Wednesday, August 29, 2012
So, it's been almost a month since I wrote my last blog. It's been, overall, a pretty good month. I feel like I am back on track for the most part, making exercise a habit in my life and eating better than I was. Eating could use a few tweaks, for sure, but I'm getting there.
There are a few things I've learned about myself this month...
1. I like to exercise alone. I've tried going to the gym: I hate it. I've tried Zumba: it was fun but I think it's something I will do "once in awhile". Perhaps it's because I feel self conscious or maybe because I get distracted from what I'm doing because I'm looking at everyone and everything else going on around me. No matter, I'm perfectly content to walk/run/kettlebell on my own. It gives me "alone" time, time to clear my head and destress.
2. I do better without a support system! Yes, yes you read that right. Granted, I do have a friend who is holding me accountable for training for my 5K in October by asking me my scheduled run days at the start of the week and then reminding me on those days to run. But overall, knowing that I have to depend on myself to push me is giving me strength and drive. If you take other people out of the equation then you can only blame yourself when you don't eat well or exercise.
3. My body likes platueas. And I hate them! I've lost a total of 13 pounds this month, most of which was initially water, I'm sure, as it came off very quickly. In the past two and a half weeks I've lost 2-4 pounds...I keep hovering and bouncing around between two numbers. It's so frustrating but I have to remember that this has happened in my past attempts to lose weight and that I am likely gaining muscle and blah, blah, blah. And yes, I've taken measurements too and no, they haven't changed very much either. It's hard when your body gets "stuck". No amount of encouragement really helps!
4. Non-scale victories become ultra important when you are on a plateau! For this month, I have had several: My favorite shorts are now sadly too big. My favorite bathing suit, which I haven't been able to wear in three years, FITS! My son's orthdontist asked me, "Have you been working out?" I can fit into, but not wear, all of my size tens. And the best? I am doing the Couch to 5K program and all of my runs are between 5-6 MPH. Compare that with 3-3.5 MPH when I tried doing the program 30lbs ago. : )
So now I keep plugging along...and learning...let's see what September brings!
Wednesday, August 01, 2012
Going to ramble a bit here....
After I wrote my last blog, I really never found my way back to the healthy habits I had formed early in my journey. I realize that I have a very poor support system and perhaps that's a part of it. I have one friend that is my hero, my inspiration and she's only a text or phone call away if I need her. But she's almost an hour away. I would really love a local support system of people who understand what I'm battling and going through. Not skinny people who haven't a clue about how hard the emotional side of weight loss is. People tell me this site is great and it IS...however I have a very hard time connecting with people I can't see and I don't have the time to spend online developing unseen friendships. I could join Weight Watchers but I've done that in the past and have never been able to break into the established groups that already exist...and I don't want to spend my money every week hoping that might change! Then there is family. My husband is also overweight but seems to get "jealous" whenever I start losing weight or spending time exercising. I know he wants to lose weight too but I can only do this for me. My siblings are thin, have never been overweight and so do not understand my journey at all. It doesn't leave a lot of people and I'm not a person with a lot of friends. Over the years I have learned that "quantity" and "quality" are two very different things so I've chosen the quality people over the masses.
Which leaves me with this: I HAVE to do this on my own. I just do. I don't have a choice and I need to stop wanting/hoping/wishing that a support system will magically appear. Maybe one will, at some point, but in the meantime...it's me, myself and I. I have done this in the past on my own and done it successfully. And in the end, it all falls to me anyhow. I make the choices and the decisions that dictate my life and it's outcome. No one else has the power in my life but me and I need to put on my big girl thong (no granny panties here, folks!) and take control of my health.
Today is August 1...what a perfect day to renew my vision for my life. And I have motivation, too. My daughter is off at bootcamp and won't be back till early December. Knowing that she is so far from home and going through all that basic training entails gives me the strength to focus and do this on my own. Plus, it would be nice to surprise her with a thinner, fitter mother when she gets back!
So...off I go...me, myself and I. We can do this! Yes, yes we can...
Friday, June 08, 2012
It's happened slowly but I have to just admit it: I've lost my way on this journey. It started with a bad week of PMS and then being so busy I didn't work out for a day...then two...then three. Another bad week of PMS and even less working out...and here I am. Stuck at yet the same weight I've been toying with for months. I'm frustrated and I'm tired. I know I need to reach deep and scrape up what little motivation I have left but even the thought of that is exhausting. There is a part of me that wants it, really does. Then there is the other part of me that is worn down and worn out to the core. Tired all the time and reaching for comfort foods because I'm too tired to care.
I need to refocus, get back on track, make myself a priority. How? How do you do that when you are exhausted? How do you find your way again when you know you are in the midst of losing it? I'm at the end of my proverbial rope...suggestions welcome!
Wednesday, April 04, 2012
Well, at least it used to be.
I'm now in my sixth week of my lifestyle change. I wouldn't have made it this far without two things: My personal coach and friend who kicks me in the pants each day and keeps me going...and learning to change my thinking.
I'm a self admitted all or nothing sort of girl. If I couldn't work out, well then, perfect excuse to go bury my face in a bag of Cheetos! If I gave into a craving another day, well then, why exercise? It wasn't going to do any good anyway!
I've had to work hard at letting that kind of thinking go. REALLY hard. It's not all or nothing. It's about SOMETHING, every day. So if I don't workout, fine. I'll do it tomorrow. If I go out to eat and don't pick a healthy option...I'll do better tomorrow. This is a way of living. It's not something I can back out of. I'm not perfect, I will never be. I need to learn to live and adapt in this new way of life.
I was always struck by Bob and Jillian on the Biggest Loser episodes where they would tell the contestants that the hardest part of losing weight was in their heads. I used to wonder how you could get your thinking to change. But it's possible. And I've done it.
It's paid off, too. I've lost 11 pounds since my journey began and I'm down a dress size. But even better was the realization that this time last year I weighed 25 lbs more than I do now. If that's not motivation to keep my former all or nothing attitude out of my life, I don't know what is!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
So I've been at this for 18 days. I've had a few bad days. A few awful ones. A lot of good ones. Several really good ones. I've increased my daily exercise and am racking up the minutes on that front.
I got on the scale this morning (mistake, wasn't planning to and shouldn't have) and I'm only down 2 pounds.
Which is discouraging to say the least. And exactly why I shouldn't have stepped a toenail on that evil thing to begin with. This after I commented on a message board post about hiding the scale! I even preached at my little sister about not weighing in more than once a month. But we are always good at handing out advice and not following it ourselves.
So then I took my measurements. Not exactly the grand shed of inches like I wanted to see but happy that I'm down an inch here and half an inch there. I measure a lot of parts of me other people probably don't. Then again I have lot more rolls in places other people don't. So by my measurements I'm down a little over 5 inches.
But again, not enough to mentally do anything for me. No "Wow!" moment. Left my house feeling a little down.
So I started thinking about how I can do this faster, how I can increase my exercise even more and which foods to cut out and...STOP! Just stop. It's all about the mindset! My self appointed coach, Staciagi as I like to call her, has told me several times this truth: This is your life now.
Think about that. This is your life. No going back to the old ways. No giving up. There will be good days, bad days, there will be days when the scale is your best friend and other days when it's the enemy. There will be days when your waist is up an inch because PMS hates you that much. But none of that is important. What IS important is living your life in a healthy way. And that includes mentally.
So I readjusted my thinking. God willing, I've got a long time to live. Does it really matter if I fit in my size sixes that are hanging in my closet, taunting me, in six months or six years? Sure, I'd rather the six months but if I am living my life in a healthy manner, if I am eating well, working out, taking care of me...then no, it really doesn't matter. This is my life and that's all there is to it. It's a process, this healthy stuff. I didn't get unhealthy overnight and I'm not going to get back to being healthy overnight, either.
Okay, so all that said...here is where I did have a small NSV. I reached up in my van for my sunglasses and happened to notice my bicep. So I tensed it and tapped it a little and daaa-yuuum! They aren't guns yet, sort of like those mini water pistols you get in a kiddie grab bag at a birthday party, but hey! It was enough to encourage me and make me smile.
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