prayers that you retain your sanity.

I hope your cupboards give you comfort.

Hang in there, you are worth it emoticon

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GEMINI-SKY 10/11/2010 6:42PM

    Maybe she just needs a Time Out....
You just enjoy your new kitchen...

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/11/2010 6:42PM

    I gave you hugs on the wrong blog was meant for this one.

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day 13

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Mom's doc called me at home last evening, informing me that he thought she had died over a year ago due to the fact that she never kept any of her appointments, never answered her phone,,, I informed him of her true personality, he was stunned, since she was so wonderfully polite to him before,,I had to burst his bubble and tell him how manipulative she always has been and still is,, that as long as he had the Rx pad and MD license, he was her best friend, as long as he gave her what SHE wanted,, when he d/c'd a couple of her pain meds and a mood elevator, she dumped him, waited until someone else was on call and got her mdse that way,, until she just decided a year and a half ago to not take ANY meds..

He informed me that she was calling the nurses BITC-es, called him names he had never heard of before,,
told him she is a caffeine addict in the form of 5-10 regular Pepsi's a day,, he almost dropped the phone,,
I told him I would be in hours before their breakfast trays came,, I was at the nurses desk before the night shift left,spent a half hour telling the night nurse the same story,, about the abusive person she is,,
Informed her that I would be reaming mom a new one ,, to leave us alone in her room for a half hour after they got her up in the chair,,amidst much swearing,etc..

Informed mom if she did not stop her spoiled brat, Sister Mary Martyr behavior, stop abusing the staff and me, she would be all alone, that I would deal with her care via phone, never come to see her again, that she will never see her home again as long as she is abusive, non-compliant with all of us,, hospital cannot kep her, rehab will send her out if she refuses to help, nursing homes will not take her if she is non compliant due to liability laws..
Informed her that she caused all of her problems by make all her choices, bad ones, which caused her accidents, pain, injuries,,that she would have to try, to work with all, to get her better, she will hurt, she will get exhausted, she will get mad, but SHE WILL NOT BE A BITCH TO ANYBODY,,

she refused to answer me, but looked me in the eye, I have set my boundaries and have absolutely no qualms about keeping them there,,
I told her that the next time I got a bad report from staff I would no longer visit her, just take care of her business,, she would be all alone,, rot in her bed or grow up and do some work for the first time in her life..

She proceeded to eat for me, take her meds when the nurse came in,,
do not know if she will do it, but I WILL stick to my guns,,
If she outlives me, I will kill her!!LOL!
She is pure French, I am French, German, Irish,, I can be WAY more stubborn than her,, I am not a Kraut for nothing!!

I am going back to work in the morning, then on to the towing yard to legally sign off her totalled vehicle, empty it out of her junk,, (we returned 125 pepsi bottles this morning just from her kitchen!!) Kristy says there were lots more before her accident, in her back seat,, not sure if there IS a back seat anymore, since she went airborne and flipped her car three times! Hit two other cars and totalled one of them,, which was a dear friend of ours,, her son that Kristy grew up with,,

the mom of the guy she hit, just left,, have been a dear friend of hers since the 1970's!!
My no-show sister just called, she is going up to see mom in the hospital,, do not know what she is going to do after that.. not come here I hope,, cannot get in moms house,,
Anybody wanna trade families for a week? A day? Couple hours??

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COOLGRANDMA03 10/11/2010 7:30PM

    good for you for setting boundaries... Hopefully she got the message. Live strong!!

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/11/2010 6:41PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Hang in there, friend!

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GEMINI-SKY 10/11/2010 8:15AM

    Good Morning Linda. So Glad you had your Chat with Mom. Let's just hope she heeds your warnings.
You are so strong and I admire that in you....
All of our prays are starting to work....

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JEANUT 10/10/2010 8:15PM

    I'm sending you a hug and reminding you to take care of yourself sweetie. emoticon
Hang in there.

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NORASPAT 10/10/2010 6:41PM

    Linda this conversation was long overdue. Now its done with and as you said your boundaries are set. Hopefully the Dr will help somehow after all of the abuse. Cannot help wondering how long your sister will hang around if Mom is abusive to her. Pat in Maine,

PLEASE look out for yourself-Pat

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/10/2010 6:11PM

    OMG OMG it's that bad? Geez.
the poor staff. the poor Dr.

My excuse is I'm on my way to California next Syunday. Want to come with me to Palm Springs? We can put dark glasses on you and slap a white cane in your hands.

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GERIKRAGH 10/10/2010 6:10PM

    No way Jose! Doesn't it feel good to take a stand. I wish my DH's family had done it years before she died. The daughter wouldn't because she depended on them for money. My DH and his brother just ignored her as much as possible. It's a shame. Good luck to U. Stick to the position!

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DAY 11

Friday, October 08, 2010

Up early this morning went to credit union to do some MOM business, on to car dealer to see about her car,, towing companydid not bring it there,, when I finally got mhome at 5:30 pm the message on my phone said they had a total loss on it,,
does not matter, she will never drive again,,
went on to CCu and she is confuesed, did not even know she was in an acident,, in lots of pain, but no othre internal injuries. How she even survived a double rollover crash with no airbag deployment is a miracle!! She did not even break one of her fingernails that are two inches long!!

SHe was held in her car by only seat belt and harness,,
I told staff she is con fused, she will probably be going to rehab adfter discharge,,, but not sure about going home in her mental and physical state,,
Kristy and I went to her home and started hauling junk out, only got four bags out, but also took lots of things for our garage sale next spring..

we can only take so much out with out her noticing, but her home is so packed with stuff she would not even notice.. we ar estarting in the basement,,
afte rhours of that, we vaccuumend the whole house, ahd ot bring our own 20year old vac:she buys her junk from big lots and ABC warehouse,,nothing works,,
we cleaned until we could not move anymore,,
I filled my trunk up with her pepsi pop bottles,, FILLED IT! I have a Buick LaCrosse and the trunk is huge,,
we took home another eleven Christmas gift bags,, handmade childrens banks, knick knacks, small appliances, already took home a lot a month ago,, I think they morph when we leave..
Tomorrow is kitchen priming and painting day,, so we will be at MOms cleaning while they paint: I decided to hire them to do it because of moms stuff going on,,
we hope to haul more things out tomorrow..
laundry, bed stripping, furniture polishing, clean the basement bathroom,
I feel good about getting these things done, but had to take time off work to do them...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HADYDADUBR 10/8/2010 9:52PM

    Glad you hired the painter since you have too much on your plate right now.
Take care emoticon

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GEMINI-SKY 10/8/2010 8:26PM

    I'm Praying for you and your Mother.
Thank You for my Thank You Goodie...It means a lot knowing how busy you are...
In the Future, no need to thank me. I know you appreciate my support. Besides, What are Friends for????
OXOX to Ya....

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NORASPAT 10/8/2010 6:41PM

    Linda, all I can say is Oh My gosh.
I just do not know how you ever keep up with all of this. Take care of yourself and keep us posted. Pat in Maine.

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/8/2010 6:17PM

oops had the cap lock on. Silly me. I still say you should write a screen play about all this. You may not think it funny but in the eyes of others it can be hilarious. It would be a great comedy.

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