Monday, February 08, 2010
Is it bad for me to say that I think people are overly obsessed with weight? Some times it just makes me sick. Yes, being healthy is very important but I don't necessarily think it's about the weight. Since I was 5, I had a physician who was terrible to me about my weight. I didn't start gaining a lot of weight until I started my menstrual cycle at 10 years old. I lost a little weight in middle school and kept it down because I was a soccer player. I was never really thin, but never as fat as I always thought I was. I think that society made me feel lesser as a person and that's what got me to gain so much weight. It just sickens me. Now that I learned I have PCOS it's very difficult. I keep reading things about certain diets that are the best for women who have PCOS, and it sucks. I hate it. I hate having PCOS because I may never be able to have my own kids some day. I know it's still possible, but it will be hard. I know, the past few years I said I didn't really think I'd want a kid. Maybe just one. I just hate not being able to have the choice of whether or not I want kids. It's like some person is in charge of deciding who can and cannot have kids, and that person has pointed at me and told me I will be banned from having any children. I know that there are far worse conditions to have, and maybe I should be greatful that I don't have cancer, but to me this might as well be the same thing.
I will be looking at several different diet options for my condition and hope I find one that I like. I wish I had sat down with my doctor before I lost my job and lost my insurance so I could have already been doing it. I know that doing this calorie counting may not work for my condition. I'm not ashamed to say I'm super jealous of those of you who don't have to worry about having PCOS, because it can really mess with your plan at losing weight. And I'm also not trying to use it as an excuse. I'm just sick of those people that look at me and think all I do is sit on the couch while eating twinkies (which, BTW I can't stand. Yuck). At the end of the day, you are your own worst critic and no one can really judge you but God.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
WOW! I can't believe how long it has been since I've used this site. I kind of miss it now that I'm back and using it again.
What else you've missed since I last logged on:
-I'm way past all the crap I was dealing with when I first joined spark people. No more Debbie Downer! WOO. I love myself and love life a lot more. My relationship with God has also improved quite a bit.
-I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. It hit me really hard. After I got past the years when I thought I wanted to have 12 kids (2 of my own, and adopt the rest) and I decided I didn't want children, and that my 3 older siblings were procreating enough that I could live a little vicariously through them. My doctor thinks even if I do lose weight (which she added, will be even harder with having this condition), it may not help my results having a child someday. She said I have a lot more cysts on my ovaries than she has seen on most women. It makes me feel ... sad. I love kids. Back when I decided I didn't think I wanted any children, I just started to think what a horrible mother I would be, and I used to think that the world is too corrupt to bring children into the world. Once I got the news from my doctor I thought completely different. I don't think you should always focus on the bad in the world. I mean, amazingly wonderful things are happening around the world, and I know it would be a better place if everyone focused on the good instead of the bad, and they would realize that there are WAY more good things than the bad.
-I've moved out of Manhattan and now live in Olathe. THANK YOU,LORD!!! I love it here so much. I'm attending JCCC for Graphic Design and LOVE it. I love love love my professors. Have I used 'love' too much? Nah.
-I dyed my hair back to blonde. I think I def look better. Sigh, the things you do to your hair after you get out of a relationship ...
-I've lived here for about 3 weeks now. And, what's that? 2.5 pounds lost? Yes, I think so. More to shed as the days go by!
-I want to make a shout out to my sister-in-law, Kim for being a great inspiration and helping me achieve this. Love you, sistah!
Okay, so PLEASE comment or send me a message or whatever. I would LOVE to meet new people!
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Okay, so I have been lazy the past year. I've gained so much weight it's depressing.
Anyhow, I came to the realization of how unhappy I've been. Mainly with myself with the decisions I decided to make the past almost two years. Well I finally realized that for people to love me, I have to love myself first.
I'm not going to say I will start working out. I say I AM going to work out and lose weight.
I am going to take a trip with my best friend that I haven't seen in ten years in July. She and I are going to start working out "together" to give each other support on losing weight. I want to look good when we go on our trip so we can have fun going out and swimming! I haven't been in a public pool since grade school. I want to wear a dress and feel beautiful!
I know I'm not going to lose 50 or 60 pounds by then, but I'm going to set my goal at 30, hich may or may not happen. I am aiming for 20 pounds at least. I know I can do this since I know have faith in myself and know this is something I can do!
Friday, August 24, 2007
I need some support.
I'm so stressed and have no energy.
I work a day job 7 a.m.-3:15 p.m. and then Thursdays/Fridays I work another job from 3:30-close (which is between 8 and 9).
I keep getting too tired to go outside and walk or jog.
Plus, it's too hot. And I don't have the resources to join a gym, which I would LOVE to do!
I need some helpful ideas.
Anyone have any?
Thursday, May 24, 2007
On an empty page.
Who said life isn't pick and choose?
It is. And most of the time, once it's your turn to pick out what you want you're too late. All the best stuff's taken.
Instead, you have to settle.
Yes, the truth is unkind.
But it's better than facing a lie everyday.
I have to lose weight. For me. I need to do something for myself.
I have to be happy. To lose weight would be some happiness. Because if I can't be happy, I don't know what else there is for me to look forward to.
I'm sick of dreaming about what I want. I want my dreams to be real-life.
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