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DAY 14

Monday, October 11, 2010

So angry will not even blog about today,, suffice it to say when mom goes to the nursing home/rahab tomorrow, she is on her own..

I am staying home after work to actually see my new cabinets and paint job finishing,,
somebody swore one too many times, so they can listen to themselves,

  
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ASPENHUGGER 10/12/2010 11:51AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
I had one of those mothers too -- and finally got up & walked out on her. She snarled "I don't care if you do get mad ..." and I said "I'm not mad, I'm just leaving." And it was true -- after all the years of all the meanness & abuse & manipulative games, I was just done. Not mad, done. After 2 years she had a social worker contact me to suggest a reconciliation. We did reconcile, in that I would talk to her again, & go visit her once in a while. But emotionally -- I was still done. When she died, all I felt was relief that I would never have to put up with her or even think much about her again.

So stick by your boundaries -- everyone needs to suffer the consequences of their own actions & decisions, and that's about the only way she's going to learn to moderate her behavior ... if she can, at her age.

Take good care of yourself! Enjoy those new cabinets! Go get a massage or a facial or something really soothing & relaxing. You are worth it! You are a great woman, mother & daughter.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/12/2010 11:59:08 AM

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KALVINS_MAMA 10/12/2010 10:17AM

  I can relate to you. I turned away from my mom after caring for her. I was working for her along with others as she needs 24 hour care since she cannot walk. We had a lifter for her with a harness that helped us transport her to the commode and to her wheelchair so she can get to her here and there. My mom was in pain , was always tired, constipated, dehydrated, basically has no life. I came in and took over and straightened out her medications, got her off the pain meds, got her bowels to work and took her off her four bowel medications, all those stool softeners and such , had her start moving her bowels by cooking home cooked meals and making sure she never got dehydrated,. I bathed her and washed her hair. brushed her teeth and did her nails etc. I was the only one who did all that the others just basically would take her to the commode and put her in bed. I washed her clothes and cleaned her house. She was nothing more then complimentary and never griped in fact bragged on me. My brother who is a loser would start fights with me but not just with me her too. The last straw for me was when I was in bed one night at 10:30 and my mom called me saying my brother was drunk and he is giving her trouble. I arrive and he is very drunk. We tell him how wrong he is to be in a drunkard stupor when it is his shift to care for mom. He is acting nutty and throwing out threats as he is clenching his fist with a dead mans glare at me calling me a biatch and saying how he hates all females. Hubby had to hold him down so he wouldn't hit me so I call 911 they take him off on a 51-50. He had to spend the night in a mental ward. I then was forced to stay the night and do his shift and hubby and daughter stayed with me. I fell asleep about 3 a.m. finally I was too upset to sleep then at four my moms buzzer goes off she needs to go potty. I get up and go to her and the first thing she does is say poor Jeff he is this n that saying good things( he is 37 only has worked maybe 2 whole years all put together his whole life) she has to tell him numerous times do to things and when he finally does themafter an argument they are half assed done if they do get done. She also had an agency come out for a few shifts a week and she started talking saying I told the girls (the workers) that you and your sister just cannot get a long is why there is a schedule change. I told her how unfair of you , you know it is Jeff Mom! but see Jeff lives there so she must make her home look as good as possible. I felt she made here decision that night she took the troubled fight starting alcoholic over me once gain just like she did when I was a kid, she kept our abusive dad around that cheated on her and abused each and every one of us. I decided then that that I will give her keys back , jot down the number on the safe and give her the medication papers so when Jeff returned he can do it all. I haven't talked to her since. I am very unsure if I will. I know my Mom was appreciative for what I have done but nonetheless she didn't stand by me again no matter what, wiping her bottom and all I did for her. Mom not good! you got away with it when I was a child but I will be damned if you do again now that I am an adult. My mom was abusive too when I was little. I say she isn't now but hubby says yes she is or she would make the right decisions she is game paying. Hubby is right. Bottom line we must take care of ourselves for sometimes Mom's can hurt us no matter what we do to care for them.
I just shared my story to let you know you are not alone having to deal with difficult Mom. I hope things get better no matter what choice you make, just make the one that is taking care of you, for you deserve to be happy! emoticon

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HADYDADUBR 10/11/2010 9:00PM

    Enjoy your new kitchen.
Don't let you mom take that away from you.
You deserve to be happy.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NORASPAT 10/11/2010 7:52PM

    Linda, I think she needs some professional intervention here, this behaviour is not necessary except to hurt people.
You go home and watch your cabinets being completed you have waited long time for this moment so you go and see whats happening. Don't let Moms behaviour spoil this for you. Its been a long time for you to get to this point I hope you can ENJOY it.
You are special-Pat in Maine. emoticon emoticon

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COOLGRANDMA03 10/11/2010 7:31PM

    So her good behavior lasted only one day??? Not a surprise. Enjoy your new kitchen...

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OCTOBER2842 10/11/2010 7:22PM

    I will keep you in my prayers that you retain your sanity.

I hope your cupboards give you comfort.

Hang in there, you are worth it emoticon

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GEMINI-SKY 10/11/2010 6:42PM

    Maybe she just needs a Time Out....
You just enjoy your new kitchen...

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/11/2010 6:42PM

    I gave you hugs on the wrong blog was meant for this one.


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day 13

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Mom's doc called me at home last evening, informing me that he thought she had died over a year ago due to the fact that she never kept any of her appointments, never answered her phone,,, I informed him of her true personality, he was stunned, since she was so wonderfully polite to him before,,I had to burst his bubble and tell him how manipulative she always has been and still is,, that as long as he had the Rx pad and MD license, he was her best friend, as long as he gave her what SHE wanted,, when he d/c'd a couple of her pain meds and a mood elevator, she dumped him, waited until someone else was on call and got her mdse that way,, until she just decided a year and a half ago to not take ANY meds..

He informed me that she was calling the nurses BITC-es, called him names he had never heard of before,,
told him she is a caffeine addict in the form of 5-10 regular Pepsi's a day,, he almost dropped the phone,,
I told him I would be in hours before their breakfast trays came,, I was at the nurses desk before the night shift left,spent a half hour telling the night nurse the same story,, about the abusive person she is,,
Informed her that I would be reaming mom a new one ,, to leave us alone in her room for a half hour after they got her up in the chair,,amidst much swearing,etc..

Informed mom if she did not stop her spoiled brat, Sister Mary Martyr behavior, stop abusing the staff and me, she would be all alone, that I would deal with her care via phone, never come to see her again, that she will never see her home again as long as she is abusive, non-compliant with all of us,, hospital cannot kep her, rehab will send her out if she refuses to help, nursing homes will not take her if she is non compliant due to liability laws..
Informed her that she caused all of her problems by make all her choices, bad ones, which caused her accidents, pain, injuries,,that she would have to try, to work with all, to get her better, she will hurt, she will get exhausted, she will get mad, but SHE WILL NOT BE A BITCH TO ANYBODY,,

she refused to answer me, but looked me in the eye, I have set my boundaries and have absolutely no qualms about keeping them there,,
I told her that the next time I got a bad report from staff I would no longer visit her, just take care of her business,, she would be all alone,, rot in her bed or grow up and do some work for the first time in her life..

She proceeded to eat for me, take her meds when the nurse came in,,
do not know if she will do it, but I WILL stick to my guns,,
If she outlives me, I will kill her!!LOL!
She is pure French, I am French, German, Irish,, I can be WAY more stubborn than her,, I am not a Kraut for nothing!!

I am going back to work in the morning, then on to the towing yard to legally sign off her totalled vehicle, empty it out of her junk,, (we returned 125 pepsi bottles this morning just from her kitchen!!) Kristy says there were lots more before her accident, in her back seat,, not sure if there IS a back seat anymore, since she went airborne and flipped her car three times! Hit two other cars and totalled one of them,, which was a dear friend of ours,, her son that Kristy grew up with,,

the mom of the guy she hit, just left,, have been a dear friend of hers since the 1970's!!
My no-show sister just called, she is going up to see mom in the hospital,, do not know what she is going to do after that.. not come here I hope,, cannot get in moms house,,
Anybody wanna trade families for a week? A day? Couple hours??




  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COOLGRANDMA03 10/11/2010 7:30PM

    good for you for setting boundaries... Hopefully she got the message. Live strong!!

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/11/2010 6:41PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Hang in there, friend!

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GEMINI-SKY 10/11/2010 8:15AM

    Good Morning Linda. So Glad you had your Chat with Mom. Let's just hope she heeds your warnings.
You are so strong and I admire that in you....
All of our prays are starting to work....
OXOX

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JEANUT 10/10/2010 8:15PM

    I'm sending you a hug and reminding you to take care of yourself sweetie. emoticon
Hang in there.

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NORASPAT 10/10/2010 6:41PM

    Linda this conversation was long overdue. Now its done with and as you said your boundaries are set. Hopefully the Dr will help somehow after all of the abuse. Cannot help wondering how long your sister will hang around if Mom is abusive to her. Pat in Maine,

PLEASE look out for yourself-Pat

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/10/2010 6:11PM

    OMG OMG it's that bad? Geez.
the poor staff. the poor Dr.

My excuse is I'm on my way to California next Syunday. Want to come with me to Palm Springs? We can put dark glasses on you and slap a white cane in your hands.

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GERIKRAGH 10/10/2010 6:10PM

    No way Jose! Doesn't it feel good to take a stand. I wish my DH's family had done it years before she died. The daughter wouldn't because she depended on them for money. My DH and his brother just ignored her as much as possible. It's a shame. Good luck to U. Stick to the position!

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DAY 11

Friday, October 08, 2010

Up early this morning went to credit union to do some MOM business, on to car dealer to see about her car,, towing companydid not bring it there,, when I finally got mhome at 5:30 pm the message on my phone said they had a total loss on it,,
does not matter, she will never drive again,,
went on to CCu and she is confuesed, did not even know she was in an acident,, in lots of pain, but no othre internal injuries. How she even survived a double rollover crash with no airbag deployment is a miracle!! She did not even break one of her fingernails that are two inches long!!

SHe was held in her car by only seat belt and harness,,
I told staff she is con fused, she will probably be going to rehab adfter discharge,,, but not sure about going home in her mental and physical state,,
Kristy and I went to her home and started hauling junk out, only got four bags out, but also took lots of things for our garage sale next spring..

we can only take so much out with out her noticing, but her home is so packed with stuff she would not even notice.. we ar estarting in the basement,,
afte rhours of that, we vaccuumend the whole house, ahd ot bring our own 20year old vac:she buys her junk from big lots and ABC warehouse,,nothing works,,
we cleaned until we could not move anymore,,
I filled my trunk up with her pepsi pop bottles,, FILLED IT! I have a Buick LaCrosse and the trunk is huge,,
we took home another eleven Christmas gift bags,, handmade childrens banks, knick knacks, small appliances, already took home a lot a month ago,, I think they morph when we leave..
Tomorrow is kitchen priming and painting day,, so we will be at MOms cleaning while they paint: I decided to hire them to do it because of moms stuff going on,,
we hope to haul more things out tomorrow..
laundry, bed stripping, furniture polishing, clean the basement bathroom,
I feel good about getting these things done, but had to take time off work to do them...

  
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HADYDADUBR 10/8/2010 9:52PM

    Glad you hired the painter since you have too much on your plate right now.
Take care emoticon

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GEMINI-SKY 10/8/2010 8:26PM

    I'm Praying for you and your Mother.
Thank You for my Thank You Goodie...It means a lot knowing how busy you are...
In the Future, no need to thank me. I know you appreciate my support. Besides, What are Friends for????
OXOX to Ya....

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NORASPAT 10/8/2010 6:41PM

    Linda, all I can say is Oh My gosh.
I just do not know how you ever keep up with all of this. Take care of yourself and keep us posted. Pat in Maine.

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/8/2010 6:17PM

    THEY SHOULD KEEP MOMS IN A SKILLED NURSING FACILITY WHERE SHE CAN ALSO GET REHABILITATION AND BE ON A DIABETIC DIET.
oops had the cap lock on. Silly me. I still say you should write a screen play about all this. You may not think it funny but in the eyes of others it can be hilarious. It would be a great comedy.

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DAY 10

Thursday, October 07, 2010

Moms car accident number five, she is in CCu,, spent night and this morning at hospital, back tehre now headed out,, packing a bag for the long wait,, dryeallers and dan and patsy came and left already,,

  
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NORASPAT 10/8/2010 11:56AM

    LINDA I am so sorry this has happened at a time like this. I really hope your life gets better some time soon, you truly deserve it. After this your Mom should not drive but that still leaves you with a big responsibility, how will she get around. You have so much on your plate right now, I wish there was something better I could say but there is not.
I am thinking of you and waiting to read anything more you need to say. My heart is out there with you. Pat in Maine.
You are so Special to me Pat.

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ASPENHUGGER 10/8/2010 11:46AM

    Oh Pickie! Big hugs for you -- such a lot of your plate today! Remember to breathe, and take some quiet time for yourself, to get centered and recharged. Otherwise you'll wind up in the bed next to Mom!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GEMINI-SKY 10/8/2010 9:08AM

    Oh Crap ! ! ! Again???
You are such an Angel ! ! !
OXOX to Ya ! ! !

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OCTOBER2842 10/8/2010 5:46AM

    When it rains it pours, hope mom will be okay and you too. You have too muck on your plate, don't know how you do it. The end results hopefully. A beautiful kitchen and a mom with no drivers license. emoticon emoticon

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DIASTER 10/7/2010 6:34PM

  Do you think it might be time to have mom's drivers liscense taken away? Can just think "Here we go again" With all you having going on you do not need any more problems.
Keep on trucking, one day at a time, at least you will have one very special, beautiful kitchen when this is over.
You have a lot of support and love coming your way along with prayers. Take care.

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DEBGIL 10/7/2010 1:59PM

    You know, I just want to say sh**, Sh**, Sh**. I don't know why such frustratingly crappy things have to happen to the nicest people. Perhaps that is what makes us nice...all those "opportunities and challenges" as those who don't go through what we do on a daily basis call them...Sending up prayers for you and your family. Please hang in there girl. I know how hard it can be to do that. Know you are loved and cared about by all your S*P*A*R*K friends all over the country. (((huggles)))

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DEBGIL 10/7/2010 1:59PM

    You know, I just want to say sh**, Sh**, Sh**. I don't know why such frustratingly crappy things have to happen to the nicest people. Perhaps that is what makes us nice...all those "opportunities and challenges" as those who don't go through what we do on a daily basis call them...Sending up prayers for you and your family. Please hang in there girl. I know how hard it can be to do that. Know you are loved and cared about by all your S*P*A*R*K friends all over the country. (((huggles)))

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GERIKRAGH 10/7/2010 12:21PM

    Hope things go better for U and your family.

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/7/2010 11:55AM

    Hopes you and kristy are doing well.

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Day 7

Monday, October 04, 2010

Guys with plaster everywhere, plastic up, only hav epower in half the house,, drywall guys back tomorrow,, then comes the sanding,, then painting,,
looks like bruglars broke in and never escaped..

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HADYDADUBR 10/4/2010 8:47PM

    Haha.
They wouldn't dare break in.

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DEBBIEANNE1124 10/4/2010 5:30PM

    Ga?! A fun house. Just stay warm and protected. Hope no one can get in.

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