Monday, September 17, 2012
I was prepared to work my regular hours this morning, but a co-worker need to leave early to take her poor, sick Golden Lab to teh vet, so I stayed an extra two anda half hours. I had forgotten how old my body is and never gave it a thought to say yes when I heard it was for her 11 year old dog, Buddy.
About an hour before I went home, I was wishing I WAS Buddy and getting my head scratched by the vet, even getting ear drops and other meds.
Big joke on Linda, making her old body scream in pain at work..
Yesterday was visiting mother and chewing her out for not elevating her legs on the ottoman I bought for that purpose. Her legs and ankles are still edematous,, but we hauled the ottoman out to the TV room and I stood over her until she did it, then told staff, it is not a choice for her, she WILL elevate her legs to stop the swelling..
doc ordered further blood work today,, I told her she will end up in hospital again if she is stubborn...
Took her some salt sense ,even though she does not really use a shaker,,
it seems like we have a problem with her house or bills or house contents, or insurance,, go through the hassle of that and then she starts doing something.. never one day of no problems..
I told DD to drop me off on a stranger's doorstep if I get like that.. If only we could stop the course of events that make us senile or mean or ill... Dreams.....
Sunday, September 16, 2012
Yesterday marked 22 years I have been at THIS job. Five more to go. If I had stayed at the hospital(and gone insane) I would have 42 years plus there. It seems like a lifetime, but then, most of my lifetime has gone by, so that is about right!
Life without working, to me , is as foreign as Saturn, or another galaxy.
I started out babysitting three very young children(three weeks, two years and four years) a the ripe old age of ten, for fifty cents an hour,, built up to having about fifteen customers, babysat seven days a week,, all for the same price, some families with eight children, three of them in diapers(no disposables back then) and two of THEM on bottles!! 'I never had just one job at a time either, full-time at one, maybe tow part time jobs on the side..
I saved every penny to buy my cars, clothes, medical care, trips, etc. I still do that today, but for different reasons,, silly things like food, utilities, taxes, medical care, charities.
One likes to think they have lived a noble life, but hopes that they at least touched on the lower end of that nobility by the time they draw their last. I pray that at least my motives were noble and hopeful for the other person.
Sometimes our life gets selfish, in the way of our previous plans, and we end up back-pedaling to catch up to our goals before we meet our Creator. Today I reflect that my Creator knows my motives, my traumatic situations, family background and forgives me for at least one of the three.
Only HE knows if I still have time to pedal that bike to achieve some goals that help others.... if not, then I deserve whatever payment from HIM that I receive... faith keeps me sane...
Saturday, September 15, 2012
So many grand plans for eh day, but fatigue and a half pain pill took over. I did manage to get some things done in the house, but no hedges trimmed today. Got another call from assisted living place.. mother's pitting edema still the same, she refuses to use the new ottoman I bought for her to elevate her legs. She never adds salt to anything, they cook almost naked there, but she is very inactive. I told nurse that if they did not make her be more active, I may have to take steps, however, now, they cannot force anybody to do anything,, shed is lazy and stubborn, as she has always been, so I will have to go out there and threaten her with going back to the hospital,,she hates that.. I told nurse to tell her that I am very angry that she is refusing to move or raise her legs while sitting around doing nothing,, she has this kind of fear of me for some reason,, the roles have reversed I guess,,
she used to beat me and scream at me on a daily basis, now I guess she feels threatened by me...
her doc has ordered some more blood work to see why the diuretic has not worked, but she does not care about anything, so we will see..
I finally get my blood pressure down from work stress, and she manages to perform to get attention again.. my BP no longer goes high from her anymore,,,,
more will get accomplished tomorrow...
Friday, September 14, 2012
Did you ever have one of those days when every person you encounter makes you feel inferior? Or is snarky, sarcastic, and condescending? No matter what or how much or how fast you complete a task, it is not good enough? Today was that select day, more than usual for me. The bad part is, when I get frustrated, angry I feel like crying. I had to force myself to NOT cry for three and a half solid hours, non-stop. It was one of the most physically draining experiences I have had in a long time. I have had this job for 22 years(tomorrow) and each week seems to fluctuate between sheer dread and okay, I will have fun today, kind of thoughts.
I still need to stick around for over five years, so leaving is never an option. It is a highly stressful and physically demanding job, so at the ripe old age of 65 I can retire and still have health insurance.. Otherwise, I would never go back there, never missing a person that works there. Medicare seems SO far away...
I Do meditate every day, I Do pray every day, I do bite my tongue every day, I have made it a practice to say something nice to every single person in the building every day and so far it has made me realize that I want to do this ,I want others to feel that somebody appreciates what they do, no matter how small the task. It started out as a Lenten thing I did ,, now it has become second nature and I love it,,
Today was just awful and the best part was, I started work later than usual and left earlier,, it still was bad..
I am now finished venting, and feel better, not good enough to go back tomorrow(I do not work weekends anymore LOL) It is done, I have purged, I will wipe that slate clean and beat the erasers clean, over the weekend and mark off days until I can have a joyful and peaceful life without a job,, I have worked, for the last 49 years and I can stick this out for another five,, tick tock.. there are people that are way worse off than me, so I whine to vent..
Thursday, September 13, 2012
I was reading some people's blogs yesterday, read the comments, and some of the blogs were very sad. I have been through what a lot of the people have been through, but I remember thinking back to when I first started maturing when painful things came along. I USED to say and think, "Why me?" Why did I have to go through that pain and heartache, physical pain,etc..?
After about a million years and a LOT of misfortunes, I realized, "Why NOT me? Who do I think I am to even dare to think that I am special, that I am more worthy of protection from bad things or pain than anybody else? It is plain ignorance, vanity and immaturity. I was all three..
There is only one human who was ever that special and He decided to endure more than I could ever imagine, let His mom do the same, and still love me enough to let me grow and learn.
Now I think, "Why did He wait so long to show this to me?"
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