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Empty house, empty heart,, broken heart.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Yesterday was a very hard day.. We gave our little Pooky Bear back to her Maker. My poor little baby girl was filled with fluid, a tumor, could not see well, hear well, could not walk, was having problems breathing,, so I did something I said I could never do: I ordered her euthanasia.
We stayed with her to the end, praying she would not hate me, I held her in my arms lovingly, guiltily, and painfully, stroking her , whispering to her, massaging her to relax her, but once the anesthetic was injected, she was out of her misery in 5 seconds. I am completely overwhelmed with grief, could not function at work today, they sent me home early, for me to drive in my driveway only to see that her trusting face was not there in the window to greet me and wait for her treat, something she did every day for 11 1/2 years, unfailingly.

Growing up,. my dad made the decision for our dogs and I was out of town.
I have never felt so much profound grief since my aunt died,, even when Dad died with ALzheimer's, I was so happy for him to know that his wishes were being observed, but this, this is a gift to us to give us love, trust us, unconditional love, and having to control that life, makes me feel like a sneak, a betrayer, even in my head, I know she needed to leave her pain, my heart hurts so much, my BP is sky high, my blood sugar is off too.. I am a big baby when it comes to uncontrollable pain and deaths..

I will never be the same person again......
My 15 year old Pooky Bear licked my tears off, nudged me when I was sick, and listened to everything I dumped on her,, loving me all the time,,

I rescued her at age four, with all her health problems, spent many hundreds of hours medicating her, and at the vet, diapers, teeth removal, infections, thousands of meds, but 11 1/2 years of doggie joy that is now gone..




  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

COOLGRANDMA03 9/24/2010 6:05PM

    I am so sorry to hear this! You gave her a good life and loved her.

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ASPENHUGGER 9/24/2010 11:06AM

    I'm so sorry, and I know that ache of an empty place all too well. She doesn't hate you, she's grateful to be out of pain and running in the sunshine.

Rainbow Bridge

Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.

There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.

There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Love you, Pickie
emoticon

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JOHAL52 9/24/2010 9:32AM

    Oh Lin, I am SO sorry I missed these posts!!!! I understand how you feel and wish I could be there to hold your hand.

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CHLOE453 9/23/2010 6:35PM

    There are no words right now for me to really say other than you were an excellent mommy and she passed being loved so much. emoticon emoticon

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CINDY1TWO3 9/23/2010 9:51AM

    I am sorry about the loss of your pet. That is a very hard thing. We had a cat euthaniazed after 18 1/2 years and a dog that left us after 12 years. It takes time to recover, just don't use food as a replacement. Remember you did it to ease the pain she was in, not to hurt her, and she is no longer in pain! emoticon

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STEMON 9/23/2010 8:36AM

    Probably the hardest thing an animal lover ever has to do it to make the decision to release a beloved companion when the time finally comes. For those of us who surround ourselves with lives shorter than our own, there is always a feeling of betrayal and guilt - have we done enough? You have done every possible and maybe a bit more. May it ease your grief over time to realize that Pookie was ready, and that you gave her the best possible life for her time here with you. emoticon

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OCTOBER2842 9/23/2010 6:05AM

    So so Sorry, but she is out of her misery and will still always be with you, memories are great. emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/23/2010 6:06:07 AM

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KILLERANGEL47 9/23/2010 12:51AM

    I'm sorry for you have to go through this. emoticon But you have no reason to feel guilty. emoticon You did the right thing, even though it was and is very painful for you, it was the right thing to do for her and it saved her a lot of suffering. There comes a point where it is just way to cruel to let a beloved pet suffer like that and the best thing to do is end his/her pain. She does not hate you and she knows that you have and will always love her. Just remember the over 11 years of love and joy you have given her. emoticon emoticon

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GEMINI-SKY 9/22/2010 10:35PM

    I think Joy said it All and Beautifully...
I know your pain and I can only say that Pookie was so loved and so thankfull she came into your life. To share her fun times and for you to take care of her health issues. What would she have done without you...The loveand Trust you 2 shared as you looked into eachothers eyes is a Joy You can hold onto Forever.
Hugs to you.

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HADYDADUBR 9/22/2010 8:54PM

    So Sorry for your loss.
Healing takes time.
I will be thinking of you.
emoticon

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WYOBZM 9/22/2010 8:06PM

    You always did what you thought was best for her. It is such a sorrowful and painful experience. I am so sorry for your loss and grief. Keep crying and the healing will come in time. You are in my thoughts. emoticon emoticon

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JOYSGARDEN 9/22/2010 8:05PM

    Pooky knows you loved her, and your final act, allowing her to rest, without pain, was the ultimate act of love for her. I know how your heart is aching tonight, but if she were still here, she'd bite you in the butt for not taking care of yourself. So to honor her, and the love between you, do take care of you. You took care of her for 11 1/2 years, years she might not have had without you coming into her life. So grieve, remember her with love, and take care of yourself. Remember the funny things she did, the silly things, and know she is running around, playing, healthy, and will meet you at the Rainbow Bridge some fine day. Hugs to you....Wish I could deliver it in person, but this will have to do for now... emoticon

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SHARON10002 9/22/2010 7:42PM

    "Until one has loved an animal, a part of one's soul remains unawakened. "
~ Anatole France

I am so sorry that you had to experience this. Take comfort in the fact that Pookie is in a place with no pain, and hold the happy together times close to your heart.

Healing from grief is not the process of forgetting, it is the process of remembering with less pain and more joy." ~ Malinda Hill

emoticon
Sharon

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WILLITWORK1 9/22/2010 6:58PM

    what a special, sweet, kind caregiver you are.

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ROSES4UN4ME 9/22/2010 6:43PM

    AWWW That is awful you had to experience that loss...but i do feel your pain i had a hima and he died of a urinary tract infection even after they did the surgery....my daughter and i cried for a week the hurt is just like he was family...some people say oh well its just a animal oh well pets have feelins too but you cant ponder the hurt if your not a animal lover....so hang in there G F and keep yourself busy take it out on the treadmill or elliptical.....

my thoughts are with you

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STARTINGALLOVER 9/22/2010 6:16PM

    You were with her to the end..she was not alone with strangers. You did not make her end her days with pain..but with her beloved family in a safe warm place..your arms. You loved her enough to let her go.. she knows that with all of her heart. You are a wonderful parent .. you knew when her time had come and you can let her go in peace..
You never betrayed her..she loved you, and needed you to watch out for her..so that when she was in pain and sick, she knew you would rescue her from that.
You did the right thing.. she is free from that pain.
emoticon

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HARROWJET 9/22/2010 6:15PM

    I am sorry for your loss. I know there is an empty place in your heart. emoticon

Judy emoticon

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DEBBIEANNE1124 9/22/2010 6:01PM

    i LOVE YOU, FRIEND. dON'T BE FEELING GUILTY. yOU DID ALL YOU COULD FOR HER. lOOK AT ALL THE TIMES YOU TOOK HER TO THE VETS TO SAVE HER AND KEEP HER MORE COMFORTABLE. SHE LOVED YOU AND KNOWS THAT. sHE'S WATCHING OVER YOU. sHE'S RESTING IN PEACE WITH NO PAIN. Oops sorry for the caps.
I'm here if you want to talk you know how to reach me.

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ROSEWCI 9/22/2010 5:58PM

    I am so sorry for your loss.

emoticon Rose

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TBVALEGIRL 9/22/2010 5:56PM

  Pooky Bear may be gone physically, but I'm sure you had lots of good memories.

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NORASPAT 9/22/2010 5:51PM

    Pickie, I am so very sorry for your loss. I cannot think of anything else to say to console you. You need to grieve for pookyI know, but do take care of yourself. PLEASE.

You did all you could for your trusting friend and when you had to let her go you held her tight. Thinking of you with a heavy heart. Pat in Maine.

You are SPECIAL !

Pickie, MY emoticonGOES OUT TO YOU WITH LOVE. Pat.

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Euthanasia day

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Vet did not call me back afer surgery yesterday, wa all prepared to take Pooky there for her last ride.. now we hae to go through this all gain today, she is in pain, I ran out of her pain pills, cutting up tyelenols and giving them to her,, had to carry her out to potty and she collapsed..
stayed home from work to endure this day,, I am devastated, in complete grief..

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OCTOBER2842 9/22/2010 2:05PM

    So sorry about Pooky, she will be in pain no more emoticon

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KILLERANGEL47 9/21/2010 7:21PM

    How awful!! emoticon I was hoping so much that poor Pooky's condition was treatable and she would be alright! At least she doesn't have to suffer anymore. emoticon My heart goes to you and to poor Pooky. emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GEMINI-SKY 9/21/2010 4:50PM

    Gosh, I feel for you. They are our Babies and at least you can help Pooky be relieved of her pain. So Sad, tho.
I'm so sorry...

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HADYDADUBR 9/21/2010 2:38PM

    So sorry.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHERRY257 9/21/2010 12:04PM

    I am so sorry you are going through this. It is such a hard loss. I am praying. emoticon

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DIASTER 9/21/2010 11:47AM

  Our hearts go out to you today so very sad. We care!

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DEBBIEANNE1124 9/21/2010 11:07AM

    Oh my goodness, friend I am so sorry to hear this. Please be strong. I'm thinking of the 3 of you and praying.

Hugs
Debbie

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GERIKRAGH 9/21/2010 10:40AM

    What a sad time. E-mail me if U need to talk or vent. Be careful of the Tylenol. Not suppose to be good for dogs. Good luck.

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NORASPAT 9/21/2010 10:17AM

    Sorry to hear about Pooky.
I hope this will be over for both of you soon.
You both did all you could for as long as you could. I am remebering when i had to do it under these circumstances with our 20 year old Siamese cat= we adored.

Wish I could give you a really big hug. You are special
Pat in Maine.

emoticon my hug for PICKIE. Take care Pat

Comment edited on: 9/21/2010 10:18:36 AM

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GAARAMA 9/21/2010 9:57AM

    Lin, I am sorry you are going through this. Thinking of you.

emoticon
Adeline

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INDIANOAKS 9/21/2010 9:06AM

    emoticon emoticon SO very sorry to hear about your Pooky!! We are blessed to have them in our lives.... It's so very hard to let them go... Prayers and thoughts will be there with you!! emoticon

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PCOH051610 9/21/2010 7:51AM

    I am so sorry to hear about your pet! We went through it in May month with our 17.5 year old dog. It hurt like nothing else and I do believe I cried just as much for her as I did when my beloved father died several years ago. Let yourself grieve....grief is grief no matter what or who it is over! Cry rivers if you have to because getting it all out will make you fell a lot better in the end. Thinking of you and Pooky!

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ASH72461 9/21/2010 7:29AM

  i am sorry to hear about your pet
they are so much a part of our family
and they don't even exspect anything in return emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NATNOEL 9/21/2010 7:14AM

    I feel so bad, I will be praying for you both. We all have to go thru this with our animals. I sometimes wonder if it is worth it, then remember all the good years and love. Try to think of those days. Be strong, we woman are.

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CHLOE453 9/21/2010 6:56AM

    I am so very, very sorry.... emoticon emoticon

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ROSEWCI 9/21/2010 6:52AM

    I'm so sorry... emoticon

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doggie seizures

Friday, September 17, 2010

Pooky had another seizure a few minutes ago,, had one last night too.. had one a couple weeks ago.. that makes two Grand Mal and one petit mal..

I am getting scared that she is getting closer to heaven..

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

YUKONCHICK 9/18/2010 6:33PM

    I hope you've taken her to a vet for an assessment. Letting her suffer isn't what you want to do. Or maybe meds can help, etc. Either way, letting an animal suffer and die when there is something you can do isn't what you want, either. Let your conscience be your guide.

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HADYDADUBR 9/17/2010 8:54PM

    So sorry.

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DEBBIEANNE1124 9/17/2010 8:10PM

    I'm so sorry, friend.
Don't be scared. Be releived for her.

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THEY ARE HERE,THEY ARE HERE,THEY ARE HERE!!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

My beautiful hickory cabinets are here, as are the countertops!! Yea!!!
I practically dragged the driver out of his cab to hurry to unload everything 26 huge cartons! My garage is filled with it all!!
We opened a couple boxes so I could see some wood grain!!(And sniff and fondle it all)!!!!!
The valance for over the sink has a big hunk of dark woodgrain CENTERED in the middle!! SOmebody took the time to do that!!
We opened a cabinet and they actually took the time to make the center panels match with all dark, but teh outer part is all natural, beautiful!!
I almost cried I was so happy!!
Twenty five years of waiting and here they are!!
Firmed up date of Sept 28 for start of project,, hard part is over, unless you count the part of me burning a hole in plastic and/or writing checks!!
Even the flooring guy showed up at the same time as Dan, Patsy and cabinet deliverer,, also Fed Ex showed up in the middle of our unloading to deliver my replacement monitor..
no room at the end of my street for any more deliveries!!

My garage is full, my cup runneth over!!
okay, going back out to sniff and caress my countertops and doors!! mmmmmmm..

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

OCTOBER2842 9/17/2010 6:38AM

    That is sooooooooooo emoticon. I bet you can't wait. I'd love to see the finished product. You will have to share. Where did you order cabinets at?

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HADYDADUBR 9/16/2010 9:36PM

    Woohoo !!! Glad they finally arrived.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEBBIEANNE1124 9/16/2010 6:04PM

    Oh boy! Happy is an understatement. that is excellent. Invite moms over for a sniffing ap[rty??? she miht enjoy it too. We can even get her high on the stuff. Keep me posted you here?

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MFFNSLYR 9/16/2010 5:32PM

    LOL! Enjoy! Home improvement is the BOMB!

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seizure

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Pooky had a seizure just as we started our walk this morning,, on the road.. scared the be-jeebers out of me, we have a follow-up appointment this week with teh vet,, not usre what will happen it is all up to me,, I cannot make that decision yet,, never had to do it,,
she wanted tp keep on going for teh walk when she finally came out of it though, I am scared to go very far down our street, just took her a few houses up and back a few times, she was not happy.. even though she was not that sure-footed..
sticking close to home today.. got to get up at three tomorrow morning for work.. clean and rest today..watch the dog...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NOLAZYBUTT110 9/14/2010 10:15PM

    A year ago, I lost two dogs. one dashhound and a sh*tzu; three months apart. One died shorty after she had a couging spell. But she had so many tumors and cataracts; Old age I suspect. She was born with a heart murmur and I was surprised she lasted 12 years. and the dashound had Cushings Disease, which was weird, she was healthy until I got sick, I had a form of Cushings Disease and as I was getting stable, the dog was slowly deteriorating. WE were forced to put her to sleep. The Vet said it would be cruel if we did not get her the medication and we really could not afford it. I was hoping to help her with herbs, but the Vet said she would die in two weeks and that would be inhumane to allow her to suffer, so my daughter had her put to sleep. It broke my heart for she was the only real friend I had that understood me. Dogs love me. I cried as if she was a baby. I still miss her and its been over a year since we had to put her to sleep. So I know how hard it cant be losing a pet if she were to be out down. My heart is sad for yours. I hope you did not have to put ehr down. I had seizures for 5 years after a car accident and what kept them under control was a sedative, scullcap, an herb. I coudl not take dilantin. They can help sedate dogs too. Hope you did not have to put her/ him to sleep. emoticon

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KILLERANGEL47 8/31/2010 8:09AM

    I'm sorry about you poor little dog! emoticon I hope Pooky will be fine. emoticon

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TERRIEJO53 8/30/2010 4:13PM

    Poor puppy. I've never had a dog that gets seizures, so I've never looked in to what causes them, how it can effect a dog's overall health, etc. How old is Pooky? Has this been an ongoing problem. How is her health otherwise? I hope you are bearing up well ... our pets, like our children, often suffer less than we do when something like this happens.

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HADYDADUBR 8/29/2010 9:44PM

    Poor Pooky.
Hope they go away.

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ASPENHUGGER 8/29/2010 3:36PM

    I hope it was just a passing thing, but also hope that if not -- the vet will know what to do to let Pooky have a few more years of pain-free, happy life. Keep us informed -- we are all pet owners & lovers and are sharing your worry and fear with you!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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DEBBIEANNE1124 8/29/2010 1:15PM

    I'm so vry sorry for pooky! She ahd to do her business that's why she wanted to keep on. dogs are far more stronger than we are in times like this. bloess her heart.

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SUNRISE14 8/29/2010 9:13AM

    Your vet can control those seizures fairly cheap. I use to have them and they gave me phenabaratol and i think thats what they can give your dog i persume? I use to have a dog that had them and they went away on their own don't be to quick to do something durastic ! Please let me know how things are going i will be praying for you God cares about your pets to! emoticon

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