Tuesday, March 24, 2009
I need eyes like the guy in "Brother From Another Planet" - the "brother" could take out an eye, put it in a place for surveillance, come back and put in the eye and see everything the single eye had seen in his absence
I need to see myself from the outside.
I'm really not sure how I look. I didn't realize I had gained 40 lbs until I looked at new clothes. I don't know how I look after having lost those same 40 lbs.
So periodically, I ask DH, "am I her size? do I look like her?" when a woman walks by, who I think is about my size/proportions.
And invariably, he looks and says "No, she's bigger than you are. What's your problem??"
The problem is that I think I AM bigger than I am. I know I've lost weight, but I look at my jeans and think wow, those look small. I don't seem to GET that those same jeans now fit me. Therefore I am no bigger than those jeans.
The wildlife biologist on the turtle watch was a young woman, maybe size 16, about my height (around 5'6"), and she looked fit, active, healthy, strong. I asked DH, "do I look like her? Is she about my size?" And, as always, he looked, looked at me, and responded, "No, you're smaller than she is." This time, I said, "huh, she looks pretty good - she doesn't look big." He shook his head and said, "When are you going to get it? You aren't big!"
I'm trying to get it. But then, I'll see a photo of myself next to someone who's a size 6, and I look huge compared to them.
But I'm still trying to get it. I'm not big. I'm not as small as I want to be. Not yet. But that doesn't make me BIG.
Of course, then I see myself next to a small person, and realize I'm bigger than I sometimes think I am.
Monday, March 23, 2009
In honor of World Water Day (3/22), DH and I went on a trip with the National Parks Service - they took a boatload (well, catamaran-load) of locals and tourists out to Buck Island, an undeveloped cay south of St. Thomas.
Background: Sea turtles nest on some of our beaches; the hatchlings swim out to sea and float around in sargassum (a kind of algae) until they're about a year old; then they swim to the beaches and coves and bays around our islands, to feed and grow until they're nearly adults. So we mostly see adolescent turtles around here.
We arrived at our mooring buoy. We tied on. All around us, turtles surfaced to see what was happening, to get some air, to do whatever - popping up, looking around, diving down. So exciting! We geared up (though DH discovered that his prescription mask broke, the clip that holds the head strap was gone, so he snorkeled with his glasses on for a while).
Most of the crowd went down the stairs to enter the water - but, newly adventurous me put on my fins, spit into my mask, held my nose, and took a giant step off the cat into the water (about 8 ft below). Put on my mask, cleared the snorkel, and took off.
OH MAN! We were right over a bed of seagrass, the favorite food of green turtles. And there was a very young little guy, maybe 12 inches across, gobbling up seagrass. And a bigger teenager, maybe 2 ft across, also eating. Then a third turtle drifted up (maybe 2.5 ft across) and munched. People came and went, some dove down to photograph the turtles, the turtles surfaced for air and dove again, the littlest one came up right below me and looked like we'd collide, then he veered off at the last moment and passed within a foot of me!!!!!
There was a fair amount of current, so just staying watching the same turtles took effort to not drift. Eventually, I got cold and followed one turtle as he swam off. Another turtle showed up, I followed him. Most of the crowd was exploring the reef, but I spent the rest of our time (another hour or so) swimming back and forth between the four turtles munching the edges of the seagrass bed.
That little baby turtle was just so adorable - I wish I could have taken him home with me!!!!! Not that I have a saltwater pool for him - but he just was so interesting to watch!!!!!
I LOVE FUN EXERCISE!!!!!!!!
Friday, March 20, 2009
Simple song from my youth.
But maybe it's part of the Birkat HaChamah, the blessing of the sun. Maybe we need to see every day as a rebirth, a renewal, a chance to start all over again.
I take each morning for granted. I arise with my alarm clock, I stagger through the house and grumble at my cheerful DH, I wash and dress and eat like an automaton.
I need to learn to say hello to the day, be thankful for the sun and earth and moon and stars, be grateful for the opportunity to breathe and think and feel and touch others' lives by my actions.
I need to find a way to wake up more quickly so I can appreciate the morning, and feel my thankfulness for each day.
Monday, March 16, 2009
We were supposed to do this on Friday, to get the kids all psyched up for the testing this week - but there were rumors of planned mayhem at the high schools, so our rally was postponed till today.
Kids worked on songs, skits, raps, etc. and everything was "reviewed" (read censored) by the assistant principals.
But it's in the gym, and I just can't spend 90 minutes on the bleachers, not after a weekend with a pulled back.
So I've opted out. And told Ms. Assistant Principal.
I guess I qualify as a not-team player. Or a slacker. Or an aging invalid, LOL!
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